Poems

 April is National Poetry Month. 

A while back, I was reading a book about poetry and I realized that actually attempting poetry is super vulnerable for me. It goes to such depths.  It's emotion on paper.  It's admitting the depths of awareness, feeling, emotion, uncertainty, confusion, delight.  Trying to express the transcendent.  And, if you don't know me well, you might not know that I prefer thinking to feeling.  Poetry exposes my feely side and I'm just learning to be OK with that part of myself. Plus I have no idea how to write poems.  

But, what the heck.  I have jotted down a few poems in my journal over some years and thought - why not share them here?

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Round and round we go

Where is the clock?

Nobody knows.

Stop!  Did you hear that?
A snowflake just fell.

Through the tick and the tock,

I could hardly tell.

Another.  Another. 

Does white carry sound?

Perfect stillness rests

I hear it clanging all around

The morning has broken

The morning in mine

The tick tock, the stillness

The gift of time.

It's there.  Or is it?

It surrounds us, and yet...

With tight fists I grab hold, 

And with open hands I get. 

Stop.  Go.  Stop.  Go...

In motion tremors thrill

but in the ring stands fighting

the desire to be still.

Who will be the victor?
Who takes home the prize?

Can you measure these opponents?

Will they score based on their size?

Run.  Accomplish.  Fight.  Win.

Then worthy you will be.

But stop, reflect, surrender, lose

And victory you might see.  

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Too much pain

Disconnect

See the smile

Shut down the heart

Too much pain

The dagger is a threat

I can't let it puncture

Shift, dodge, scroll, move

Keep moving

The blade finds willing flesh

Their words ooze from the wounds

But not me

Keep them all inside

They are my oxygen

My lungs swell

Exhale

Controlled, alive, protected

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Woosh.  Woosh.

A friendly dragon breathes in the morning sun.

The breeze carries it away.

Woosh.  Woosh.

My heart lifts!  

I know this.

I remember this!

It is colors.

Rising on a breeze.

Saying yes to the trees...and then no

Lifting with each exhale

But I lift with each inhale

We're breathing together

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Colors

Sounds

Creamy blue palette

Green rustling and swaying

How can I hear a breeze?

Only as it catches what impedes it's path.

How can it be so beautiful?

It's invisible.

Yet, my breath catches in my throat.

Branches sway and leaves dance. 

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A lifetime of training

Lean in, not away.

Open arms for an embrace

Answer yes, it's OK.

What are you protecting?
Why is it so hard?
Others make it look so easy.

Let down your guard.

Not sure when it happened.

But training works that way.

I think I'm one of them now

there's nothing I need to say.

Stop

Recoil

Don't

Not safe!

There's an enemy among us

we must not make mistakes.

That person isn't the enemy

Defeat is in the space between us

Resist the desire for closeness

Retreat to self protection is a must

Stranger on the street

Move away and nod discreetly

Hold your breath and speculate

Wish the categories lined up neatly.

Us and them

Nothing makes sense

Do I make exceptions

in my line of defense?

Can I?  Should I/

Who do I ask?

Knowing right and wrong

Has become and impossible task.

What felt like selfless and loving

has become a selfish act.

Do you want to be part of the problem?

All invitations you must retract.

It won't always be this way

Don't let it harden your heart

Grieve the temporary loss

And let perfect love do it's part.

There's no condemnation in love

No judgement, no keeping score

No fear, no worry, no envy, no pride

And when it runs out, there is more!