If anything else is more important than love, shut up

Listening to my favorite teacher.  Greg Boyd, pastor or Woodland Hills Church and author of so many great books.  His message from 4/15/12 was "Our One Foundation"
I love the sermon all the way through because I tend to agree with him on a  theological level. He was talking about how he could describe their church, since it doesn't seem to fit exactly into any one mold.  I can relate to that.
But, towards the end, while he was doing a Q & A, I actually stopped the podcast at one point to write a few things down.  Because i just agreed with it so wholeheartedly and feel it is SO important.
He said something like this:  If you are compelled to tell someone they are wrong because YOU are right, the MOST important thing you can do is to share this humbly and in love and openness.
He then went on to quote 1 Corinthians 16:14 "Let everything you do be done in love. " And he said "The minute being RIGHT is more important to you than being loving, do the kingdom of God a favor and shut up!"
I had a great conversation the other night with a friend.  We talked a lot about who God is and whether He can be trusted and what that means.  We also talked about how some people view God as distant, absent, disappointed, or a figment of people's fantasy.
Here's what I don't understand though.  Why do people get so mad at each other about it?  Why would I, as a believer in God, get mad at an atheist for not agreeing with me?  Why would an atheist, who thinks God is a made up fantasy, get mad at me for believing otherwise?  Or, why would either of us wish the other harm?  Are we THAT attached to being RIGHT?  Has "being right" become a religion or an idol to some people?  Of course, when you believe something deeply, you feel it is right.  But, why does that turn into a need to have others agree you are right?!
Now, I can't speak for the atheist.  But, I can assume that an atheist gets fed up with self righteous people always speaking down to them in a condescending, judgemental way. Always feeling a need to prove they are right and the atheist is clearly wrong and therefore going to suffer for it. That would get irritating.
But, as a Christian, speaking down, being condescending and judgemental, or needing to prove I am right makes no sense!
When did Jesus demonstrate that as an example to me?  When did He command or suggest for me to do that?  I believe He did ask some things of me.  And, as a follower, I try to align my life the best way I can in any given moment to surrender to Him.  I try to humble myself, get my identity from Him, my purpose and value from Him, and my assignments from him.  He clearly commanded us to Love God with all our hearts, mind, strength, and soul.  He commanded us to love others as we love ourselves.  He commanded us to go and make disciples.  Did he say, go and make converts to your way of thinking and make sure they agree with every detail of your theology.  NO.  Love God. Love Others. Make disciples.
Am I doing these things?  I don't know.  I'm trying.  I can't do any of it without God's power working in and through me.  I'm worthless trying to do it out of my own strength.
But, of this I am sure!  If I am not getting it right on the Love God part, I'm going to have a really hard time loving others.  And, if I am not getting the love others part, I hope I am not trying to make disciples.

my tummy hurts

OK. Sitting here letting my tummy settle.

It's anxiety.

Deep breaths.

Ah. that's better.

A friend recently described himself as a "high capacity person". That is a true and insightful observation for him. I think it's important to be self aware and reflective. As much as I'd like to say I am also a "high capacity person" I am realizing I am not.

I am a "high energy person". I am a "high activity person". But, I don't know about "high capacity".

One of the biggest struggles of my life has been to recognize and heal my short temper. I have come a LONG way, thanks to God. I believe He has supernaturally transformed me.

However, one of the very practical factors involved in this transformation is that I have eliminated a lot from my life. I still love to be active and busy, but I do not have a high capacity for quick decision making, problem solving, multi tasking, and juggling.

So, I am acknowledging that I have a tummy ache because I am anxious. It has already faded. I can recognize signs now and reduce my load as needed before I go to "over capacity".

I think I have had a lot of up and down for my capacity. Yesterday, I:

chaired a meeting to plan a fundraising gala event - yay

met with a friend who is suffering with some horrible realities - boo

hosted a small group and had a new friend come - yay

today - some really good news via email, the kind that brings tears of joy - yay, yay, yay

worked lunchroom duty at Liv's school - yay

Got two phone calls, 3 emails while on lunch duty because of major snafu with upcoming gala event. The venue double booked! - boo

Answered or sent out about 45 emails about events happening - yay

Have an awesome night planned where my passions collide - the people I work with on PTA along with my church peeps - plus talented friends - all raising money and hanging out. I need to get up and do the welcome. - yay. Maybe i should prepare something? - boo

edited a letter I need to send to parents at liv's school asking for money - boo

made final plans for PTA dance/auction this friday at liv's school - yay

Secured donations for both kids' school auction fundraisers - yay

OK, that's enough. I did many other things too. And, I am DISGUSTED when people brag about how busy they are. That's not what I am doing at all! I am actually realizing that, I do not like it when there is too much going on. Because, in the midst of my stuff, alli is going to a Friend's, liv has an after school club, then I take her straight to dance, then straight out for night. Too busy.

That's why I am borderline obsessed about my schedule. I hate to over commit. It stresses me out. Like I said, I am high energy and high activity, but I can't handle too much that requires so much thinking, decision making, problem solving, strategizing. When it comes to those things, I am efficient, but focused and not a good at multi tasking. When I feel there are a lot of loose ends, I get a tummy ache.

So, I thank God that he has blessed me with a flexible schedule. My effort has been to love Him and to love others by using my gifts and talents, without getting over busy just because I happen to have the energy. Energy only gets me so far.

OK, that's what I needed. A little write-rest. I feel better.

And, I honestly cannot tell you the last time I was even tempted to throw something, kick something, or scream till my throat feels bad.

It's important to be self aware. To recognize strengths and constraints (timm doesn't like me to say weaknesses).

And, as we discussed in our small group last night, it's important to be comfortable in your own skin and to STOP comparing yourself to others in order to define yourself and gain worth!

more from my journal

Same theme, different day.

Every morning, I wake up and have quiet time where I rest in the presence of my creator. I praise Him and worship Him and humble myself before Him. I ask for His grace and love to wash over me and be real in my life. Basically, I spend time falling in love with Him and feeling loved in return. I usually spend time reading my devotional and/or bible and I journal my thoughts and prayers.

This is from my journal yesterday.

"Today in Luke 14:25-34 brings me back almost 5 years to my first trip to NY. Craig assigned us this reading and I had so many questions then. I remember asking...How can we truly count the cost? How can we really be prepared and be sure we have what we need? Aren't we asked the opposite? To NOT consider what we have, but rather to dive into service with nothing?

But, I learned, as you were gently teaching me, that you need everything from me. Every morsel, every fiber of my being. All of me.

14:33 "In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. "

BAM! Plain and simple. In verse 27 "Anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple"

Jesus is saying that you must come to a point of understanding that following Him is not just about gain. You have to be willing to lose everything in order to gain Him. When he said this, there were "large crowds" following him. It's almost as if he stopped, turned to them, and said "Really? Do you really want to be following me?" It's like he was trying to weed out the large crowd!

Strange.

As I have struggled for years now about how much of the "good news" should be presented in an "attractional" way and how much should really be more confrontational? On the one hand, Jesus was "performing" many miracles. Quite a spectacle. Attracting lots of spectators. That seems important. THEN, he turns to them once they are drawn to His works, and He speaks the hard truth. He "weeds them out".

It seems you have to expose people first to Jesus' power, love, grace, mercy. Once that is of interest to a person, they will be ready to hear that Jesus requires complete allegiance and submission.

If you start with the submission/allegiance stuff when presenting Jesus, where is the LOVE? People need to feel attracted to, drawn to, intrigued by Jesus first. Then they have to seek him. Then they will get to know him. Then they WILL LOVE HIM. It is only then that they will obey him. "

OK, so that is an example of my journaling. Half the time I speak directly to God, half the time I just think thoughts about Him.

But, this theme of complete submission is a constant in my quiet time for years now. And, no matter how many times it comes to me, it is profound every single time. Because, we do not live this way on earth. We just don't.

Well, on a lighter note.....I have enjoyed an incredible spring break with my family. Seriously awesome. Started with a date night to Brooklyn Commune with Timm. Food so good, it's sick! Then Good Friday, then Seder dinner, then Easter sonrise service, brunch, and a great dinner here. Then we went on a road trip to Rhode Island and had a super fantastic time! See Alli's blog for a few pics. I love spending time with my girls so much, it makes me crazy. Came back in time for Liv's dance recital. I cried. She seriously made my heart crinkle and my eyes fling out tears of joy. Yep, that good. Last night, after having an impromptu soup dinner with two neighbor families here, I went out on another date with Timm to a little bar called Sunny's where they have live music. Today I get to go to another of Olivia's performances (she is in 6 all together). Tonight I am hoping to go to a swanky place in the city to meet up with a friend for her birthday. Tomorrow after church and dropping Liv off for her final shows, I get to go to the movies with my friend.

DANG! My life is too good to be true!