It's just not fair!

Reading my bible this morning.
I have been in the habit of reading one section from the Old Testament, followed by a section from the New Testament daily.  It helps me to keep an overarching theme to what I read.
Today I had these thoughts.
If it's "fair" I'm looking for, I guess I won't exactly find it in the bible.
WOW!  What a desire for justice I have in my heart.  But do I really want justice?  For me?  Or would I prefer grace and mercy for myself?
Reading Genesis 28:10-22 about God blessing Jacob.  Well, not only did Jacob trick his Dad Issac and betray his brother Esau, but even in this passage, he basically tells God he will do what he is being called to do...IF....God provides protection and provision for his journey.  He doesn't appear to simply obey.  There are contingencies.
Then I flip to Matthew 14.  John the Baptist is in prison.  And he does not appear to be resisting or anything. Here he is, a servant, a prophet who spent his entire life being misunderstood and persecuted while remaining obedient to his Father God.  And what happens?  Herod chops his head off and his disciples drag his headless body to be buried somewhere.
Fair?  Not at all!
Why do I  feel things should be fair?  I read these two contrasting stories and can't help but think Jacob deserved the beheading more than John the Baptist.
And, it's so matter-of-fact in the way the event of the beheading is told.  There is no perspective from the prison cell.  What must John have been thinking??  Did he feel betrayed?  Jesus was walking around healing people, performing miracles, and John is locked up in prison.  Where was Jesus?  Why didn't he go and rescue John?  Why?  What's fair about that?  Doesn't even make sense.  Aren't the good guys supposed to win?  Why does Herod win this one?
That's the thing.  The bible is not a book of happy stories.   It's not a book filled with stories about the good guys winning.  It's crazy and messed up and unpredictable and often disappointing and confusing.
Just like the world we live in!
Part of me doesn't like reading the bible.  It's true.  I find myself confused and disappointed because it seems so random.  Sometimes I see radical mercy and grace, other times I see radical judgement, and often times I see what appears to be arbitrary events that do not align with any specific law or reason.
Again, sounds a lot like life!  The world we live in.
I guess it's good that the bible reflects the actual world we live in, rather than a fairy tale.
But, it can be disturbing.
Here's what I think today.  I want to see justice.  I want to see the bad guys getting paid back for their wrongs.  And I want to see the good guys getting the rewards they deserve.
But, the kingdom of God is often upside down!
After all, if I really want justice, then I would get eternal separation from God because I simply can't overcome my sinful nature and be "good enough" for him.  So, I would be getting my just penalty of separation from God, if all were "just".
Instead, God offers grace.  An undeserved gift to me.  I can't be "good enough" to deserve it.  I can't.  It is simply His love offering.  And, if I want this gift for myself, I need to be willing to accept that this gift is extended to everyone.  Good guys, and bad guys.
And, I need to let go of some of the things that appear inconsistent and random when it comes to justice. God's plan is bigger than mine.
I can't figure it all out.
It may not seem like things aren't "fair".
And they aren't.
Because if things were "fair" we would all be damned and destroyed.  That's what we deserve.
And I believe that evil is at work and contributes to the apparent randomness of many events.
I will choose to believe Romans 8:28 "And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the GOOD of those who love him..."
Yep, I said I will CHOOSE to believe this.  That's what it boils down to.  A choice.  Faith.  I do believe that God can and will work ALL THINGS for good.  That doesn't mean I think all things are good.  No, this world is crawling with evil and we all have free will.  But, God can work good out of anything.
And that's just not fair!  Which, I have to admit, is fine with me.