i do it myself

Have you ever heard a toddler say this? I know my kids did all the time "I do it myself mama". Well, have you ever heard a 39 year old say this? I have, earlier this week!

We have a friend who is going to squeeze into our spare room and stay with us for a while. So, I said I was going to move the treadmill into our room so that our friend has a tiny bit of space for her clothes and stuff.

Well, most of you should know by now that my brain is lacking in the spatial perception arena. So, I assumed I was simply going to take the folded up monster and whip it out of one room and into the other with a mere scooting aside of a table and chair in the living room that may have presented an obstacle. (I'm used to doing that - do it every time we have a group of friend's over).

Long story short...sweating, swearing, gouging out walls and floors, disassembling pieces (and hoping they'd fit back together) and STILL I couldn't do it myself. I had to wait for Timm to get home.

Ugh.

I don't like feeling dependent.

Well, somehow it actually made me feel a little bit better to realize that he had to disassemble even more parts for it to fit. I was afraid to do that and demolish the whole beloved thing.

As he was putting it back together I told him how annoyed I was that I just couldn't do it myself. He said I shouldn't try to do things myself all the time, that God planned for us to need help. I argued that PLENTY of people are unmarried and can take care of themselves just fine and I did take care of myself just fine before marrying him!!!! But, he calmly pointed out that he wasn't talking about a spouse. He just said, we're not supposed to do life alone. God created us to lean on each other and to help each other out.

OK.

I guess.

He's right.

But, it's still hard for me to feel dependent.

So, the next day I had a REALLY good day. I have enjoyed my new little digital flip camera. It's convenient and small, takes a quality movie, and loads simply onto the computer. BUT....ever since we got a new computer, I haven't been able to figure out how to get the flipping flips to save onto a disc or something to back them up so if my computer dies, I don't lose all of my video. You have to convert the files, and do all this other stuff that is like a foreign language to me!

Aha! I figured it out that day! And, guess what? I figured it out "all by myself"!

We now have almost every single flip video safely copied to a dvd-r that can be played on the dvd player and even has a cool menu where you can choose which video to select!

Maybe I shouldn't feel THAT good when I do something on my own, but I can't help it.

May stuff

I would say that there is nothing exciting to share, but that really isn't true. Our life here is pretty exciting!

Liv's birthday (birthweek) was a blast.

On her b-day she took treats into school. Then, after playing for three hours at the park, we went out to "Mango" for dinner. A great choice. Really good Thai food.

The next day was Friday and we had a "Friday fun night" BBQ. Probably about 20 people crammed in our little place. Had a cake with ice cream and sang to her. She had a friend spend the night, Very fun.

Saturday we went to a few stoop sales and I found sone new heelies for Liv, then it was her tea party. I posted pics on Facebook, I'll include a couple on here. It really turned out great. One of my top 3 favorite for sure (and we have done A LOT of different parties through the years).

Also on Saturday, she received gifts in the mail and had a great time opening things from family. She got a letter from the dance studio as well inviting her to be in the Jr. Dance Company. She literally squealed and spun all around and would have done cartwheels if we had a little more space!

Saturday night we hung out with a friend of Liv's and her family at their place. What a pleasant evening.

Anyways, it was just a FABULOUS celebration for days!

Sunday was fun. After church and leadership meeting, a few of us met up for basketball. Ah, I hadn't played in over a year! I missed it.

So, I just felt like doing a little synopsis of the week.

I love that little Liv so much, she makes my heart BLOW UP. Thanks to everyone who made her feel extra special!

Spring has sprung

Nothing profound to share. Just so happy that Spring is here in full force. Looking at the forecast and seeing 60's - 70's as the high temps....makes me giddy.

This weekend is unusual. No big plans. Pretty wide open. Ahh.

I have 5 girls snoozing in the other room after a sleepover. Glad they are still asleep. Not sure how late the party went on. This mama went to sleep before them.

Would like to say that our week off before Easter was quite refreshing. Went to a hotel with an indoor waterpark in Connecticut for a couple of days. Hit a few shopping malls, including one with a chick-fila in the food court! Good times.

Then, we had our Easter sonrise service in Central park, which has become one of my most treasured annual traditions. I love Easter. Hope rooted in the resurrection....ahhh.

After the park we enjoyed brunch at the Kallen casa. So grand. Later, we had a dinner here with about 14 people. Lots of love felt that day.

The day after Easter our company arrived, and we had a perfectly gorgeous week. Grandpa, Kelly and Aunt Janet enjoyed some of the Brooklyn and Manhattan experiences, watched as the trees budded and burst with green, and even got to be there for the opening night of the girls' big dance recital!

I plan to enjoy a few local rummage sales today, perhaps a bike ride in the park, who knows? Happy to have a free day to enjoy.

What about Saturday?

As I sat in silence this Saturday morning, hanging out with God, quieting my soul...it occurred to me that we have "good Friday" and "Easter Sunday" but we don't really think about the Saturday in between. Or, at least I have not.

But, I awoke today to a cool, gloomy, rainy day. And, I was reminded of my experience last night. We had a gathering with our church and I had the opportunity to engage with multiple senses on the death of Jesus. I wept. A lot.

So, as I sat this morning, I wondered what it must have felt like when Jesus died and he had not yet risen! Imagine the unbearable grief of that "Saturday" in between!

In my journal, I wrote:

Solitude. Silence. Rain falling. Settle my soul, Father. This weekend is so profound. Good Friday is so sad. SO disturbing. So convicting. Dark. Reality of the darkness of humanity. Death. Betrayal. Torture. Sacrifice. Blood. Pain. Separation. Fear. Complete and total...LOVE. Forgiveness. Submission. Mercy. Compassion. Grace. Love.

Today....it rains. It's dark. The loss feels unbearable. The grief too much. Imagine not knowing what tomorrow holds! No hope. Just loss.

Instead, I know the SON will rise. The sun will rise. The hopelessness, dissipated and scattered. The darkness completely filled with light. The resurrection. The hope. The promise. The purpose. The fulfillment. The power. The glory. The victory. The love. The light. The path. The way. The truth. Mercy - undeserved forgiveness. Grace - undeserved love. Abundant. Complete. Whole. Absolute. Total. Love.

Tomorrow we celebrate. It is done. It is finished. Forgiveness complete. Hallelujah!

law of gravity

I don't know about you, but sometimes I hear or read something that I have heard or read a million times and suddenly....WHAM....it hits me in a deep and profound way. That's been happening this week for me, and I love it.

I happen to believe that God sent me the holy spirit to dwell in my soul. And, as i am ready, he reveals things to me. This week, he has been revealing to me my profound need for solitude and silence. And, it's just silly because I "know" this already. But, like I said, sometimes it just hits me....WHAM!

Here is a quote from a book I am reading:

"Just as the physical law of gravity ensures that sediment swirling around in a jar of muddy river water will eventually settle and the water will become clear, so the spiritual law of gravity ensures that the chaos of the human soul will settle if it is still long enough."

I love how she references the law of gravity. No one will dispute the FACT that there is a physical law of gravity, right? But, because it is more difficult to gather concrete evidence in the spiritual realm, many people choose to just discount it all entirely. But, once you experience for yourself something like the "spiritual law of gravity" you will also be convinced that it as REAL as the physical.

Why are we so quick in Western culture to dismiss the spiritual? We are all about physical science. Why? I have always had so many questions that go much deeper than the physical. Yet, some people seem to be able to coast along and not be "bothered" by contemplations about the spiritual realm. It amazes me.

I think it is in large part due to the fact that we never remain still long enough for the chaos to settle in our souls. We just forge ahead, full force, setting and pursuing goals, taking care of crises and trouble that arise (putting out fires), and constantly moving at a frantic pace to set and meet that next goal.....

I am so thankful that God has challenged me and offered me the opportunity to STOP and pursue solitude and silence. It is there, in the quiet stillness, that I am able to hear the voice of my creator. He is able to affirm for me who he created me to be, and I am able to rest in his loving embrace. He then challenges me and equips me for this physical world I live in. Without that time, I am an empty physical vessel just trudging along on my own strength wondering why I'm so exhausted and confused.

Thank you God for revealing to me the SPIRITUAL law of gravity. I look forward to continued education in the subject of spiritual science.

create and imagine

Ok, Liv couldn't be left out of the blogosphere! You can check out her thoughts and contemplations at create and imagine. Hopefully she will share her poems and other "sayings". Yesterday, on the dry erase board she wrote:

"LOVE ~ is never wasted. It stays."

Today is was:

"CREATIVITY is your friend. Play with it. Don't despise it."

And she already put one up for tomorrow:

"PEACE stays in your heart if you tell it to."

I love her 8 year old mind!!!!!

your runnin'

Only Timm will understand the title of this post. he-he.

If you ever find yourself in a verbal spat with someone where you are whipping out one line zingers at one another, we find this one to be a fun and effective one-liner. "Oh yah? Well.... you're runnin'."

Yes, I realize it doesn't make any sense. That's the whole idea. Hang around Timm and I a bit more, and you will catch on to our stupidity.

I will be 40 this year and I thought it would be a fun goal to do a half marathon before I turn 40. My friend invited me to join her in an all women event in Central Park. So, I decided to go for it. Last Sunday, we met at the train at 6:15 am and headed to Central Park. We arrived plenty early to enjoy the energy of 10,000 women gathered to run (and to wait the the bathroom line for at least 30 min) before the race started at 8am.

Then we parted ways because we decided to run at our own pace and I was curious to see how I could do.

I'm not sure if I'll ever do another race of this length. People ask if I am going to do a marathon and I just have no desire to run that long or far. But I will admit that I (almost) enjoyed this one. However, throughout the entire run, as I found myself able to keep going at a pretty good clip, and the sun was shining and I was encompassed by the breathtaking surroundings of Central Park, running with SO many other women.....I found myself just praising God. I have no idea why he blessed me with a body that is able to run. But he did. And, as I was running along, I promised Him that I would give ALL glory to Him.

I sometimes complain a little bit because I have friends who are such amazing artists. I complain because I am envious of their ability to create, paint, perform, sing, compose music, and so on....

Then someone will say something like "you are a good runner." Well, so what? What good does that do for anyone? What does that contribute to society? Nothing. So, it doesn't seem like a very valuable gift.

Shame on me. I should be SO grateful for whatever gift God has given me. And, I should give Him all the thanks. And I do. As I was running Sunday, about 2 miles into the run, I decided to give it my all. I had a little conversation with God and thanked him for my body and my legs and my heart, etc. And then I told him I'd use my body to the best of my ability and praise Him the whole time. That was FUN!

I ended up finishing 221 out of 10,000 runners. I was very happy with that. My time was 1hour 44 min. That is just under 8min per mile. I'm sharing that because I promised God at mile 10 that if he could please intercede and keep my calf muscles in tact (and not allow them to explode all over the place like it felt they may) then I would push my hardest and tell everyone that I was simply using the gift HE gave me.

I still don't know why I got that gift instead of creativity or artistic talent or whatever. But, I will be proud of the person God made ME to be.

Funny thing is, we are hosting this weekly "girl's club" with a few 8-11 year old girls. We are going through a book and each week we discus the importance of knowing who we are, being excited about who we were uniquely created to be, and not trying to act like anyone but ourselves.

Perhaps I am learning along with the little girls! Perhaps they are teaching me! I should not wish I was like anyone else, but rather, be the best me I can be.

So, I'd encourage you, if you have a gift, just accept it with grace. Don't be a brat and wish you had gotten a different gift! God designed YOU exactly as he planned. Your plan is not better than his. Accept who He made YOU to be and give HIM the praise! So, go ahead, brag about your gifts and talents, just remember to give God the glory.