It's hard for me to share sometimes because I have a tendency towards sarcasm. When I get fired up about something, it is my nature to be short tempered and loose lipped.
I don't usually want to share my thoughts because while I'm fired up because I'm not sure I am able to dialogue or even express myself lovingly.
My head literally gets hot.
I'm hot-headed! It's not just a figurative expression!!
But, I know God created me that way.
I need God's loving grace to envelop me, so that I am able to share my burning heart in a loving way - not in a hot headed way.
Because when I wait until I cool down, it's like I have suppressed my thoughts until they are lukewarm. And I know Jesus says he could spit that right out. He would rather have me hot or cold.
On that note...I did wait a day before expressing my thoughts.
Yesterday I was listening, as my usual weekly habit, to my Greg Boyd sermon from Woodland Hills Church. They are doing a series on the book of Revelation.
I was on the treadmill while listening. And that's a good thing. Because I was getting so pumped up!
If I'm honest, the flame that was being stoked was the issue that arose this week regarding World Vision and their decision to employ someone which caused others to stop supporting their organization. That was the underlying, flickering flame. I was trying not to stoke it into an inferno that would drive me to breathe fire of judgment and condemnation on people!
So, even though this sermon didn't have anything directly to do with this issue, I could clearly tell the issue was like kindling waiting to be inflamed.
Anywho.
Here is a link to the sermon.
Here is a brief description of the topic. There are so many people in love with their own theology and I wish they would listen to this.
In our contemporary Christianity, there is a pervasive view that God acts violently during the end times. But this view stands in contradiction to the Cross and Jesus’ teachings to love our neighbors. In this sermon, Greg shows how God does not act violently in Revelation and instead shows how lamb-like love wins.
Today, I wrote this to Jesus in my journal. Cuz that's what I do.
Jesus, thank you for teaching that illuminates. Because otherwise, I would throw it all out!
I simply am NOT interested in a "religion" of judgement, condemnation, guilt, finger pointing, self righteousness, greed, violence and hate.
Nor am I interested in a "religion" of apathy, tradition, rituals, canned answers, pointless rules, or hypocrisy.
I choose to believe in you, Lord.
To believe. To put my trust in you. My very life.
Because, as I understand you and your word, that is my only option.
If I could count on myself and my own judgement, my own righteousness, my own understanding - what would I need YOU for?
If I have it all figured out, then I have no need for surrender, humility, or loving my enemies.
Why would I bother with that when I can have control, certainty, all the answers, and the justification to then judge and condemn those who don't?
Ah. That's easier. At least that way I am in control.
If I actually put YOU in control, completely, then I don't get to be the accuser. I am only your servant.
But, I choose you, Jesus.
And, what is it that YOU commanded of me?
Love God
Love Others
Go and make disciples
OK.
Got it.
What else?
What do YOU suggest I do?
turn the other cheek
forgive
love my enemies
love those who persecute me
be the light of the world
be known for my love
give to the needy
pray
store up treasure in heaven
put others first and myself last
serve others
OK.
And what is it that YOU advise me not to do?
worry
criticize others
judge others
retaliate
lie or break vows
lust
divorce
hold on to anger
look down on others
exalt myself
be a hypocrite
try to figure out the time of your return
reject you.
OK.
Seems pretty clear.
It's so crystal clear and that's why I get so dang annoyed when people hate, judge, criticize, retaliate, and hold on to anger in YOUR NAME! They want to claim it is somehow honoring to you?!
What? When? Where? How?
How did we ever come up with the idea that any of that is OK, let alone glorifying to You?
In the garden I guess. When we decided you weren't trustworthy and we could be like you. SO, now we get to judge, condemn, exalt ourselves, and be like God.
What religion is THAT?
Jesus, I'm yours.
I will surrender to you and gladly submit to your commands and suggestions for living a life that honors you.
I will fall short.
Because I am not you.
I am a sinner who NEEDS you.
And when I become self righteous and decide you aren't enough and when I become selfish and decide my ways are better for me, I will STOP and start over.
And when I see others who seem to be carrying out all kinds of action you advised against - and doing it in YOUR name - I will humbly bow before YOU and ask you to help me love them.
Because I don't know how.
Only through your grace can I love.
Transform me.
You never commissioned me to judge, condemn, or ridicule. You called me to love, point to you, be a disciple, and make disciples.
And to that I am eternally committed.
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