Today I was reading in Matthew 26 about Judas betraying Jesus.
We all know the story.
He sells Jesus out for 30 pieces of silver.
It's so easy to sit here and judge him in disgust wondering how he could be sitting at a table with GOD in the flesh, as one of the chosen 12 who got to spend the most time with him, yet he dreams up a way to use it to get what he really wants!
He decides money is more valuable than the relationship he has with Jesus!
What? How can he be so evil, so selfish, so foolish?
Wait.
Don't we all do that?
YES!
It's easy to point the finger at the lowlife Judas who is clearly a foolish, selfish, money hungry idiot.
But I would argue that I do not know one single person who couldn't be or hasn't been lured into the same trap.
We are buried so deep in this trap here in America that we can't even see the light of day to even know we are buried in it!
We have decided that we are "blessed" by stuff. Many in the church in America have considered us "favored" by God as a nation. How so? We are powerful and wealthy.
Really?
I never recall Jesus saying "Come, follow me and I will give you the American dream complete with a cozy home and a secure future including retirement."
That's all Judas wanted.
Think about it. Those disciples gave up literally EVERYTHING to follow Jesus. Their families, livelihoods, homes. Everything. And here Jesus is telling them that he's about to be slaughtered.
So, Judas probably figures it's gonna happen anyways - and he's going to be left with NOTHING! Why not simply speed things up and get a little something to start over with?
He has nothing.
We cannot comprehend that. We, as Americans, love to invite Jesus into our lives to "bless" us. It's unthinkable that we would be homeless, without work, without family, without a known future, and we would be able to kick back and simply enjoy being in the presence of Jesus - trusting that He will guide.
But that's what we expect Judas to do.
We expect Jesus to be enough for him when we know dang well he's not enough for us.
So, today as I read about Judas, I still think he is a total fool and am disgusted by his betrayal. But today, I'm able to see that I am that same fool.
Jesus offers me everything. Yet, I continually pursue my own desires and just want to add him in where he conveniently fits.
I'm so deeply buried in this trap of consumerism, comfort, security, and entitlement that I even boast to Jesus when I occasionally manage to trust him or to act generously or selflessly.
As if I'm impressing him.
Ludicrous.
About Me
- Superstar
- I'm not really a superstar, except maybe to my husband, who I happen to be deeply in love with. My life: Discovering, growing, evolving, learning to live and love like Jesus, and accepting invitations to adventure along the way.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
I am hot-headed!
Deep Breath.
It's hard for me to share sometimes because I have a tendency towards sarcasm. When I get fired up about something, it is my nature to be short tempered and loose lipped.
I don't usually want to share my thoughts because while I'm fired up because I'm not sure I am able to dialogue or even express myself lovingly.
My head literally gets hot.
I'm hot-headed! It's not just a figurative expression!!
But, I know God created me that way.
I need God's loving grace to envelop me, so that I am able to share my burning heart in a loving way - not in a hot headed way.
Because when I wait until I cool down, it's like I have suppressed my thoughts until they are lukewarm. And I know Jesus says he could spit that right out. He would rather have me hot or cold.
On that note...I did wait a day before expressing my thoughts.
Yesterday I was listening, as my usual weekly habit, to my Greg Boyd sermon from Woodland Hills Church. They are doing a series on the book of Revelation.
I was on the treadmill while listening. And that's a good thing. Because I was getting so pumped up!
If I'm honest, the flame that was being stoked was the issue that arose this week regarding World Vision and their decision to employ someone which caused others to stop supporting their organization. That was the underlying, flickering flame. I was trying not to stoke it into an inferno that would drive me to breathe fire of judgment and condemnation on people!
So, even though this sermon didn't have anything directly to do with this issue, I could clearly tell the issue was like kindling waiting to be inflamed.
Anywho.
Here is a link to the sermon.
Here is a brief description of the topic. There are so many people in love with their own theology and I wish they would listen to this.
Today, I wrote this to Jesus in my journal. Cuz that's what I do.
Jesus, thank you for teaching that illuminates. Because otherwise, I would throw it all out!
I simply am NOT interested in a "religion" of judgement, condemnation, guilt, finger pointing, self righteousness, greed, violence and hate.
Nor am I interested in a "religion" of apathy, tradition, rituals, canned answers, pointless rules, or hypocrisy.
I choose to believe in you, Lord.
To believe. To put my trust in you. My very life.
Because, as I understand you and your word, that is my only option.
If I could count on myself and my own judgement, my own righteousness, my own understanding - what would I need YOU for?
If I have it all figured out, then I have no need for surrender, humility, or loving my enemies.
Why would I bother with that when I can have control, certainty, all the answers, and the justification to then judge and condemn those who don't?
Ah. That's easier. At least that way I am in control.
If I actually put YOU in control, completely, then I don't get to be the accuser. I am only your servant.
But, I choose you, Jesus.
And, what is it that YOU commanded of me?
Love God
Love Others
Go and make disciples
OK.
Got it.
What else?
What do YOU suggest I do?
turn the other cheek
forgive
love my enemies
love those who persecute me
be the light of the world
be known for my love
give to the needy
pray
store up treasure in heaven
put others first and myself last
serve others
OK.
And what is it that YOU advise me not to do?
worry
criticize others
judge others
retaliate
lie or break vows
lust
divorce
hold on to anger
look down on others
exalt myself
be a hypocrite
try to figure out the time of your return
reject you.
OK.
Seems pretty clear.
It's so crystal clear and that's why I get so dang annoyed when people hate, judge, criticize, retaliate, and hold on to anger in YOUR NAME! They want to claim it is somehow honoring to you?!
What? When? Where? How?
How did we ever come up with the idea that any of that is OK, let alone glorifying to You?
In the garden I guess. When we decided you weren't trustworthy and we could be like you. SO, now we get to judge, condemn, exalt ourselves, and be like God.
What religion is THAT?
Jesus, I'm yours.
I will surrender to you and gladly submit to your commands and suggestions for living a life that honors you.
I will fall short.
Because I am not you.
I am a sinner who NEEDS you.
And when I become self righteous and decide you aren't enough and when I become selfish and decide my ways are better for me, I will STOP and start over.
And when I see others who seem to be carrying out all kinds of action you advised against - and doing it in YOUR name - I will humbly bow before YOU and ask you to help me love them.
Because I don't know how.
Only through your grace can I love.
Transform me.
You never commissioned me to judge, condemn, or ridicule. You called me to love, point to you, be a disciple, and make disciples.
And to that I am eternally committed.
It's hard for me to share sometimes because I have a tendency towards sarcasm. When I get fired up about something, it is my nature to be short tempered and loose lipped.
I don't usually want to share my thoughts because while I'm fired up because I'm not sure I am able to dialogue or even express myself lovingly.
My head literally gets hot.
I'm hot-headed! It's not just a figurative expression!!
But, I know God created me that way.
I need God's loving grace to envelop me, so that I am able to share my burning heart in a loving way - not in a hot headed way.
Because when I wait until I cool down, it's like I have suppressed my thoughts until they are lukewarm. And I know Jesus says he could spit that right out. He would rather have me hot or cold.
On that note...I did wait a day before expressing my thoughts.
Yesterday I was listening, as my usual weekly habit, to my Greg Boyd sermon from Woodland Hills Church. They are doing a series on the book of Revelation.
I was on the treadmill while listening. And that's a good thing. Because I was getting so pumped up!
If I'm honest, the flame that was being stoked was the issue that arose this week regarding World Vision and their decision to employ someone which caused others to stop supporting their organization. That was the underlying, flickering flame. I was trying not to stoke it into an inferno that would drive me to breathe fire of judgment and condemnation on people!
So, even though this sermon didn't have anything directly to do with this issue, I could clearly tell the issue was like kindling waiting to be inflamed.
Anywho.
Here is a link to the sermon.
Here is a brief description of the topic. There are so many people in love with their own theology and I wish they would listen to this.
In our contemporary Christianity, there is a pervasive view that God acts violently during the end times. But this view stands in contradiction to the Cross and Jesus’ teachings to love our neighbors. In this sermon, Greg shows how God does not act violently in Revelation and instead shows how lamb-like love wins.
Today, I wrote this to Jesus in my journal. Cuz that's what I do.
Jesus, thank you for teaching that illuminates. Because otherwise, I would throw it all out!
I simply am NOT interested in a "religion" of judgement, condemnation, guilt, finger pointing, self righteousness, greed, violence and hate.
Nor am I interested in a "religion" of apathy, tradition, rituals, canned answers, pointless rules, or hypocrisy.
I choose to believe in you, Lord.
To believe. To put my trust in you. My very life.
Because, as I understand you and your word, that is my only option.
If I could count on myself and my own judgement, my own righteousness, my own understanding - what would I need YOU for?
If I have it all figured out, then I have no need for surrender, humility, or loving my enemies.
Why would I bother with that when I can have control, certainty, all the answers, and the justification to then judge and condemn those who don't?
Ah. That's easier. At least that way I am in control.
If I actually put YOU in control, completely, then I don't get to be the accuser. I am only your servant.
But, I choose you, Jesus.
And, what is it that YOU commanded of me?
Love God
Love Others
Go and make disciples
OK.
Got it.
What else?
What do YOU suggest I do?
turn the other cheek
forgive
love my enemies
love those who persecute me
be the light of the world
be known for my love
give to the needy
pray
store up treasure in heaven
put others first and myself last
serve others
OK.
And what is it that YOU advise me not to do?
worry
criticize others
judge others
retaliate
lie or break vows
lust
divorce
hold on to anger
look down on others
exalt myself
be a hypocrite
try to figure out the time of your return
reject you.
OK.
Seems pretty clear.
It's so crystal clear and that's why I get so dang annoyed when people hate, judge, criticize, retaliate, and hold on to anger in YOUR NAME! They want to claim it is somehow honoring to you?!
What? When? Where? How?
How did we ever come up with the idea that any of that is OK, let alone glorifying to You?
In the garden I guess. When we decided you weren't trustworthy and we could be like you. SO, now we get to judge, condemn, exalt ourselves, and be like God.
What religion is THAT?
Jesus, I'm yours.
I will surrender to you and gladly submit to your commands and suggestions for living a life that honors you.
I will fall short.
Because I am not you.
I am a sinner who NEEDS you.
And when I become self righteous and decide you aren't enough and when I become selfish and decide my ways are better for me, I will STOP and start over.
And when I see others who seem to be carrying out all kinds of action you advised against - and doing it in YOUR name - I will humbly bow before YOU and ask you to help me love them.
Because I don't know how.
Only through your grace can I love.
Transform me.
You never commissioned me to judge, condemn, or ridicule. You called me to love, point to you, be a disciple, and make disciples.
And to that I am eternally committed.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
What? I'm a self righteous jerk?
It's all quite simple. Not easy, but simple.
Bear with me if you'd like to hear how I am a self righteous jerk.
Here's the thing. Jesus wants ALL of you. In complete surrender to him, your JOY can be complete. He can miraculously transform pain into peace and even joy. Out of that peace and joy it is only natural to then desire to continue surrendering to him as Lord. Boss. Leader.
Once you taste the sweetness of his grace (undeserved love), you eagerly turn to him and ask how you can serve him, know him, bring him glory, and bring others closer to what you have with him. It's an overflow of love!
Love received. Love that transforms and transcends. Love that fills you so completely, it pours out!
It's radical.
You want to give up every thing that is not pleasing to your Lord, because you don't want anything to get in the way of this amazing love relationship.
It's so fulfilling and real, you know you found the real deal and don't have to keep seeking fulfillment with stuff you were before. Like relationships with other people, approval, achievement, status, security, fun or just numbing yourself with overindulgence, overwork, until you feel temporarily filled and satisfied.
With Jesus, it isn't temporary! It doesn't fade away. It never does. It is a love so deep and real and trustworthy that there isn't any other love to compare it to. It's undeserved, unearned, unchangeable, and never ending.
So, even though you can't lose it by slacking off and choosing things that don't honor Jesus, you never want to purposely do that because you bask in his crazy love for you and want nothing more than to somehow give some of that love back to him.
So you ask how?
And all he says is to trust him. To love him. To do his will. To love other people, rather than judging and hating them. To become his disciple by seeking to know him and be more like him, then to make more disciples who make more disciples who will seek him and love him and love others.
PERFECT, RIGHT?
Nope. No matter my good intentions, I mess up. I'm selfish, judging, self indulgent, self righteous. And, I'd love to say it's only occasional, but it is daily! UGH!
So, every day I humble myself before my perfect Jesus, admit my yuck, ask him to forgive me and transform me.
And, there he is!
He waits for me to acknowledge my yuck, he comforts me with that undeserved love which is grace. And, if I welcome him to do so, he challenges me towards action. Sometimes small, other times big.
And I love spending time with him just mulling that over. Questioning if he thinks I'm capable of what he asks. Finding out that he does believe I am capable. Doubting myself. Doubting him. Over thinking. Getting frustrated. Sometimes walking away from Him, sometimes trusting and surrendering.
But the crazy cool thing is, HE NEVER CHANGES.
Never ever ever.
But I do! Somehow, through this, some of the things I struggle with and confess become things I leave behind. Sometimes they lose their hold on me completely and I find I don't even have a desire for them. Most times it's more subtle. But, I change!
I become more like him!
SQUEEEEEEL!
Are you kidding? More like Jesus? ME?!? That is my dream come true!
And it is my dream for every living soul!
If I ever express this crazy love of mine in a way that is self righteous, judgemental, unloving or just plain stupid, please blame me and not Jesus.
He's perfect and unchanging and so dang awesome.
IF you get to know him, I guarantee you will be smitten like I am.
It's just that us fanatics who love Jesus are flawed and human. In our excitement to spread this crazy love, we seem to do strange things like judge others, or argue to a point where others understand that we believe being RIGHT is more important than being LOVING.
I personally had to spend a good chunk of time with Jesus today talking about how unloving I feel towards other people who claim to trust, love and follow him, but act like self righteous jerks!
Man! Nothing gets me more frustrated, pumped up, and ready for a rumble!
That's when I saw his face smiling at me.
I'm like "What?!" (those of you who know me, you know my sassy tone)
And I realized that I am a self righteous jerk too, and I'm no better than anyone else, and I need to stop pointing the finger and just hang out with Jesus and love.
He calmed my fighting thoughts.
He calmly suggested that I hand over my plan to attack and belittle and shoot down a fellow believer who I have issues with.
Ohh, it's hard. I have lots of great ammo and the energy to attack.
But, that's just stupid. Thanks for the reminder Jesus. It scares me to think of what I would do without you!
Bear with me if you'd like to hear how I am a self righteous jerk.
Here's the thing. Jesus wants ALL of you. In complete surrender to him, your JOY can be complete. He can miraculously transform pain into peace and even joy. Out of that peace and joy it is only natural to then desire to continue surrendering to him as Lord. Boss. Leader.
Once you taste the sweetness of his grace (undeserved love), you eagerly turn to him and ask how you can serve him, know him, bring him glory, and bring others closer to what you have with him. It's an overflow of love!
Love received. Love that transforms and transcends. Love that fills you so completely, it pours out!
It's radical.
You want to give up every thing that is not pleasing to your Lord, because you don't want anything to get in the way of this amazing love relationship.
It's so fulfilling and real, you know you found the real deal and don't have to keep seeking fulfillment with stuff you were before. Like relationships with other people, approval, achievement, status, security, fun or just numbing yourself with overindulgence, overwork, until you feel temporarily filled and satisfied.
With Jesus, it isn't temporary! It doesn't fade away. It never does. It is a love so deep and real and trustworthy that there isn't any other love to compare it to. It's undeserved, unearned, unchangeable, and never ending.
So, even though you can't lose it by slacking off and choosing things that don't honor Jesus, you never want to purposely do that because you bask in his crazy love for you and want nothing more than to somehow give some of that love back to him.
So you ask how?
And all he says is to trust him. To love him. To do his will. To love other people, rather than judging and hating them. To become his disciple by seeking to know him and be more like him, then to make more disciples who make more disciples who will seek him and love him and love others.
PERFECT, RIGHT?
Nope. No matter my good intentions, I mess up. I'm selfish, judging, self indulgent, self righteous. And, I'd love to say it's only occasional, but it is daily! UGH!
So, every day I humble myself before my perfect Jesus, admit my yuck, ask him to forgive me and transform me.
And, there he is!
He waits for me to acknowledge my yuck, he comforts me with that undeserved love which is grace. And, if I welcome him to do so, he challenges me towards action. Sometimes small, other times big.
And I love spending time with him just mulling that over. Questioning if he thinks I'm capable of what he asks. Finding out that he does believe I am capable. Doubting myself. Doubting him. Over thinking. Getting frustrated. Sometimes walking away from Him, sometimes trusting and surrendering.
But the crazy cool thing is, HE NEVER CHANGES.
Never ever ever.
But I do! Somehow, through this, some of the things I struggle with and confess become things I leave behind. Sometimes they lose their hold on me completely and I find I don't even have a desire for them. Most times it's more subtle. But, I change!
I become more like him!
SQUEEEEEEL!
Are you kidding? More like Jesus? ME?!? That is my dream come true!
And it is my dream for every living soul!
If I ever express this crazy love of mine in a way that is self righteous, judgemental, unloving or just plain stupid, please blame me and not Jesus.
He's perfect and unchanging and so dang awesome.
IF you get to know him, I guarantee you will be smitten like I am.
It's just that us fanatics who love Jesus are flawed and human. In our excitement to spread this crazy love, we seem to do strange things like judge others, or argue to a point where others understand that we believe being RIGHT is more important than being LOVING.
I personally had to spend a good chunk of time with Jesus today talking about how unloving I feel towards other people who claim to trust, love and follow him, but act like self righteous jerks!
Man! Nothing gets me more frustrated, pumped up, and ready for a rumble!
That's when I saw his face smiling at me.
I'm like "What?!" (those of you who know me, you know my sassy tone)
And I realized that I am a self righteous jerk too, and I'm no better than anyone else, and I need to stop pointing the finger and just hang out with Jesus and love.
He calmed my fighting thoughts.
He calmly suggested that I hand over my plan to attack and belittle and shoot down a fellow believer who I have issues with.
Ohh, it's hard. I have lots of great ammo and the energy to attack.
But, that's just stupid. Thanks for the reminder Jesus. It scares me to think of what I would do without you!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
It's just not fair!
Reading my bible this morning.
I have been in the habit of reading one section from the Old Testament, followed by a section from the New Testament daily. It helps me to keep an overarching theme to what I read.
Today I had these thoughts.
If it's "fair" I'm looking for, I guess I won't exactly find it in the bible.
WOW! What a desire for justice I have in my heart. But do I really want justice? For me? Or would I prefer grace and mercy for myself?
Reading Genesis 28:10-22 about God blessing Jacob. Well, not only did Jacob trick his Dad Issac and betray his brother Esau, but even in this passage, he basically tells God he will do what he is being called to do...IF....God provides protection and provision for his journey. He doesn't appear to simply obey. There are contingencies.
Then I flip to Matthew 14. John the Baptist is in prison. And he does not appear to be resisting or anything. Here he is, a servant, a prophet who spent his entire life being misunderstood and persecuted while remaining obedient to his Father God. And what happens? Herod chops his head off and his disciples drag his headless body to be buried somewhere.
Fair? Not at all!
Why do I feel things should be fair? I read these two contrasting stories and can't help but think Jacob deserved the beheading more than John the Baptist.
And, it's so matter-of-fact in the way the event of the beheading is told. There is no perspective from the prison cell. What must John have been thinking?? Did he feel betrayed? Jesus was walking around healing people, performing miracles, and John is locked up in prison. Where was Jesus? Why didn't he go and rescue John? Why? What's fair about that? Doesn't even make sense. Aren't the good guys supposed to win? Why does Herod win this one?
That's the thing. The bible is not a book of happy stories. It's not a book filled with stories about the good guys winning. It's crazy and messed up and unpredictable and often disappointing and confusing.
Just like the world we live in!
Part of me doesn't like reading the bible. It's true. I find myself confused and disappointed because it seems so random. Sometimes I see radical mercy and grace, other times I see radical judgement, and often times I see what appears to be arbitrary events that do not align with any specific law or reason.
Again, sounds a lot like life! The world we live in.
I guess it's good that the bible reflects the actual world we live in, rather than a fairy tale.
But, it can be disturbing.
Here's what I think today. I want to see justice. I want to see the bad guys getting paid back for their wrongs. And I want to see the good guys getting the rewards they deserve.
But, the kingdom of God is often upside down!
After all, if I really want justice, then I would get eternal separation from God because I simply can't overcome my sinful nature and be "good enough" for him. So, I would be getting my just penalty of separation from God, if all were "just".
Instead, God offers grace. An undeserved gift to me. I can't be "good enough" to deserve it. I can't. It is simply His love offering. And, if I want this gift for myself, I need to be willing to accept that this gift is extended to everyone. Good guys, and bad guys.
And, I need to let go of some of the things that appear inconsistent and random when it comes to justice. God's plan is bigger than mine.
I can't figure it all out.
It may not seem like things aren't "fair".
And they aren't.
Because if things were "fair" we would all be damned and destroyed. That's what we deserve.
And I believe that evil is at work and contributes to the apparent randomness of many events.
I will choose to believe Romans 8:28 "And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the GOOD of those who love him..."
Yep, I said I will CHOOSE to believe this. That's what it boils down to. A choice. Faith. I do believe that God can and will work ALL THINGS for good. That doesn't mean I think all things are good. No, this world is crawling with evil and we all have free will. But, God can work good out of anything.
And that's just not fair! Which, I have to admit, is fine with me.
I have been in the habit of reading one section from the Old Testament, followed by a section from the New Testament daily. It helps me to keep an overarching theme to what I read.
Today I had these thoughts.
If it's "fair" I'm looking for, I guess I won't exactly find it in the bible.
WOW! What a desire for justice I have in my heart. But do I really want justice? For me? Or would I prefer grace and mercy for myself?
Reading Genesis 28:10-22 about God blessing Jacob. Well, not only did Jacob trick his Dad Issac and betray his brother Esau, but even in this passage, he basically tells God he will do what he is being called to do...IF....God provides protection and provision for his journey. He doesn't appear to simply obey. There are contingencies.
Then I flip to Matthew 14. John the Baptist is in prison. And he does not appear to be resisting or anything. Here he is, a servant, a prophet who spent his entire life being misunderstood and persecuted while remaining obedient to his Father God. And what happens? Herod chops his head off and his disciples drag his headless body to be buried somewhere.
Fair? Not at all!
Why do I feel things should be fair? I read these two contrasting stories and can't help but think Jacob deserved the beheading more than John the Baptist.
And, it's so matter-of-fact in the way the event of the beheading is told. There is no perspective from the prison cell. What must John have been thinking?? Did he feel betrayed? Jesus was walking around healing people, performing miracles, and John is locked up in prison. Where was Jesus? Why didn't he go and rescue John? Why? What's fair about that? Doesn't even make sense. Aren't the good guys supposed to win? Why does Herod win this one?
That's the thing. The bible is not a book of happy stories. It's not a book filled with stories about the good guys winning. It's crazy and messed up and unpredictable and often disappointing and confusing.
Just like the world we live in!
Part of me doesn't like reading the bible. It's true. I find myself confused and disappointed because it seems so random. Sometimes I see radical mercy and grace, other times I see radical judgement, and often times I see what appears to be arbitrary events that do not align with any specific law or reason.
Again, sounds a lot like life! The world we live in.
I guess it's good that the bible reflects the actual world we live in, rather than a fairy tale.
But, it can be disturbing.
Here's what I think today. I want to see justice. I want to see the bad guys getting paid back for their wrongs. And I want to see the good guys getting the rewards they deserve.
But, the kingdom of God is often upside down!
After all, if I really want justice, then I would get eternal separation from God because I simply can't overcome my sinful nature and be "good enough" for him. So, I would be getting my just penalty of separation from God, if all were "just".
Instead, God offers grace. An undeserved gift to me. I can't be "good enough" to deserve it. I can't. It is simply His love offering. And, if I want this gift for myself, I need to be willing to accept that this gift is extended to everyone. Good guys, and bad guys.
And, I need to let go of some of the things that appear inconsistent and random when it comes to justice. God's plan is bigger than mine.
I can't figure it all out.
It may not seem like things aren't "fair".
And they aren't.
Because if things were "fair" we would all be damned and destroyed. That's what we deserve.
And I believe that evil is at work and contributes to the apparent randomness of many events.
I will choose to believe Romans 8:28 "And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the GOOD of those who love him..."
Yep, I said I will CHOOSE to believe this. That's what it boils down to. A choice. Faith. I do believe that God can and will work ALL THINGS for good. That doesn't mean I think all things are good. No, this world is crawling with evil and we all have free will. But, God can work good out of anything.
And that's just not fair! Which, I have to admit, is fine with me.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I'm tired of it
I'm really tired.
Tired of the hate, the fear, and the arguing about homosexuality.
I'm tired of the blatant judging, the unloving words and actions, and the fear.
I usually try to stay out of all the controversy and even the conversations on this topic.
I'm not writing this for any other reason than to express that I am tired of it.
I'm not suggesting that I have all the answers to the different questions and concerns.
I do not.
I am a Christian and I DO NOT HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!
I do have some thoughts though.
When we practice hospitality, as the bible suggests, what does that look like? I find it hard to believe that if you are interacting with friends and acquaintances, you are distracted the entire time about their sin. When you are asking them questions and learning more about them, are you thinking "Oh my gosh, this person is a sinner! This person has credit card debt, yet keeps purchasing things, this is clearly the sin of greed and I am so uncomfortable right now.I can hardly have this conversation because I fear that the subject might come up again and I don't know what to say. Should I tell this person I think they are sinning? Should I even be hanging out with them? What if it does come up? Do I have my bible verses memorized and ready to defend why I think greed is a sin? If not, then I should not bring it up. Oh, this is so uncomfortable. I would rather not even hang out with this person!"
Do we do that? Do we have those burning thoughts?
What if the person is overweight. And what if we witness with our own eyes that the person has a plate that is overfull with food. Do we find ourselves thinking "Oh man, this is so awkward. I should probably let this person know that gluttony is a sin. I don't know if I want my kids hanging out in here with this person who clearly doesn't see their behavior as sinful. How am I going to explain to my kids that what this person is doing is wrong and sinful and God hates sin, but God doesn't hate the fat person? I don't like this. Maybe I shouldn't have invited this person. Should I say something? If I don't say something, then am I condoning the sin?"
I could go on and on.
It's unthinkable that I would struggle with those thoughts with every person I am interacting with.
Yet, I know people who struggle with thoughts like this when they are hanging out with someone who is gay. I know some people who wouldn't want to be around a person who is gay because they feel so uncomfortable and don't know what they should say. And they fear that if they don't say something, that could be perceived as condoning the sin. All they can think about is the fact that the person is gay. THAT IS SO STUPID! And I am so sick of it.
I don't have all the answers.
I'm just tired of the hate, the judgement, the fear, the arguing.
And, most of all, I'm tired of people not loving other people, yet feeling righteous and "right" and perfectly comfortable with their judgment and condemnation.
If someone is not in a deep, loving, mutually respectful relationship with the other person, I wish they would consider restraining their urge to point out what they feel is sinful behavior in the person. I wish they would consider how they can show the love of Christ to the person and develop a deep, loving, mutually respectful relationship. At that point, within the context of love and trust, maybe the topic could be discussed. Maybe. It is especially maddening that some feel it is necessary to convince people who do not share their beliefs or faith that what they are doing is wrong and sinful.
There are a lot of Jewish laws that, as a Christian, I do not observe or follow. While living in Brooklyn, I was frequently in the same company with people who observe Jewish customs. Imagine for a moment that one of those people felt a deep conviction that eating pork is wrong because of what the bible has to say about what is clean and unclean to eat. Now imagine if that person approached me, as I munched on my BLT, and began to speak against me as a sinner who was disrespecting God and making a mockery of His word. What? I don't even agree with you that it is wrong! My reaction would be to think "get away from me, you hateful. condemning, judgmental, weirdo!" I would not feel loved or cared about at all.. I would only feel hated and condemned. Yet, some Christians feel the need to express their condemnation to anyone and everyone, without any relationship or trust in place for the person to feel loved and cared about. And, without any regard for what that person believes or thinks.
OK, I do not have the answers.
I do not want to debate any issues about whether being gay is a sin, etc.
I simply want to say that I wish we could ALL learn to be better at LOVING others. I wish we could ALL be better at loving God, accepting His outrageous grace, filling up on His truth and love, and pouring out that same outrageous grace and love to people.
Tired of the hate, the fear, and the arguing about homosexuality.
I'm tired of the blatant judging, the unloving words and actions, and the fear.
I usually try to stay out of all the controversy and even the conversations on this topic.
I'm not writing this for any other reason than to express that I am tired of it.
I'm not suggesting that I have all the answers to the different questions and concerns.
I do not.
I am a Christian and I DO NOT HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!
I do have some thoughts though.
When we practice hospitality, as the bible suggests, what does that look like? I find it hard to believe that if you are interacting with friends and acquaintances, you are distracted the entire time about their sin. When you are asking them questions and learning more about them, are you thinking "Oh my gosh, this person is a sinner! This person has credit card debt, yet keeps purchasing things, this is clearly the sin of greed and I am so uncomfortable right now.I can hardly have this conversation because I fear that the subject might come up again and I don't know what to say. Should I tell this person I think they are sinning? Should I even be hanging out with them? What if it does come up? Do I have my bible verses memorized and ready to defend why I think greed is a sin? If not, then I should not bring it up. Oh, this is so uncomfortable. I would rather not even hang out with this person!"
Do we do that? Do we have those burning thoughts?
What if the person is overweight. And what if we witness with our own eyes that the person has a plate that is overfull with food. Do we find ourselves thinking "Oh man, this is so awkward. I should probably let this person know that gluttony is a sin. I don't know if I want my kids hanging out in here with this person who clearly doesn't see their behavior as sinful. How am I going to explain to my kids that what this person is doing is wrong and sinful and God hates sin, but God doesn't hate the fat person? I don't like this. Maybe I shouldn't have invited this person. Should I say something? If I don't say something, then am I condoning the sin?"
I could go on and on.
It's unthinkable that I would struggle with those thoughts with every person I am interacting with.
Yet, I know people who struggle with thoughts like this when they are hanging out with someone who is gay. I know some people who wouldn't want to be around a person who is gay because they feel so uncomfortable and don't know what they should say. And they fear that if they don't say something, that could be perceived as condoning the sin. All they can think about is the fact that the person is gay. THAT IS SO STUPID! And I am so sick of it.
I don't have all the answers.
I'm just tired of the hate, the judgement, the fear, the arguing.
And, most of all, I'm tired of people not loving other people, yet feeling righteous and "right" and perfectly comfortable with their judgment and condemnation.
If someone is not in a deep, loving, mutually respectful relationship with the other person, I wish they would consider restraining their urge to point out what they feel is sinful behavior in the person. I wish they would consider how they can show the love of Christ to the person and develop a deep, loving, mutually respectful relationship. At that point, within the context of love and trust, maybe the topic could be discussed. Maybe. It is especially maddening that some feel it is necessary to convince people who do not share their beliefs or faith that what they are doing is wrong and sinful.
There are a lot of Jewish laws that, as a Christian, I do not observe or follow. While living in Brooklyn, I was frequently in the same company with people who observe Jewish customs. Imagine for a moment that one of those people felt a deep conviction that eating pork is wrong because of what the bible has to say about what is clean and unclean to eat. Now imagine if that person approached me, as I munched on my BLT, and began to speak against me as a sinner who was disrespecting God and making a mockery of His word. What? I don't even agree with you that it is wrong! My reaction would be to think "get away from me, you hateful. condemning, judgmental, weirdo!" I would not feel loved or cared about at all.. I would only feel hated and condemned. Yet, some Christians feel the need to express their condemnation to anyone and everyone, without any relationship or trust in place for the person to feel loved and cared about. And, without any regard for what that person believes or thinks.
OK, I do not have the answers.
I do not want to debate any issues about whether being gay is a sin, etc.
I simply want to say that I wish we could ALL learn to be better at LOVING others. I wish we could ALL be better at loving God, accepting His outrageous grace, filling up on His truth and love, and pouring out that same outrageous grace and love to people.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
RELAX!
I love when God brings something my way and it hits me from about 3 different sources in 24 hours.
Today I am reminded to stay calm.
My devotional for today is actually entitled "Relax".
It says "How can you fear change when your life is hid with me in God who changeth not - I am the same yesterday, today and forever....you learn poise, soul-balance and poise in a vacillating, changing world."
Immediately after that I read in Matthew 8:24 "Without warning...a furious storm came on the lake...but Jesus was sleeping."
I've heard or read this 100 times. But, for some reason, what hit me is "without warning". In other words, everything seemed to be going along just fine. The disciples were on this crazy adventure with Jesus, but he was leading and telling them what to do and teaching them and the crowds. He gets on the boat, they follow, and presumably the disciples felt relief. Ahhh. No crowds, no people demanding to be healed, no attacks from religious leaders. A break. They could relax and take a breather. But, "without warning" a furious storm came. Not only did it catch them off guard, but, where was Jesus when they needed him? Sleeping!
When they wake him, he says they have little faith.
I don't think he minded being awoken for help. But, I think it was their panicked fear he was addressing. There really is NO place for panic and fear int he Kingdom of God. NONE.
"God does not give us a spirit of fear" (2 Timothy 1:7)
That spirit of fear comes from the enemy. The world. The ruler of this world (Eph 2:2, 6:12). He always wants to replace our peace and joy with fear and panic.
Yesterday, I read in my book "A year of biblical womanhood" (which I am enjoying immensely) a quote from St. Theresa of Avila. It is a mediation:
Let nothing upset you
Let nothing startle you
All things pass
God does not change
Patience wins all it seeks
Whoever has God lacks nothing
God alone is enough.
I am definitely going to be mediating on these words daily!
I'm not currently in a state of fear or panic or distress. But...WITHOUT WARNING, a storm will come. It will. It is promised: "In this world you WILL have trouble" (John 16:33)
What can I do to prepare for the trouble?
Ironically, I can REST. I can RELAX. I can meditate on truth. I can fill my mind and soul with God's word, His truth, and His very spirit!
I can cultivate a gentle spirit (1Peter 3:4) by trusting in the one who never changes. I can extend my roots deeply into the one who is safe, secure, unchanging, true and trustworthy. And, I can stand tall, with my roots planted, and when the storm does come, I can sway and bend...but not break. Maybe I could even find a way to experience joy in the storm as I experience the incredible strength and power of the one who holds me up! And maybe I won't be upset or startled. Not to the depths that I would be if I were running in circles in the storm with my arms flailing, panicked and unsure, searching for my source of peace and stability.
I need to seek my peace and stability DAILY. Not during the storm alone!
Meanwhile, I do boldly pray for protection. From the enemy. From storms that could come my way. And I boldly pray that God could use me to help others who are in a storm. I ask God to bring me into the path of people who need to find His peace and I pray for God to help me see how our lives can intersect and how I can help shine his truth and light by being open, honest, vulnerable, and available with them. Whenever I pray, asking God to bring me people, He does!
It is all His power. His strength. His truth. I'm nothing, really. Just a vessel. Open. Willing to empty myself and be filled by him.
When I can do this, I'm at peace.
When I take my life back and try to approach my days in my own strength, with my own plans, for my own purpose...I'm unsettled. Dissatisfied. Uncertain.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax. Stay Calm.
Thank you God. I missed you.
I was floundering a bit. Stuck in my own heard. Uncertain. Apathetic. Dissatisfied.
That's when it hit me. "IT'S NOT ABOUT ME."
I finally know what my focus needs to be for 2014.
"It's not about me."
Without fail, when I focus on me, my joy and peace are short lived.
When I focus on the unchanging, powerful, all-loving, perfect creator and lover of my soul, I am FULL!
When I focus on the needs of others and ask God how he can use my life to serve, I am FULL!
IT'S. NOT. ABOUT. ME.
Today I am reminded to stay calm.
My devotional for today is actually entitled "Relax".
It says "How can you fear change when your life is hid with me in God who changeth not - I am the same yesterday, today and forever....you learn poise, soul-balance and poise in a vacillating, changing world."
Immediately after that I read in Matthew 8:24 "Without warning...a furious storm came on the lake...but Jesus was sleeping."
I've heard or read this 100 times. But, for some reason, what hit me is "without warning". In other words, everything seemed to be going along just fine. The disciples were on this crazy adventure with Jesus, but he was leading and telling them what to do and teaching them and the crowds. He gets on the boat, they follow, and presumably the disciples felt relief. Ahhh. No crowds, no people demanding to be healed, no attacks from religious leaders. A break. They could relax and take a breather. But, "without warning" a furious storm came. Not only did it catch them off guard, but, where was Jesus when they needed him? Sleeping!
When they wake him, he says they have little faith.
I don't think he minded being awoken for help. But, I think it was their panicked fear he was addressing. There really is NO place for panic and fear int he Kingdom of God. NONE.
"God does not give us a spirit of fear" (2 Timothy 1:7)
That spirit of fear comes from the enemy. The world. The ruler of this world (Eph 2:2, 6:12). He always wants to replace our peace and joy with fear and panic.
Yesterday, I read in my book "A year of biblical womanhood" (which I am enjoying immensely) a quote from St. Theresa of Avila. It is a mediation:
Let nothing upset you
Let nothing startle you
All things pass
God does not change
Patience wins all it seeks
Whoever has God lacks nothing
God alone is enough.
I am definitely going to be mediating on these words daily!
I'm not currently in a state of fear or panic or distress. But...WITHOUT WARNING, a storm will come. It will. It is promised: "In this world you WILL have trouble" (John 16:33)
What can I do to prepare for the trouble?
Ironically, I can REST. I can RELAX. I can meditate on truth. I can fill my mind and soul with God's word, His truth, and His very spirit!
I can cultivate a gentle spirit (1Peter 3:4) by trusting in the one who never changes. I can extend my roots deeply into the one who is safe, secure, unchanging, true and trustworthy. And, I can stand tall, with my roots planted, and when the storm does come, I can sway and bend...but not break. Maybe I could even find a way to experience joy in the storm as I experience the incredible strength and power of the one who holds me up! And maybe I won't be upset or startled. Not to the depths that I would be if I were running in circles in the storm with my arms flailing, panicked and unsure, searching for my source of peace and stability.
I need to seek my peace and stability DAILY. Not during the storm alone!
Meanwhile, I do boldly pray for protection. From the enemy. From storms that could come my way. And I boldly pray that God could use me to help others who are in a storm. I ask God to bring me into the path of people who need to find His peace and I pray for God to help me see how our lives can intersect and how I can help shine his truth and light by being open, honest, vulnerable, and available with them. Whenever I pray, asking God to bring me people, He does!
It is all His power. His strength. His truth. I'm nothing, really. Just a vessel. Open. Willing to empty myself and be filled by him.
When I can do this, I'm at peace.
When I take my life back and try to approach my days in my own strength, with my own plans, for my own purpose...I'm unsettled. Dissatisfied. Uncertain.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax. Stay Calm.
Thank you God. I missed you.
I was floundering a bit. Stuck in my own heard. Uncertain. Apathetic. Dissatisfied.
That's when it hit me. "IT'S NOT ABOUT ME."
I finally know what my focus needs to be for 2014.
"It's not about me."
Without fail, when I focus on me, my joy and peace are short lived.
When I focus on the unchanging, powerful, all-loving, perfect creator and lover of my soul, I am FULL!
When I focus on the needs of others and ask God how he can use my life to serve, I am FULL!
IT'S. NOT. ABOUT. ME.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Judge your own self!
For the past 6 or 7 years, I have been meditating daily on the same devotional. I can't seem to get enough of it.
Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest." I'm sure it has molded my faith in more ways than I can imagine.
He challenges me! Yet, I find it so encouraging and powerful.
Recently, I read this:
"every Christian can have his body under absolute control for God. God has given us rule over all "the temple of the holy spirit" including our thoughts and desires...but most of us are much more severe in our judgement of others than...ourselves. WE MAKE EXCUSES FOR THINGS IN OURSELVES, WHILE WE CONDEMN THINGS IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS SIMPLY BECAUSE WE ARE NOT NATURALLY INCLINED TO DO THEM!"
Oh! I love this. Even in contemplating it, though, it is easy for me to be tempted to JUDGE! To judge those who are "judgy" people! Ridiculous! We all do it. I do it. I have little tolerance for people who lie, are unfaithful, or not trustworthy, who give in to lustful thoughts or behaviors, who are malicious or gossipy, and even insecure. I just want them to change. To stop being that way! As if it should just be easy for them to stop.
I remember years ago, having one of those moments of revelation. I was talking to a good friend about her struggle with worry to the point of insomnia and also with critical, angry thoughts towards her husband. And I said something like "You need to just stop doing that. Really. Just stop." And I will never forget her looking me in the eye and saying "It's not that easy! Don't you think I would if I could. I hate it about myself." She went on to directly challenge me by saying "That would be like me saying to you - Just stop being short tempered with your girls." It hit me like a ton of bricks. Because she knew that was what I went to God with every single day asking for forgiveness and deliverance! I just had such a hard time when they were little and my temper would rage out of control! It was ridiculous to think that she would just flippantly tell me to "stop doing that" and it would be that easy for me! I wanted nothing more than to stop, but I seemed to be trapped in it.
How easy for me to tell her to just stop her undesirable, sinful thoughts and behaviors. Yet I was pleading with God daily to deliver me from mine!
The key is NOT TO JUDGE!
Stop judging others.
If I want to judge - I can look at myself only. I have plenty to work with right there.
How easy it is for us to make excuses for ourselves while condemning others simply because we are not naturally inclined to have the same struggles they do.
Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest." I'm sure it has molded my faith in more ways than I can imagine.
He challenges me! Yet, I find it so encouraging and powerful.
Recently, I read this:
"every Christian can have his body under absolute control for God. God has given us rule over all "the temple of the holy spirit" including our thoughts and desires...but most of us are much more severe in our judgement of others than...ourselves. WE MAKE EXCUSES FOR THINGS IN OURSELVES, WHILE WE CONDEMN THINGS IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS SIMPLY BECAUSE WE ARE NOT NATURALLY INCLINED TO DO THEM!"
Oh! I love this. Even in contemplating it, though, it is easy for me to be tempted to JUDGE! To judge those who are "judgy" people! Ridiculous! We all do it. I do it. I have little tolerance for people who lie, are unfaithful, or not trustworthy, who give in to lustful thoughts or behaviors, who are malicious or gossipy, and even insecure. I just want them to change. To stop being that way! As if it should just be easy for them to stop.
I remember years ago, having one of those moments of revelation. I was talking to a good friend about her struggle with worry to the point of insomnia and also with critical, angry thoughts towards her husband. And I said something like "You need to just stop doing that. Really. Just stop." And I will never forget her looking me in the eye and saying "It's not that easy! Don't you think I would if I could. I hate it about myself." She went on to directly challenge me by saying "That would be like me saying to you - Just stop being short tempered with your girls." It hit me like a ton of bricks. Because she knew that was what I went to God with every single day asking for forgiveness and deliverance! I just had such a hard time when they were little and my temper would rage out of control! It was ridiculous to think that she would just flippantly tell me to "stop doing that" and it would be that easy for me! I wanted nothing more than to stop, but I seemed to be trapped in it.
How easy for me to tell her to just stop her undesirable, sinful thoughts and behaviors. Yet I was pleading with God daily to deliver me from mine!
The key is NOT TO JUDGE!
Stop judging others.
If I want to judge - I can look at myself only. I have plenty to work with right there.
How easy it is for us to make excuses for ourselves while condemning others simply because we are not naturally inclined to have the same struggles they do.
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