Grace and Love

 I do think I have spent a lot of time being hard on myself and expecting better and more.  Reading through my old journal and seeing so many "forgive me..." statements - often claiming to be selfish, impatient, judgmental, lazy, etc.  

But those terms don't feel right.  They seem like categories that invoke shame.  I am selfish.  I am lazy.  etc.  When really I simply desire for more compassion, love and forgiveness in my spirit.

As I contemplate grace, I'm not sure it can impact me in the same way unless I have some awareness of not deserving or earning it.

So, in that way, when I reflect on my shortcomings, it makes grace all the more beautiful, mysterious, and appreciated.

Your love is....it just is...it is in me, all around me, everywhere, in all things.  It doesn't wait to be earned or deserved.  It can't.  It just is...

That fills me up, lifts me up, and helps me to operate from love.  The more I practice, the more I will shine love as a natural reaction to simply being alive. 

I do find it puzzling that we have to work so hard to simply exist in the reality of love.  It's in us, all around us, in others, and is available endlessly.  But, so many people do not experience it at all or struggle to connect with it.  Even I, seeking more, believing, knowing, need to focus moment by moment to the pull away from love and the action required to surrender to love.  It's weird.  How are we so removed from the goodness and wholeness we were created with?  We learn to be separate I guess?  We learn to fear, be defensive, self protect, self promote, and to judge, divide, oppress, or find ways to elevate ourselves.  

But love restores, redeems, heals.  That means we get to carry the power of love into the world, bringing healing and restoration.  But we need to choose to carry that power.  Otherwise, we simply join the forces that cause pain, trauma, division, and unforgiveness.