I was reminded of something by a wise young friend of mine yesterday. It does matter who you choose to surround yourself with and do life with. Your "inner circle". Those who you spend a pretty good amount of time with or who you go deep with and they know all your stuff.
We are hard wired to live life in community. We seek it out. Even an introvert will seek out relationships. We will look to others for guidance, examples, encouragement, rebuke, accountability.
So, I would say we should be thoughtful in who we choose to allow into that inner circle. Those deeply intimate relationships. Is the person someone you respect, aspire to emulate, have similar worldview or values? If not, do you think you can be in a deeply intimate relationship and not risk being misled or mistreated?
Does that mean we should not associate with people who don't have the same worldview and values? Of course not! We should love everyone and seek out relationships with all sorts of people. What a spectacular way to learn about the world and about people! I love listening to people who have a different worldview. And, even when it is frustrates me or makes me sad, I find it fascinating to learn how other people see the world.
However, I just think we need to be wise when choosing who we get really close to.
Like I said, we are wired for community. Look at some of the successful institutions that assist people to overcome addictions and struggles. For example, Alcoholics Anonymous or Weight Watchers. What do both of these groups understand? They understand that it takes community, accountability, relationships, in order to facilitate change. If your goal is to overcome an addiction to alcohol and you choose to create an inner circle of people who have overcome this addiction and have a common goal, would you then turn around and spend most of your time with a person who drinks every day and doesn't think a thing of it and doesn't understand why you don't drink? It's not that you would be hateful towards that person, but it would be unhealthy for you to spend time every day hanging out in that environment, right? You might love that person deeply, but you would have to choose wisely whether that person should be in your "inner circle".
It's the same in your faith walk. We should have people we are seeking advice, knowledge, and wisdom from. We should have people who we admire and respect and we should be intentional about creating time with those people and being open and honest.
I was thinking about when scripture warns us not to be "unequally yoked" in marriage. I am so grateful that my marriage has the foundation of faith in Jesus. Why? Because, we are both human beings who are selfish and we stumble. We both seek our own way at times. And, what can I expect to happen when I stumble in my life? When I fall? I am so thankful to know that I can expect my spouse to be there, extending grace and extending his hand to pick me back up and help me brush myself off and get back on my feet. He does that because we share the belief that we are both sinners and can mess up and have received grace and forgiveness from God. And, we are both honored to be able to extend that grace to each other when we need to. We are honored to be an encouragement to each other when we need it. What if we both stumble!? What if we are both down? I hate to imagine if we did not share our faith. Because I feel like we would both be struggling to get our SELF up, no matter what. And, what if that meant I had to step on his head to get up, even if it meant that it would push him further down? Well, I would just have to do that! And, he would do the same. We would both be seeking our OWN, rather than seeking to please our creator!
I'm also thinking about some awesome friends I am blessed with. I have many. But, recently I spent a weekend with 3 other women and we reminisced about how we have gotten away on an annual "girls weekend" for 12 years! Two of those women I only see once a year! But, when we get together, we pick right up and dig right in and talk about our lives. The cool thing is, we don't all hold the same "religious views" exactly. We all have a different way of managing our marriages, children, careers and homes. Yet, we have common values. And, we are able to really encourage each other. How priceless is it that one of us can spew out some complaints and frustrations about our spouse, and the other three listen and affirm and understand? Inevitably, it happens that one woman feels frustrated about something in her marriage. So, we listen. We validate. We affirm. And, then....we build her husband up! We remind her of how awesome of a guy he is and how lucky she is to have him and we point out all of the incredible things she has to be thankful for. We do not spend one minute bashing him. We encourage her in how she can handle situations with love and grace. We all value marriage. We do the same when we bring up parenting issues. And, I feel so blessed by this group of women! We are open and honest and feel free to come with burdens. What if this "inner circle" was a group of women who felt that if I complain about my spouse, the best way they could react was to pile even more criticism onto him and tell me I deserve better and shouldn't settle for him? What if they were people who didn't see marriage the same way I do? Well, my guess is that I would not have continued to carve out valuable time every year to spend the weekend together.
And, I guess that is what I am realizing.
This young friend of mine had a hard lesson to learn. She drifted into a few relationships that did not turn out to be a good fit for an "inner circle". One person in particular ended up having a lot of destructive power that in hindsight is much more clear than when they were spending time together every day.
If you carelessly choose or allow those deeply intimate relationships to grow, it will influence you. We are hard wired for community. We look to one another and need one another. Who are you looking to? We should aspire to love everyone, but choose wisely who we allow to influence us.
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