I'm a KELLY

When I got married, 14 years ago, I gave up a maiden name that I had a lot of pride in. And I took my husband's name. Kelly. I was humbly honored to take that name. But, never before have I felt so proud to be a Kelly.
This week I am witnessing love.
We use that word so flippantly. I love ice cream. I love your hair. No....not that kind of love. But, LOVE.
I have a passion for the covenant of marriage. A burning desire for people to take their commitment seriously and to treat it as a covenant created by God to reflect the kind of love He is to the rest of the world.
Here I sit...4 days after getting the phone call that Timm's mom is at the end of her short battle with cancer. Hospice is stepping in to assist in the process of dying with dignity. By the time we were able to fly to Michigan and be at her bedside, we had just a little bit of time to get our selfish fill of love FROM her. In the form of eye contact and head nods and small smiles, we were fed one last dose of love from a woman who's every move modeled the act of giving love.
So, here I sit. Overwhelmed. But not only by grief. I'm overwhelmed by the love. Believe me, there is tons of love here! Family, friends, clergy, and God himself. It's radiating.
But, I am particularly overwhelmed by the love between Timm's mom and dad. I have never witnessed anything like it. And, I 'm so glad to be a part of it. And, for my kids to be a part of it too.
Here's Tim, 42 years after marrying Sharon. Sitting by her bedside 24 hours - only taking short breaks. He's rubbing her back, caressing her gently, telling her how much he loves her. Telling her it's OK to let go and be with Jesus. He's caring for her in ways that are so sweet. He knows which sheets she likes on the bed, which detergent she likes the smell of. When someone was going to use a wet wipe to help clean her, he said no and he prepared a warm bucket of water with the body wash "she likes". Everything. He knows all about her.
And it's because they stuck it out. They LOVED each other. Through the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the joys, the disappointments, the frustrations, all of it!
Now, he is whispering stories in her ear - remembering the birth of each child and telling her how strong she was. Remembering funny stories from their dating and telling her how lucky he is that she stuck with him. Remembering loved ones who have passed and telling her how they are waiting to greet her in heaven. Telling her how special she is to every person in her life...one by one...in detail. And then assuring her that it is OK to let go and that each person will be OK.
UGH! The power of THAT kind of LOVE! It's crazy.
To me, it is a perfect picture of God's intention for marriage. They didn't have an easy, perfect life. But they shared it all and stuck by their promises to LOVE no matter what.
And now, I see the legacy that it is leaving for their kids, their grandkids, their nieces and nephews, and everyone lucky enough to know them. They have modeled, and continue to model, loving and serving each other just like the Triune God. A circle of love so complete. They give others a glimpse of the kind of love God wants us to know and imitate.
So, here I sit, early in the morning. Quiet. Dark. Praying for God to release Sharon from this world. And thanking and praising him for the gift of marriage. And for this amazing family I am blessed to be a part of.
I understand that their example reaches far beyond those who are married. It is an example for everyone and how we should love. But, it is just such a clear reminder of why I am so passionate about the covenant of marriage. And it is why I choose to invest time, resources, prayers and whatever I can to help others catch a glimpse of this amazing plan God has for marriage.
I can't end this post without including my own parents' model of marriage. I'm simply overwhelmed with the gift God has given Timm and I to have been raised by two sets of parents who cherish this covenant.
Right now, my mom is well over 1000 miles away. That is not where she wants to be at this moment. She would like to be here, in MI, serving, loving and showing love to me and my family and the family she has grown to love, my in-laws. But, life happens. She is laid up with a back that won't move! She is dealing with her own frustrations. My Dad celebrated his 70th birthday a few days ago by taking his wife to the ER, hanging out with her during tests, bringing her back to their place, making sure she was comfortable, and treating himself to taco bell for dinner.
When I talked to my Dad, what was his response? "I just feel so lucky. So blessed. We're doing just fine". And he meant it. Even though they can't be here to give me a hug and share in this time, they know they truly are lucky.
So, there you have it. I had to give up my family name. Carlson. A name my Dad proudly carries. A name that has a legacy of it's own from my Grandpa, my Dad, and now my brother. And, now I am a Kelly. And, I know that my Dad is proud to see the legacy continue in all of his children.
We are blessed BEYOND any comprehension or reason.

Happy 11th Birthday Alli!

My baby turns 11 today!

I don't think I could find a way to be more proud of my sweet little girl. She has such character, courage, charisma, compassion (that was a fun run of "c" words). She stands up for her beliefs and what she thinks is right. She truly cares about others. She even recognizes her weaknesses and strives to make improvements. She is playful and loving and wise beyond her years. I thank God every day for the incredible gift He has given our family. We love our Alli.

In keeping with our seemingly new tradition, we have been celebrating her "birth week" rather than simply her "birth day".

Last Friday we celebrated with some of our small group. Then on Saturday night, Alli had about 10 friends over for a LOUD, WILD party! It was so fun. Junk food, games, music and dancing, and lots of energy! Then, two of her friends spent the night. At midnight, when Olivia and I went to bed, the girls were told they could stay up as long as they wanted, as long as they weren't loud. I guess that meant 4am! Crazy party animals.

Last night we made cake cone cupcakes for Alli to take to school today. I'm glad they still do that in middle school. She was excited. Tonight after the girls are done with dance class, Alli gets to choose a place to go out to dinner.

And, since Timm is missing all of this, we will do more celebrating this weekend when we take a family trip to LBI for a couple of days!

Do I need to even say this...I am having trouble loading a few pics. Seriously. When I have some more TIME to sit here and figure it out, I will. Really, seriously, blogging takes very little time until I try to load pictures and EVERY SINGLE STINKIN TIME it's something new! Sucks.

OK, that was my rant. Back to my glorious, sunny day.

I LOVE MY BABY ALLI!

DC

Whew....what a week.

Last Thursday Timm flew home and we went to Alli's curriculum night. So cool. Her teachers are truly top notch!

Friday morning we got up and headed out early. We met our friends about an hour outside of the city and swapped. Michelle and Sarah came with us, Timm joined Dave. The boys went to the Nascar race in Dover (HOT passes and all). The girls went to Washington DC.

Well, we actually stayed at Dave's parents house in Pennsylvania. But we made two day trips into DC. One day we did a tour of the capital building. WOW. Next day we visited the Holocaust museum, Museum of American History, Washington Monument, WWII memorial, white house, Lincoln Memorial...etc.

Then on Sunday, we enjoyed the country...horses, playing outside, riding bikes.

Not feeling too inspired to write. So, I'll load a few pics.

photos finally

Olivia's first day of school

Alli's first day of middle school.
Olivia got her unicycle! So far it's been less than a week and she can already take about 4 pedals without holding on to anything!
LABOR DAY! Jone's beach, this is Timm, Craig, Liv and Alli enjoying the water.
Raspberry mojitos on the terrace, Labor Day weekend.
Botanic Gardens in Brooklyn. Alli took about 50 gorgeous photos. Here are a couple.

Science project. Using corn starch and water and food coloring to create a solid and liquid!
I had lost my adapter to load photos onto the computer. Found it yesterday!

the sound of rain, the sound of music

A rainy Sunday.....the girls and I are getting ready to hunker down and watch "The Sound of Music" together. Daddy just left for the airport. He's been in Buffalo each week Sunday through Friday. We miss him when he's gone, but we enjoy our girl time too.

So, I found my adapter thing so I can load my photos onto this computer. Yay. Don't have time now, but watch for photos soon.

If we were still living in Richmond, we would have spent this weekend engaged in some long held traditions....opening ceremony of the Good Old Days Festival on Thursday night, wristbands for unlimited rides at the carnival Friday night, kiddie parade and games on Saturday, BIG parade on Sunday watching for which cousin would be driving the John Deere this year. We missed Rosie...so we look forward to pictures!

However, I felt like our weekend was just overflowing with wonderful NEW experiences in our NEW life.

Thursday night we were happy to have Timm come home and while he had a couple of guys over to rehearse for a drama they plan to do at church, I went to a friends and enjoyed a relaxing night while talking and planning for an upcoming women's retreat. I also got a text that day from my friend and there is going to be a girls weekend happening here in NYC in January!!!! YES!!!!!!!

Friday night we hosted our small group.

Saturday morning we headed out as a family to deliver meals on wheels in Manhattan. We also reflected on the events of Sept 11th and ended up driving right by the site of the attacks and the new freedom tower. After that, we stopped in and participated for an hour in the "24 hours of prayer" our church took part in. In the afternoon we celebrated the neighbors second birthday with a BBQ and party. As we sat there visiting with our new friends, and getting to know some new neighbors better, I felt so happy to be there! So incredibly blessed to have been "led" to this neighborhood. Meeting new people is so fascinating to me. And, I was just so happy to feel like we are a part of this cool little community.

Anyways, after going to church this morning, and then hanging out with another new friend for some pizza, we relaxed and enjoyed the rainy day. Timm and I spent about an hour working out (I would say we did it together, but we were in separate rooms - as there isn't a room big enough for us to work out together in!) But, I am still amazed all the time how Timm has made exercise and health a part of his life!

Anyways, we had about the best weekend I can think of! So, as I tell the girls "make new friends, but keep the old....one is silver and the other's gold". And, I think that applies to traditions and activities as well. Rather than missing things that I would be doing in MI (silver) I can't help but be happy about new things I do here (gold).

good news

You hear the gospel being referred to as the "good news". And, it is!

Last night at small group, I realized something. It's a simple thing that I already knew, but for some reason, it became so clear....

I'm in LOVE.

I am so in love with my creator. I love to spend time with Him. And why wouldn't I? If you get to know Him, I will GUARANTEE you will love Him too. How can I guarantee such a thing? Because, He IS LOVE. He doesn't just show love, give love, accept love....no....HE IS LOVE. There is nothing in the world like it.

As humans, our capacity for love is limited. It is often earned or contingent on performance or behavior.

But, when you go to God with an open heart, ready and willing to accept His FREE GIFT OF LOVE....you receive it. Bam! That's it. He loves you. No deals or bargains or promises. He extends love as a free gift. Now, your response is up to you.

I, for one, am thrilled to love Him in return and therefore honor Him as my Lord and worship Him and ask His advice and try to obey Him. But...just to be clear....I don't do ANY of that to earn his love. He is love. He loves. He couldn't love me any more or less than he does right now. I worship and obey him because I LOVE HIM!!!!

We talked in our small group about getting to know Jesus and how to do that. We even gave ourselves a rating on a scale of 1-10 on how we thought we were doing seeking him. Well, I am not a fan of those stupid 1-10 scales, but, this time I was able to answer pretty high. Not because I am good at obeying or reflecting his character, that is a whole different subject.

But, when it comes to seeking Him....I'm THERE!

Here's the thing. Why wouldn't I crave and desire to hang out with the most powerful force in the world...the one who spoke creation into existence? Yet, with the same power, He focuses right on ME and LOVES ME in a way that I could never experience from any other source! He looks me right in the eye, affirms me, tells me I am wonderfully made, promises to NEVER let me down, NEVER leave me, NEVER stop loving me, NEVER give me a reason to stop trusting him. The bible tells me that he sings and dances because he loves ME so much!

But, here's another thing....I BELIEVE HIM. I truly believe His claims and promises and love for me to be TRUE. I didn't always believe those things, so spending time with him seemed like a waste of time and energy.

So, I guess what I am saying is: Stop trying harder and start SEEKING and BELIEVING and TRUSTING. When you experience the love that Jesus offers you...when you truly experience that depth of love and honesty and truth, you will crave it. You will be so excited to hang out with him and to worship him and to obey him and to take a look at your own character and try to make changes to be more like him.

I even admitted in small group that sometimes I am excited when going to bed at night because I know that when I wake up in the morning, that is my quiet one on one time with God. That is my time to be showered with love and truth and purpose and grace (undeserved love and forgiveness). Who wouldn't be excited about waking up to that?!

Please don't get me wrong. When I say that I am doing good on this scale...it measures my SEEKING. And, I am so in love, that I am high on the seeking scale. But, the truth is, the more time I spend in His presence, the more he will convict me of my shortcomings. So, I would not rate myself so high on how well I am doing at obedience and reflecting His love to others. I desire to do those things, but I fall short because I am struggling against my sinful and selfish nature. So, I am not bragging about myself at all...I am simply letting everyone know....

I'M IN LOVE! And that is GOOD NEWS!

holiness

It's been a while since I posted!

Today in my devotional Oswald Chambers talks about being holy.

He says "we must continually remind ourselves of the purpose of life. We are not destined to happiness, nor to health, but to holiness. Today we have far too many desires and interests, and our lives are being consumed and wasted by them. Many of them may be right, noble, and good, and may later be fulfilled, but in the meantime God must cause their importance to us to decrease."

OUCH!

I won't say much more about that. It speaks for itself.

Am I continually reminding myself of my purpose? To be holy? Hmmmmm.

Some updates:

*Liv used her saved money to purchase a unicycle. She is eagerly awaiting it's arrival.

*Alli has decided to make a significant purchase with her saved money as well. She has been interested in photography for over a year. She is planning to buy herself a good camera!

*Timm has been working in Buffalo during the week, and home with us on the weekends. His schedule will continue to involve lots of travel this year, and will apparently unfold as we go along, with a good measure of unpredictability.

*Today Alli and I have a meeting with her new advisor at her new middle school.

*We have to take Liv to the doc because she has been complaining of pain in her leg for over a week.

*Friday we start up our small group and can not wait to reconnect with everyone after a long break.

*It's hot.

*Our good friend is in the hospital with a sudden and very serious illness. We are praying for her recovery and a bit in shock that someone could suddenly be so sick. Please pray for Jen and her family.

*Last Saturday night a sweet friend had the girls spend the night with her so that Timm and I could go out on a date. She even took them out to a cool restaurant for dessert! Timm and I had a marvelous time. Seriously. I feel like the most blessed woman on the face of the earth because of the husband/marriage God has given me. And then, on top of it, we have friends who will love on our girls so that we can go out? Come on.

*Praying every day for Grandma Kelly. Thanking God for the peace He has given us and praying for peace, comfort, and healing for Gramma. Also, thanking God for Aunt KT who is the only sibling able to be there with Gramma in MI. And, thanking God that my family is so awesome that they have stepped in where I cannot and offer love and help to my mom-in-law.

*There are 8 million things I could update, but I'll just say, I hope to continually remind myself of my purpose...to be holy. WHat is that? I think it is to strive to be more like Jesus every day. By taking the time to stop and ask God what HE wants me to do. I feel He is prompting me in some areas, and I eagerly await His provision to serve in the ways He is directing. I know that I have far too many "desires and interests" of my own. And, no matter how "right, noble, and good" they may be, I want to be walking in the path God has for me, not on my own path.