good or best?

Today I read this: "The greatest enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but good choices which are not quite good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best."

When I read that, part of me wants to feel annoyed....bristled....skeptical. But that is because I rely on MYSELF. How and I supposed to figure out what is good and what is best? Too much pressure.

Then I breathe, and I relax, and I remember that I have made a decision to stop trying to figure it all out on my own. Ahhhh, what a relief. I can ask my creator what He thinks. Seems logical to me.

However, the key is to not wait until I'm in a pickle before I go to God and spend time with him. Because I spend time with him every day, I feel fairly confident that I know him. His character, his promptings, his "voice".

He has challenged me to be patient. It's sorta funny. Patience. That's the thing I have prayed for most fervently. It's the thing that has brought me to my knees in repentance and defeat. It has had such a stronghold on me. Now, here I am, realizing that He has gently led me to a life where I need to practice my new found discipline of patience every day. Yet, He has orchestrated things in a way I could have never planned out on my own.

If I just relied on myself and my own "good" ideas, I am positive that I would miss the "best". I would hit the ground running, get a job (or two), volunteer for everything that I could, serve others any way I saw possible, and still not pass up any offer to let loose and have fun with others. That's all GOOD!

But, through my daily discipline of patience and listening to the promptings of my creator, I have found myself in a much different scenario. A calendar that isn't filled up. Days that are not maxed out. Time that is free and available.

Here's what is interesting. Those vacant squares on my calendar just scream out to me "fill me! fill me! You aren't worth anything if you aren't busy! What are you contributing to society if you aren't working? What are you teaching your girls if you are not modeling what it is like to go to work each day? You could volunteer more! Do! Do! Do! "And, on and on the screaming continues.

Yet.....I resist those "good" things. Because I have heard my Father's voice. He has asked me to do it differently, and I am choosing to obey. He has asked me to STOP and to be available to others. And, let me tell you, that takes patience.

I believe it is the holy spirit guiding me. Why? Because, I have seen the fruit of the spirit in my life. I have seen my character change. I have seen my struggle with impatience healing. I have laughed out loud with joy when God delivers me a "divine appointment" on a day when I am wide open to receive it. I have found joy beyond measure in getting to know other people at a deeper level by investing time with them. I have been an example to my girls, not an example of being a worker in the worldly sense, but a worker for God's kingdom here on earth. They know that when I am with them, I have reserved my energy in order to engage with them and serve them. I haven't spent it elsewhere.

I am not for one single second preaching about what a Mom should do with her time! That's not my point at all. God bless the working Moms! I am simply saying that I feel like I have been able to overcome MY pursuits of what I think is GOOD in order to submit my entire self to what is BEST. Submission to my Lord is what is Best. And, I will do my best to be PATIENT and AVAILABLE every day for Him.

the burning...it feels like...burning

I don't even know where this phrase came from? Timm and the girls say it. And, it is said in a way that would make you picture them melting away like the bad witch on the wizard of oz.

Anyways, yesterday in my devotional (Oswald Chambers: My Utmost for His Highest). He gives me Luke 24:32 "Did not our hearts BURN within us....?" Then, Chambers goes on to say this:

"We need to learn this secret of the burning heart. Suddenly, Jesus appears to us, fires are set ablaze, and we are given wonderful visions; but then we must learn to maintain the secret of the burning heart - a heart that can go through anything. It is the simple, dreary day, with it's commonplace duties and people that SMOTHERS the BURNING HEART - unless we can learn the secret of abiding in Jesus."

This is the hard part for me. The simple, dreary day. That's what smothers my fire Yet, I feel that God has called me so clearly to slow down, simplify, be available, do less. So, many of my days have that simple, uneventful feeling. I need to grasp onto Jesus and abide in him to have fuel.

How's your heart? Burning? Big orange flames? A small glowing ember? A smoldering, white/black hunk of coal that appears dark but holds remarkable heat within? A sizzling, fizzling mess that once was hot, but has been smothered? A lukewarm glass of water that is not refreshing on a hot day, nor refreshing on a cold day? An ice cube?

I want a flame, Lord. Help ignite my heart.

Aunt KT

I want to wish a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my sister (in-law) Katie. I've known Katie for almost 20 years now. And I can't imagine our lives without her.

We have always gotten along. From the first time we met and she immediately felt comfortable making fun of me and my ludicrous behavior, to the adventure of white water rafting together while Timm was away in Ecuador. Again, she was offered the opportunity to make fun of me. This time for my short temper and intense annoyance with getting splashed.

Although we always got along, and it was cool to gain a sister in my 20's, I really had no idea what a blessing she would be in my life until she became "Aunt KT"

She was at the hospital the day Alli was born. The love I saw on her face as she held our little baby, her niece, brings tears to my eyes right now as I reflect on it. The day after I got home from the hospital, she cam over. She held and loved Alli all day! She basically just told me that I'd have to let her know when I wanted the baby for myself or wanted her not to be held. Otherwise, she wasn't letting go! I was blown away by the absolute love and adoration she had for our baby.

From that day on, with Alli, and when Olivia came along, she became "Aunt KT". I realized pretty quickly that I sucked as an aunt in comparison. And she has never done anything for them for any other reason than to demonstrate her deep love for them.

I have been so grateful for her example to my girls. The example of generosity. Does she spoil them? Yep. You betcha. But, she just does it because she loves to see the joy it brings them. And, they appreciate it so much. All the things she does for them brings them such joy.

Truth be told, I imagine that KT learned the whole spoiling thing from her Mom. Katie will be the first to admit that her mom spoiled her. And, Katie has always appreciated it.

And, Grandma was the number one example of generosity to my kids. And now, I am so thrilled that they see the legacy Grandma left when they see how Aunt KT demonstrates that same generosity.

If her role as aunt wasn't impressive enough, then her role as a MOM has been! Her little Izzy is so lucky. Katie has been an amazing Mom since day one! And she does it on her own. The love I see between her and her baby girl is so sweet. And, I think it is so cool. Katie admits she was spoiled, but you would never know it by the way she acts with her little girl. What I mean is that you might associate the idea of being spoiled with the attitude of "it's all about me". But, she puts her daughter first and her own needs last all the time. She sacrifices anything she can for that girl. And, it is PURE JOY for me to have the chance to be the Aunt (and I still suck in comparison).

It's bittersweet today. Katie has a birthday, and she has always apologetically loved to celebrate her own birthday. But, today is the first time she has to find a way to celebrate without her Mom. And that sucks.

I was thinking about it today. I have Timm to build me up. He knows me so well, so he is able to encourage me in a way others might not be able to. And, that was the role Katie's mom had in her life. And she did it so effortlessly. She knew Katie so well, so she knew just what to say and just how to encourage her when she needed it.

So, I am hoping this encourages KT a little bit on her birthday. A tribute to her role as "Aunt KT". A tribute to the gift she has been to me in my life. A tribute to her role as "Mom".

Happy Birthday Katie!

amalgamated superstar

So, just the other day I saw the word "amalgamated" on some sign. I said the word a few times to myself and as it rolled off my tongue (or, as it rolled off my cerebrum, since I don't think I was actually saying it out loud) I decided that I liked the word a lot. I don't even know what it means. But, I remember making a conscious decision that I like the word. I'm like that about words. I like a great deal of them. That's why I like to use SO MANY of them on a regular basis, both verbally and in writing.

Anywho....

Today I did something that required me to reach a little beyond my ordinary trust in the competency of others. Generally speaking, I'm pretty trusting when people say they can do a job or perform a task for me and I pay them what is owed, and on with life. But, for this task, I have found myself nervous and even skeptical.

You see, I have about 10 years worth of memories held on these flimsy reels of tape called "Hi-8" video tape. When we downsized our life, we downsized our moving picture capturer. We moved to a small "flip" that captures the images digitally. But, what I neglected to think about when we got rid of the old camera is that it also served as our only device on which to view our tapes! So, we have not been able to watch our family movies for over a year and a half.

I'm making a short story long. Who me? Don't judge. You have your faults, I have mine.

So, today, with sweaty palms and pits, I walked into a small, local business and handed over my prized possession for them to transfer to dvd. As I was walking out, with the empty bag that once held my memories, hoping I made a good judgement call, I noticed a little sign on one of the mailboxes for the building I was in.

I felt like it was assurance that I was in a good place. After all, it was just this past week that I decided I would officially like the word "amalgamated" and then "superstar" was such a bonus.

It made me smile.

new location

I already posted this on facebook, but I am really excited about the new location for our Sunday gatherings! This is a link to the communitas website. You can check it out. Follow the links to check out our new meeting place. There is even a little video clip.

God is good.

good weekend get togethers

Well, if I do say so myself, we had some fun and successful gatherings this weekend.

Saturday night we hosted a euchre party. It was a really fun time. I already can't wait to do it again! I so appreciate the length of the commute people took to get out here (from Jersey, Upper west and upper east side, white plains, and the rest of y'all). And a shout out to our friends with vehicles who piled others in to give rides home!

I should mention that Timm unapologetically took the majority of everyone's money. But, Heather walked away with a few bucks, Brad made his initial investment back, and Taylor went home with some quarters. Keith was presented with the honorable necklace of disgrace. You wore it well.

Yes, if any are willing to trek out to Brooklyn again, we will definitely be planning another euchre party for the future.

I was a bit whooped on Sunday. Not only did the euchre festivities stretch into the late evening/early morning hours.....but I decided it would be a good idea to go out after euchre with a few ladies to a local Karaoke bar. Whew....late night. Lots of fun.

So, Sunday, after enjoying our gathering at church, and lunch afterwards, and a jog in the park while the girls rode their bikes.....we hosted another get together.

My girls had their first "girl's club" at our place. It was a great time. My girls and a couple of friends prepared and enjoyed a meal together, played some games (minute to win it style), participated in an activity/lesson from a book called "Everybody tells me to be myself, but I don't know who I am" and then did a craft together. They had a great time, and so did I.

My girls have really been craving some time like this with other girls. Time to have fun, talk about issues and ideas, contemplate beliefs and values, learn from biblical truths, and just build deeper friendships. I prayed a lot about doing this group. It ended up that none of Alli's friends could come, and only a couple of Liv's friends. And, that was just fine. It was a nice group of four and I look forward to our time together in the weeks to come.

So, like I said, fun gatherings this weekend.

Sad to say goodbye to the week we had off for winter break. Had a TON of fun as a family. Several dates with Timm, several playdates for the girls, several family outings....good times!

Would include pics...if I could find the camera. Hmmm

A King? Who needs a King?

This week, I was listening to Toby Mac "I was made to love" and I had this awesome visual during the song of me standing before a huge cross just pouring my whole self out in worship. Then I listened to "City on it's knees" and I was visualizing every person in NYC falling on their knees in honor and worship of God.

I realized that, although I find that image to be so awesome, some would find it to be disturbing. Just the thought of everyone bowing down in surrender would completely rub against the grain for most Americans. I feel that, as a culture, as a country, we do not like the idea of having a King. A Ruler. Shoot, that's the very reason our democracy exists. We didn't like the idea of being under a "Kingship". And, in our very fiber, we feel the need to have freedom, independence, power. Of course, that's great. We do have freedom and it's a wonderful blessing.

But, it struck me recently how much I personally resist the idea of having a King that I bow down to, worship, submit to, trust and obey. That goes against all that I've been taught! We learn to set goals, work hard to achieve goals, take responsibility for ourselves, don't let anyone get in our way, etc. All of these being wonderful idea. But, the idea of being submissive? The idea of trusting and obeying a "Lord"? A "Master"? That does NOT sit well. That has such a negative connotation.

I guess that's why we have developed out own version of Christianity. We've sorta squeezed it into our independent, self sufficient, consumer-driven lives as a "bonus". We can still have our independence, power, dreams, goals, achievements, personal comforts and self-focus. But, we can even have icing on the cake! We can invite God in to join us and bless us additionally! What? Where did this idea come from? Not from the bible.

The awesome Jesus I know from scripture invites us, with pure LOVE, into a relationship where He is Lord. We follow. We worship. We submit. We consider HIM greater than ourselves. He leads in His perfect knowledge, perfect love, perfect power, and perfect dominion. We can live in the fallen, sinful world, worshipping and serving the Kingdom of Jesus, knowing that we have hope because His kingdom is perfect, has no sin, and will reign forever.

BUT...will we submit? Hmmm.....it's HARD to submit, humble myself, worship a King. It takes surrender of my own power. And, more than anything, it takes TRUST. I must trust that this king is worthy and trustworthy. If I'm not sure I can trust him, forget it.

I've been reading through the gospels, and it just amazes me. It's crystal clear. Over and over, Jesus loves people UNCONDITIONALLY. And, he invites people to follow Him. Plain and simple.....FOLLOW him. He never asks if He can be squeezed into their already full lives as an "extra thing". Nope.

And, he doesn't promise worldly comfort. In fact, he pretty much assumes his followers will be leaving that behind. Not only does he NOT promise comfort, He goes further and promises that His followers will be persecuted and will suffer. WHAT?

So, how does he get so many followers? He has thousands of people literally following him around. Is it because they heard he could heal and do miracles? Maybe.

But, I believe it is because He is God. And, God created humans to have a desire to know Him. We crave, deep down in our spirit, to know our creator. And our creator is not only powerful and incredible in his greatness,but, HE IS LOVE. So, when people SAW and HEARD Jesus, they were SEEING AND HEARING LOVE!

That need we all have, way deep down to love and be loved.....Jesus offers it. But, the price is so steep! Not everyone feels they can afford it. What's the price? Everything. All your stuff, your independence, self sufficiency, your loved ones, your plans, your trust, your allegiance...all of it. Hand it over. And, in return, you can know LOVE and the creator of it all.

But, can we hold on to all of our "stuff" and still get to know Jesus? I think we can, a little bit. We can squeeze him in a bit. But, until we are willing to trust, follow, and obey, we don't experience that assurance of absolute LOVE and TRUSTWORTHINESS. He can only demonstrate his love and trustworthiness to the degree that we are willing to let him.

If he isn't our king, he can't demonstrate His power. We can learn about His power, read about it, listen to others talk about it, wonder why we can't experience it ourselves. But, until we SUBMIT to that power, we can't experience it for ourselves.

It's the amazing, loving gift of free will that God gave us. He created us with the ability to pursue Him or the ability to reject Him. He didn't create robots. He created us with the potential to open ourselves to His love. We get to choose. The invitation is always there.

A King? Who needs a King? Who needs a Lord? A Master? Well, I do. And, I have learned to find pure joy in worshipping Him!