more from my journal

Same theme, different day.

Every morning, I wake up and have quiet time where I rest in the presence of my creator. I praise Him and worship Him and humble myself before Him. I ask for His grace and love to wash over me and be real in my life. Basically, I spend time falling in love with Him and feeling loved in return. I usually spend time reading my devotional and/or bible and I journal my thoughts and prayers.

This is from my journal yesterday.

"Today in Luke 14:25-34 brings me back almost 5 years to my first trip to NY. Craig assigned us this reading and I had so many questions then. I remember asking...How can we truly count the cost? How can we really be prepared and be sure we have what we need? Aren't we asked the opposite? To NOT consider what we have, but rather to dive into service with nothing?

But, I learned, as you were gently teaching me, that you need everything from me. Every morsel, every fiber of my being. All of me.

14:33 "In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. "

BAM! Plain and simple. In verse 27 "Anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple"

Jesus is saying that you must come to a point of understanding that following Him is not just about gain. You have to be willing to lose everything in order to gain Him. When he said this, there were "large crowds" following him. It's almost as if he stopped, turned to them, and said "Really? Do you really want to be following me?" It's like he was trying to weed out the large crowd!

Strange.

As I have struggled for years now about how much of the "good news" should be presented in an "attractional" way and how much should really be more confrontational? On the one hand, Jesus was "performing" many miracles. Quite a spectacle. Attracting lots of spectators. That seems important. THEN, he turns to them once they are drawn to His works, and He speaks the hard truth. He "weeds them out".

It seems you have to expose people first to Jesus' power, love, grace, mercy. Once that is of interest to a person, they will be ready to hear that Jesus requires complete allegiance and submission.

If you start with the submission/allegiance stuff when presenting Jesus, where is the LOVE? People need to feel attracted to, drawn to, intrigued by Jesus first. Then they have to seek him. Then they will get to know him. Then they WILL LOVE HIM. It is only then that they will obey him. "

OK, so that is an example of my journaling. Half the time I speak directly to God, half the time I just think thoughts about Him.

But, this theme of complete submission is a constant in my quiet time for years now. And, no matter how many times it comes to me, it is profound every single time. Because, we do not live this way on earth. We just don't.

Well, on a lighter note.....I have enjoyed an incredible spring break with my family. Seriously awesome. Started with a date night to Brooklyn Commune with Timm. Food so good, it's sick! Then Good Friday, then Seder dinner, then Easter sonrise service, brunch, and a great dinner here. Then we went on a road trip to Rhode Island and had a super fantastic time! See Alli's blog for a few pics. I love spending time with my girls so much, it makes me crazy. Came back in time for Liv's dance recital. I cried. She seriously made my heart crinkle and my eyes fling out tears of joy. Yep, that good. Last night, after having an impromptu soup dinner with two neighbor families here, I went out on another date with Timm to a little bar called Sunny's where they have live music. Today I get to go to another of Olivia's performances (she is in 6 all together). Tonight I am hoping to go to a swanky place in the city to meet up with a friend for her birthday. Tomorrow after church and dropping Liv off for her final shows, I get to go to the movies with my friend.

DANG! My life is too good to be true!