I'm tired of it

I'm really tired.
Tired of the hate, the fear, and the arguing about homosexuality.
I'm tired of the blatant judging, the unloving words and actions, and the fear.
I usually try to stay out of all the controversy and even the conversations on this topic.
I'm not writing this for any other reason than to express that I am tired of it.
I'm not suggesting that I have all the answers to the different questions and concerns.
I do not.
I am a Christian and I DO NOT HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!
I do have some thoughts though.
When we practice hospitality, as the bible suggests, what does that look like?  I find it hard to believe that if you are interacting with friends and acquaintances, you are distracted the entire time about their sin.  When you are asking them questions and learning more about them, are you thinking "Oh my gosh, this person is a sinner!  This person has credit card debt, yet keeps purchasing things, this is clearly the sin of greed and I am so uncomfortable right now.I can hardly have this conversation because I fear that the subject might come up again and I don't know what to say.  Should I tell this person I think they are sinning?  Should I even be hanging out with them?  What if it does come up?  Do I have my bible verses memorized and ready to defend why I think greed is a sin?  If not, then I should not bring it up.  Oh, this is so uncomfortable.  I would rather not even hang out with this person!"
Do we do that?  Do we have those burning thoughts?
What if the person is overweight.  And what if we witness with our own eyes that the person has a plate that is overfull with food.  Do we find ourselves thinking "Oh man, this is so awkward.  I should probably let this person know that gluttony is a sin.  I don't know if I want my kids hanging out in here with this person who clearly doesn't see their behavior as sinful.  How am I going to explain to my kids that what this person is doing is wrong and sinful and God hates sin, but God doesn't hate the fat person?  I don't like this. Maybe I shouldn't have invited this person.  Should I say something?  If I don't say something, then am I condoning the sin?"
I could go on and on.
It's unthinkable that I would struggle with those thoughts with every person I am interacting with.
Yet, I know  people who struggle with thoughts like this when they are hanging out with someone who is gay.  I know some people who wouldn't want to be around a person who is gay because they feel so uncomfortable and don't know what they should say. And they fear that if they don't say something, that could be perceived as condoning the sin.  All they can think about is the fact that the person is gay.  THAT IS SO STUPID!   And I am so sick of it.
I don't have all the answers.
I'm just tired of the hate, the judgement, the fear, the arguing.
And, most of all, I'm tired of people not loving other people, yet feeling righteous and "right" and perfectly comfortable with their judgment and condemnation.
If someone is not in a deep, loving, mutually respectful relationship with the other person, I wish they would consider restraining their urge to point out what they feel is sinful behavior in the person. I wish they would consider how they can show the love of Christ to the person and develop a deep, loving, mutually respectful relationship. At that point, within the context of love and trust, maybe the topic could be discussed.  Maybe. It is especially maddening that some feel it is necessary to convince people who do not share their beliefs or faith that what they are doing is wrong and sinful.
There are a lot of Jewish laws that, as a Christian, I do not observe or follow.  While living in Brooklyn, I was frequently in the same company with people who observe Jewish customs.   Imagine for a moment that one of those people felt a deep conviction that eating pork is wrong because of what the bible has to say about what is clean and unclean to eat.  Now imagine if that person approached me, as I munched on my BLT, and began to speak against me as a sinner who was disrespecting God and making a mockery of His word.  What?  I don't even agree with you that it is wrong!  My reaction would be to think "get away from me, you hateful. condemning, judgmental, weirdo!"  I would not feel loved or cared about at all..  I would only feel hated and condemned.  Yet, some Christians feel the need to express their condemnation to anyone and everyone, without any relationship or trust in place for the person to feel loved and cared about.  And, without any regard for what that person believes or thinks.
OK, I do not have the answers.
I do not want to debate any issues about whether being gay is a sin, etc.
I simply want to say that I wish we could ALL learn to be better at LOVING others.  I wish we could ALL be better at loving God, accepting His outrageous grace, filling up on His truth and love, and pouring out that same outrageous grace and love to people.

RELAX!

I love when God brings something my way and it hits me from about 3 different sources in 24 hours.
Today I am reminded to stay calm.
My devotional for today is actually entitled "Relax".
 It says "How can you fear change when your life is hid with me in God who changeth not - I am the same yesterday, today and forever....you learn poise, soul-balance and poise in a vacillating, changing world."
Immediately after that I read in Matthew 8:24 "Without warning...a furious storm came on the lake...but Jesus was sleeping."
I've heard or read this 100 times.  But, for some reason, what hit me is "without warning".  In other words, everything seemed to be going along just fine.  The disciples were on this crazy adventure with Jesus, but he was leading and telling them what to do and teaching them and the crowds.  He gets on the boat, they follow, and presumably the disciples felt relief.  Ahhh.  No crowds, no people demanding to be healed, no attacks from religious leaders.  A break.  They could relax and take a breather.  But, "without warning" a furious storm came.  Not only did it catch them off guard, but, where was Jesus when they needed him?  Sleeping!
When they wake him, he says they have little faith.
I don't think he minded being awoken for help.  But, I think it was their panicked fear he was addressing.  There really is NO place for panic and fear int he Kingdom of God.  NONE.
"God does not give us a spirit of fear" (2 Timothy 1:7)
That spirit of fear comes from the enemy.  The world.  The ruler of this world  (Eph 2:2, 6:12).  He always wants to replace our peace and joy with fear and panic.
Yesterday, I read in my book "A year of biblical womanhood" (which I am enjoying immensely) a quote from St. Theresa of Avila.  It is a mediation:
Let nothing upset you
Let nothing startle you
All things pass
God does not change
Patience wins all it seeks
Whoever has God lacks nothing
God alone is enough.
I am definitely going to be mediating on these words daily!
I'm not currently in a state of fear or panic or distress. But...WITHOUT WARNING, a storm will come.  It will.  It is promised:  "In this world you WILL have trouble" (John 16:33)
What can I do to prepare for the trouble?
Ironically, I can REST.  I can RELAX.  I can meditate on truth.  I can fill my mind and soul with God's word, His truth, and His very spirit!
I can cultivate a gentle spirit (1Peter 3:4) by trusting in the one who never changes.  I can extend my roots deeply into the one who is safe, secure, unchanging, true and trustworthy.  And, I can stand tall, with my roots planted, and when the storm does come, I can sway and bend...but not break.  Maybe I could even find a way to experience joy in the storm as I experience the incredible strength and power of the one who holds me up!  And maybe I won't be upset or startled.  Not to the depths that I would be if I were running in circles in the storm with my arms flailing, panicked and unsure, searching for my source of peace and stability.
I need to seek my peace and stability DAILY.  Not during the storm alone!
Meanwhile, I do boldly pray for protection.  From the enemy.  From storms that could come my way.  And I boldly pray that God could use me to help others who are in a storm.  I ask God to bring me into the path of people who need to find His peace and I pray for God to help me see how our lives can intersect and how I can help shine his truth and light by being open, honest, vulnerable, and available with them.  Whenever I pray, asking God to bring me people, He does!
It is all His power.  His strength.  His truth.  I'm nothing, really. Just a vessel.  Open.  Willing to empty myself and be filled by him.
When I can do this, I'm at peace.
When I take my life back and try to approach my days in my own strength, with my own plans, for my own purpose...I'm unsettled.  Dissatisfied.  Uncertain.
Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Relax.  Stay Calm.
Thank you God.  I missed you.
I was floundering a bit.  Stuck in my own heard.  Uncertain.  Apathetic.  Dissatisfied.
That's when it hit me.  "IT'S NOT ABOUT ME."
I finally know what my focus needs to be for 2014.
"It's not about me."
Without fail, when I focus on me, my joy and peace are short lived.
When I focus on the unchanging, powerful, all-loving, perfect creator and lover of my soul, I am FULL!
When I focus on the needs of others and ask God how he can use my life to serve, I am FULL!
IT'S.   NOT.   ABOUT.   ME.