Our energy in this world

More rambling thoughts as I sit in quiet and ask God for revelation and truth.  Journal entry from Feb 12, 2019.

Reading last night one thing jumped out at me about the fact that we have energy we put out into the world - and it can be positive or negative energy.
And it's weird because just yesterday I felt like I reminded myself several times to shift and choose to bring an energy of peace and love into my body and to emanate it out.
I think about those videos I've seen where people's words and anger affect their physical environment.  Like, food rots and turns brown or rice gets black and moldy.  But, it's more than simply angry words.  It's changing the energy that surrounds me by emitting love.
We were created to love and to be loved.
And when negative energy, fear, anger, condemnation, hate, etc creeps in, we find ourselves separated from what we were created for.
Love.
And with love comes peace, kindness, patience, gentleness, joy, contentment, courage, and compassion.
We need to meditate and choose positive energy.  Choose to be filled with love and good. Choose to acknowledge the power of love.  Not just for others' - but for ourselves.
We flourish when we love and are loved.
So, the fact that God is love and can't do or be anything bu love - of course I want more and more and more of the Spirit of God in my life.
It's fullness, freedom and purpose for me.
It makes me experience wholeness, acceptance, unconditional acceptance for who I really am, and it changes me.
I don't want to be angry, judgmental, jealous, unforgiving, afraid, selfish and insecure.
When I continually fill up and choose to accept the unconditional love and positive energy of God - that negative stuff loses it's power and gets pushed out.
I get transformed.  But it's a constant choice.
The negative creeps in, I recognize it, I "take it captive" and identify it as destructive.  I invite more love, truth, positive, good - and I trust that it's real and powerful.  And the negative can not co-exist with the good and positive.
It loses!
Victory!
But then it just keeps happening.
So it becomes a practice.  Anything I want to become good at, I need to practice.  The more I practice, the more natural it becomes.
So, every day I begin by surrendering all of my negative or selfish energy and accepting the pure, good, positive energy of my creator.  I empty myself.  And I fill up on love.  Then I fill up more.  Until I feel I'm overflowing.
Then I ask for wisdom, guidance, perspective and understanding.  I want eyes to see like love sees.  I want a heart drawn to love.
Then so many times throughout my day I catch myself slipping, either slowly or abruptly into those negative, selfish, unloving thoughts. When I don't catch myself, I end up distracted or anxious or annoyed or critical of myself and others or fearful about the future or ashamed that I'm not enough, etc.
And, it's not that I want to cover up those thoughts and feelings.  Maybe those thoughts are somewhat legit and are trying to tell me something.  But, if I catch myself in the negative, I get to stop and choose love.  I get to pull myself out of the negative and ask for perspective that is not condemning.
Because condemnation gets me nowhere.
It just feed on itself and creates more negative.  It doesn't bring anything positive.
It's a dead end.
But, man this negative energy is a liar!
It can lure me in deep.
It tells me that my anger has power and that my judgement of others lifts me up out of my own shame.
It tells me that I need to worry and fret or things won't get done.
It tells me that if I believe I'm good, and that I'm enough, and that I don't need to earn my worthiness - then I'll just be lazy and apathetic.
It lies, and lies, and lies.
But, I know the truth!
And I know that love and truth always wins!
The lies are evil and destructive.  And Jesus destroyed evil.  He destroyed sin.  He offered me power over evil and sin.  He offers himself to me.  To demonstrate that power, he even overcame violence and death.
He shook off death and came back smiling.  He showed that his power is not subject to negative, evil, sinful forces.
And I get to receive that power of love and good and truth!
I get to invite that spirit in and allow it to grow and dominate and push out the negative.
Yes please!
I'll take more of that.
Thank you.

Asking better questions

Since someone encouraged me to write more, here is my journal entry from Feb 8, 2019

Reading Acts 12. 
I read some of this and I'm not sure I believe it is actual historical truth. 
So, again, I ask better questions. 
I don't necessarily need to know if the account of Peter escaping from prison is accurate, do I? What I really want to know is, why was this story recorded? What can I learn from it?  What do you want me to know?
Some things that jump out at me - Herod had James put to death and "because this pleased the Jews, he proceeded to seize Peter also."
How disgusting that an execution pleased the Jews.  I'm not categorizing an entire religion or race - but rather seeing how easy it is to gravitate to an us/them mindset and to actually celebrate death because it's one of "them".
How is it that we're capable of that?
Do I do that?
Is there ever a "them" that I see suffer or die and I celebrate?
Either openly, or secretly?
What if I take it down a notch and just make it a bit more relatable.  Do I ever celebrate because someone gets punished?  Fails at something? Get's what is "coming to them"?
That's me wanting judgement on others and it's exactly what God warns us not to do.  He knows we will be tempted to judge.  In the creation story - He says not to eat from the tree of "the knowledge of good and evil".  But we crave that fruit.  We want to be the judge of good and evil.  We want to create an us/them where we are good but "they" are not.  That's why God commanded us to stay away!
As startling as it is for me to read the account where James is put to death "by a sword" and it pleased people - it reveals something in me.
The last thing in this chapter that jumps out at me is "immediately, because Herod did not give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down, and he was eaten by worms and died."
REALLY?
And that's it?  Nothing else is said about this insanity?
Did this really happen? And does God send angels to strike people down?  And why the graphic and disgusting details about being eaten by worms? What in the world?!
Knowing that Jesus is the full revelation of God, and knowing the character of Jesus, this doesn't seem to line up with God's character to me. 
So, is it more of a warning that if we continually elevate ourselves above God - even leading others to deny and mock God - the consequences are not good? 
Is it a compare and contrast story?  Peter humbles himself to the will of God, even in prison where he is held captive for no reason.  But things go well for him because he remains humble to the power of God.  Whereas, Herod mocks God and things don't go well for him at all.  Maybe that is the message I should take away?
Although, it's not like Peter has smooth sailing and a life of luxury without suffering because of his dedication to God.  Nope.  He ends up crucified.
But, even in his execution, he honors God.  It's believed that he requests to be crucified upside down since he wouldn't feel worthy of the same death as Jesus.
That's an honorable death, where he willingly submits to it.  Not like being "struck down and eaten by worms".

I don't know for sure.  But I like asking better questions.

Questioning Everything

Sometimes I feel like such a contrarian.  I don't actively oppose everything, but I sure do question everything. 
So, fair warning if you read any of my posts.  The way I seem to learn and grow is by wrestling, arguing, doubting, questioning, pushing.
I journal every day and for some reason I feel a nudge to share some journal entries here.
Usually my jounaling is just my conversations with God.

January 28:  Started reading the 40 day prayer challenge.  I have to be honest.  The whole concept of praying can rub me the wrong way.  I even bristle at the idea of circling something in prayer.  Because you know my heart and you are good and you want good for each person.  Why would you be waiting for me to articulate to you my heart's desires before you act on something?
That's weird.
But, I also know it's a defense mechanism that I've leaned on my entire life - don't get my hopes up too much and I won't be as disappointed if things don't go as I hoped.  And I also think about the many people who will starve to death today, or die from lack of clean water, or from disease.  I think about horrible accidents that leave loved ones brain injured, paralyzed, or dead.  I think of random catastrophic events like a parent losing a child to drowning or to violence.  I think of mass shooters or accidental gun shots.  Am I to believe prayer would somehow change your plans for "allowing" all of this horrible tragedy?
So, yah.  I have some hang-ups about prayer.  But, I do know and believe that drawing close to you daily and aligning my life with the flow of your spirit rather than my own desires can lead to amazing things.  I do trust that you guide and that you want to bring good and that you can reveal things to me that I would never see on my own.
For that reason, I believe in daily meditation.  Aligning my spirit with yours.  Surrendering.  Trusting.  Saying yes to promptings in my spirit. Your plans are much better than mine.  Greater.  So, I do understand prayer in that way.  But I struggle to understand my own persistent prayer for something obvious.  Like, of course I want my kids protected.  Of course I want healing and hope for my friends who are suffering.  Of course I want health for myself and my family.  Of course I want my loved ones to know your peace.
What I seem to lack is vision for how you plan to involve me in your plans for good.  So, when I pray, I desire to be filled by your spirit, aligned with your good plans, and guided into divine appointments and choices that lead to more good happening.  Because you are good.  Your plans are good.  I pray for eyes to see how I can be aligned with your plans.
I breathe you in.  I sit.  I receive.  I fill up on your spirit.  May it overflow from me to the world.  May you shine through the cracks in my heart and reveal your light where I would be dark.  Show me.  Give me eyes to see your divine opportunities to love.  Help me to slow down and choose to love others deeply.
I know that opening myself up to vulnerability is the key to unlocking love.  Help me to not self protect.  Help me to love radically and not to be tempted to keep it cool or whatever weird thing I do.  I want to love radically.

January 29
Great.  I really don't like reading about, contemplating, or discussing end times, Jesus' return, end of the world, etc.
Yet that's what our discussion is tonight for group.  So, I guess I will trust that you want us to gain something from it.  Otherwise I would just advise us to skip this one.
Give me your grace, love and truth if people look to me for understanding.  Because this just doesn't inspire me at all.  Part of me doubts that it's true in the way we interpret it - but mostly I just don't care.  I'm not motivated by some future return of Jesus.  I'm motivated comforted, and inspired by his past and current involvement in my life.
Maybe that because I'm comfortable in this present life.  So, hope of the future deliverance doesn't carry much power for me personally.
And, honestly, it just sounds so weird.  Not that other stories in the bible aren't weird - there are plenty.  But, this one stumps me beyond all others.  If Jesus comes back with trumpet calls, why bother letting all of the false prophets have their time trying to deceive us?  It's just a really tough story for me to be inspired by.
Yet, I do believe Jesus' death and resurrection was a victory over evil and that we're living in a weird time of waiting for the earth to align with that reality.
So, everything I believe is pretty weird.  Why does this particular story stretch me?
Maybe my imagination is weak.  So it just seems absurd.
Just being honest.  Not too excited to lead this discussion tonight.  Please reveal something to me that can lead our discussion honestly into truth, hope and love.

January 31
Reading Acts 9 - I get caught up in the weirdness and it makes me feel skeptical.
Just being honest.
The whole chapter is riddled with weird and unbelievable stories; accounts of events that I just a difficult time swallowing as real and true.
First is just the radical conversion of Saul to Paul.  It's such a short account - so matter of fact.  He goes from being the persecutor, murderer, condemner to preaching Jesus' Gospel in just 18 verses.  Then he grows powerful and has followers - just like that.
At least in 9:20 it reveals that when he went to Jerusalem, the disciples were afraid of him and didn't believe.  That adds some credibility to the story.
But, even Ananias (backing up to vs 1-18) Really?  He just hears from God and obeys and goes to this murderer?  What the?  Who would do that for real?
Next, we end the chapter with Peter going to a home and telling a dead woman to get up, and she does?! I'm sorry, I just have a hard time..oh wait..first he tells a paralytic who has been bedridden for 8 years to pick up his mat - and the guy gets up and does it.
Deep breath.  Sigh.  smh
Do I believe this happened?  If I'm honest, I don't think I believe it.  But, maybe it's just my fear.  I'm afraid that if I truly believe in this level of power, I would need to change how I pray and what I hope for with my prayer?  I just do not have faith that my prayers have the power to heal.  There, I admitted it.  I can't not be honest.  I just can't get it. Why would you choose to heal arbitrarily? It's cruel.  If you can heal, and you know the pleading hearts of those suffering, then heal.  Would you really wait for a person, a human, to look to you and ask the right way or say the right words or express it enough times or have enough faith, or want it bad enough?
Eww.
That isn't kind or loving.  It doesn't align with your character of being all good and all loving.  So, yah, I struggle to believe some of this stuff.
So, what do I do with it then?
I guess I ask, what do you want me to know, learn, and see when I read these accounts, Lord?

....I want you to know that I AM.  I am all powerful, capable, and good.  I'm a mystery.  You must learn to live in the tension.  Just because you can't explain or rationalize it doesn't mean it's not true.  I am all good.  I want good things.  Always.  You won't pray for big things that could leave you disappointed and discouraged if they don't go the way you hoped.  Your defense is to protect your faith by not getting your hopes up for something that may not happen.  This protects you from some pain and disappointment, but it also severs your connection to big dreams, big hopes, and a big God.  It is fueled by fear and it breeds apathy or even cynicism.
For you, to be vulnerable is to hope and dream big.  But that's scary for you because you feel you're setting yourself up for unnecessary disappointment. 
It's simple - expect less and be always impressed by abundance.  Expect abundance and risk being left disappointed.

It seems like such a good mindset.  It truly keeps my heart grateful.  I don't expect to live and breathe and have my health today - so I receive it as a precious and abundant gift to cherish!  Any good that comes to me feels like an abundant outpouring of mercy and grace.  I don't expect it.
If I start to dream, and pray with expectation that you will do abundantly more that I can even ask or imagine, I feel I will risk living in a state of disappointment rather than awe and wonder.
Am I crazy?
What do you want me to do about this?
I know you never want me to live out of fear.  And I know you want me to see how big, good, and trustworthy you are. 
And I do.
But, when I lack faith/belief that healings occurred (occur) because it threatens my rational understanding of you - how is that limiting me?
You know what my desire is before I say it.  Why would you choose to act on something merely because I was diligent in my effort to bring it up to you?
That just makes me mad.  And confused.
Because it makes me wonder why you would act on one thing BECAUSE of a person's prayer - but then not act on other things, in spite of faithful, trusting, persistent, heartfelt prayer.
That doesn't feel like a good father.
So, of course I avoid digging too deeply into this topic because I like my current strategy.
But, I do feel like you're tapping me on the shoulder and gently asking me to see how my self protection is limiting what you have for me and how I can push into this a bit.

There you have it.  I warned you.  I pretty much question God constantly.  And I argue a bit.  And He is always faithful to allow me to wrestle.  He meets my questioning with love and gentleness. 
Maybe I'll keep sharing some of my journal entries.   I'm pushing into this prayer thing and opening myself up to whatever God is revealing.
I will say that I didn't lead my group through the topic that was uninspiring.  Instead I switched gears and we talked about what our lives could look like if we lived without fear.  I didn't avoid a "hard topic".  I just chose to share something that was energizing and inspiring me.  It was a great conversation.

Is God a mean jerk?

I don't normally do this when reading the bible, but today I actually googled whether a story included in Acts 5 is historically true.
It's the story of Ananias and Sapphira.
I was reading a few things on the google, going down that rabbit hole of opinion, research, data. 
And that's when I realized it didn't really matter to me if it was an historically accurate account of events or a legend, a myth, a story. 
I'm curious if it really happened. 
But, the better question couldn't be silenced. 
The better question kept creeping into my mind as I searched for historical proof of the event.
That better question is: How am I like Ananias and Sapphira and what can I learn from this story?
That question quickly draws me to the holy spirit and reveals things that convict my heart.  It makes me think about my motivation for doing things and about whether I'm honest with God. 
Then more questions come. 
Do I sometimes serve because I think it looks like the right thing to do?  Do I present myself to God highlighting my best behavior, trying to impress?  Or am I just myself- honest about the parts that are selfish, greedy, stingy, untrusting?  Do I sometimes find pride in my financial contributions to the church or ministries - even thinking "many people don't give this high of a percentage."
Here's the thing.
Why is this story recorded in Acts?
Why am I reading this 2000 years later?
Is it to have an accurate historical account of exactly what happened in the early church?
Or could it be a way to open up my heart to a better understanding of myself and of God?
Sure, it could be both.
But, if I get stuck in the train of thought that simply searches for proof that this is exactly how an historical event happened, I could miss EVERYTHING!
I believe I could read this same account many times throughout my life and discover something different each time - IF I ask good questions.
Better questions.
God, what do you want me to know? Learn? Hear?
And to take it one question further...
What do you want me to do? Say? Change?
I remember reading this story before and thinking: Is God a mean jerk?  Is God unforgiving? Could there be a side to God that is intolerant of shortcomings?  Isn't God forgiving and good?
Those were the things I was wrestling with at the time.  I wasn't sure if I really could trust God and if he really was good.  So, this story invited me in to wrestle with my doubts and fears. It gave me the opportunity to face these scary questions and to boldly search for answers.
I guess my point is - when reading the bible, I hope I remember to always ask good questions.
Questions that will lead to discovery about myself and how I can grow.
Sanctification is a big word and very "christiany".  I wouldn't normally use it in my every day vocabulary. 
But it just means the process of becoming holy.
I like to think of it as the process of becoming more like Jesus - or more like the person God created me to be.   Getting rid of the crud that's in the way or blocking me from shining in my true identity.
When I read the bible, it's through the lens of sanctification or becoming.
I'll never arrive, this side of eternity.
But I want to always move closer to being holy.  I want to always be growing, changing, transforming, peeling away layers that need to go.  I always want to be getting closer to the me God created.
So, today, that means I ask myself some questions about my heart and generosity and pride.  And I invite my good God to reveal anything that's hindering me from becoming.
And I know my good God.
I know and trust the kindness, grace, and pure love that encompass anything revealed to me.
It's never condemnation.
It's never shame.
It's always an invitation out of darkness and into light.

Advent Hijacked

My brother in law sent an email this week.  He was so moved by God and he wanted to share his thoughts.  It was actually thoughts he had written a couple of years ago in this season leading up to Christmas.
It was a song that made him slow down, even stop what he was doing, and pay attention.
He was flooded with the overwhelming reality of God's love.  He was blown away by the way God invaded his spirit and revealed truth.  The spirit of God took away his anxious thoughts and replaced them with gratitude, peace, praise and worship.
So beautiful.
And, it happened because he slowed down.  He stopped.  He became still.
How much do we miss because we have been lured by our enemy into busy, frantic, over-scheduled, anxious lives?
And how crafty is our enemy that we would spend the season of advent in a blur of non stop activity?  Most of us overwhelmed because we know we will never get everything done.  We are left with a gnawing feeling of regret and dissatisfaction.
Isn't there always one more person I could find a gift for?  Isn't there always one more incredibly worthy organization I could donate to, volunteer for, pray for?  Isn't there always one more tradition I could implement with my family so that treasured memories are created?
All good stuff - worthy of my thoughts and energy.
But, then I was listening to a podcast this week about our celebrations this time of year and how we came up with Advent.
The Celtics preceded the Christians in celebrating this time of year.  They acknowledged a time of darkness leading up to the winter solstice.  Christians related to this spiritually.  We waited in darkness for the light of the world to come.  So, we started to celebrate the birth of Jesus during this time.
Advent was to reflect the time of waiting, resting, knowing the days are long and dark, but anticipating the great light that would come!
So, each week one candle would be lit, until finally all of the candles were glowing and bringing light.
Celebration!
The end of waiting in the dark.
Remembering the gift that came into our world for us to experience eternal life, freedom, forgiveness, joy.  It's such a beautiful and simple celebration.
As in the Celtic tradition, we put up lights to cut through the darkest months of the calendar year to remind ourselves that the light comes.  And, we never get to Christmas, or the winter solstice, without first going through the dark months.  God created our seasons with a rhythm.  We never stay in a season of extended hours of light...it's a season.  And we never stay in a season of extended hours of darkness...it's a season.
Advent.
What a beautiful celebration.  Designed for us to acknowledge the natural rhythm of the earth, and to slow down and spend more time in reflection.  A time to rest in the certainty of our faith.  A time to receive the gifts we've been promised.  A time to anticipate and dream.
Wow.
Our enemy has completely hijacked Advent.  If it's not consumerism, which has reached nauseating levels of distraction, then it's frenetic activity like baking, prepping for parties, decorating, sending cards, hiding elves, finding the right sweater, etc.
And if you aren't busy, you're likely to experience feelings of loneliness and isolation and even depression as you compare your life to the seemingly full and exciting lives of those around you.
And, that's legit.  Because most all of the traditions and activities are good!  And feeling left out of the celebrating is not good.  But, man, the enemy has a way of stealing joy and peace.
Well, I personally choose to spend some time quietly resting in the dark, with the soft white lights illuminating the room.  Waiting on my God to be the light and the joy and the gifts and the love and the companion I'm desiring.
I pray that my friends can find time to do the same.

Freedom

The truth is too good for us to grasp. 
The good news is so good - we can't wrap our heads around it.
Grace is so radical and inclusive - we don't know how to speak of it.
John 8
32 You shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free
36 If the son sets you free, you are free indeed
Freedom is so outrageous, it might scare us a little.
Because, deep down, we're more comfortable as slaves.
We understand the boundaries of slavery.
As slaves, we have something to blame outside of ourselves.
We might be slaves to an institution with rules, boundaries, laws and clear lines we can't cross.
We might be slaves to things that repress us like the desire for approval, the desire for comfort and security, the desire to avoid hard things, etc.
We might be slaves to self, selfishness, self promotion and self preservation.
Freedom?
Freedom is a bit scary.
Where are the boundaries?
What are the rules and laws?
How do we know when too much is too much?
How do we measure if things are fair and just?
How do we maintain order and control?
How do we rule, govern, decide what's right/wrong, in/out, acceptable/unacceptable?
We don't.
We submit control to our King.  And we live FREE.
We don't get to control, judge, govern, and create the boundaries.
We live by the law of this Free Kingdom.
The law is this: Love.
That's it.
Love God.
Love Others.
Love God - respect, honor, submit to Him as good and trustworthy.
Love Others - treat every person as you would want them to treat you.
Freedom.
It's too beautiful for us.
We're drawn to slavery.
We want clear lines so we can judge ourselves and others.
Freedom is messy.
It requires more from us!
It's bigger.  It's outrageous.  It's love beyond our comprehension.
It stretches our hearts and minds to our limits, then asks us to stretch more.
Sin is when we choose slavery over freedom.
When we don't trust in freedom, but instead trust in something else.
I want FREEDOM.
I was created for it and the deepest part of me longs for it.
It's challenging and scary.  It's expansive.  It requires more of me.  It stretches my heart and mind.
I'm up for the challenge.

Dark Matter, Mystery and Faith

It really is interesting how much of the universe is made up of dark matter. According to Wikipedia, dark matter constitutes 84.5% of total mass, while dark energy plus dark matter constitutes 95.1% of total mass-energy content!  Dark matter has not been directly observed, possibly being made up of some undiscovered subatomic particles. The name refers to the fact that it does not appear to interact with observable electromagnetic radiation such as light, thus it's invisible or "dark". 

Interesting that in 1 John 1:5 God is referred to as light...and in him there is no darkness at all.

There are other scriptures that refer to God as the light or that contrast light as good and dark as evil or bad.  Some scripture refers to "the world" as being dark and in contrast to the light.

If we can only see, observe, witness about 5% of the universe, and the other 95% is unobservable to us, I'm not surprised that his world is referred to as dark and being ruled by dark.

What does that mean?  There is so much mystery...how dare we ever conclude that we have it all figured out?! We, as Christians, read our holy text of scripture to help us grasp an understanding of our creator, creation, love, plans and purposes, right and wrong, good and evil, hope for the future, and discovery of the past.  All well and good.  But, just as the universe is always expanding and growing and is comprised of 95% mysterious energy and matter, shouldn't we hold our truth in this light?  And how utterly moronic to attempt to describe such deep mystery in simplistic and even formulaic ways, as if it's all a simple equation we have figured out.  The equation gives us a sense of control I guess. We can do this.  We can, by our effort or mental acquiescence, be certain of our place in the universe.  Oh, and everyone else can to.  They just need to simply agree with us, repeat a prayer stating their agreement, and they can be certain too. Done!

Really?

Where's the mystery?  Have we left any room for honest contemplation , discovery, uncertainty, wonder?

The observable universe certainly is wondrous, beautiful, miraculous, complex, disturbing, perplexing, and an endless curiosity.  And, I do believe in our creator God written about in scripture.  And I do believe in the incarnation.  I believe Jesus the Christ was fully man and fully God. I do believe in the awesome mystery of the perfect relationship found in the Father, son and holy spirit.  I believe that Jesus gave us hope by overcoming the power of death through his literal bodily resurrection. I believe these things are truth, light, goodness and hope.  And I love the words recorded in our scriptures that help me draw closer to these truths.

But, I also allow for the fact that it's highly unlikely that my little realm of consciousness and collection of matter stuffed into my cranium contains all truth, certainty, and the language to describe it. I mean, come on! It seems I should have way more questions than answers.  And I do.  And I'm OK with that.  May I never stop questioning, searching, growing, learning, seeking!

Sure, scripture states that faith is being sure of what you hope for; certain of what you do not see...

And that is exactly what my faith is - a leap - beyond reason - to another realm.  That realm isn't comprised of facts, data, and measurable proof that a thing I believe is true.  That realm is a spiritual experience. Words can't describe it completely.  Just like we try to describe the miracle of the Trinity in words and we struggle.  Some things are spiritual.  A mystery.  An experience. Invisible. Unseen.

The universe is a mystery.  My existence, my consciousness, my spirit is a mystery. Life is a mystery.

Yet, I have experienced things that can never be explained away.  Love.  Hope.  Peace. Compassion.  Forgiveness.  And these are good. And so I believe in good. And I believe in love, hope and peace.  And I want others to experience more of these good things.

That's why I believe we should be sharing the Good News about Jesus and love and faith and hope and peace and reconciliation and forgiveness and wonder and mystery.

But, WOW. When I hear someone who claims to share my worldview and my faith in this beautiful Christ, and I hear judgment, shame, certainty, and a formula or equation that somehow guarantees freedom....I don't get it.  Where is the wonder, mystery, and space for God to be God?

I hope I never lose my wonder.  I can handle the paradox and the tension of having faith and holding it with certainty, while being wide open to the mystery that is unknown.