In Matthew 26:52-56
Jesus is getting arrested and he knows what is coming. He already asked God to spare him if possible. But, he knows that isn't the plan.
Peter freaks out and tries to fight. He pulls his sword and attacks. That's when Jesus says "Put your sword back in it's place...for all who draw the sword will die by the sword."
See, I am absolutely fascinated by the fact that people who claim to be followers of Jesus land on certain bible verses and seem to use them as ammunition to attack and judge and criticize. Or they seem to focus on something that justifies hurting others physically or even emotionally.
After all, Christians used the scriptures to defend slavery, prejudice, and racial segregation.
Christians have used scripture to defend war and brutality towards others.
Funny how Christians are so mortified by radical Muslims who feel called to carry out acts of "holy war" against non Muslims based on their interpretation of teachings from their holy book.
Yet, we've done exactly that throughout history - and to this day!
That's why it is difficult for me to associate myself as a "Christian".
Just as I am sure it is difficult for many peace-loving Muslims to identify themselves as having the same faith as the radical terrorists who are literally terrorizing in the name of their faith.
I don't like labels
This is a good example of why I resist being categorized or labeled.
However, I do delight in my identity as a child of God, a believer and follower of Jesus.
Anyways, back to those words from Jesus.
How is it possible to skim over that? How is it possible to look at how Jesus "fought" and to see his humility, sacrifice, and love and then to turn around and justify hatred, condemnation, violence and oppression and do it in His name, claiming you are honoring him?!
Jesus continually modeled and taught self sacrifice, love, serving, putting others first, being generous, and being submitted to God's will regardless of the personal loss or gain.
This is the Jesus I find consistently in scripture.
Show me the political Jesus who pushes legislation and tries to change laws to force people to do things the way he thinks is best. Show me the Jesus who oppresses people, violently attacks others to maintain his power, refuses to help the poor if it costs him his own prosperity, fears and ridicules those he sees as sinners, is threatened and hateful toward those who hold differing beliefs. Show me that Jesus and maybe I will better understand this weird, American "Christianity" that is so prevalent.
If what I see from many Christians who hold influential and public positions in America is "Christianity", then I must assume I am not a Christian. I do not share their world view.
That doesn't really concern me, since "Christian" is not a word that is found in scripture, nor did Jesus ever call anyone that.
So, for clarity, I prefer to identify myself as a follower of Jesus. A disciple of His. And I am SUPER excited about that! For that, I would lay down my life in radical submission! It is that identity that defines me and dictates my world view.
And, where it may bring me confusion, embarrassment, and difficulty to imagine explaining or defending "Christianity" to those who have been on the receiving end of oppression, abuse, condemnation, hate, etc. It brings me passion and joy to share my faith in Jesus and to talk about my love for him.
I don't need to defend Christianity.
Friday, April 4, 2014
Poor Peter
Poor Peter.
He gets a bad rap in this part of the story I am reading in the gospel of Matthew.
Truth is that I have probably enjoyed reading about Peter and all the dumb things he seems to do. When Jesus confronts him, I think "Awe, Peter got in trouble!"
I guess it feels pretty good to look down my nose and him and mutter "tsk tsk Peter. Come on. How can you be like that?" It makes me feel superior.
But, today I am realizing just how much worse I am than Peter. I'm finding it hard to point the finger at him.
First Peter hears Jesus telling about how he is going to be killed and Peter responds with "NEVER! Lord, this will never happen to you!" And what does Jesus say to his friend Peter? He says "Get behind me Satan!" Yikes.
I like to think: "Gee whiz Peter, where is your faith?"
Then Jesus asks Peter to keep watch while he prays in the garden. Of course, Peter falls asleep and Jesus says "Could you not keep watch for me for one hour?" Then it happens again and Jesus says "Are you still sleeping and resting?!"
I like to think: "Come on, Peter, you are lazy. Can't even stay awake for one all- nighter for Jesus?"
Next Peter pulls out a sword and believes that violence and fighting will be a good way to protect Jesus. And instead of being grateful for Peter's bravery, Jesus turns to him and says "Put that sword away!"
I like to think: "Yah, Peter, don't you know that Jesus is a pacifist? What in the world makes you think violence is a solution?"
And then there is Peter's denial of Jesus.
That's the big one. Our favorite.
But, here's what I am thinking.
We know the rest of the story. Peter didn't. He was freaking out! He gave up his entire life to follow Jesus. Now Jesus is captured and likely being put to death. Jesus himself even told Peter he was going to be killed.
So, if I were Peter, I would be confused, scared, and unsure of the future. It's likely that I would be conflicted between my love for Jesus, my trust in him, and my confusion about what the heck is happening.
Truthfully, I'm much worse than Peter.
I know the rest of the story.
I know about Jesus' triumph over death. I know about his ultimate sacrifice of love and humility. Yet, I consistently turn away from him in my life and turn to my own concerns. Worry. Vanity. Greed and Envy. And the list goes on and on. Every time I turn towards one of these concerns, I turn my back on Jesus. Sometimes subtly, other times overtly.
Jesus said I need to DENY MYSELF and take up my cross. Often I would prefer to serve myself, and in doing so, I DENY JESUS and his cross.
Sorry Peter. Maybe you aren't so bad after all.
He gets a bad rap in this part of the story I am reading in the gospel of Matthew.
Truth is that I have probably enjoyed reading about Peter and all the dumb things he seems to do. When Jesus confronts him, I think "Awe, Peter got in trouble!"
I guess it feels pretty good to look down my nose and him and mutter "tsk tsk Peter. Come on. How can you be like that?" It makes me feel superior.
But, today I am realizing just how much worse I am than Peter. I'm finding it hard to point the finger at him.
First Peter hears Jesus telling about how he is going to be killed and Peter responds with "NEVER! Lord, this will never happen to you!" And what does Jesus say to his friend Peter? He says "Get behind me Satan!" Yikes.
I like to think: "Gee whiz Peter, where is your faith?"
Then Jesus asks Peter to keep watch while he prays in the garden. Of course, Peter falls asleep and Jesus says "Could you not keep watch for me for one hour?" Then it happens again and Jesus says "Are you still sleeping and resting?!"
I like to think: "Come on, Peter, you are lazy. Can't even stay awake for one all- nighter for Jesus?"
Next Peter pulls out a sword and believes that violence and fighting will be a good way to protect Jesus. And instead of being grateful for Peter's bravery, Jesus turns to him and says "Put that sword away!"
I like to think: "Yah, Peter, don't you know that Jesus is a pacifist? What in the world makes you think violence is a solution?"
And then there is Peter's denial of Jesus.
That's the big one. Our favorite.
But, here's what I am thinking.
We know the rest of the story. Peter didn't. He was freaking out! He gave up his entire life to follow Jesus. Now Jesus is captured and likely being put to death. Jesus himself even told Peter he was going to be killed.
So, if I were Peter, I would be confused, scared, and unsure of the future. It's likely that I would be conflicted between my love for Jesus, my trust in him, and my confusion about what the heck is happening.
Truthfully, I'm much worse than Peter.
I know the rest of the story.
I know about Jesus' triumph over death. I know about his ultimate sacrifice of love and humility. Yet, I consistently turn away from him in my life and turn to my own concerns. Worry. Vanity. Greed and Envy. And the list goes on and on. Every time I turn towards one of these concerns, I turn my back on Jesus. Sometimes subtly, other times overtly.
Jesus said I need to DENY MYSELF and take up my cross. Often I would prefer to serve myself, and in doing so, I DENY JESUS and his cross.
Sorry Peter. Maybe you aren't so bad after all.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Judas Iscariot and the American dream
Today I was reading in Matthew 26 about Judas betraying Jesus.
We all know the story.
He sells Jesus out for 30 pieces of silver.
It's so easy to sit here and judge him in disgust wondering how he could be sitting at a table with GOD in the flesh, as one of the chosen 12 who got to spend the most time with him, yet he dreams up a way to use it to get what he really wants!
He decides money is more valuable than the relationship he has with Jesus!
What? How can he be so evil, so selfish, so foolish?
Wait.
Don't we all do that?
YES!
It's easy to point the finger at the lowlife Judas who is clearly a foolish, selfish, money hungry idiot.
But I would argue that I do not know one single person who couldn't be or hasn't been lured into the same trap.
We are buried so deep in this trap here in America that we can't even see the light of day to even know we are buried in it!
We have decided that we are "blessed" by stuff. Many in the church in America have considered us "favored" by God as a nation. How so? We are powerful and wealthy.
Really?
I never recall Jesus saying "Come, follow me and I will give you the American dream complete with a cozy home and a secure future including retirement."
That's all Judas wanted.
Think about it. Those disciples gave up literally EVERYTHING to follow Jesus. Their families, livelihoods, homes. Everything. And here Jesus is telling them that he's about to be slaughtered.
So, Judas probably figures it's gonna happen anyways - and he's going to be left with NOTHING! Why not simply speed things up and get a little something to start over with?
He has nothing.
We cannot comprehend that. We, as Americans, love to invite Jesus into our lives to "bless" us. It's unthinkable that we would be homeless, without work, without family, without a known future, and we would be able to kick back and simply enjoy being in the presence of Jesus - trusting that He will guide.
But that's what we expect Judas to do.
We expect Jesus to be enough for him when we know dang well he's not enough for us.
So, today as I read about Judas, I still think he is a total fool and am disgusted by his betrayal. But today, I'm able to see that I am that same fool.
Jesus offers me everything. Yet, I continually pursue my own desires and just want to add him in where he conveniently fits.
I'm so deeply buried in this trap of consumerism, comfort, security, and entitlement that I even boast to Jesus when I occasionally manage to trust him or to act generously or selflessly.
As if I'm impressing him.
Ludicrous.
We all know the story.
He sells Jesus out for 30 pieces of silver.
It's so easy to sit here and judge him in disgust wondering how he could be sitting at a table with GOD in the flesh, as one of the chosen 12 who got to spend the most time with him, yet he dreams up a way to use it to get what he really wants!
He decides money is more valuable than the relationship he has with Jesus!
What? How can he be so evil, so selfish, so foolish?
Wait.
Don't we all do that?
YES!
It's easy to point the finger at the lowlife Judas who is clearly a foolish, selfish, money hungry idiot.
But I would argue that I do not know one single person who couldn't be or hasn't been lured into the same trap.
We are buried so deep in this trap here in America that we can't even see the light of day to even know we are buried in it!
We have decided that we are "blessed" by stuff. Many in the church in America have considered us "favored" by God as a nation. How so? We are powerful and wealthy.
Really?
I never recall Jesus saying "Come, follow me and I will give you the American dream complete with a cozy home and a secure future including retirement."
That's all Judas wanted.
Think about it. Those disciples gave up literally EVERYTHING to follow Jesus. Their families, livelihoods, homes. Everything. And here Jesus is telling them that he's about to be slaughtered.
So, Judas probably figures it's gonna happen anyways - and he's going to be left with NOTHING! Why not simply speed things up and get a little something to start over with?
He has nothing.
We cannot comprehend that. We, as Americans, love to invite Jesus into our lives to "bless" us. It's unthinkable that we would be homeless, without work, without family, without a known future, and we would be able to kick back and simply enjoy being in the presence of Jesus - trusting that He will guide.
But that's what we expect Judas to do.
We expect Jesus to be enough for him when we know dang well he's not enough for us.
So, today as I read about Judas, I still think he is a total fool and am disgusted by his betrayal. But today, I'm able to see that I am that same fool.
Jesus offers me everything. Yet, I continually pursue my own desires and just want to add him in where he conveniently fits.
I'm so deeply buried in this trap of consumerism, comfort, security, and entitlement that I even boast to Jesus when I occasionally manage to trust him or to act generously or selflessly.
As if I'm impressing him.
Ludicrous.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
I am hot-headed!
Deep Breath.
It's hard for me to share sometimes because I have a tendency towards sarcasm. When I get fired up about something, it is my nature to be short tempered and loose lipped.
I don't usually want to share my thoughts because while I'm fired up because I'm not sure I am able to dialogue or even express myself lovingly.
My head literally gets hot.
I'm hot-headed! It's not just a figurative expression!!
But, I know God created me that way.
I need God's loving grace to envelop me, so that I am able to share my burning heart in a loving way - not in a hot headed way.
Because when I wait until I cool down, it's like I have suppressed my thoughts until they are lukewarm. And I know Jesus says he could spit that right out. He would rather have me hot or cold.
On that note...I did wait a day before expressing my thoughts.
Yesterday I was listening, as my usual weekly habit, to my Greg Boyd sermon from Woodland Hills Church. They are doing a series on the book of Revelation.
I was on the treadmill while listening. And that's a good thing. Because I was getting so pumped up!
If I'm honest, the flame that was being stoked was the issue that arose this week regarding World Vision and their decision to employ someone which caused others to stop supporting their organization. That was the underlying, flickering flame. I was trying not to stoke it into an inferno that would drive me to breathe fire of judgment and condemnation on people!
So, even though this sermon didn't have anything directly to do with this issue, I could clearly tell the issue was like kindling waiting to be inflamed.
Anywho.
Here is a link to the sermon.
Here is a brief description of the topic. There are so many people in love with their own theology and I wish they would listen to this.
Today, I wrote this to Jesus in my journal. Cuz that's what I do.
Jesus, thank you for teaching that illuminates. Because otherwise, I would throw it all out!
I simply am NOT interested in a "religion" of judgement, condemnation, guilt, finger pointing, self righteousness, greed, violence and hate.
Nor am I interested in a "religion" of apathy, tradition, rituals, canned answers, pointless rules, or hypocrisy.
I choose to believe in you, Lord.
To believe. To put my trust in you. My very life.
Because, as I understand you and your word, that is my only option.
If I could count on myself and my own judgement, my own righteousness, my own understanding - what would I need YOU for?
If I have it all figured out, then I have no need for surrender, humility, or loving my enemies.
Why would I bother with that when I can have control, certainty, all the answers, and the justification to then judge and condemn those who don't?
Ah. That's easier. At least that way I am in control.
If I actually put YOU in control, completely, then I don't get to be the accuser. I am only your servant.
But, I choose you, Jesus.
And, what is it that YOU commanded of me?
Love God
Love Others
Go and make disciples
OK.
Got it.
What else?
What do YOU suggest I do?
turn the other cheek
forgive
love my enemies
love those who persecute me
be the light of the world
be known for my love
give to the needy
pray
store up treasure in heaven
put others first and myself last
serve others
OK.
And what is it that YOU advise me not to do?
worry
criticize others
judge others
retaliate
lie or break vows
lust
divorce
hold on to anger
look down on others
exalt myself
be a hypocrite
try to figure out the time of your return
reject you.
OK.
Seems pretty clear.
It's so crystal clear and that's why I get so dang annoyed when people hate, judge, criticize, retaliate, and hold on to anger in YOUR NAME! They want to claim it is somehow honoring to you?!
What? When? Where? How?
How did we ever come up with the idea that any of that is OK, let alone glorifying to You?
In the garden I guess. When we decided you weren't trustworthy and we could be like you. SO, now we get to judge, condemn, exalt ourselves, and be like God.
What religion is THAT?
Jesus, I'm yours.
I will surrender to you and gladly submit to your commands and suggestions for living a life that honors you.
I will fall short.
Because I am not you.
I am a sinner who NEEDS you.
And when I become self righteous and decide you aren't enough and when I become selfish and decide my ways are better for me, I will STOP and start over.
And when I see others who seem to be carrying out all kinds of action you advised against - and doing it in YOUR name - I will humbly bow before YOU and ask you to help me love them.
Because I don't know how.
Only through your grace can I love.
Transform me.
You never commissioned me to judge, condemn, or ridicule. You called me to love, point to you, be a disciple, and make disciples.
And to that I am eternally committed.
It's hard for me to share sometimes because I have a tendency towards sarcasm. When I get fired up about something, it is my nature to be short tempered and loose lipped.
I don't usually want to share my thoughts because while I'm fired up because I'm not sure I am able to dialogue or even express myself lovingly.
My head literally gets hot.
I'm hot-headed! It's not just a figurative expression!!
But, I know God created me that way.
I need God's loving grace to envelop me, so that I am able to share my burning heart in a loving way - not in a hot headed way.
Because when I wait until I cool down, it's like I have suppressed my thoughts until they are lukewarm. And I know Jesus says he could spit that right out. He would rather have me hot or cold.
On that note...I did wait a day before expressing my thoughts.
Yesterday I was listening, as my usual weekly habit, to my Greg Boyd sermon from Woodland Hills Church. They are doing a series on the book of Revelation.
I was on the treadmill while listening. And that's a good thing. Because I was getting so pumped up!
If I'm honest, the flame that was being stoked was the issue that arose this week regarding World Vision and their decision to employ someone which caused others to stop supporting their organization. That was the underlying, flickering flame. I was trying not to stoke it into an inferno that would drive me to breathe fire of judgment and condemnation on people!
So, even though this sermon didn't have anything directly to do with this issue, I could clearly tell the issue was like kindling waiting to be inflamed.
Anywho.
Here is a link to the sermon.
Here is a brief description of the topic. There are so many people in love with their own theology and I wish they would listen to this.
In our contemporary Christianity, there is a pervasive view that God acts violently during the end times. But this view stands in contradiction to the Cross and Jesus’ teachings to love our neighbors. In this sermon, Greg shows how God does not act violently in Revelation and instead shows how lamb-like love wins.
Today, I wrote this to Jesus in my journal. Cuz that's what I do.
Jesus, thank you for teaching that illuminates. Because otherwise, I would throw it all out!
I simply am NOT interested in a "religion" of judgement, condemnation, guilt, finger pointing, self righteousness, greed, violence and hate.
Nor am I interested in a "religion" of apathy, tradition, rituals, canned answers, pointless rules, or hypocrisy.
I choose to believe in you, Lord.
To believe. To put my trust in you. My very life.
Because, as I understand you and your word, that is my only option.
If I could count on myself and my own judgement, my own righteousness, my own understanding - what would I need YOU for?
If I have it all figured out, then I have no need for surrender, humility, or loving my enemies.
Why would I bother with that when I can have control, certainty, all the answers, and the justification to then judge and condemn those who don't?
Ah. That's easier. At least that way I am in control.
If I actually put YOU in control, completely, then I don't get to be the accuser. I am only your servant.
But, I choose you, Jesus.
And, what is it that YOU commanded of me?
Love God
Love Others
Go and make disciples
OK.
Got it.
What else?
What do YOU suggest I do?
turn the other cheek
forgive
love my enemies
love those who persecute me
be the light of the world
be known for my love
give to the needy
pray
store up treasure in heaven
put others first and myself last
serve others
OK.
And what is it that YOU advise me not to do?
worry
criticize others
judge others
retaliate
lie or break vows
lust
divorce
hold on to anger
look down on others
exalt myself
be a hypocrite
try to figure out the time of your return
reject you.
OK.
Seems pretty clear.
It's so crystal clear and that's why I get so dang annoyed when people hate, judge, criticize, retaliate, and hold on to anger in YOUR NAME! They want to claim it is somehow honoring to you?!
What? When? Where? How?
How did we ever come up with the idea that any of that is OK, let alone glorifying to You?
In the garden I guess. When we decided you weren't trustworthy and we could be like you. SO, now we get to judge, condemn, exalt ourselves, and be like God.
What religion is THAT?
Jesus, I'm yours.
I will surrender to you and gladly submit to your commands and suggestions for living a life that honors you.
I will fall short.
Because I am not you.
I am a sinner who NEEDS you.
And when I become self righteous and decide you aren't enough and when I become selfish and decide my ways are better for me, I will STOP and start over.
And when I see others who seem to be carrying out all kinds of action you advised against - and doing it in YOUR name - I will humbly bow before YOU and ask you to help me love them.
Because I don't know how.
Only through your grace can I love.
Transform me.
You never commissioned me to judge, condemn, or ridicule. You called me to love, point to you, be a disciple, and make disciples.
And to that I am eternally committed.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
What? I'm a self righteous jerk?
It's all quite simple. Not easy, but simple.
Bear with me if you'd like to hear how I am a self righteous jerk.
Here's the thing. Jesus wants ALL of you. In complete surrender to him, your JOY can be complete. He can miraculously transform pain into peace and even joy. Out of that peace and joy it is only natural to then desire to continue surrendering to him as Lord. Boss. Leader.
Once you taste the sweetness of his grace (undeserved love), you eagerly turn to him and ask how you can serve him, know him, bring him glory, and bring others closer to what you have with him. It's an overflow of love!
Love received. Love that transforms and transcends. Love that fills you so completely, it pours out!
It's radical.
You want to give up every thing that is not pleasing to your Lord, because you don't want anything to get in the way of this amazing love relationship.
It's so fulfilling and real, you know you found the real deal and don't have to keep seeking fulfillment with stuff you were before. Like relationships with other people, approval, achievement, status, security, fun or just numbing yourself with overindulgence, overwork, until you feel temporarily filled and satisfied.
With Jesus, it isn't temporary! It doesn't fade away. It never does. It is a love so deep and real and trustworthy that there isn't any other love to compare it to. It's undeserved, unearned, unchangeable, and never ending.
So, even though you can't lose it by slacking off and choosing things that don't honor Jesus, you never want to purposely do that because you bask in his crazy love for you and want nothing more than to somehow give some of that love back to him.
So you ask how?
And all he says is to trust him. To love him. To do his will. To love other people, rather than judging and hating them. To become his disciple by seeking to know him and be more like him, then to make more disciples who make more disciples who will seek him and love him and love others.
PERFECT, RIGHT?
Nope. No matter my good intentions, I mess up. I'm selfish, judging, self indulgent, self righteous. And, I'd love to say it's only occasional, but it is daily! UGH!
So, every day I humble myself before my perfect Jesus, admit my yuck, ask him to forgive me and transform me.
And, there he is!
He waits for me to acknowledge my yuck, he comforts me with that undeserved love which is grace. And, if I welcome him to do so, he challenges me towards action. Sometimes small, other times big.
And I love spending time with him just mulling that over. Questioning if he thinks I'm capable of what he asks. Finding out that he does believe I am capable. Doubting myself. Doubting him. Over thinking. Getting frustrated. Sometimes walking away from Him, sometimes trusting and surrendering.
But the crazy cool thing is, HE NEVER CHANGES.
Never ever ever.
But I do! Somehow, through this, some of the things I struggle with and confess become things I leave behind. Sometimes they lose their hold on me completely and I find I don't even have a desire for them. Most times it's more subtle. But, I change!
I become more like him!
SQUEEEEEEL!
Are you kidding? More like Jesus? ME?!? That is my dream come true!
And it is my dream for every living soul!
If I ever express this crazy love of mine in a way that is self righteous, judgemental, unloving or just plain stupid, please blame me and not Jesus.
He's perfect and unchanging and so dang awesome.
IF you get to know him, I guarantee you will be smitten like I am.
It's just that us fanatics who love Jesus are flawed and human. In our excitement to spread this crazy love, we seem to do strange things like judge others, or argue to a point where others understand that we believe being RIGHT is more important than being LOVING.
I personally had to spend a good chunk of time with Jesus today talking about how unloving I feel towards other people who claim to trust, love and follow him, but act like self righteous jerks!
Man! Nothing gets me more frustrated, pumped up, and ready for a rumble!
That's when I saw his face smiling at me.
I'm like "What?!" (those of you who know me, you know my sassy tone)
And I realized that I am a self righteous jerk too, and I'm no better than anyone else, and I need to stop pointing the finger and just hang out with Jesus and love.
He calmed my fighting thoughts.
He calmly suggested that I hand over my plan to attack and belittle and shoot down a fellow believer who I have issues with.
Ohh, it's hard. I have lots of great ammo and the energy to attack.
But, that's just stupid. Thanks for the reminder Jesus. It scares me to think of what I would do without you!
Bear with me if you'd like to hear how I am a self righteous jerk.
Here's the thing. Jesus wants ALL of you. In complete surrender to him, your JOY can be complete. He can miraculously transform pain into peace and even joy. Out of that peace and joy it is only natural to then desire to continue surrendering to him as Lord. Boss. Leader.
Once you taste the sweetness of his grace (undeserved love), you eagerly turn to him and ask how you can serve him, know him, bring him glory, and bring others closer to what you have with him. It's an overflow of love!
Love received. Love that transforms and transcends. Love that fills you so completely, it pours out!
It's radical.
You want to give up every thing that is not pleasing to your Lord, because you don't want anything to get in the way of this amazing love relationship.
It's so fulfilling and real, you know you found the real deal and don't have to keep seeking fulfillment with stuff you were before. Like relationships with other people, approval, achievement, status, security, fun or just numbing yourself with overindulgence, overwork, until you feel temporarily filled and satisfied.
With Jesus, it isn't temporary! It doesn't fade away. It never does. It is a love so deep and real and trustworthy that there isn't any other love to compare it to. It's undeserved, unearned, unchangeable, and never ending.
So, even though you can't lose it by slacking off and choosing things that don't honor Jesus, you never want to purposely do that because you bask in his crazy love for you and want nothing more than to somehow give some of that love back to him.
So you ask how?
And all he says is to trust him. To love him. To do his will. To love other people, rather than judging and hating them. To become his disciple by seeking to know him and be more like him, then to make more disciples who make more disciples who will seek him and love him and love others.
PERFECT, RIGHT?
Nope. No matter my good intentions, I mess up. I'm selfish, judging, self indulgent, self righteous. And, I'd love to say it's only occasional, but it is daily! UGH!
So, every day I humble myself before my perfect Jesus, admit my yuck, ask him to forgive me and transform me.
And, there he is!
He waits for me to acknowledge my yuck, he comforts me with that undeserved love which is grace. And, if I welcome him to do so, he challenges me towards action. Sometimes small, other times big.
And I love spending time with him just mulling that over. Questioning if he thinks I'm capable of what he asks. Finding out that he does believe I am capable. Doubting myself. Doubting him. Over thinking. Getting frustrated. Sometimes walking away from Him, sometimes trusting and surrendering.
But the crazy cool thing is, HE NEVER CHANGES.
Never ever ever.
But I do! Somehow, through this, some of the things I struggle with and confess become things I leave behind. Sometimes they lose their hold on me completely and I find I don't even have a desire for them. Most times it's more subtle. But, I change!
I become more like him!
SQUEEEEEEL!
Are you kidding? More like Jesus? ME?!? That is my dream come true!
And it is my dream for every living soul!
If I ever express this crazy love of mine in a way that is self righteous, judgemental, unloving or just plain stupid, please blame me and not Jesus.
He's perfect and unchanging and so dang awesome.
IF you get to know him, I guarantee you will be smitten like I am.
It's just that us fanatics who love Jesus are flawed and human. In our excitement to spread this crazy love, we seem to do strange things like judge others, or argue to a point where others understand that we believe being RIGHT is more important than being LOVING.
I personally had to spend a good chunk of time with Jesus today talking about how unloving I feel towards other people who claim to trust, love and follow him, but act like self righteous jerks!
Man! Nothing gets me more frustrated, pumped up, and ready for a rumble!
That's when I saw his face smiling at me.
I'm like "What?!" (those of you who know me, you know my sassy tone)
And I realized that I am a self righteous jerk too, and I'm no better than anyone else, and I need to stop pointing the finger and just hang out with Jesus and love.
He calmed my fighting thoughts.
He calmly suggested that I hand over my plan to attack and belittle and shoot down a fellow believer who I have issues with.
Ohh, it's hard. I have lots of great ammo and the energy to attack.
But, that's just stupid. Thanks for the reminder Jesus. It scares me to think of what I would do without you!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
It's just not fair!
Reading my bible this morning.
I have been in the habit of reading one section from the Old Testament, followed by a section from the New Testament daily. It helps me to keep an overarching theme to what I read.
Today I had these thoughts.
If it's "fair" I'm looking for, I guess I won't exactly find it in the bible.
WOW! What a desire for justice I have in my heart. But do I really want justice? For me? Or would I prefer grace and mercy for myself?
Reading Genesis 28:10-22 about God blessing Jacob. Well, not only did Jacob trick his Dad Issac and betray his brother Esau, but even in this passage, he basically tells God he will do what he is being called to do...IF....God provides protection and provision for his journey. He doesn't appear to simply obey. There are contingencies.
Then I flip to Matthew 14. John the Baptist is in prison. And he does not appear to be resisting or anything. Here he is, a servant, a prophet who spent his entire life being misunderstood and persecuted while remaining obedient to his Father God. And what happens? Herod chops his head off and his disciples drag his headless body to be buried somewhere.
Fair? Not at all!
Why do I feel things should be fair? I read these two contrasting stories and can't help but think Jacob deserved the beheading more than John the Baptist.
And, it's so matter-of-fact in the way the event of the beheading is told. There is no perspective from the prison cell. What must John have been thinking?? Did he feel betrayed? Jesus was walking around healing people, performing miracles, and John is locked up in prison. Where was Jesus? Why didn't he go and rescue John? Why? What's fair about that? Doesn't even make sense. Aren't the good guys supposed to win? Why does Herod win this one?
That's the thing. The bible is not a book of happy stories. It's not a book filled with stories about the good guys winning. It's crazy and messed up and unpredictable and often disappointing and confusing.
Just like the world we live in!
Part of me doesn't like reading the bible. It's true. I find myself confused and disappointed because it seems so random. Sometimes I see radical mercy and grace, other times I see radical judgement, and often times I see what appears to be arbitrary events that do not align with any specific law or reason.
Again, sounds a lot like life! The world we live in.
I guess it's good that the bible reflects the actual world we live in, rather than a fairy tale.
But, it can be disturbing.
Here's what I think today. I want to see justice. I want to see the bad guys getting paid back for their wrongs. And I want to see the good guys getting the rewards they deserve.
But, the kingdom of God is often upside down!
After all, if I really want justice, then I would get eternal separation from God because I simply can't overcome my sinful nature and be "good enough" for him. So, I would be getting my just penalty of separation from God, if all were "just".
Instead, God offers grace. An undeserved gift to me. I can't be "good enough" to deserve it. I can't. It is simply His love offering. And, if I want this gift for myself, I need to be willing to accept that this gift is extended to everyone. Good guys, and bad guys.
And, I need to let go of some of the things that appear inconsistent and random when it comes to justice. God's plan is bigger than mine.
I can't figure it all out.
It may not seem like things aren't "fair".
And they aren't.
Because if things were "fair" we would all be damned and destroyed. That's what we deserve.
And I believe that evil is at work and contributes to the apparent randomness of many events.
I will choose to believe Romans 8:28 "And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the GOOD of those who love him..."
Yep, I said I will CHOOSE to believe this. That's what it boils down to. A choice. Faith. I do believe that God can and will work ALL THINGS for good. That doesn't mean I think all things are good. No, this world is crawling with evil and we all have free will. But, God can work good out of anything.
And that's just not fair! Which, I have to admit, is fine with me.
I have been in the habit of reading one section from the Old Testament, followed by a section from the New Testament daily. It helps me to keep an overarching theme to what I read.
Today I had these thoughts.
If it's "fair" I'm looking for, I guess I won't exactly find it in the bible.
WOW! What a desire for justice I have in my heart. But do I really want justice? For me? Or would I prefer grace and mercy for myself?
Reading Genesis 28:10-22 about God blessing Jacob. Well, not only did Jacob trick his Dad Issac and betray his brother Esau, but even in this passage, he basically tells God he will do what he is being called to do...IF....God provides protection and provision for his journey. He doesn't appear to simply obey. There are contingencies.
Then I flip to Matthew 14. John the Baptist is in prison. And he does not appear to be resisting or anything. Here he is, a servant, a prophet who spent his entire life being misunderstood and persecuted while remaining obedient to his Father God. And what happens? Herod chops his head off and his disciples drag his headless body to be buried somewhere.
Fair? Not at all!
Why do I feel things should be fair? I read these two contrasting stories and can't help but think Jacob deserved the beheading more than John the Baptist.
And, it's so matter-of-fact in the way the event of the beheading is told. There is no perspective from the prison cell. What must John have been thinking?? Did he feel betrayed? Jesus was walking around healing people, performing miracles, and John is locked up in prison. Where was Jesus? Why didn't he go and rescue John? Why? What's fair about that? Doesn't even make sense. Aren't the good guys supposed to win? Why does Herod win this one?
That's the thing. The bible is not a book of happy stories. It's not a book filled with stories about the good guys winning. It's crazy and messed up and unpredictable and often disappointing and confusing.
Just like the world we live in!
Part of me doesn't like reading the bible. It's true. I find myself confused and disappointed because it seems so random. Sometimes I see radical mercy and grace, other times I see radical judgement, and often times I see what appears to be arbitrary events that do not align with any specific law or reason.
Again, sounds a lot like life! The world we live in.
I guess it's good that the bible reflects the actual world we live in, rather than a fairy tale.
But, it can be disturbing.
Here's what I think today. I want to see justice. I want to see the bad guys getting paid back for their wrongs. And I want to see the good guys getting the rewards they deserve.
But, the kingdom of God is often upside down!
After all, if I really want justice, then I would get eternal separation from God because I simply can't overcome my sinful nature and be "good enough" for him. So, I would be getting my just penalty of separation from God, if all were "just".
Instead, God offers grace. An undeserved gift to me. I can't be "good enough" to deserve it. I can't. It is simply His love offering. And, if I want this gift for myself, I need to be willing to accept that this gift is extended to everyone. Good guys, and bad guys.
And, I need to let go of some of the things that appear inconsistent and random when it comes to justice. God's plan is bigger than mine.
I can't figure it all out.
It may not seem like things aren't "fair".
And they aren't.
Because if things were "fair" we would all be damned and destroyed. That's what we deserve.
And I believe that evil is at work and contributes to the apparent randomness of many events.
I will choose to believe Romans 8:28 "And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the GOOD of those who love him..."
Yep, I said I will CHOOSE to believe this. That's what it boils down to. A choice. Faith. I do believe that God can and will work ALL THINGS for good. That doesn't mean I think all things are good. No, this world is crawling with evil and we all have free will. But, God can work good out of anything.
And that's just not fair! Which, I have to admit, is fine with me.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I'm tired of it
I'm really tired.
Tired of the hate, the fear, and the arguing about homosexuality.
I'm tired of the blatant judging, the unloving words and actions, and the fear.
I usually try to stay out of all the controversy and even the conversations on this topic.
I'm not writing this for any other reason than to express that I am tired of it.
I'm not suggesting that I have all the answers to the different questions and concerns.
I do not.
I am a Christian and I DO NOT HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!
I do have some thoughts though.
When we practice hospitality, as the bible suggests, what does that look like? I find it hard to believe that if you are interacting with friends and acquaintances, you are distracted the entire time about their sin. When you are asking them questions and learning more about them, are you thinking "Oh my gosh, this person is a sinner! This person has credit card debt, yet keeps purchasing things, this is clearly the sin of greed and I am so uncomfortable right now.I can hardly have this conversation because I fear that the subject might come up again and I don't know what to say. Should I tell this person I think they are sinning? Should I even be hanging out with them? What if it does come up? Do I have my bible verses memorized and ready to defend why I think greed is a sin? If not, then I should not bring it up. Oh, this is so uncomfortable. I would rather not even hang out with this person!"
Do we do that? Do we have those burning thoughts?
What if the person is overweight. And what if we witness with our own eyes that the person has a plate that is overfull with food. Do we find ourselves thinking "Oh man, this is so awkward. I should probably let this person know that gluttony is a sin. I don't know if I want my kids hanging out in here with this person who clearly doesn't see their behavior as sinful. How am I going to explain to my kids that what this person is doing is wrong and sinful and God hates sin, but God doesn't hate the fat person? I don't like this. Maybe I shouldn't have invited this person. Should I say something? If I don't say something, then am I condoning the sin?"
I could go on and on.
It's unthinkable that I would struggle with those thoughts with every person I am interacting with.
Yet, I know people who struggle with thoughts like this when they are hanging out with someone who is gay. I know some people who wouldn't want to be around a person who is gay because they feel so uncomfortable and don't know what they should say. And they fear that if they don't say something, that could be perceived as condoning the sin. All they can think about is the fact that the person is gay. THAT IS SO STUPID! And I am so sick of it.
I don't have all the answers.
I'm just tired of the hate, the judgement, the fear, the arguing.
And, most of all, I'm tired of people not loving other people, yet feeling righteous and "right" and perfectly comfortable with their judgment and condemnation.
If someone is not in a deep, loving, mutually respectful relationship with the other person, I wish they would consider restraining their urge to point out what they feel is sinful behavior in the person. I wish they would consider how they can show the love of Christ to the person and develop a deep, loving, mutually respectful relationship. At that point, within the context of love and trust, maybe the topic could be discussed. Maybe. It is especially maddening that some feel it is necessary to convince people who do not share their beliefs or faith that what they are doing is wrong and sinful.
There are a lot of Jewish laws that, as a Christian, I do not observe or follow. While living in Brooklyn, I was frequently in the same company with people who observe Jewish customs. Imagine for a moment that one of those people felt a deep conviction that eating pork is wrong because of what the bible has to say about what is clean and unclean to eat. Now imagine if that person approached me, as I munched on my BLT, and began to speak against me as a sinner who was disrespecting God and making a mockery of His word. What? I don't even agree with you that it is wrong! My reaction would be to think "get away from me, you hateful. condemning, judgmental, weirdo!" I would not feel loved or cared about at all.. I would only feel hated and condemned. Yet, some Christians feel the need to express their condemnation to anyone and everyone, without any relationship or trust in place for the person to feel loved and cared about. And, without any regard for what that person believes or thinks.
OK, I do not have the answers.
I do not want to debate any issues about whether being gay is a sin, etc.
I simply want to say that I wish we could ALL learn to be better at LOVING others. I wish we could ALL be better at loving God, accepting His outrageous grace, filling up on His truth and love, and pouring out that same outrageous grace and love to people.
Tired of the hate, the fear, and the arguing about homosexuality.
I'm tired of the blatant judging, the unloving words and actions, and the fear.
I usually try to stay out of all the controversy and even the conversations on this topic.
I'm not writing this for any other reason than to express that I am tired of it.
I'm not suggesting that I have all the answers to the different questions and concerns.
I do not.
I am a Christian and I DO NOT HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!
I do have some thoughts though.
When we practice hospitality, as the bible suggests, what does that look like? I find it hard to believe that if you are interacting with friends and acquaintances, you are distracted the entire time about their sin. When you are asking them questions and learning more about them, are you thinking "Oh my gosh, this person is a sinner! This person has credit card debt, yet keeps purchasing things, this is clearly the sin of greed and I am so uncomfortable right now.I can hardly have this conversation because I fear that the subject might come up again and I don't know what to say. Should I tell this person I think they are sinning? Should I even be hanging out with them? What if it does come up? Do I have my bible verses memorized and ready to defend why I think greed is a sin? If not, then I should not bring it up. Oh, this is so uncomfortable. I would rather not even hang out with this person!"
Do we do that? Do we have those burning thoughts?
What if the person is overweight. And what if we witness with our own eyes that the person has a plate that is overfull with food. Do we find ourselves thinking "Oh man, this is so awkward. I should probably let this person know that gluttony is a sin. I don't know if I want my kids hanging out in here with this person who clearly doesn't see their behavior as sinful. How am I going to explain to my kids that what this person is doing is wrong and sinful and God hates sin, but God doesn't hate the fat person? I don't like this. Maybe I shouldn't have invited this person. Should I say something? If I don't say something, then am I condoning the sin?"
I could go on and on.
It's unthinkable that I would struggle with those thoughts with every person I am interacting with.
Yet, I know people who struggle with thoughts like this when they are hanging out with someone who is gay. I know some people who wouldn't want to be around a person who is gay because they feel so uncomfortable and don't know what they should say. And they fear that if they don't say something, that could be perceived as condoning the sin. All they can think about is the fact that the person is gay. THAT IS SO STUPID! And I am so sick of it.
I don't have all the answers.
I'm just tired of the hate, the judgement, the fear, the arguing.
And, most of all, I'm tired of people not loving other people, yet feeling righteous and "right" and perfectly comfortable with their judgment and condemnation.
If someone is not in a deep, loving, mutually respectful relationship with the other person, I wish they would consider restraining their urge to point out what they feel is sinful behavior in the person. I wish they would consider how they can show the love of Christ to the person and develop a deep, loving, mutually respectful relationship. At that point, within the context of love and trust, maybe the topic could be discussed. Maybe. It is especially maddening that some feel it is necessary to convince people who do not share their beliefs or faith that what they are doing is wrong and sinful.
There are a lot of Jewish laws that, as a Christian, I do not observe or follow. While living in Brooklyn, I was frequently in the same company with people who observe Jewish customs. Imagine for a moment that one of those people felt a deep conviction that eating pork is wrong because of what the bible has to say about what is clean and unclean to eat. Now imagine if that person approached me, as I munched on my BLT, and began to speak against me as a sinner who was disrespecting God and making a mockery of His word. What? I don't even agree with you that it is wrong! My reaction would be to think "get away from me, you hateful. condemning, judgmental, weirdo!" I would not feel loved or cared about at all.. I would only feel hated and condemned. Yet, some Christians feel the need to express their condemnation to anyone and everyone, without any relationship or trust in place for the person to feel loved and cared about. And, without any regard for what that person believes or thinks.
OK, I do not have the answers.
I do not want to debate any issues about whether being gay is a sin, etc.
I simply want to say that I wish we could ALL learn to be better at LOVING others. I wish we could ALL be better at loving God, accepting His outrageous grace, filling up on His truth and love, and pouring out that same outrageous grace and love to people.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
RELAX!
I love when God brings something my way and it hits me from about 3 different sources in 24 hours.
Today I am reminded to stay calm.
My devotional for today is actually entitled "Relax".
It says "How can you fear change when your life is hid with me in God who changeth not - I am the same yesterday, today and forever....you learn poise, soul-balance and poise in a vacillating, changing world."
Immediately after that I read in Matthew 8:24 "Without warning...a furious storm came on the lake...but Jesus was sleeping."
I've heard or read this 100 times. But, for some reason, what hit me is "without warning". In other words, everything seemed to be going along just fine. The disciples were on this crazy adventure with Jesus, but he was leading and telling them what to do and teaching them and the crowds. He gets on the boat, they follow, and presumably the disciples felt relief. Ahhh. No crowds, no people demanding to be healed, no attacks from religious leaders. A break. They could relax and take a breather. But, "without warning" a furious storm came. Not only did it catch them off guard, but, where was Jesus when they needed him? Sleeping!
When they wake him, he says they have little faith.
I don't think he minded being awoken for help. But, I think it was their panicked fear he was addressing. There really is NO place for panic and fear int he Kingdom of God. NONE.
"God does not give us a spirit of fear" (2 Timothy 1:7)
That spirit of fear comes from the enemy. The world. The ruler of this world (Eph 2:2, 6:12). He always wants to replace our peace and joy with fear and panic.
Yesterday, I read in my book "A year of biblical womanhood" (which I am enjoying immensely) a quote from St. Theresa of Avila. It is a mediation:
Let nothing upset you
Let nothing startle you
All things pass
God does not change
Patience wins all it seeks
Whoever has God lacks nothing
God alone is enough.
I am definitely going to be mediating on these words daily!
I'm not currently in a state of fear or panic or distress. But...WITHOUT WARNING, a storm will come. It will. It is promised: "In this world you WILL have trouble" (John 16:33)
What can I do to prepare for the trouble?
Ironically, I can REST. I can RELAX. I can meditate on truth. I can fill my mind and soul with God's word, His truth, and His very spirit!
I can cultivate a gentle spirit (1Peter 3:4) by trusting in the one who never changes. I can extend my roots deeply into the one who is safe, secure, unchanging, true and trustworthy. And, I can stand tall, with my roots planted, and when the storm does come, I can sway and bend...but not break. Maybe I could even find a way to experience joy in the storm as I experience the incredible strength and power of the one who holds me up! And maybe I won't be upset or startled. Not to the depths that I would be if I were running in circles in the storm with my arms flailing, panicked and unsure, searching for my source of peace and stability.
I need to seek my peace and stability DAILY. Not during the storm alone!
Meanwhile, I do boldly pray for protection. From the enemy. From storms that could come my way. And I boldly pray that God could use me to help others who are in a storm. I ask God to bring me into the path of people who need to find His peace and I pray for God to help me see how our lives can intersect and how I can help shine his truth and light by being open, honest, vulnerable, and available with them. Whenever I pray, asking God to bring me people, He does!
It is all His power. His strength. His truth. I'm nothing, really. Just a vessel. Open. Willing to empty myself and be filled by him.
When I can do this, I'm at peace.
When I take my life back and try to approach my days in my own strength, with my own plans, for my own purpose...I'm unsettled. Dissatisfied. Uncertain.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax. Stay Calm.
Thank you God. I missed you.
I was floundering a bit. Stuck in my own heard. Uncertain. Apathetic. Dissatisfied.
That's when it hit me. "IT'S NOT ABOUT ME."
I finally know what my focus needs to be for 2014.
"It's not about me."
Without fail, when I focus on me, my joy and peace are short lived.
When I focus on the unchanging, powerful, all-loving, perfect creator and lover of my soul, I am FULL!
When I focus on the needs of others and ask God how he can use my life to serve, I am FULL!
IT'S. NOT. ABOUT. ME.
Today I am reminded to stay calm.
My devotional for today is actually entitled "Relax".
It says "How can you fear change when your life is hid with me in God who changeth not - I am the same yesterday, today and forever....you learn poise, soul-balance and poise in a vacillating, changing world."
Immediately after that I read in Matthew 8:24 "Without warning...a furious storm came on the lake...but Jesus was sleeping."
I've heard or read this 100 times. But, for some reason, what hit me is "without warning". In other words, everything seemed to be going along just fine. The disciples were on this crazy adventure with Jesus, but he was leading and telling them what to do and teaching them and the crowds. He gets on the boat, they follow, and presumably the disciples felt relief. Ahhh. No crowds, no people demanding to be healed, no attacks from religious leaders. A break. They could relax and take a breather. But, "without warning" a furious storm came. Not only did it catch them off guard, but, where was Jesus when they needed him? Sleeping!
When they wake him, he says they have little faith.
I don't think he minded being awoken for help. But, I think it was their panicked fear he was addressing. There really is NO place for panic and fear int he Kingdom of God. NONE.
"God does not give us a spirit of fear" (2 Timothy 1:7)
That spirit of fear comes from the enemy. The world. The ruler of this world (Eph 2:2, 6:12). He always wants to replace our peace and joy with fear and panic.
Yesterday, I read in my book "A year of biblical womanhood" (which I am enjoying immensely) a quote from St. Theresa of Avila. It is a mediation:
Let nothing upset you
Let nothing startle you
All things pass
God does not change
Patience wins all it seeks
Whoever has God lacks nothing
God alone is enough.
I am definitely going to be mediating on these words daily!
I'm not currently in a state of fear or panic or distress. But...WITHOUT WARNING, a storm will come. It will. It is promised: "In this world you WILL have trouble" (John 16:33)
What can I do to prepare for the trouble?
Ironically, I can REST. I can RELAX. I can meditate on truth. I can fill my mind and soul with God's word, His truth, and His very spirit!
I can cultivate a gentle spirit (1Peter 3:4) by trusting in the one who never changes. I can extend my roots deeply into the one who is safe, secure, unchanging, true and trustworthy. And, I can stand tall, with my roots planted, and when the storm does come, I can sway and bend...but not break. Maybe I could even find a way to experience joy in the storm as I experience the incredible strength and power of the one who holds me up! And maybe I won't be upset or startled. Not to the depths that I would be if I were running in circles in the storm with my arms flailing, panicked and unsure, searching for my source of peace and stability.
I need to seek my peace and stability DAILY. Not during the storm alone!
Meanwhile, I do boldly pray for protection. From the enemy. From storms that could come my way. And I boldly pray that God could use me to help others who are in a storm. I ask God to bring me into the path of people who need to find His peace and I pray for God to help me see how our lives can intersect and how I can help shine his truth and light by being open, honest, vulnerable, and available with them. Whenever I pray, asking God to bring me people, He does!
It is all His power. His strength. His truth. I'm nothing, really. Just a vessel. Open. Willing to empty myself and be filled by him.
When I can do this, I'm at peace.
When I take my life back and try to approach my days in my own strength, with my own plans, for my own purpose...I'm unsettled. Dissatisfied. Uncertain.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax. Stay Calm.
Thank you God. I missed you.
I was floundering a bit. Stuck in my own heard. Uncertain. Apathetic. Dissatisfied.
That's when it hit me. "IT'S NOT ABOUT ME."
I finally know what my focus needs to be for 2014.
"It's not about me."
Without fail, when I focus on me, my joy and peace are short lived.
When I focus on the unchanging, powerful, all-loving, perfect creator and lover of my soul, I am FULL!
When I focus on the needs of others and ask God how he can use my life to serve, I am FULL!
IT'S. NOT. ABOUT. ME.
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