I was so honored to be able to share a few words at Sharon's funeral. I had written it down because I knew if I didn't, I'd risk talking all day long! One day, while I was sitting in Sharon's room, knowing that our time together was coming to an end, I thought about what I might say if I was able to speak at her funeral. I prayed for God to inspire me. Here is what a was able to share:
A mother really has an incredible power to set the tone of the home. Somehow she is the heart and soul of a home, of a family. I feel so blessed to have seen and felt that power in this family. In this home. Sharon has been the very heart and soul. She has set the tone. A home full of grace. peace. acceptance. love. nurturing. honesty. joy. laughter. generosity. celebration.
She has always seemed to do it so effortlessly. I think it's because she was right in step with God's will for her life. She was living it out every day, in every little way, in every moment. She was modeling for others how to live as a servant. Here to serve, not to be served. And I just hope she knows the incredible legacy she's leaving.
For her kids, for their friends throughout the years, for the grand kids, for all of the nieces and nephews, for her daughter-in-laws, for her siblings, and truly, for an exponential number of people who will be better people for having known her, her family, and those she has touched with her servant's heart.
She lived out God's plan. He created us to honor and glorify him. And he wants us to do that by giving up our own selfish, sinful nature in order to serve others. Anyone who knew Sharon knows that is exactly how she lived. And she just did it with such grace. So effortlessly. She was being the hands and feet of Jesus to everyone, all the time.
Isn't it cool to reflect now and to picture her humble smile, knowing that was Jesus? Or reflecting on a time she gave up her time to serve you. Or gave you a gift. That was from Jesus. He loves us so much, and Sharon was able to show us some of His love by serving us.
What an inspiration Sharon has been to me. Some of the things I learned from her:
*how to laugh at myself
*how to be in the moment....and how to enjoy the moment
*how to be generous
*how to love....whether I think a person "deserves" it or not
*how to love my kids enough to give them WINGS and encourage them to fly, even if it means they might fly away from me
*not to worry about the little things
*and together, we learned, not to worry about BIG things.
A few days after I learned of her diagnosis, I found myself laying awake in my bed worrying. About the next day, the next week, month.....year. I was getting myself so worked up that my heart was racing and I had a pit in my stomach and I felt so out of control.
Then, God put a scripture in my mind. and, you can ask Timm, who was laying there beside me, I was instantly overcome with peace and relief.
It was Matthew 6:34 "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own."
I took a deep breath and remembered that God promises us strength and grace sufficient for today. He doesn't say "Oh, and when you start to worry about tomorrow, next week, net year, and every possible scenario that could unfold, I'll give you all the grace right now that you will need for that too." Nope, But, he does PROMISE enough strength for today.
I shared this with Sharon. And, a few morning later, she called and told me she "tried my technique" last night and it worked!!! She couldn't get to sleep, found herself fretting about the future, but then she remembered what that verse said and the next thing she knew, it was morning and she had slept soundly for hours.
I laughed and told her it wasn't MY technique, but truth from God, our creator and Father. And it works because His plans are always perfect.
So, together, I believe we learned to lean on that truth. If we have today, let's not worry about tomorrow just yet.
As I say by her bedside all last week, there was an awesome quote printed and propped up on the headboard. I'd like to share it with you.
Do not look forward in fear to the changed of life;
rather, look to them with full hope that as they arise, God whose very own
you are, will lead you safely through all things.
And when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms.
Do not fear what will happen tomorrow,
the same everlasting Father who cares for you today
will care for you today and every day
He will either shield you from suffering or will give you
unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.
St. Frances De Sales
Looking back, I knew I had an amazing mother-in-law from day one. I was always thankful and I told my friends that I was sorry that they had "mother in law stories" but I just could not relate. And then I had kids...COME ON! That's when I almost couldn't tell my stories anymore with my friends. It just felt like I was exaggerating or rubbing it in. Because I literally had the best mother in law in the world. My friends will tell you, I am not just saying that now because she is gone. I have said that for years.
I am a better person for having had Sharon in my life. Her legacy will live on through generations. Her gentle, loving, generous, gracious spirit lives on through all of us. Like I said, it is the very spirit of Jesus that she showed us and lived out.
She made the world a better place.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Olivia's poem
I wanted to share a few words form Olivia. When we were saying goodbye to Grandma, Olivia left the room and when she came back in, she had a pen and paper. She sat at the foot of Grandma's bed, and she wrote:
Grandparents love you
With 42 years of marriage
I'd like to see you in a carriage
riding down an isle of roses
making laughter and striking poses
You are the granparents I always wanted
sometimes we even flaunted
when we look at the sky, it is so bright
that's because it's heaven's lights!
that's where you'll be grandmother dear.
but do be aware, there is nothing to fear
You'll have Jesus Christ all day
just remember that it's OK
someday we will be up there
with the friends that you made
all the friends that greet you everyday
just remember that every granparent out there
love their grandchild in a different way
but I especially love the way you do it grandma.
Grandparents love you
With 42 years of marriage
I'd like to see you in a carriage
riding down an isle of roses
making laughter and striking poses
You are the granparents I always wanted
sometimes we even flaunted
when we look at the sky, it is so bright
that's because it's heaven's lights!
that's where you'll be grandmother dear.
but do be aware, there is nothing to fear
You'll have Jesus Christ all day
just remember that it's OK
someday we will be up there
with the friends that you made
all the friends that greet you everyday
just remember that every granparent out there
love their grandchild in a different way
but I especially love the way you do it grandma.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
the storm, the rock
I'm back in Michigan.
Craziest stretch of time. On Tuesday, the girls and I said goodbye to Grandma. We hugged her, kissed her, and told her we were done bugging her! We assured her that she didn't have to try to give us a hug with her arms, or a kiss with her lips. Because we know that we have an endless supply of her love for the rest of our lives here on earth.
Timm stayed in MI to be with her and to help his Dad care for her.
Tuesday night, we got home from the airport at about 8:30. Just enough time to try to get our stuff in the apartment and get the girls tucked into bed since they were anticipating going to school the next day. The only problem was that Olivia was complaining of a LOT of pain in her ear ever since we landed. Olivia is a tough cookie. If she says something hurts...it HURTS.
We didn't end up sleeping much. Between taking Olivia to the emergency room for her ear and getting a call that Grandma had passed away peacefully in the night, we gave up on the notion of sleeping. Instead, we unpacked, repacked, and drove all the way back to MI.
So, here we are.
Most of us have heard about the bible verse that talks about building your house on "the rock". There's a great little sunday school song about it.
But, reading those verses in Matthew today, I felt the meaning so powerfully.
Matthew 7:24-25
24Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock
25 and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.
I think a raging storm is a really good picture of what hit this family this week.....this year. And, it's truly amazing. I have had the privilege of sitting in the eye of the storm, and witnessing the peace that transcends all understanding. THe peace and comfort that comes from the rock on which THIS family was built.
When the winds shipped in, we gathered together. We literally sang praises to our creator. We laughed and cried and held hands and experienced joy and peace so deep, no force on this earth could penetrate it or SHAKE it!
THAT is the ROCK this scripture refers to. Jesus Christ.
For those who do not know that kind of peace, I pray. And I pray that this family not only rests in the absolute power of that rock solid faith, but that this family can shine light into darkness. That each person in this family can help someone else find that rock to build their life on.
I can't say enough about the love I have experienced this week. I have always experienced it in this family. And I am blessed to experience it in my family too. But there is something about a storm like this. When we all had to reach beyond our own ability to cope and lean on that great Comforter. And we will continue to lean on Him. It's humbling.
This experience has solidified my faith in ways so deep.
I'm not for one second minimizing the tragedy of Sharon's suffering or our loss.
It sucks so hard, it's like sucking on a straw after getting your wisdom teeth extracted, then getting a dry socket that gets infected and the pain of the infection is so intense, you'd prefer someone to chop your whole head off than to endure one more second. IT SUCKS.
But, I haven't even had to TRY to find God in this, or beauty in this.
God is so present, I"ve experienced Him with my senses. And the beauty is so complete, my words can't convey the image because it transcends my words. It's that real.
This is long, I know.
Someone could tell me about God all day long, I could read about him for years, but I can say, I have met God. I've hung out with him. I've experienced Him with all that I am.
THANK YOU SHARON for that gift to me and to so many others.
Dance, sing, celebrate for eternity. Enjoy your rewards in heaven. Can't wait to see you there.
Craziest stretch of time. On Tuesday, the girls and I said goodbye to Grandma. We hugged her, kissed her, and told her we were done bugging her! We assured her that she didn't have to try to give us a hug with her arms, or a kiss with her lips. Because we know that we have an endless supply of her love for the rest of our lives here on earth.
Timm stayed in MI to be with her and to help his Dad care for her.
Tuesday night, we got home from the airport at about 8:30. Just enough time to try to get our stuff in the apartment and get the girls tucked into bed since they were anticipating going to school the next day. The only problem was that Olivia was complaining of a LOT of pain in her ear ever since we landed. Olivia is a tough cookie. If she says something hurts...it HURTS.
We didn't end up sleeping much. Between taking Olivia to the emergency room for her ear and getting a call that Grandma had passed away peacefully in the night, we gave up on the notion of sleeping. Instead, we unpacked, repacked, and drove all the way back to MI.
So, here we are.
Most of us have heard about the bible verse that talks about building your house on "the rock". There's a great little sunday school song about it.
But, reading those verses in Matthew today, I felt the meaning so powerfully.
Matthew 7:24-25
24Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock
25 and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.
I think a raging storm is a really good picture of what hit this family this week.....this year. And, it's truly amazing. I have had the privilege of sitting in the eye of the storm, and witnessing the peace that transcends all understanding. THe peace and comfort that comes from the rock on which THIS family was built.
When the winds shipped in, we gathered together. We literally sang praises to our creator. We laughed and cried and held hands and experienced joy and peace so deep, no force on this earth could penetrate it or SHAKE it!
THAT is the ROCK this scripture refers to. Jesus Christ.
For those who do not know that kind of peace, I pray. And I pray that this family not only rests in the absolute power of that rock solid faith, but that this family can shine light into darkness. That each person in this family can help someone else find that rock to build their life on.
I can't say enough about the love I have experienced this week. I have always experienced it in this family. And I am blessed to experience it in my family too. But there is something about a storm like this. When we all had to reach beyond our own ability to cope and lean on that great Comforter. And we will continue to lean on Him. It's humbling.
This experience has solidified my faith in ways so deep.
I'm not for one second minimizing the tragedy of Sharon's suffering or our loss.
It sucks so hard, it's like sucking on a straw after getting your wisdom teeth extracted, then getting a dry socket that gets infected and the pain of the infection is so intense, you'd prefer someone to chop your whole head off than to endure one more second. IT SUCKS.
But, I haven't even had to TRY to find God in this, or beauty in this.
God is so present, I"ve experienced Him with my senses. And the beauty is so complete, my words can't convey the image because it transcends my words. It's that real.
This is long, I know.
Someone could tell me about God all day long, I could read about him for years, but I can say, I have met God. I've hung out with him. I've experienced Him with all that I am.
THANK YOU SHARON for that gift to me and to so many others.
Dance, sing, celebrate for eternity. Enjoy your rewards in heaven. Can't wait to see you there.
Monday, October 18, 2010
I'm a KELLY
When I got married, 14 years ago, I gave up a maiden name that I had a lot of pride in. And I took my husband's name. Kelly. I was humbly honored to take that name. But, never before have I felt so proud to be a Kelly.
This week I am witnessing love.
We use that word so flippantly. I love ice cream. I love your hair. No....not that kind of love. But, LOVE.
I have a passion for the covenant of marriage. A burning desire for people to take their commitment seriously and to treat it as a covenant created by God to reflect the kind of love He is to the rest of the world.
Here I sit...4 days after getting the phone call that Timm's mom is at the end of her short battle with cancer. Hospice is stepping in to assist in the process of dying with dignity. By the time we were able to fly to Michigan and be at her bedside, we had just a little bit of time to get our selfish fill of love FROM her. In the form of eye contact and head nods and small smiles, we were fed one last dose of love from a woman who's every move modeled the act of giving love.
So, here I sit. Overwhelmed. But not only by grief. I'm overwhelmed by the love. Believe me, there is tons of love here! Family, friends, clergy, and God himself. It's radiating.
But, I am particularly overwhelmed by the love between Timm's mom and dad. I have never witnessed anything like it. And, I 'm so glad to be a part of it. And, for my kids to be a part of it too.
Here's Tim, 42 years after marrying Sharon. Sitting by her bedside 24 hours - only taking short breaks. He's rubbing her back, caressing her gently, telling her how much he loves her. Telling her it's OK to let go and be with Jesus. He's caring for her in ways that are so sweet. He knows which sheets she likes on the bed, which detergent she likes the smell of. When someone was going to use a wet wipe to help clean her, he said no and he prepared a warm bucket of water with the body wash "she likes". Everything. He knows all about her.
And it's because they stuck it out. They LOVED each other. Through the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the joys, the disappointments, the frustrations, all of it!
Now, he is whispering stories in her ear - remembering the birth of each child and telling her how strong she was. Remembering funny stories from their dating and telling her how lucky he is that she stuck with him. Remembering loved ones who have passed and telling her how they are waiting to greet her in heaven. Telling her how special she is to every person in her life...one by one...in detail. And then assuring her that it is OK to let go and that each person will be OK.
UGH! The power of THAT kind of LOVE! It's crazy.
To me, it is a perfect picture of God's intention for marriage. They didn't have an easy, perfect life. But they shared it all and stuck by their promises to LOVE no matter what.
And now, I see the legacy that it is leaving for their kids, their grandkids, their nieces and nephews, and everyone lucky enough to know them. They have modeled, and continue to model, loving and serving each other just like the Triune God. A circle of love so complete. They give others a glimpse of the kind of love God wants us to know and imitate.
So, here I sit, early in the morning. Quiet. Dark. Praying for God to release Sharon from this world. And thanking and praising him for the gift of marriage. And for this amazing family I am blessed to be a part of.
I understand that their example reaches far beyond those who are married. It is an example for everyone and how we should love. But, it is just such a clear reminder of why I am so passionate about the covenant of marriage. And it is why I choose to invest time, resources, prayers and whatever I can to help others catch a glimpse of this amazing plan God has for marriage.
I can't end this post without including my own parents' model of marriage. I'm simply overwhelmed with the gift God has given Timm and I to have been raised by two sets of parents who cherish this covenant.
Right now, my mom is well over 1000 miles away. That is not where she wants to be at this moment. She would like to be here, in MI, serving, loving and showing love to me and my family and the family she has grown to love, my in-laws. But, life happens. She is laid up with a back that won't move! She is dealing with her own frustrations. My Dad celebrated his 70th birthday a few days ago by taking his wife to the ER, hanging out with her during tests, bringing her back to their place, making sure she was comfortable, and treating himself to taco bell for dinner.
When I talked to my Dad, what was his response? "I just feel so lucky. So blessed. We're doing just fine". And he meant it. Even though they can't be here to give me a hug and share in this time, they know they truly are lucky.
So, there you have it. I had to give up my family name. Carlson. A name my Dad proudly carries. A name that has a legacy of it's own from my Grandpa, my Dad, and now my brother. And, now I am a Kelly. And, I know that my Dad is proud to see the legacy continue in all of his children.
We are blessed BEYOND any comprehension or reason.
This week I am witnessing love.
We use that word so flippantly. I love ice cream. I love your hair. No....not that kind of love. But, LOVE.
I have a passion for the covenant of marriage. A burning desire for people to take their commitment seriously and to treat it as a covenant created by God to reflect the kind of love He is to the rest of the world.
Here I sit...4 days after getting the phone call that Timm's mom is at the end of her short battle with cancer. Hospice is stepping in to assist in the process of dying with dignity. By the time we were able to fly to Michigan and be at her bedside, we had just a little bit of time to get our selfish fill of love FROM her. In the form of eye contact and head nods and small smiles, we were fed one last dose of love from a woman who's every move modeled the act of giving love.
So, here I sit. Overwhelmed. But not only by grief. I'm overwhelmed by the love. Believe me, there is tons of love here! Family, friends, clergy, and God himself. It's radiating.
But, I am particularly overwhelmed by the love between Timm's mom and dad. I have never witnessed anything like it. And, I 'm so glad to be a part of it. And, for my kids to be a part of it too.
Here's Tim, 42 years after marrying Sharon. Sitting by her bedside 24 hours - only taking short breaks. He's rubbing her back, caressing her gently, telling her how much he loves her. Telling her it's OK to let go and be with Jesus. He's caring for her in ways that are so sweet. He knows which sheets she likes on the bed, which detergent she likes the smell of. When someone was going to use a wet wipe to help clean her, he said no and he prepared a warm bucket of water with the body wash "she likes". Everything. He knows all about her.
And it's because they stuck it out. They LOVED each other. Through the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the joys, the disappointments, the frustrations, all of it!
Now, he is whispering stories in her ear - remembering the birth of each child and telling her how strong she was. Remembering funny stories from their dating and telling her how lucky he is that she stuck with him. Remembering loved ones who have passed and telling her how they are waiting to greet her in heaven. Telling her how special she is to every person in her life...one by one...in detail. And then assuring her that it is OK to let go and that each person will be OK.
UGH! The power of THAT kind of LOVE! It's crazy.
To me, it is a perfect picture of God's intention for marriage. They didn't have an easy, perfect life. But they shared it all and stuck by their promises to LOVE no matter what.
And now, I see the legacy that it is leaving for their kids, their grandkids, their nieces and nephews, and everyone lucky enough to know them. They have modeled, and continue to model, loving and serving each other just like the Triune God. A circle of love so complete. They give others a glimpse of the kind of love God wants us to know and imitate.
So, here I sit, early in the morning. Quiet. Dark. Praying for God to release Sharon from this world. And thanking and praising him for the gift of marriage. And for this amazing family I am blessed to be a part of.
I understand that their example reaches far beyond those who are married. It is an example for everyone and how we should love. But, it is just such a clear reminder of why I am so passionate about the covenant of marriage. And it is why I choose to invest time, resources, prayers and whatever I can to help others catch a glimpse of this amazing plan God has for marriage.
I can't end this post without including my own parents' model of marriage. I'm simply overwhelmed with the gift God has given Timm and I to have been raised by two sets of parents who cherish this covenant.
Right now, my mom is well over 1000 miles away. That is not where she wants to be at this moment. She would like to be here, in MI, serving, loving and showing love to me and my family and the family she has grown to love, my in-laws. But, life happens. She is laid up with a back that won't move! She is dealing with her own frustrations. My Dad celebrated his 70th birthday a few days ago by taking his wife to the ER, hanging out with her during tests, bringing her back to their place, making sure she was comfortable, and treating himself to taco bell for dinner.
When I talked to my Dad, what was his response? "I just feel so lucky. So blessed. We're doing just fine". And he meant it. Even though they can't be here to give me a hug and share in this time, they know they truly are lucky.
So, there you have it. I had to give up my family name. Carlson. A name my Dad proudly carries. A name that has a legacy of it's own from my Grandpa, my Dad, and now my brother. And, now I am a Kelly. And, I know that my Dad is proud to see the legacy continue in all of his children.
We are blessed BEYOND any comprehension or reason.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Happy 11th Birthday Alli!
My baby turns 11 today!
I don't think I could find a way to be more proud of my sweet little girl. She has such character, courage, charisma, compassion (that was a fun run of "c" words). She stands up for her beliefs and what she thinks is right. She truly cares about others. She even recognizes her weaknesses and strives to make improvements. She is playful and loving and wise beyond her years. I thank God every day for the incredible gift He has given our family. We love our Alli.
In keeping with our seemingly new tradition, we have been celebrating her "birth week" rather than simply her "birth day".
Last Friday we celebrated with some of our small group. Then on Saturday night, Alli had about 10 friends over for a LOUD, WILD party! It was so fun. Junk food, games, music and dancing, and lots of energy! Then, two of her friends spent the night. At midnight, when Olivia and I went to bed, the girls were told they could stay up as long as they wanted, as long as they weren't loud. I guess that meant 4am! Crazy party animals.
Last night we made cake cone cupcakes for Alli to take to school today. I'm glad they still do that in middle school. She was excited. Tonight after the girls are done with dance class, Alli gets to choose a place to go out to dinner.
And, since Timm is missing all of this, we will do more celebrating this weekend when we take a family trip to LBI for a couple of days!
Do I need to even say this...I am having trouble loading a few pics. Seriously. When I have some more TIME to sit here and figure it out, I will. Really, seriously, blogging takes very little time until I try to load pictures and EVERY SINGLE STINKIN TIME it's something new! Sucks.
OK, that was my rant. Back to my glorious, sunny day.
I LOVE MY BABY ALLI!
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