gushy

Gushy warning.

Just feeling so blessed to have my husband. I am amazed and baffled as I ponder the fact that God chose to bless me with Timm.

I wasn't one of those little girls who sat and dreamt about marriage, babies, etc. I don't really recall thinking a whole lot about it. I do remember in high school telling my mom that I didn't think I'd get married because I simply didn't think I could be around anyone that much, or expect someone else to be around me that much. It seemed far fetched.

But, God had a different plan for me.

Now, here I am, almost 40, and a homemaker! That's my job. I care for my (little) home and my family. Yes, that leaves me time to pursue other volunteer opportunities and relationships, but for the main thrust, it is my family that receives my daily attention.

Every single day, I spend time thanking God for Timm. Every single day I spend time praying for him in specific ways. And, every single day I am blown away by how lucky I am. He is so patient. He is hard working. He is tons of fun. He enjoys life. He does not stress about stupid sh*&. He appreciates me and shows me his appreciation. He's confident, yet has learned to be humble in the sight of God. He strives to humble himself daily to God's will and to serve others before himself. He is honest about his shortcomings, and if I bring up something I observe, he is receptive and admits his fault instead of being defensive and ugly.

Yah, I don't know how God figured I deserved this marriage. But, I thank him for it daily. And, I just try to focus on ways to use our home, family, and relationship to spread God's good news to others by being an example of the covenant of love that we committed to.

Feeling pretty warm and fuzzy this Christmas season. Truly enjoying each moment, as I have been learning to appreciate the present as much as possible. Tonight we hop in the van and head to Buffalo for the night. Tomorrow some swimming in the pool and enjoying KKFT, then we are off to Michigan to celebrate Christmas with all of the family.

Ahhhhh, thank you God for this season. And for my husband. And my kids. And the countless blessings......

growin' up is hard to do

Back in the late 80's, early 90's, I used to do this ridiculous Richard Simmons workout tape (yes tape)....sweatin' to the oldies. One of the songs forever seared in my memory is "Breakin up is hard to do-ooo". So, when I wrote the title to this blog post, I sorta sang it to that tune.

Interesting how the brain works. Fascinating really. That song is hard wired into my brain from sheer repetition. I went on a field trip with Alli last week to the "Brainology" exhibit at the museum of Natural History. IT WAS AWESOME. I can never get too much information about the incredible human computer lodged into our craniums!

ANYWAYS.

My human computer OFTEN gets way too many electrical impulses firing in way too many directions.

What's on my mind? I guess it's Alli. She's eleven. She's in 6th grade. In so many ways, she is a clone of me. Freaky. However, she is a MUCH better model, and she has many attributes that I admire and envy.

As her Mom, I consider it my #1 priority to instruct, nurture, care for and train her. I love that job. It's an honor. But it's hard. It was hard when she was a newborn and I didn't know what she wanted when she cried. It was hard when she was 2, 3, and 4 because she has such a strong, independent personality and she pushed every limit to establish who was boss and where the boundaries were. And now it's hard because I feel like I understand why they label her a "tween" now. She really isn't a "little kid" anymore, and she isn't grown up either. So, half the time she wants to be silly and playful and childish and innocent. The other half, she feels pulled to grow up. That's fine. But, as we all know, with growing up comes responsibility. And, she seems to be struggling to get a handle on that.

Here's the thing. It is my opinion that kids grow up TOO FAST. Everything is TOO FAST. And, living in NYC has magnified and amplified that. I don't want to baby my kids and spoil them and all of that. I just want them to be able to be kids.

And, when they go to school all day long....Alli goes for 7 1/2 hours a day....and then they come home and immediately start doing homework and they seem to have very little free time, I feel bad for them. When I was eleven, I don't think I had homework. The way Alli has to balance her studying and assignments and expectations reminds me of the later part of my high school years. Actually, even then I don't remember much homework.

Let me back up just a wee bit. See, she wasn't bringing home a TON of homework, and I thought all was well. Then, she brought home a progress report that shocked us! She was not doing so well. So, I had to commit to sitting down with her every night and working with her to increase the quality of her work. Increasing the quality is taking a lot of time and effort. It's not just her work, but the way she keeps her backpack (NASTY) and keeps track of her things (lots of lost stuff) and her room (YIKES). Like I said, she is my clone, so this is familiar territory. Just a pain.

I won't go on and on and on. I'll just say that it's hard.

I'm very much looking forward to the break. Even though they get homework over every break, which is stupid.

And, I will also say one more thing. I'm not ripping on alli. The things I honestly value most, she is demonstrating. Her conduct is excellent, she continues to make good choices, she is compassionate, generous, fun, and able to stand up for what she believes. THAT is what is most important to me.

She's my first born. I am learning as I go. We are officially in the next stage of parenting.

warm and cold

Ya know, the weather outside is frightful.....

Yep, it feels like Christmas time out there. Cold. And, that's OK. We didn't get the DUMP of snow like Michigan, but we did get to have a few flurries. And, in some strange way, those flurries warm the heart. Hearing Alli scream "LOOK! SNOW!!!!" is so awesome.

Yes, the cold outside seems to magnify the warmth of the season.

Seeing all of the Christmas lights on our street and throughout the neighborhood....sipping hot cocoa....seeing the glow of our Christmas tree in our apartment while smelling the pine scented candle.....baking cookies....hosting parties.....going to parties......celebrating with Olivia's school and the community at a Bazaar.....singing on Sunday mornings by candlelight with our church community.....decorating a gingerbread house....getting warm jammies on at 5pm and having a relaxing evening wrapping presents, listening to "A Christmas Carol" on radio theater, and just being thankful for the warmth, health, and comfort we are blessed with. Ahhhh. Thank you God for this season.

Of course, I have to post some pictures. Still not very good at doing that on this blog. You would think I would be fairly proficient after all these years!?!?!

Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Happy Hanukkah. Happy New Year. Season's Greetings. Happy Festivus.

temple

Don't always find it easy to go deep on this blog. I'm more likely to do that in my daily journal that stays between me and God. But, occasionally I feel like sharing my thoughts.

Today, my devotional was about my body being a temple of the holy spirit. It says that I must exhibit in my own body the life of the Lord Jesus, not mysteriously or secretly, but openly and boldly.

1 Corinthians 9:27 "I discipline my body and bring it into subjection..." Devotional says "Most of us are much more severe in our judgement of others than we are in judging ourselves. We make excuses for things in ourselves, while we condemn things in the lives of others simply because we are not naturally inclined to do them!"

AHA! I AGREE! And I think this helps explain so much. We find it so easy to persecute people who struggle with things that we do NOT struggle with. Example: Is homosexual sex a sin? Yes, according to the bible, you are not treating your body as the temple of the holy spirit if you are engaging in homosexual sex. However, the bible also clearly warns us against ANY sex outside of marriage. Also, against greed. Also against gluttony. As a matter of face, gluttony is mentioned MUCH more frequently in the bible than homosexual acts. But, last time I checked, I have not noticed any "churches" showing hatred for and openly persecuting FAT people! Can you imagine? "We are the church of Jesus Christ. But, if you struggle with gluttony, you are not welcome to worship here. We will not accept you." Or how about greed? Haven't noticed any churches that "ban greedy people" or make them feel unwelcome or unworthy to join their church community and learn about Jesus' grace and mercy and power.

I have friends who hate that I think homosexual sex is a sin. I get that. Because, to them, that means I am sitting up on my high and mighty throne casting MY judgment on others. That's not my intention at all. It really isn't. But, I get it. That's what the "Christian Church" is doing. So, I get lumped in with that institution.

So, Why do certain sinful behaviors seem so easy to be judgemental of? Because, it's a sin we are not personally inclined to be tempted by! So, it's an easy target. It's easy for me to roll my eyes and "tsk tsk" someone who is greedy, materialistic, or just prone to making unwise financial decisions. People who value name brands and status. But, shame on me! I'm no better. And, if I'm honest, I know my own struggle in this area. First of all, obviously, pride. But, secondly, my insatiable desire for free or cheap stuff. Then, having too much stuff and knowing that it is taking my time and energy to organize, sort, discard, or salvage each thing that comes into my possession. But, that's easy to hide from others. Therefore, I also get a lot of pride built up.

Or how about when my sister in law decided to have a baby, even though she wasn't married? Again, easy for me to judge. My thoughts?? "That is so blatantly outside of God's will for you life! You call yourself a follower of Jesus, yet you clearly step outside of His design and will for your life because you want to?!" Well, guess what? I do that ALL THE TIME. Again, it may not be as obvious to others. But, every time I choose to serve myself and my own desires instead of others, I'm outside of His will. Every time I take my frustrations out on my kids and snap at them or belittle them because I am grumpy, I'm blatantly disregarding God's will and design. I do it all the time. But, God blessed me in way I can barely comprehend - with an amazing husband, two beautiful healthy children, incredible in-laws, etc, etc, etc. Who am I to say what I would do if I were in my 30's and those things hadn't happened for me yet? I will never know what that feels like, so why am I judging? Why? Because, I will never find myself in that situation, so it's easy to judge.

Wow. I could go ON and ON! It really is easy to judge. But, I need to be only judging MYSELF. Not others. God has given me the responsibility to rule over ALL "the temple of the holy spirit" including my thoughts and desires. It is my responsibility to accept the grace of God and the power of the holy spirit, and present myself as a "living sacrifice". Dead to my selfishness, alive to what God wants me to be.

So, let's challenge each other.....quit judging others. But, feel free to judge yourself.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

We decorated our tree last night and hung our stockings with care. Now Liv wants to bake sugar cookies. That was a new tradition we started last year.

We caught a little Christmas fever when we were in MI for Thanksgiving. We celebrated Christmas and exchanged gifts with the Kelly family. Then we joined the Carlson's for an awesome day of feasting, thanking God for blessings, and just hanging out.

It really was a fantastic weekend. I went shopping, Timm went to high school football playoffs (go dragons) with the guys, euchre party at the panks, and even managed to squeeze in some playtime with the Prouty girls.

I won't mention that we ended up with a flat tire on the way home. OK, since I mentioned it....flat tires really aren't that catastrophic. And, we did end up having tons to be thankful for in the end. However, how frustrating to find a place to pull over and change a tire, pull all the junk out of the back of the van, pull the jack out of it's holding place, realizing it's never been used and still has the plastic wrap on it from 2001....then... For the next 60 minutes, the realization occurs to us that the spare tire has never been accessed, and therefore is immovably rusted to the frame of the van. Nice. Timm was so determined to get that stinkin thing off! To no avail. What to be thankful for? We found a mechanic right there who was open on Sunday evening. They weren't able to get the spare tire off, but they were kind enough to take the flat off, determine it to be irrepairable, and sell us a new one for just $145. With the amount of money we have invested in owning that automobile this year.....we should be being chauferred around in a personal limousine with a full time driver.

Anywho....the Christmas season IS HERE. NYC is such a cool place for the holidays. Tomorrow the girls and I go to the nutcracker ballet. The really neat part is that Liv's friend from school has a part in the ballet!!! Last night we watched a TLC special about extreme Christmas lights. One of the neighborhoods highlighted was Dyker Heights, right here in Brooklyn! So, we are going to make sure we add that to our "must do" list this season. But, each daily square on our calendar seems to be getting more and more packed with activities, events, parties, etc. So, today we decided to clear our schedule and do NOTHING. We are taking the day as it comes and relaxing. We needed it. Maybe we will go out later for a walk down 5th ave and a peek at the Rockefeller center tree? Maybe not. For now, we are still in our jammies at 11am.

Was reminded of something today in my quiet time. There are always forces working against my health. My physical, mental and spiritual health. And I need to WORK in all of those areas to maintain a healthy balance. It takes effort to combat the forces that push against me. It's not something that is achieved PASSIVELY. That's why it is true to say that if I am not actively growing closer towards God, I'm not remaining stagnant, I'm growing further away from him.

The holiday season is a perfect time for distraction. If I am distracted by all of the great things to DO to celebrate our savior's birth, yet I do not take time to worship Him, meditate on His truth, listen to His voice, then the forces that are pulling me away from God are having their way. I must be active in my pursuit of growing closer to my God. And, sometimes that means saying NO to some things that appear good and fun and right so that I can be sure I am working on my relationship with my creator.

That is my constant challenge!

It's Christmas time......in the city.......silver bells.......silver bells.....