What about Saturday?

As I sat in silence this Saturday morning, hanging out with God, quieting my soul...it occurred to me that we have "good Friday" and "Easter Sunday" but we don't really think about the Saturday in between. Or, at least I have not.

But, I awoke today to a cool, gloomy, rainy day. And, I was reminded of my experience last night. We had a gathering with our church and I had the opportunity to engage with multiple senses on the death of Jesus. I wept. A lot.

So, as I sat this morning, I wondered what it must have felt like when Jesus died and he had not yet risen! Imagine the unbearable grief of that "Saturday" in between!

In my journal, I wrote:

Solitude. Silence. Rain falling. Settle my soul, Father. This weekend is so profound. Good Friday is so sad. SO disturbing. So convicting. Dark. Reality of the darkness of humanity. Death. Betrayal. Torture. Sacrifice. Blood. Pain. Separation. Fear. Complete and total...LOVE. Forgiveness. Submission. Mercy. Compassion. Grace. Love.

Today....it rains. It's dark. The loss feels unbearable. The grief too much. Imagine not knowing what tomorrow holds! No hope. Just loss.

Instead, I know the SON will rise. The sun will rise. The hopelessness, dissipated and scattered. The darkness completely filled with light. The resurrection. The hope. The promise. The purpose. The fulfillment. The power. The glory. The victory. The love. The light. The path. The way. The truth. Mercy - undeserved forgiveness. Grace - undeserved love. Abundant. Complete. Whole. Absolute. Total. Love.

Tomorrow we celebrate. It is done. It is finished. Forgiveness complete. Hallelujah!

law of gravity

I don't know about you, but sometimes I hear or read something that I have heard or read a million times and suddenly....WHAM....it hits me in a deep and profound way. That's been happening this week for me, and I love it.

I happen to believe that God sent me the holy spirit to dwell in my soul. And, as i am ready, he reveals things to me. This week, he has been revealing to me my profound need for solitude and silence. And, it's just silly because I "know" this already. But, like I said, sometimes it just hits me....WHAM!

Here is a quote from a book I am reading:

"Just as the physical law of gravity ensures that sediment swirling around in a jar of muddy river water will eventually settle and the water will become clear, so the spiritual law of gravity ensures that the chaos of the human soul will settle if it is still long enough."

I love how she references the law of gravity. No one will dispute the FACT that there is a physical law of gravity, right? But, because it is more difficult to gather concrete evidence in the spiritual realm, many people choose to just discount it all entirely. But, once you experience for yourself something like the "spiritual law of gravity" you will also be convinced that it as REAL as the physical.

Why are we so quick in Western culture to dismiss the spiritual? We are all about physical science. Why? I have always had so many questions that go much deeper than the physical. Yet, some people seem to be able to coast along and not be "bothered" by contemplations about the spiritual realm. It amazes me.

I think it is in large part due to the fact that we never remain still long enough for the chaos to settle in our souls. We just forge ahead, full force, setting and pursuing goals, taking care of crises and trouble that arise (putting out fires), and constantly moving at a frantic pace to set and meet that next goal.....

I am so thankful that God has challenged me and offered me the opportunity to STOP and pursue solitude and silence. It is there, in the quiet stillness, that I am able to hear the voice of my creator. He is able to affirm for me who he created me to be, and I am able to rest in his loving embrace. He then challenges me and equips me for this physical world I live in. Without that time, I am an empty physical vessel just trudging along on my own strength wondering why I'm so exhausted and confused.

Thank you God for revealing to me the SPIRITUAL law of gravity. I look forward to continued education in the subject of spiritual science.

create and imagine

Ok, Liv couldn't be left out of the blogosphere! You can check out her thoughts and contemplations at create and imagine. Hopefully she will share her poems and other "sayings". Yesterday, on the dry erase board she wrote:

"LOVE ~ is never wasted. It stays."

Today is was:

"CREATIVITY is your friend. Play with it. Don't despise it."

And she already put one up for tomorrow:

"PEACE stays in your heart if you tell it to."

I love her 8 year old mind!!!!!

your runnin'

Only Timm will understand the title of this post. he-he.

If you ever find yourself in a verbal spat with someone where you are whipping out one line zingers at one another, we find this one to be a fun and effective one-liner. "Oh yah? Well.... you're runnin'."

Yes, I realize it doesn't make any sense. That's the whole idea. Hang around Timm and I a bit more, and you will catch on to our stupidity.

I will be 40 this year and I thought it would be a fun goal to do a half marathon before I turn 40. My friend invited me to join her in an all women event in Central Park. So, I decided to go for it. Last Sunday, we met at the train at 6:15 am and headed to Central Park. We arrived plenty early to enjoy the energy of 10,000 women gathered to run (and to wait the the bathroom line for at least 30 min) before the race started at 8am.

Then we parted ways because we decided to run at our own pace and I was curious to see how I could do.

I'm not sure if I'll ever do another race of this length. People ask if I am going to do a marathon and I just have no desire to run that long or far. But I will admit that I (almost) enjoyed this one. However, throughout the entire run, as I found myself able to keep going at a pretty good clip, and the sun was shining and I was encompassed by the breathtaking surroundings of Central Park, running with SO many other women.....I found myself just praising God. I have no idea why he blessed me with a body that is able to run. But he did. And, as I was running along, I promised Him that I would give ALL glory to Him.

I sometimes complain a little bit because I have friends who are such amazing artists. I complain because I am envious of their ability to create, paint, perform, sing, compose music, and so on....

Then someone will say something like "you are a good runner." Well, so what? What good does that do for anyone? What does that contribute to society? Nothing. So, it doesn't seem like a very valuable gift.

Shame on me. I should be SO grateful for whatever gift God has given me. And, I should give Him all the thanks. And I do. As I was running Sunday, about 2 miles into the run, I decided to give it my all. I had a little conversation with God and thanked him for my body and my legs and my heart, etc. And then I told him I'd use my body to the best of my ability and praise Him the whole time. That was FUN!

I ended up finishing 221 out of 10,000 runners. I was very happy with that. My time was 1hour 44 min. That is just under 8min per mile. I'm sharing that because I promised God at mile 10 that if he could please intercede and keep my calf muscles in tact (and not allow them to explode all over the place like it felt they may) then I would push my hardest and tell everyone that I was simply using the gift HE gave me.

I still don't know why I got that gift instead of creativity or artistic talent or whatever. But, I will be proud of the person God made ME to be.

Funny thing is, we are hosting this weekly "girl's club" with a few 8-11 year old girls. We are going through a book and each week we discus the importance of knowing who we are, being excited about who we were uniquely created to be, and not trying to act like anyone but ourselves.

Perhaps I am learning along with the little girls! Perhaps they are teaching me! I should not wish I was like anyone else, but rather, be the best me I can be.

So, I'd encourage you, if you have a gift, just accept it with grace. Don't be a brat and wish you had gotten a different gift! God designed YOU exactly as he planned. Your plan is not better than his. Accept who He made YOU to be and give HIM the praise! So, go ahead, brag about your gifts and talents, just remember to give God the glory.

everything alli

A long time ago (2 years) Alli had asked if she could have a blog. Seemed OK to me, so we tried to set her up with one. However, she didn't have her own email and in order to create one under my email it had to be linked to my blog. That was a bit confusing and we ended up leaving the blog to sit there and "collect dust".

All that to say, she resurrected her blog attempt. It is called Everything Alli and you can check it out if you'd like. It's still connected to my blog and we're ironing out the kinks.

But, it's cool to catch a glimpse into her thoughts.

Dang I love that kid.

dates are good

Dates are good.

Not necessarily the edible type of dates. Not sure if those are good. Dried up little misshapen balls of semi sweet natural sugar and chewy texture.....yah, I'm not talkin about those dates.

I'm talking about dates with my husband, my friend, my lover, the man I chose to become one with and spend the rest of my life with.

And what I am recommending is that you also consider making dates a priority with your spouse. Seriously, how can you commit to cleave to your spouse and become one flesh, yet neglect to spend one on one time together? Impossible.

Of course, every couple has their own personal preference for how they connect and spend time. It could be as simple as turning off the tv/computer/phone/kindle/etc and having some one on one time at home together. Timm and I could get better at that, I will admit. But, for us, when we go out and share an experience together that involves exploring and enjoying something new, that sure does fill us up in a unique way. That's just who we are. We love to explore and see new things and enjoy those things together.

Let me just say THANK YOU to all of our friends and family who have stepped in while our children were little to babysit so that Timm and I could pursue dates together. Because, we are now glimpsing the amazing next era in our parenting journey, which is to leave our big girls home alone. Wow. That is a feeling of freedom that is hard to explain.

I'm so glad to know that our girls are responsible enough to trust them to hang out at home for a while so that we can go out. They actually enjoy the freedom as well.

So, I am a happy mom and wife. I love my husband more than I ever have. 20 years of growing to know and love him have built a level of trust and connection that I never knew was possible. And, spending time with him to walk, talk, eat, drink, share, laugh, cry, complain, praise, question, or just listen...that's good stuff.

Thank you God for my husband. Thank you God for our time together!

so proud

A few months ago, I expressed some concerns regarding the academic performance of our sweet middle schooler. I discussed it with several close friends and family members. Although she was loving every single day of school and being an all around amazing person, her grades were.....not so good. And, we knew she had potential to do better.

So, I only feel it is right and fair to report that she has successfully achieved her goals of improving those grades!!!! YAY ALLI!

Can I even begin to communicate how proud I am of her? No. It would just be annoying. I really am a bragging mom. I mean, I could go on and on about how loving and caring and nurturing and helpful she is. I could mention how hard she works, how independent she is, and how respectful she is of authority. I could mention the great choices she is making and the wonderful character of the friends she is choosing to spend time with. I could even gush about what an incredibly loving big sister she is. But, like I said that would be so annoying!

Let me just say that I am SO PROUD.