Be available

Yesterday, the girls and I had a cool opportunity to help out another local church. We spent the afternoon handing out food and smiles to some people who are in need. It was a great time. And, I was just so glad that we were AVAILABLE to help.
I can't even put into words how God has grown me in this area of being AVAILABLE. There was a time in my life when I had to have each day scheduled to the point of busyness before I felt any peace. I did not enjoy any down time (unless it was specifically scheduled as such).
One of the coolest things God has done in my life is stretched me to step away from being over scheduled. When I follow his promptings, he delivers opportunities and "divine appointments" to me that I would never have been aware of!
Don't get me wrong, I continue to struggle with this area of my life! But, God has brought me a long way from where I once was.
What I have found is that God will prompt me to eliminate something from my schedule, and I resist! But, then if I obey the prompting, there is a door that opens to a different opportunity! Something I didn't even see. Something He chose to reveal only after I was obedient. So, I never end up sitting around wondering what I'm supposed to do with my time! I remain "busy" but I feel like it is more in line with the direction God has laid out for me to impact the world for Him.
I realize that I have the luxury of not working outside the home full time. So, you may argue that it is easier for me to remain available. And, you would be correct. However, that is just one more example. Because I can tell you that God called me away from that, and it was HARD! Having a daily schedule of "work" was much more appealing to me, but I have realized MANY times that God had other plans for me.
Speaking of being available, I need to go. Alli just woke up early and asked if I could play a game of connect four. I think that beats time on the computer and crossing a few more items off my to-do list, don't you?

Good Friday

Just to be honest, I have had a bit of a struggle with something that is basically the crux of my entire faith!!! That is, Jesus dying on the cross. Good Friday.
It was actually the "Passion" movie a few years ago that helped me with this. See, I sorta had this idea that it really wouldn't have been that hard for Jesus to die on the cross. Because, due to his divinity, he knew exactly where he would go upon death. And I figured he would be somewhat relieved to return to God and be out of the devil's territory - earth. Then, after watching the gruesome details of his death on the big screen, I realized the excruciating physical torture he endured. That was a reality check for me.
Today, I come to another realization. And, that is, Jesus' physical suffering is only a small piece of the reality of what he endured. I think I was missing it. It wasn't just his physical death and suffering that made it so excruciating. It was his willingness to bear the SIN OF THE WORLD. And in taking on all of that sin, and remaining without any sin of his own, he could not even face his Father. While he was taking on every sin of the world, he was FULLY HUMAN. And, he did it all willingly, out of love.
That is so hard to grasp. Because, now we are not talking about the physical realm and what we can understand through our senses. We are talking about the spiritual reality. And, how much MORE painful was that for Jesus? More painful than anything his physical body could be put through.
Today in my devotional, I was reminded. Jesus' death on the cross was not just martyrdom. Not even close. He did die for a cause....a faith...but he died to fulfill the very redemptive plan of God. His pain and suffering was so far beyond physical, emotional, or mental.
And, so salvation itself is so easy to attain, because God paid the price for it. He bore the burden. But, here's the deal. Although that redemption is available to each and every soul....we must not misunderstand what it means to accept this gift. When we meet Jesus at the cross and recognize and accept this gift, we do not just sail through the gates of salvation. We stop there, and we choose to ABIDE IN HIM. We choose the journey. We choose the humbling journey of walking with Jesus, in order to become more like him, so that we can spread his kingdom. Joyful service to the God of the universe. God, who is LOVE, gives LOVE, and fills you with LOVE beyond explanation.
Jesus paid the price. The gift is free for the taking. But, it has to change you. You have to surrender.

a day in the life

Seriously, I love my life. In the last 12 hours, some things that have happened:
*Olivia won 606 peanuts!
*My husband, who I have hardly talked to in days texted me to say that we should consider issuing a loan to someone in a third world country in order to promote enterprise
*Olivia spent her own money to buy a book, and when Alli couldn't resist reading it, Liv simply looked at her with a gaping mouth and said "Alli, that book is very special to me and I would like it if you did not read it before me."
*Slept in my king-sized bed with my two girls (a treat while daddy is away)
*Alli woke up on her own, dressed herself in layers of clothes that belong to her, her sister, and a variety of seasons, made herself breakfast while singing and humming, and started some research on the computer for an assignment, all without much prompting from me.
*coffee, yum
*It's a rainy day, and instead of feeling gloom or dread, I am looking forward to cuddling on the couch reading and learning with my sweeties. Hearing them ask questions about rain forest animals, or Queen Elizabeth or Henry VIII and the Reformation, or watching them master new math skills, or enjoy free time to dance and sing.....you get the point! I LOVE THESE GIRLS!

Now, I better get to "work".

Here we go!

Well, it is a strange feeling. After having our house on the market for 15 months, we have an offer! Suddenly....after all the waiting...we should be moving within 30 days! Lots of stuff to sell and give away and pack up and figure out. Maybe I'll be so busy that I won't be able to get too sad about leaving this neighborhood and ultimately this state.....
But I must look on the bright side. We are DONE with lawn care, garage stuff, car stuff, and just a lot of other stuff. I am sure it will be a huge adjustment for us to learn how to live in a small space with much less stuff....but part of me is so very excited to give that a try.
Goodbye stuff!
By the way, if you want dibs on ANYTHING, now is the time to call it! Some of you have mentioned items....
And, please, all praise and glory to God who continues to bless our family beyond our imagination!

choosing good?

I realize that Oswald Chambers is not God, and his book is not scripture. But, I believe he is inspired by God and has a lot of incredible wisdom and insight. Today, I read
"Many of us do not continue to grow spiritually because we prefer to choose on the basis of our own rights, instead of relying on God to make the choice for us"
Come on! How true is that? The past few weeks, I have spent too much time contemplating and weighing the decision of WHERE we are supposed to live when we move to NYC. It seems like a gargantuan choice that I should be pondering. However, when I really spend a lot of time thinking about it, it brings me uncertainty, doubt and fear. So, why don't I knock it off and remember that God did not call our family to move and be a part of this ministry only to leave us hanging when we get there, with no idea what neighborhood or apartment to live in?! I have to trust that He will continue to guide us each step of the way. All I need to do is abide in him and let him guide my steps. No worries, right?
Chambers goes on to say
"Whenever our RIGHT becomes our guiding factor for our lives, it dulls spiritual insight. The greatest enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but good choices which are not quite good enough."
Wow. Wow. Wow.
That's pretty bold. The greatest enemy is NOT SIN, but GOOD? Yikes.
But, I can totally see what he is saying. When I start to reduce my thoughts to considering things like the size and amenities of an apartment, the neighborhood school zone, the number of blocks to a subway , the commute time for Timm to work, etc etc etc.....I am simply letting my RIGHTS guide my thoughts. Because, I have the right to be comfortable in an apartment, and my kids have the right to attend a safe school, and Timm has the right to not spend too much time commuting.....right? Phooey. That is NOT for me to decide. I am surrendered and that is for my Lord to decide.
So, I will abide in Him daily. The one who PROMISES in Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
If he promises me that, among so many other loving promises, then I know I can trust him to lead our family to a place where we can serve him and live a fruitful life, no matter what it may do to my "rights".
Ahh, sweet surrender.

falling in love

Referring to my last post: In all fairness, some of the warm feelings in my soul while listening to Poi Dog might be traced back to the fact that those songs are tightly wound into the fabric of the period of time I was falling in love......
How can I resist a guy who is lip synching stuff like:
"Love is everything and everything's a distraction
Love is everything and everything's a distraction.....
I wanna be your watermelon
let me sing into your radio
let me be the yeast inside your bread
let me be the new thought inside your head"
"Ew la la la la....ew li la lew"

Or
"spending the day in the shirt that you wore...."
Or
"Oh the ancient egyptians, and the other africans, the mayans, the incans, and all the Polynesians...all around the world a long long time ago....people would walk wherever they had to go"
Or
"breakfast...good morning everybody. Sun's up, grab a slice of toast and jelly..."

OK, I need to stop.

pondering poetry

I am not a poet. And, I really don't find myself drawn to reading poetry. However, I am absolutely in love with music lyrics that are melodious poetry. It is probably the art form I am most drawn to and most affected by. The words don't just touch my ears, but it awakens a part of my being that isn't easily identified. My soul? My spirit? I guess that's it.
And, I don't care what the genre of music is. I love when the lyrics are quirky, obscure, fun, thought provoking, and something that makes me ponder....
And speaking of pondering....one of the bands that I am thinking of is Poi Dog Pondering. I was listening to them on my ipod yesterday, and I could just enjoy their lyrics forever. And, although they are not a group that would be identified as a "christian" group (as a matter of fact, some of their lyrics clearly indicate otherwise) I get to experience God through their expression of art. Because I can find myself in utter worship of God while listening to that kind of poetry. Of course, their amazing collection of diverse sounds also adds to my experience (some instruments include: piano, organ, accordian, trumpet, flugehorn, 4 string violin, congas, bells, timbales, saxaphone, pruning sheers, brake drum, trombone......you get the point).
Here is sample of one song that I love to reflect on the image of God. It's called "Fall upon Me" But, Timm, isn't this the one we call "the curling iron song"? (inside joke)
Fall upon me in my quiet pain
Fall upon me, again and again
Across wide open fields
And grass down of green
I'm awake but my head is in the air
Wide awake, take me walking into the cold cold air.
Fall upon me like a hundred flowers
Fall upon me like the masseuse of hours
Give me the breath of life
From your loving chest.
Fall upon me in the pouring rain
Wet my lips again and again
Give me the grace of your finger tips
Fall upon me.
Ahh, thank you God for the gift of music and the amazing talent you have given to people to express things through song! Thank you for giving me that pleasure for my soul.
Here's another example. I don't care whether they wrote this to express love for a human or whatever....for me it contains a lot of what I would love to express to my creator.
Say that you'll be the one:

Say that you'll be The one
drowning in my heart, to be
drowning in your arms, (take me)
*3 summers heat, tangled up
in sheets (take me)

I'm as steady as a sea saw,
and as longing as the wind,
visions of you come so filling
I swoon -- so far
and distant and under the same
moon, all I ask is you to
Take Me
under the strength of your
words my heart is carried
by a hundred birds (Take me)

into death I do seep, into
The arms of your hearts
sleep (take me)

Breathing as you where,
Lying on The floor
Take Me
Take Me.

OK, that was fun. Now, back to life.
So, what kind of art experience brings you to a place of worship?