Today I was reading in Matthew 26 about Judas betraying Jesus.
We all know the story.
He sells Jesus out for 30 pieces of silver.
It's so easy to sit here and judge him in disgust wondering how he could be sitting at a table with GOD in the flesh, as one of the chosen 12 who got to spend the most time with him, yet he dreams up a way to use it to get what he really wants!
He decides money is more valuable than the relationship he has with Jesus!
What? How can he be so evil, so selfish, so foolish?
Wait.
Don't we all do that?
YES!
It's easy to point the finger at the lowlife Judas who is clearly a foolish, selfish, money hungry idiot.
But I would argue that I do not know one single person who couldn't be or hasn't been lured into the same trap.
We are buried so deep in this trap here in America that we can't even see the light of day to even know we are buried in it!
We have decided that we are "blessed" by stuff. Many in the church in America have considered us "favored" by God as a nation. How so? We are powerful and wealthy.
Really?
I never recall Jesus saying "Come, follow me and I will give you the American dream complete with a cozy home and a secure future including retirement."
That's all Judas wanted.
Think about it. Those disciples gave up literally EVERYTHING to follow Jesus. Their families, livelihoods, homes. Everything. And here Jesus is telling them that he's about to be slaughtered.
So, Judas probably figures it's gonna happen anyways - and he's going to be left with NOTHING! Why not simply speed things up and get a little something to start over with?
He has nothing.
We cannot comprehend that. We, as Americans, love to invite Jesus into our lives to "bless" us. It's unthinkable that we would be homeless, without work, without family, without a known future, and we would be able to kick back and simply enjoy being in the presence of Jesus - trusting that He will guide.
But that's what we expect Judas to do.
We expect Jesus to be enough for him when we know dang well he's not enough for us.
So, today as I read about Judas, I still think he is a total fool and am disgusted by his betrayal. But today, I'm able to see that I am that same fool.
Jesus offers me everything. Yet, I continually pursue my own desires and just want to add him in where he conveniently fits.
I'm so deeply buried in this trap of consumerism, comfort, security, and entitlement that I even boast to Jesus when I occasionally manage to trust him or to act generously or selflessly.
As if I'm impressing him.
Ludicrous.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
I am hot-headed!
Deep Breath.
It's hard for me to share sometimes because I have a tendency towards sarcasm. When I get fired up about something, it is my nature to be short tempered and loose lipped.
I don't usually want to share my thoughts because while I'm fired up because I'm not sure I am able to dialogue or even express myself lovingly.
My head literally gets hot.
I'm hot-headed! It's not just a figurative expression!!
But, I know God created me that way.
I need God's loving grace to envelop me, so that I am able to share my burning heart in a loving way - not in a hot headed way.
Because when I wait until I cool down, it's like I have suppressed my thoughts until they are lukewarm. And I know Jesus says he could spit that right out. He would rather have me hot or cold.
On that note...I did wait a day before expressing my thoughts.
Yesterday I was listening, as my usual weekly habit, to my Greg Boyd sermon from Woodland Hills Church. They are doing a series on the book of Revelation.
I was on the treadmill while listening. And that's a good thing. Because I was getting so pumped up!
If I'm honest, the flame that was being stoked was the issue that arose this week regarding World Vision and their decision to employ someone which caused others to stop supporting their organization. That was the underlying, flickering flame. I was trying not to stoke it into an inferno that would drive me to breathe fire of judgment and condemnation on people!
So, even though this sermon didn't have anything directly to do with this issue, I could clearly tell the issue was like kindling waiting to be inflamed.
Anywho.
Here is a link to the sermon.
Here is a brief description of the topic. There are so many people in love with their own theology and I wish they would listen to this.
Today, I wrote this to Jesus in my journal. Cuz that's what I do.
Jesus, thank you for teaching that illuminates. Because otherwise, I would throw it all out!
I simply am NOT interested in a "religion" of judgement, condemnation, guilt, finger pointing, self righteousness, greed, violence and hate.
Nor am I interested in a "religion" of apathy, tradition, rituals, canned answers, pointless rules, or hypocrisy.
I choose to believe in you, Lord.
To believe. To put my trust in you. My very life.
Because, as I understand you and your word, that is my only option.
If I could count on myself and my own judgement, my own righteousness, my own understanding - what would I need YOU for?
If I have it all figured out, then I have no need for surrender, humility, or loving my enemies.
Why would I bother with that when I can have control, certainty, all the answers, and the justification to then judge and condemn those who don't?
Ah. That's easier. At least that way I am in control.
If I actually put YOU in control, completely, then I don't get to be the accuser. I am only your servant.
But, I choose you, Jesus.
And, what is it that YOU commanded of me?
Love God
Love Others
Go and make disciples
OK.
Got it.
What else?
What do YOU suggest I do?
turn the other cheek
forgive
love my enemies
love those who persecute me
be the light of the world
be known for my love
give to the needy
pray
store up treasure in heaven
put others first and myself last
serve others
OK.
And what is it that YOU advise me not to do?
worry
criticize others
judge others
retaliate
lie or break vows
lust
divorce
hold on to anger
look down on others
exalt myself
be a hypocrite
try to figure out the time of your return
reject you.
OK.
Seems pretty clear.
It's so crystal clear and that's why I get so dang annoyed when people hate, judge, criticize, retaliate, and hold on to anger in YOUR NAME! They want to claim it is somehow honoring to you?!
What? When? Where? How?
How did we ever come up with the idea that any of that is OK, let alone glorifying to You?
In the garden I guess. When we decided you weren't trustworthy and we could be like you. SO, now we get to judge, condemn, exalt ourselves, and be like God.
What religion is THAT?
Jesus, I'm yours.
I will surrender to you and gladly submit to your commands and suggestions for living a life that honors you.
I will fall short.
Because I am not you.
I am a sinner who NEEDS you.
And when I become self righteous and decide you aren't enough and when I become selfish and decide my ways are better for me, I will STOP and start over.
And when I see others who seem to be carrying out all kinds of action you advised against - and doing it in YOUR name - I will humbly bow before YOU and ask you to help me love them.
Because I don't know how.
Only through your grace can I love.
Transform me.
You never commissioned me to judge, condemn, or ridicule. You called me to love, point to you, be a disciple, and make disciples.
And to that I am eternally committed.
It's hard for me to share sometimes because I have a tendency towards sarcasm. When I get fired up about something, it is my nature to be short tempered and loose lipped.
I don't usually want to share my thoughts because while I'm fired up because I'm not sure I am able to dialogue or even express myself lovingly.
My head literally gets hot.
I'm hot-headed! It's not just a figurative expression!!
But, I know God created me that way.
I need God's loving grace to envelop me, so that I am able to share my burning heart in a loving way - not in a hot headed way.
Because when I wait until I cool down, it's like I have suppressed my thoughts until they are lukewarm. And I know Jesus says he could spit that right out. He would rather have me hot or cold.
On that note...I did wait a day before expressing my thoughts.
Yesterday I was listening, as my usual weekly habit, to my Greg Boyd sermon from Woodland Hills Church. They are doing a series on the book of Revelation.
I was on the treadmill while listening. And that's a good thing. Because I was getting so pumped up!
If I'm honest, the flame that was being stoked was the issue that arose this week regarding World Vision and their decision to employ someone which caused others to stop supporting their organization. That was the underlying, flickering flame. I was trying not to stoke it into an inferno that would drive me to breathe fire of judgment and condemnation on people!
So, even though this sermon didn't have anything directly to do with this issue, I could clearly tell the issue was like kindling waiting to be inflamed.
Anywho.
Here is a link to the sermon.
Here is a brief description of the topic. There are so many people in love with their own theology and I wish they would listen to this.
In our contemporary Christianity, there is a pervasive view that God acts violently during the end times. But this view stands in contradiction to the Cross and Jesus’ teachings to love our neighbors. In this sermon, Greg shows how God does not act violently in Revelation and instead shows how lamb-like love wins.
Today, I wrote this to Jesus in my journal. Cuz that's what I do.
Jesus, thank you for teaching that illuminates. Because otherwise, I would throw it all out!
I simply am NOT interested in a "religion" of judgement, condemnation, guilt, finger pointing, self righteousness, greed, violence and hate.
Nor am I interested in a "religion" of apathy, tradition, rituals, canned answers, pointless rules, or hypocrisy.
I choose to believe in you, Lord.
To believe. To put my trust in you. My very life.
Because, as I understand you and your word, that is my only option.
If I could count on myself and my own judgement, my own righteousness, my own understanding - what would I need YOU for?
If I have it all figured out, then I have no need for surrender, humility, or loving my enemies.
Why would I bother with that when I can have control, certainty, all the answers, and the justification to then judge and condemn those who don't?
Ah. That's easier. At least that way I am in control.
If I actually put YOU in control, completely, then I don't get to be the accuser. I am only your servant.
But, I choose you, Jesus.
And, what is it that YOU commanded of me?
Love God
Love Others
Go and make disciples
OK.
Got it.
What else?
What do YOU suggest I do?
turn the other cheek
forgive
love my enemies
love those who persecute me
be the light of the world
be known for my love
give to the needy
pray
store up treasure in heaven
put others first and myself last
serve others
OK.
And what is it that YOU advise me not to do?
worry
criticize others
judge others
retaliate
lie or break vows
lust
divorce
hold on to anger
look down on others
exalt myself
be a hypocrite
try to figure out the time of your return
reject you.
OK.
Seems pretty clear.
It's so crystal clear and that's why I get so dang annoyed when people hate, judge, criticize, retaliate, and hold on to anger in YOUR NAME! They want to claim it is somehow honoring to you?!
What? When? Where? How?
How did we ever come up with the idea that any of that is OK, let alone glorifying to You?
In the garden I guess. When we decided you weren't trustworthy and we could be like you. SO, now we get to judge, condemn, exalt ourselves, and be like God.
What religion is THAT?
Jesus, I'm yours.
I will surrender to you and gladly submit to your commands and suggestions for living a life that honors you.
I will fall short.
Because I am not you.
I am a sinner who NEEDS you.
And when I become self righteous and decide you aren't enough and when I become selfish and decide my ways are better for me, I will STOP and start over.
And when I see others who seem to be carrying out all kinds of action you advised against - and doing it in YOUR name - I will humbly bow before YOU and ask you to help me love them.
Because I don't know how.
Only through your grace can I love.
Transform me.
You never commissioned me to judge, condemn, or ridicule. You called me to love, point to you, be a disciple, and make disciples.
And to that I am eternally committed.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
What? I'm a self righteous jerk?
It's all quite simple. Not easy, but simple.
Bear with me if you'd like to hear how I am a self righteous jerk.
Here's the thing. Jesus wants ALL of you. In complete surrender to him, your JOY can be complete. He can miraculously transform pain into peace and even joy. Out of that peace and joy it is only natural to then desire to continue surrendering to him as Lord. Boss. Leader.
Once you taste the sweetness of his grace (undeserved love), you eagerly turn to him and ask how you can serve him, know him, bring him glory, and bring others closer to what you have with him. It's an overflow of love!
Love received. Love that transforms and transcends. Love that fills you so completely, it pours out!
It's radical.
You want to give up every thing that is not pleasing to your Lord, because you don't want anything to get in the way of this amazing love relationship.
It's so fulfilling and real, you know you found the real deal and don't have to keep seeking fulfillment with stuff you were before. Like relationships with other people, approval, achievement, status, security, fun or just numbing yourself with overindulgence, overwork, until you feel temporarily filled and satisfied.
With Jesus, it isn't temporary! It doesn't fade away. It never does. It is a love so deep and real and trustworthy that there isn't any other love to compare it to. It's undeserved, unearned, unchangeable, and never ending.
So, even though you can't lose it by slacking off and choosing things that don't honor Jesus, you never want to purposely do that because you bask in his crazy love for you and want nothing more than to somehow give some of that love back to him.
So you ask how?
And all he says is to trust him. To love him. To do his will. To love other people, rather than judging and hating them. To become his disciple by seeking to know him and be more like him, then to make more disciples who make more disciples who will seek him and love him and love others.
PERFECT, RIGHT?
Nope. No matter my good intentions, I mess up. I'm selfish, judging, self indulgent, self righteous. And, I'd love to say it's only occasional, but it is daily! UGH!
So, every day I humble myself before my perfect Jesus, admit my yuck, ask him to forgive me and transform me.
And, there he is!
He waits for me to acknowledge my yuck, he comforts me with that undeserved love which is grace. And, if I welcome him to do so, he challenges me towards action. Sometimes small, other times big.
And I love spending time with him just mulling that over. Questioning if he thinks I'm capable of what he asks. Finding out that he does believe I am capable. Doubting myself. Doubting him. Over thinking. Getting frustrated. Sometimes walking away from Him, sometimes trusting and surrendering.
But the crazy cool thing is, HE NEVER CHANGES.
Never ever ever.
But I do! Somehow, through this, some of the things I struggle with and confess become things I leave behind. Sometimes they lose their hold on me completely and I find I don't even have a desire for them. Most times it's more subtle. But, I change!
I become more like him!
SQUEEEEEEL!
Are you kidding? More like Jesus? ME?!? That is my dream come true!
And it is my dream for every living soul!
If I ever express this crazy love of mine in a way that is self righteous, judgemental, unloving or just plain stupid, please blame me and not Jesus.
He's perfect and unchanging and so dang awesome.
IF you get to know him, I guarantee you will be smitten like I am.
It's just that us fanatics who love Jesus are flawed and human. In our excitement to spread this crazy love, we seem to do strange things like judge others, or argue to a point where others understand that we believe being RIGHT is more important than being LOVING.
I personally had to spend a good chunk of time with Jesus today talking about how unloving I feel towards other people who claim to trust, love and follow him, but act like self righteous jerks!
Man! Nothing gets me more frustrated, pumped up, and ready for a rumble!
That's when I saw his face smiling at me.
I'm like "What?!" (those of you who know me, you know my sassy tone)
And I realized that I am a self righteous jerk too, and I'm no better than anyone else, and I need to stop pointing the finger and just hang out with Jesus and love.
He calmed my fighting thoughts.
He calmly suggested that I hand over my plan to attack and belittle and shoot down a fellow believer who I have issues with.
Ohh, it's hard. I have lots of great ammo and the energy to attack.
But, that's just stupid. Thanks for the reminder Jesus. It scares me to think of what I would do without you!
Bear with me if you'd like to hear how I am a self righteous jerk.
Here's the thing. Jesus wants ALL of you. In complete surrender to him, your JOY can be complete. He can miraculously transform pain into peace and even joy. Out of that peace and joy it is only natural to then desire to continue surrendering to him as Lord. Boss. Leader.
Once you taste the sweetness of his grace (undeserved love), you eagerly turn to him and ask how you can serve him, know him, bring him glory, and bring others closer to what you have with him. It's an overflow of love!
Love received. Love that transforms and transcends. Love that fills you so completely, it pours out!
It's radical.
You want to give up every thing that is not pleasing to your Lord, because you don't want anything to get in the way of this amazing love relationship.
It's so fulfilling and real, you know you found the real deal and don't have to keep seeking fulfillment with stuff you were before. Like relationships with other people, approval, achievement, status, security, fun or just numbing yourself with overindulgence, overwork, until you feel temporarily filled and satisfied.
With Jesus, it isn't temporary! It doesn't fade away. It never does. It is a love so deep and real and trustworthy that there isn't any other love to compare it to. It's undeserved, unearned, unchangeable, and never ending.
So, even though you can't lose it by slacking off and choosing things that don't honor Jesus, you never want to purposely do that because you bask in his crazy love for you and want nothing more than to somehow give some of that love back to him.
So you ask how?
And all he says is to trust him. To love him. To do his will. To love other people, rather than judging and hating them. To become his disciple by seeking to know him and be more like him, then to make more disciples who make more disciples who will seek him and love him and love others.
PERFECT, RIGHT?
Nope. No matter my good intentions, I mess up. I'm selfish, judging, self indulgent, self righteous. And, I'd love to say it's only occasional, but it is daily! UGH!
So, every day I humble myself before my perfect Jesus, admit my yuck, ask him to forgive me and transform me.
And, there he is!
He waits for me to acknowledge my yuck, he comforts me with that undeserved love which is grace. And, if I welcome him to do so, he challenges me towards action. Sometimes small, other times big.
And I love spending time with him just mulling that over. Questioning if he thinks I'm capable of what he asks. Finding out that he does believe I am capable. Doubting myself. Doubting him. Over thinking. Getting frustrated. Sometimes walking away from Him, sometimes trusting and surrendering.
But the crazy cool thing is, HE NEVER CHANGES.
Never ever ever.
But I do! Somehow, through this, some of the things I struggle with and confess become things I leave behind. Sometimes they lose their hold on me completely and I find I don't even have a desire for them. Most times it's more subtle. But, I change!
I become more like him!
SQUEEEEEEL!
Are you kidding? More like Jesus? ME?!? That is my dream come true!
And it is my dream for every living soul!
If I ever express this crazy love of mine in a way that is self righteous, judgemental, unloving or just plain stupid, please blame me and not Jesus.
He's perfect and unchanging and so dang awesome.
IF you get to know him, I guarantee you will be smitten like I am.
It's just that us fanatics who love Jesus are flawed and human. In our excitement to spread this crazy love, we seem to do strange things like judge others, or argue to a point where others understand that we believe being RIGHT is more important than being LOVING.
I personally had to spend a good chunk of time with Jesus today talking about how unloving I feel towards other people who claim to trust, love and follow him, but act like self righteous jerks!
Man! Nothing gets me more frustrated, pumped up, and ready for a rumble!
That's when I saw his face smiling at me.
I'm like "What?!" (those of you who know me, you know my sassy tone)
And I realized that I am a self righteous jerk too, and I'm no better than anyone else, and I need to stop pointing the finger and just hang out with Jesus and love.
He calmed my fighting thoughts.
He calmly suggested that I hand over my plan to attack and belittle and shoot down a fellow believer who I have issues with.
Ohh, it's hard. I have lots of great ammo and the energy to attack.
But, that's just stupid. Thanks for the reminder Jesus. It scares me to think of what I would do without you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)