Finally Sharing!

Our time in Brooklyn is soon coming to an end.

We are moving at the end of June to Michigan.

This past weekend at church, we had the opportunity to share a bit of our family's story with our friends.

I figured I would share it here as well.

I wrote these notes out when I was thinking about what to share with our church family. I'm just copying them here. 

I haven't posted here all year.  I spent a ton of time journaling, but didn't feel like sharing everything.  Maybe i need to grow in that area?  I encourage everyone else to share their burdens and let people in, but then I resist letting people in when I am burdened!

This is long, but I wanted to finally share my heart for those who are interested. 

*We just wanted to share a littlie bit of our story with you to encourage you.  God really can be trusted. The promise of joy and peace is true.  When you seek God, you will find Him.  But it is sometimes challenging.

*It’s been a challenging year for me. 

*When I looked back in my journal there was an entry in September 2012, where something shifted.  On that day, I realized that I needed to let go of my life again because I had taken it back and was grasping on a bit tightly. I specifically admitted that I was holding on to my life here in NYC just as tightly as I had been holding onto my life when I lived in Michigan and felt called to leave there.  

*I prayed a scary prayer that day. I told God what I wanted and what I thought looked best for our family, but instead of asking for Him to agree with me and make it all work out the way I saw best, I surrendered and begged God to intercede and do whatever He saw was best for us.  I specifically prayed that he would lead our family to a life that is best to serve him, serve others, and for my girls to grow into a close relationship with him.   

*Well, it was the next day when Timm found out at work that his position was eliminated and that they would be offering him a job in a school in Brooklyn for the remainder of the school year, but beyond that, he would have to find a new job.

*The timing shook me a bit.

*I will admit, although it didn’t happen right away, I did get a little bit resentful towards God.

*I thought “Geez, why can’t you just leave us alone?  Why can’t I just surrender and give you my life, and you just say thanks and let me keep living where I want and how I think we should live?  Every day I commit to love and serve you, and that’s not enough?”

*Looking back through my journal, I really did have a challenging year spiritually.  I’m not one to hold back, so I let God have it quite a few times.  It seems clear to me now that he was preparing my heart to for change.  I was resisting, but he is so patient! 

*I think deep down I just kept thinking (and fearing-if I’m honest) that He was going to lead us somewhere new. At some point, I shifted and started praying that if He did want us to move, could he please just let us know!  The waiting was killing me.  I just “needed” to know.  

*Honestly, I was fine, but as a Mom – I simply couldn’t stand the thought of not knowing if my kids were going to be at their school next year and not being able to offer them the security I desperately wanted to offer them.

*Because of that, I got mad at God a few more times.  All I wanted was for our family to be wherever God wanted us to be and for my girls to be in whatever environment would help them grow closer to Him.  I never prayed for their comfort or for them to have it easy.  

*Was it too much to ask that God just let us know???

*Again, He is so patient.

*Because, His timing really is right.  Strangely, I needed the time to grow closer to him in trust, and to be fully engaged in my life here, and to fully appreciate when His answers finally did come!  And, I realized I actually WAS praying for my kids comfort because I couldn’t’ stand that they might not have a secure and predictable future as they entered middle school and high school, which holds enough challenges and unknowns!!

*So, although it is not easy to trust God, He really can be trusted.  And, his timing is perfect. 

*If we had found out in September 2012 that we would be moving in June 2013, what a different year we would have had!  I can’t imagine.  

*And, I won’t speak for Timm but let me just say that the whole job search thing, however painful, was also an opportunity for Timm to grow spiritually.  And, if this job was offered to him back in September, I believe he would have said “thanks, but no thanks – I will find something that allows us to stay here.”

*Up until a few weeks ago, we thought God was providing a way for us to continue living, working, and serving in NYC.

*Some of you know the details - A job for Timm, a job for me, a place to move, etc.  I was excited and waiting and trusting God to put all of the pieces of the puzzle together. Although it was sketchy, it seemed like it was all going to work out somehow.  I personally didn’t feel peace about it all, but I assumed that was because none of it was final yet. I was still waiting…

*Then, one day, when we weren’t expecting it, Timm’s company approached him about a job opportunity.  They told him they would like him to consider being the principal at one of three schools.  All three schools were in Michigan.  Timm zeroed in on one of them as a possible interest.

*It was so strange.  Timm came home from that meeting and told me what had happened.  And, BOOM! It came!  The peace I had been seeking.  It’s difficult to explain the “peace of God that transcends understanding”.  But, that is what I felt. 

*And, I had been begging God for that peace all year.  It’s a peace that comes not from getting what you want, but from accepting and realizing what God wants!  It’s the best feeling there is. 

*It’s been a strange couple of weeks.  We absolutely love this city. We love this church community. We continue to feel an absolute passion for Communitas. We love the neighborhood we live in and the schools our girls are in. 

*Imagine for a minute being in Alli’s shoes.  Up until a few weeks ago, she thought she was going to start high school next year with all of the friends she has developed relationships with for the last 3 years. Do you remember what is was like starting high school?  Alli gets to start at a new place and trust that God will provide her with the friendships she wants and needs. That is not easy!

*We felt a very clear call from God to move to this city and be a part of this ministry and have never once doubted that call.  We thought for sure that God would keep us here. 

**So, here is the crazy thing….how is it that we are bursting with excitement and joy and anticipation in the midst of the sadness we feel about leaving all that we love?

*All I can explain is that when you are IN the will of God, you are inspired and on mission and on fire for Him.  And, that is how we feel.  We feel like we are not leaving Communitas, but rather, we are expanding Communitas! 

*We feel a passion for the mission and vision of this church.  No matter where we are, for the rest of our time on this earth, we will live out the vision of Communitas in our lives!  We will view our spiritual lives as a mission to lock arms with others and spread the gospel message of hope through loving, serving, sacrificing and abiding in Christ.

*It has been a challenge in our little church community to love so many and then have to say goodbye.  But, I think we are learning that it is the nature of this city.  I also believe that it is the way God intends to use this community, and his church!

*Because it is difficult, it’s hard to see it as good.  But, I really see this community as a place where people are accepted, loved, inspired and discipled.  When someone leaves, we aren’t just losing a friend, we are sending out disciples to other parts of the world!

*That’s what our family will be doing.  We will be taking the vision and mission of Communitas and living it out in our new neighborhood, workplaces, church community and family.

*So, we wanted to share that although we will miss you and this church and this city….we continue to be on fire for the gospel and on mission with you to make disciples!