Goodbye 2009

Another year has passed. Wow.
We are enjoying a wonderful visit to Michigan to celebrate Christmas and to do some visiting. I don't think I can really express how awesome it is to be visiting everyone. A whole new appreciation for every encounter. The girls are on their third consecutive sleepover. Lots of fun. But, I'll be honest. The goodbyes suck. I knew they would. I hate goodbyes.
Deep down at the core of my personality is a strong desire to avoid any kind of hurt or disappointment associated with relationships with others. I guess we all have that to some extent. But, for some reason mine is strong. So strong that I tried to break up with Timm when we started dating because I didn't want to risk getting too close and then having the fear of losing him some day. So, when I have to say goodbye to people who I love with every fiber of my being, it is hard.
Well, anyways, I have learned to embrace the truth that is is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. And, instead of dreading goodbyes and focusing on the distance between me and loved ones, I have learned to truly appreciate time that I DO have with them. Geez, that's pretty brilliant, aye?
So, I'm not normally one for new year's resolutions, but for 2010, perhaps I have a resolution to pursue. To love without reservation. To embrace the present and to love others deeply, regardless of the potential pain it could cause me. I admire people who are so good at this.
If I seem a little melancholy, it might have something to do with some news about some friends back here in MI. Cancer. Husband, father of 3, 39 years old. Not a good prognosis. As I lift them up in prayer, my heart breaks for them. A breaking heart hurts. I don't like it. And, I think that God has been softening my heart lately, and it hurts. A hard heart it much less likely to hurt.....but it is also much less likely to love and have the peace and joy that surpasses understanding.
On a lighter note, let me just do a QUICK update. Wonderful week. Celebrated Christmas with all sides of the family, spoiled with tons of gifts for us and the girls, santa brought a keyboard for the girls, which was a fun surprise. It was great to share with my sister and her family how we chose to spend the money we used to spend on gifts to bless others who are less fortunate. That's been an awesome new tradition. Did some shopping, arranged three consecutive sleepovers for the girls to enjoy with friends, had a couple of dates set up with my closest friends (one was a 3 hour gabfest over coffee, another was a 4 hour gabfest over beer and dinner...ahhhh...I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND I MISS THEM). Took the kids to pine knob for their first time skiing! Very cool.
OK, life is good. 2009 has been a ridiculous avalanche of blessings for me. Jesus is in the driver's seat of this ride I'm on, and it is crazy being a passenger. Much more exciting, but unnerving to not be the one in control. If I were driving, I might have a tendency to speed, but I would have everything mapped out, no unexpected twists in the road, and a clear destination and timeline in front of me. With Jesus driving, He just looks over at me and smiles as I have the map out on my lap, fretting over which turn will be taken next, how we will make it, if we have enough gas, where exactly we will stop next, etc. But, the peace is indescribable. I am not the one in control. So, when people ask me things that are projections into the future "what are you doing this summer?" "How long will you live in New york?" "Are you going to be able to come back to Michigan next year for Thanksgiving and Christmas again?" I just smile and say "I'm really not sure". Because, not long ago, I thought I could figure all things out ahead of time. Jesus has shown me that I need to be able to take things as they come.
I'm ready for 2010.