I was reading a daily mediation, and I found myself re-reading the entire thing, because it invigorated me. Then the excitement faded and I was left with a feeling of confusion and disappointment. Why don't more people see this? Get this? Consider this?
I guess they aren't wired like me - to question everything and then to question again. Never resting on what I know, but always in wonder of what I do not yet know or understand.
I guess there were plenty of years in my life that I understood faith to be an unwavering certainty that I had the right answers to the big questions. And I guess I probably feared the discovery of anything that could contradict my certainty.
But...I just couldn't settle for a worldview where all mysteries of the universe were neatly explained in my limited intellect - never to be challenged or changed again (because I had faith that I was right).
That just didn't satisfy me.
And for a while I was frustrated with my need to question everything. It felt like such a burden and such a distraction from simply "having faith" and "doing the right things" as outlined by Christianity.
It was one of the best things that ever happened for me when I learned to embrace, celebrate, and enjoy my questions, doubts, and uncertainty! I can remember that time in my life. Through reading books and listening to teachings and experiencing my own mystical exploration of spirit, I felt like my mind, body, and spirit came to life in a new way.
So, I guess I do understand how someone could end up trapped in a closed mindset, unwilling to explore growth. It threatens what they might feel is their faith. I was there myself. I just could not stay there.
What if I hadn't had those authors, teachers, thinkers and thought leaders sharing what they had learned? Could I have arrived at the place of celebrating my doubts and questions without the community and connections of those trusted people?
Part of my compulsion to write is simply my learning process. I can slow down my flow of thoughts enough to articulate them. And then I can go back and read what I was learning. But I can't help but consider sharing some of what I learn. Because, I'm so grateful for what was shared with me!
What I read that left me intrigued was about how scientists practice an openness to new questions and discoveries, which seems more like "faith" than the certainty that is embraced by many Christians.
Modern scientists move forward with some degree of not-knowing, which is what pulls them to discover. They remain open to new evidence that would tweak or change the previous "belief". Whereas, many religious people insist upon complete knowing at the beginning - and being certain every step of the way. It's a dead end; impossible to grow, discover or learn.
And, although scientists can really only study the material world, they have also come up with "beliefs" to explain things like dark matter, black holes, chaos theory, string theory, and other things they cannot prove exist - they know them first by their effects, or evidence, then work backwards. Look at quantum physics!!
There's a humility in scientists that we don't often see in clergy or "true believers". Many scientists believe in the reality of things that are invisible, even spiritual, more than many "believers" do!
But can I blame people of faith? If their trusted spiritual leader is communicating that faith = certainty and that anything that threatens, shakes, or changes that certainty is to be avoided, feared and fought against - they could easily view a new discovery as an evil force that is tempting them to compromise their true faith.
And if they're taught to avoid and resist evil, they might tighten their grip on their certainty so aggressively that they begin to worship certainty and their need to be right above loving and following Jesus - the object of their faith and the very mystery of love.
They could easily interpret any thoughts or ideas that cause them to question what they've already been taught as a threat to not only resist but to actively FIGHT against.
Hmmmm.
Isn't that exactly what happened to Jesus? The religious leaders already "knew" God and God's plans. Jesus was a new idea that did not fit in the faith they were so certain of. He threatened their very certainty - and they didn't simply dismiss him, they actually KILLED him! They would rather murder than have their certainty threatened.
It shouldn't be surprising that people of faith do the same thing today. When something threatens their certainty, they see it as evil and want to eliminate it.
It confuses me and makes me sad that people can call themselves believers or followers of Jesus and yet remain unwilling to explore the ways of Jesus and to acknowledge the radical way he addressed religious people and challenged them to change (repent, turn).
Jesus brought good news to all people. He brought a message of forgiveness, unity and compassion. He lifted up those who were oppressed, forgotten, judged and mistreated. He brought a commission to expand the kingdom of love and freedom and hope on earth. But, he wouldn't follow the rules. He disregarded tradition and put people before laws. And the religious people would not have it. He disrupted their order. They refused to be open to change or growth.
I'm grateful that my insuppressible curiosity has allowed me to be open to change and growth. And I hold on to hope that others will discover the revolutionary love of Jesus and allow his spirit to change them as well.
