superstar

Happy Valentine's Day n stuff

2012-02-14T09:49:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine’s Day. I don’t think there is anything wrong with Valentine’s Day. Any time people are encouraged to show their love for others, I am firmly supportive! However, something about the “holiday” is annoying to me. I personally don’t feel I need a particular day of the year to prompt me to show love to my husband or kids. Sure, it was nice to remember my kids and get them a chocolate bar. And they did feel special this morning when they realized I had thought of them. Timm even got me a card, which was very sweet. But, the whole Valentine’s Day thing still bugs me a little bit. It just seems like another consumer driven celebration. If you REALLY love the people in your life, you should BUY them something! Whatever. I don’t know why I am so cynical about it. Silly really. Just one of those things I guess.

Pretty exciting week around the Kelly casa. Timm and Alli are making final preparations to depart for India. They will travel from New York to Amsterdam to Mumbai (then within India to final destination). Many many hours of travel. My prayer is that neither of them gets run down and sick. I also pray that they are protected, that they find a way to demonstrate the spirit of God’s grace to others, and to receive it as well. Alli is excited, nervous and curious about the trip. She already knows she will have a hard time leaving the orphans in India. She warned me that if there was a way, she would bring as many children home as we could fit in our apartment! And she hasn’t even met them yet. Oh boy. I am so thrilled that she gets to have this experience with her Daddy and her pastors and a group of Jesus followers who believe in and exhibit the sacrificial love Jesus calls us to live out. If you haven't checked it out, here is the website with more info about what Alli and Timm are a part of www.impactindia360.org.

Olivia and I will be on our own little adventure. We are going to take a road trip to Michigan while Liv has the week off from school. Yay! We get to see everyone again and take a break from the day to day routine. We are also happy to be giving a ride to a friend of ours who recently moved from MI to NYC. She is 11 years old and she is going to drive with us and spend the week visiting her family and friends in MI as well.

What else is happening? Last weekend we had a Mardi Gras dance at Liv’s school. That was a lot of fun. Alli came and brought two of her middle school friends.

I have been particularly busy lately with PTA work at Liv’s school and PTSO work at Alli’s school. All great stuff. I’m excited to be able to impact the lives of kids in the schools. But, it is funny how busy I can be when I don’t “work”. Between fundraising, executive board meetings, grant writing, committee meetings, event planning, PTA meetings, shopping for event materials, PTSO meetings, setting up, running, and cleaning up events, School Leadership Team meetings, endlessly emailing contacts to follow up on all of the plans dreamt up at meetings, etc. etc etc. I know for a fact that I work way more hours than I did at previous jobs. I am NOT complaining. I don’t have any idea how women do it who DO go to work and have demanding work schedules. Many of them STILL find the time and energy to volunteer. CRAZY!

Our church family continues to ebb and flow. We seem to welcome new faces and say goodbye to others continually. It’s hard to say goodbye to so many people. But, we just try to be thankful for the time God allowed us to be in each others’ lives. NYC is a transient city. Sometimes we struggle wondering why our community seems to stay so small, but then we cherish the ability to go deep in relationships and discipleship because we truly are able to focus on each other.

We are doing a really cool series right now in our church. It is formatted from “The Story Formed Way”. We are taking 10 weeks to break down the overarching narrative of the entire bible and breaking it into 10 smaller stories. The idea is that the bible really does give us ONE BIG story. Many people may not realize that the bible, from Genesis to Revelation, tells the story that answers our deepest questions. “Why do I exist?” “What happens after I die?” “Does my life really matter, does it have meaning? To who?” I just LOVE this process. Each week we listen to a portion or “act” of the story told to us on Sunday during our gathering. Then we have time for Q&A and just to chew on the story. Then, we are following up with even more questions in our weekly community groups. I have been loving the dialogue and questions. It has even captured the attention of Alli, Liv and Natalie who are 9, 11, and 12. They are a dynamic part of the conversation during our group. Love it. You can always take a look at what we are up to on our website www.communitasnyc.org.

I’m excited to be one of the story tellers on a Sunday coming up in the series. I don’t really like being up in front of people, but I was asked if I wanted to do it, and I couldn't’t resist. I just LOVE to talk and tell stories, so why not?!

What else? **We are hosting a "music night at the PIT" using the space where we meet on Sundays and having a few people perform, raising money for Liv's school!! YAY! **Alli had her first volleyball game! **We planned a two day get-away to Newport Rhode Island (thanks for the Marriot reward points given to us as a gift from a friend who stayed here while we were out of town!), **Timm has some interesting prospects in regards to his employment (more details will follow depending on outcome), **Liv starts an after school drama club today, **Alli hosted a dance party at our place since she was bummed to be missing her school dance while away **I just had a turkey rueben with frnech fries and cannot remember when food made me so happy. Truly delicious. **Timm ran 10 miles (which was his new year’s resolution and he did it before January ended!), and I am more in love with my husband than I ever thought possible. I thank God daily for our marriage, our health, our family, our friends, and the life God has called us to live (in His plan, not our own).

theological tolerance?

2012-02-11T07:04:00.001-08:00

First of all, I am thrilled to have added Tim Keller's podcast to my collection this week. What an anointed teacher. Add that to the Mayes squared and Greg Boyd, and I get a weekly dose of truth and light that fills me up!

I found one sermon so gripping this week that I actually listened to it twice, and parts of it a third time. Being that Tim Keller teaches from a perspective of living in NYC, I feel he is very much in tune with the issues I personally face daily.

Tolerance. What a buzz word, right? In this particular sermon (some of which I will quote directly) Keller makes some relevant and powerful points regarding "tolerance".

What is tolerance? Does Christianity preach intolerance?

I would argue...Absolutely NOT. You have to make a distinction. If you look at the word "civil" it actually means "to be polite". So, can we be "civil" and have a "civilization"? Yes. You can show respect for people who's beliefs differ from yours. Every teaching of Jesus shows us to love and be kind to those who are different. Even enemies. Love and show civility, tolerance for people of other faiths.

What Jesus models and teaches is social tolerance. Relational tolerance. Legal tolerance, so that people are FREE to propagate and practice their religion. Listen to people. Show them love. Treat them courteously.

BUT....Jesus says that theological tolerance of all faiths is absolutely impossible. And, it's completely different. You completely muddy the water when you say that being theologically intolerant is to be socially, relationally, legally intolerant. It's not the same thing. Not at all.

Jesus does not leave theological tolerance as an option. Yet, he is the perfect example of love. So, is it possible to be theologically intolerant, yet be completely loving and civil and kind? Yes! Hello Jesus! This is exactly the example he sets. And, even people who do not follow Jesus have a difficult time finding a lot of bad stuff to say about him as a loving person. As a matter of fact, most people see him as a good moral teacher, whether or not they believe he is the son of God. Of course, that's another issue because he doesn't really leave "good moral teacher" as an option for his identity. He was either "son of God" or "megalomaniac". Because, he clearly and consistently claimed to BE God.

Keller goes on to point out....there is nothing inconsistent about debating or arguing that your faith or beliefs are right. But, what is inconsistent and makes no sense at all is to say that everyone's faith and belief is probably right and all faiths and beliefs lead to the same place. Impossible. The very idea that you believe that is to be intolerant of those who believe that their faith is the only truth. To believe all faiths lead to the same place is to be intellectually intolerant.

When you say to someone "you musn't try to convert people to your religion as if your religion is superior"....what you are really saying is..."I want you to abandon your inferior view of religious truth and take my superior view."

As soon as someone says - "all faiths lead to the same place" and someone from the Muslim faith says "No, I believe there's only one way, that that's my religion: and you say "you're wrong" What you are immediately saying is "Your road doesn't go to the same place." You are saying "My view of religion is superior to your view."

SO, to say that "All religions are relative" is a religion!!! And is it vying for superiority!

To have a Jew, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, etc...sit around and say "no, my way is the right way...." if they do it with civility...you can have a society. A civilization. And that is very consistent and rational. But to insist that no religious view of truth is superior, and by doing that, insist that your view is superior, is completely inconsistent. And, it is dangerous because you won't see it. At least every other religious proponent admits what they are doing.

Here's the thing. I hope and pray that I can be a tolerant person. A person who is civil. A person who is loving and kind and polite and respectful. A person who displays social, relational, and legal tolerance. And, I hope that the community of believers that I am a part of can embrace the same hope and prayer. But, I do not feel that I need to desire to have theological tolerance in the same way. I have the utmost respect for others who demonstrate this kind of balance. No matter what their faith. I especially appreciate it in the people who have a different faith than me. I find our conversations to be uplifting and encouraging, even if we completely disagree on our religious beliefs. It is refreshing beyond anything else when we can disagree theologically, but agree to love each other.

So, can a Christian be tolerant? I sure hope so. Can others be tolerant of Christians? I sure hope so. But, I also understand that many people have experienced Christians who are intolerant, not only theologically, but relationally as well. And, that's something that makes me so sad.

Living Water

2012-01-24T07:59:00.000-08:00

There has been something on my mind and heart the past few weeks. That something is that I need to give a shout out to the best sister anyone could ever ask for.

I have one sister. She is older than me by 2 1/2 years (same age difference as my girls). I have always been grateful to have an older sibling to pave the way. Never have I understood people griping about being a middle child. Worked just fine in my world.

About a week ago, I called my sister just to chat. I didn't even realize at the time that I was calling her in need of something. But, later, as I reflected on our time spent on the phone, it dawned on me. I called her knowing that I could count on her to give me what I was in need of. So, as I reflected that day, I found myself creating metaphors that gave me a mental picture of what I experienced. First I pictured living out a string of gloomy grey days and the feeling of apathy I tend to get when the sun doesn't shine and morning just shuffles into mid-day and before you know it, it's dark again and daylight never really happened. And, I feel like I can count on my sister to be like that morning where I wake up after a string of grey days, and the sun is shining brightly in the sky. The sky is blue. The birds are singing. Daylight is definitely present in all it's glory. Ahhh, I just feel renewed energy to seize the day in all of it's sunny splendor. I'm not exaggerating here, this is really what I pictured when I reflected on talking to my sister!

The next image that came to mind was thirst. I am a big fan of water and I love a nice cold drink of water whenever I am thirsty. So, i was thinking of the satisfaction I felt after talking with my sister and it was like I has just run 5 miles on a humid day and I came panting into the house soaked with sweat and just so thirsty. I see there is a leftover cup of coffee from the morning that I could sip on the quench my thirst. Ewww. No thanks. I see that there is a lukewarm glass of water on the counter that I could drink. Hmmm, I guess if that's all there is. Then I realize that there is a container of cold filtered water in the refigerator, so I pour myself a big glass and start to drink it down. Ahhhhhh, that is how I felt when I called my sister.

Then it occurred to me that Jesus used a water metaphor when speaking to the Samaritan woman at the well. He said "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become a spring of water welling up to eternal life." And a few chapters later in John he says "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

That is exactly why I feel refreshed when I spend time with my sister. She has that spring of living water welling up. It overflows from her in so many ways. And, anyone who knows her would agree with me! It's not that she never has a bad day or a complaint, but there is an unmistakable spring of joyfulness that flows from her life at all times and in all circumstances! And I am so blessed to have her in my life!

I also realize that Jesus is the true source for me to quench my thrist. He is the only well I can draw from to get that deep spring of water for myself. It's not that I go to my sister for that. It is just REFRESHING to have someone who is so full of that joy.

There were times in my young adult life when I not only admired my big sister, but felt quite inadequate in comparison. I would brag about her, but then make self depreciating comments about myself. I think I have matured beyond that and now realize with fascination that God created us in very different ways with very different strengths and skills and desires. And, I have also learned to compare myself less to others and more to who God created ME to be.

But, I would like to brag just a little bit. My sister is a Proverbs 31 woman. A wife of noble character. She loves and serves her family wholeheartedly. She homeschools her 5 children. She is resourceful in running her household. She clips coupons, cans and freezes her own vegetables from their garden, has fed her family healthy organic food from a food coop way before it was the hip thing to do, uses meat that was provided by her hunting boys, and plans her household meals to use everything and not waste. She teaches her children to walk humbly and to love mercy. She teaches them to give their best effort in all that they do. She serves the community, always being the first one to volunteer, whether it is at the senior home or a community event, or a church picnic. She leads and directs the homeschool coop that blesses not only her children, but SO many families in the surrounding counties. She serves and loves her parents, our parents, who I feel I have abandoned (oops, I wasn't going to say anything self depreciating!) She serves and loves her in-laws. She is always serving someone. She has opened her home and family to people who need to be loved. That's not easy to do. And, when love is not reciprocated, she doesn't dwell on that, but finds the best in people. And, all of these things, she is modeling for her children and all of their friends.

I could go on and on. I'm running out of time.

Just today, I was able to chat with my sister for a few minutes. She was explaining that she was feeling a little less enthusiastic and happy than usual. Yet, even in that admission, she was immediately able to point out 5 positive things that she could choose to focus on rather than a bit of a downer mood.

Like I said, anyone who spends time with her would agree with me. She makes a choice to drink from the well of living water, and it flows out of her. And I am so grateful to have her in my life, and in my kids' lives!

Shout out to Theresa Pankeiwicz, aka, my sister!

The tree of knowledge

2012-01-23T09:31:00.000-08:00

Reading "Mere Christianity" by CS Lewis. Love it. Nourishment for my soul. Here are some of my thoughts.

Why do we feel this need to form an "us and them" in our minds? We classify everyone as much as we possibly can. It's our way of playing God. Eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. We want to be judges. (a whole book about this is "repenting of religion by greg boyd....read it!).

So, we classify - male/female, child/adult, rich/poor, smart/not smart, fat/skinny, crazy/sound mind, attractive/unattractive, republican/democrat, liberal/conservative, stylish/out of style, outgoing/shy, fun/boring, ambitious/lazy, and of course christian/non christian. This is a particular favorite "us and them". Let's generalize all of humanity into two nice neat groups and judge accordingly. Let's see, we have this group here, which is clearly the "us" and that group which is clearly the "them".

Well, guess what? That is the root of all sin. You want to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and be the ultimate judge. Knock it off. Let God be God. And, if you consider yourself to be Christian, follower of Jesus, then you would hopefully be moving towards a better understanding of who this God is that you have placed all of your faith and trust in. This God is beyond a nice, neat, man-made formula where a person can simply look over the form and check the box for where they fit into God's plan for the universe. Hmmmm, let's see here, if I check the box next to "Christian" then I am in. Whew, That was easy, Now, if I could just get everyone else to check that same box, my life will honor God....REALLY?

Sure, as a follower of Jesus, and a believer in the God of the bible, i have a passion for spreading what I feel is good news. But, who am I to judge or even try to figure out HOW God is working in each person's life? I believe that God is creator and that He is good and that He is love and that He is the perfect image of perfect love and community. I believe that deep fulfillment and joy can be found in submitting to Him as creator and Lord. I also believe that all good things from from Him. So, who am I to turn around and feel that it is of the utmost importance that I classify every person I meet as either in or out? Us or them? Christian or non Christian? I've met many people in my life who proclaim themselves to be Christian and it is hard for me to see any reflection of God in them. But, I don't need to judge. I've met many people in my life who identify themselves as "non christian" and I see in them many reflections of God. I refuse to classify one group as knowing God and God working in them, and the other as being far from God or not used by Him.

I've always hated it when people lump me into a category and define me by it. I think this is one reason I simply can't get myself to discus politics. It seems that about one minute into a discussion, someone wants to classify everything into distinct categories. Well, I am not a democrat or a republican or a conservative or a liberal. And, within the last few years, I have seen the appeal of no longer calling myself Christian, but rather "follower of Christ". Because, calling myself a Christian suddenly lumps me in with a group of people, many of whom I see nothing I have in common with!

Well, I hope I can continue to TRY breaking down my tendency to classify people. Judge people. Assume things about people. Because, as much as it drives me crazy, I still find myself doing it. Yuck. It's that sinful nature I guess.

Dear 16 year old self...

2012-01-14T10:34:00.000-08:00

Maybe you've seen the video clip entitled "Dear 16 year old self..."? It's about the dangers of skin cancer and it's worth a watch. Grown ups who have developed skin cancer are recorded warning their 16 year old selves of what NOT to do.

Just got done with a great run on the treadmill. Yep, I'm a fair weather runner. Don't like temps below the mid 30's a whole lot.

I think my most treasured discovery of the last few years has to be Pandora radio. As I reflect on the evolution of my musical intake....records, radio, cassette, cd, satellite radio, ipod, podcasts, pandora. Each modality grew exponentially more enjoyable! What could possibly be next for me to enjoy?

Anyways, today I set the pandora station to "80's workout". And, I couldn't help but formulate my own version of "Dear 16 year old self" as I listened to some tunes that I haven't heard in a long time.

While listening to Michael Jackson's "Beat it" I reminisced about my cheerleading days, doing a pom pom routine to that song.

Dear 11 year old self, Michael Jackson is pretty awesome and does in fact end up being legendary, if a bit crazy. But, you can quit arguing with your mom about who is more influential in the history of music, Michael or Elvis. It's really not worth arguing about. One will forever hold the title of "The king" the other "The king of pop".

While listening to 38 special "I just wanna use your love" (or was that cheap trick?) I thought about how young I was when I started drinking.

Dear 15 year old self, there is so much excitement out there in the world. I know you have a lot of energy and enthusiasm and sense of adventure, but trust me when I tell you that adding drinking to every mundane activity is not the solution to your boredom! You are worth so much more than wasting all of that time and energy. God created you for a purpose and if you want an adventure, roll up your sleeves and serve others who are outside of your little bubble of an existence! Find a mission team and sign up for some work that will impact people. Play sports and don't quit teams just because you want more hours at work to fund your drinking money for the weekends! It's all a dead end.

Listening to Debbie Gibson's "I think we're alone now".

Dear 17 year old self, Debbie Gibson isn't a very great singer. You probably know 5 people right now who could do what she does. And, please stop saying you love her song, it's a remake you idiot!

Listening to "Walk this way" by Aerosmith.

Dear 16 year old self, you are going to regret arguing with your friends about which version of "walk this way" is better. Although you want to stay true to your glam rock roots, Run DMC is kicken and the song they do together is fricken awesome and you know it.

Listening to Guns N Roses "Sweet Child O'Mine". Thinking of how many times we played that cassette in the bottle room at Kroger and in the car while cruisin backroads.

Dear 16 year old self, really? Are you really being who you want to be? Don't you have higher aspirations? Why don't you have any dreams or goals or hopes for the future? Let me tell you something...stealing is always wrong. Always. It doesn't matter if it's a bag of chips, or someones trust. Don't steal. Someday you will hold trustworthiness as one of the highest virtues. Be a person who is trustworthy in ALL things. Knock off the stupid crap. Be honest with people all the time.

Dear 16 year old self, don't dress immodestly for attention. What are you trying to prove? You aren't even comfortable with that and you know it, so don't do it.

Dear 16 year old self, you may think your parents are boring? Well, quit your complaining. Believe me, you would not want to trade your parents for anyone else's. They love you, are stable and predictable and care a ton about you. In the future, you will realize that friends coveted your families' stability.

Dear 16 year old self, keep setting standards for yourself and stick to them. When you set boundaries and stick to them, your friends are watching and you are being a positive influence on them. They will tell you later about your positive influence. But, for crying out loud, set higher standards would you?

Dear teenage self, you are so lucky you get to go to so many concerts. Don't get drunk for all of them! You will treasure the memories and what the heck long term memory will there be if you can hardly remember it the next day?

Dear teenage self, would you believe that your 40 year old self could kick your teenage butt? I know for a fact I could out run you. Why don't you realize your natural athletic abilities and push yourself? Quit smoking and drinking, and you could run so dang fast. And, you can work when you are older, play sports now and put some effort into it.

Dear teenage self, There really is a God and not only does He love you, but He can not wait for you to hang out with him. Don't get discouraged by hypocritical people or institutions. That isn't God. God is good. God is available any time. Turn to him, turn to the bible, find some trusted people who can help you grow closer to Him. I know you don't really feel excited about growing into an adult. It all looks pretty boring. And, being close to God might look boring too. Nope. Your life will be full and adventurous and meaningful if you surrender it to God. Life is only boring and mundane if you choose to avoid risk and choose to always stay on the most predictable and least resistant path. That isn't truly living, and you know it. So, take risks. Be bold. Be adventurous. Live life to the fullest. And don't try to hold on to your life. Let it go in service to God and others. Give it away. That is truly living!

clarity

2012-01-02T06:45:00.000-08:00

I love when I am reading a book and an author is able to bring clarity to thoughts that happen to be rebounding all over the 3 pounds of human computer lodged in my head.

I picked up a book at my dad-in-laws and began reading it over Christmas break. Their whole church has been encouraged to read this book and do a study on it. It's called "The hole in our gospel" (...the answer that changed my life and just might change the world) Written by Richard Stearns, President of World Vision USA.

I am going to rewrite an entire paragraph that jumped out at me the first day I was reading this. It is one of the pages in the book that compelled me to swipe the book, bring it home, and promise to return it once I finish!

"Christianity is a faith that was meant to spread - but not through coercion. God's love was intended to be demonstrated, not dictated. Our job is not to manipulate or induce others to agree with us or to leave their religion and embrace Christianity. Our charge is to both proclaim and embody the gospel so that others can see, hear, and feel God's love in tangible ways. When we are living out our faith with integrity and compassion in the world, God can use us to give others a glimpse of His love and character. It is God - not us - who works in the heart of men and women to forgive and redeem. Coercion is not necessary or even particularly helpful. God is responsible for the harvest but we MUST plan, water, and cultivate the seeds."

Richard Stearns does an incredible job of painting a disturbing picture of world poverty and humbly encouraging the church to be on the front lines addressing the needs of those in this world who are in the most desparate state of need.

I just love this book. It completely nails my thoughts about the gospel of Jesus. Why is the gospel good news? Because you get to heaven if you "believe"? Sure, that IS good news. But, that is only part of it! We have been preaching a gospel with a huge HOLE in it! The WHOLE gospel is a message of hope and love and compassion. It is a message that should be DEMONSTRATED through serving and showing the unconditional love of Jesus to those in need while they are HERE ON EARTH! A message that brings peace on earth as it is in heaven. This is a challenging book to read. If you read it without feeling some kind of breaking in your heart for those who are opporessed, then you are encouraged to PRAY FOR GOD TO BREAK YOUR HEART.

Stearns talks mostly about world poverty and the web of oppression that surrounds the people in the world who are in the deepest pits of poverty. But, I see poverty all around me. My heart breaks for those who are oppressed by addiction, abuse, evil, cruelty, lies, unfrogiveness,illness, and hopelessness (to name a few). These conditions surround us in this dark world. So many hurting people. My heart breaks for them and I long to show them love, acceptance, compassion, light, truth and hope. Through my words and my actions. That is the gospel message I hope I can bring. Shame on me, and shame on ANY follower of Jesus if we bring a message of indifference, condemnation, judgement or self righteousness.

One final thought about what Stearns says in his book. Without going into all of the details, the truth is that we CAN END world hunger. We have the resources. We have chosen not to address the needs. Pure and simple. We don't want to.

He goes on to say "If every American churchgoer tithed, we could literally change the world. We could have $168 billion. (that is over and above what is currently being given) Just 40% of that ($65 million) could eliminate the most extreme poverty on the palnet for more than a billion people."

But, we don't do it.

We acclimate to our culture. We want what everyone else has. We complain about what we are lacking. We want to retire "comfortably" like everyone else. We feel we deserve nice vacations like everyone else. We spend out money on private education for our own kids. Etc. Etc. Etc. We choose to live in a way that DOES NOT show the world the sacrificial LOVE of Jesus.

I hope I can start to change that in my life. I hope the church community I am in can change that as well.

Clarity. Thanks God, for authors who can organize my thoughts somehow. So powerful.

VIM for 2012

2012-01-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

Deep breath in.........and let it out........ahhhhhhh. Life is good.

Fantabulous celebration ringing in the new year with friends last night. We were close enough to times square to see fireworks, but not close enough to be trampled in the stampede of insanity. And as we made our way out of Manhattan at 1:30am, the girls had a great time mocking Beiber sightings every time we passed a limo or a car with tinted windows.

Today we carried on our annual tradition of indulging in succulent fillet on new year's day while visiting with friends and watching football.

This morning we had a small group at church. Many are still out of town, many were probably still in bed. But, it was such a sweet time of sharing. We discussed our highlights from 2011 and how we felt God move in our lives. We discussed some hopes, dreams and goals for 2012 and even faced the sobering reality that, based on statistics, a high percentage of those goals would not be met. We learned the acronym VIM. In order to truly achieve a goal, one author claims that following the VIM format is one way to greatly increase your likelihood of success.

V = Vision

I = Intent

M= Means

We were then challenged to apply this to our spiritual goals. Because, as followers of Jesus, we should be aspiring to grow closer to God and to grow in likeness to Jesus. If we approach that without vision, intent, and means, we will not grow closer.

My vision is to live as a disciple of Jesus, living out the values of his kingdom, doing my part to see his will done on earth as it is in heaven.

My intent is to become less selfish and more outward focused. To serve God and others before myself. To be a true servant of my Lord.

My means is to commit to praying daily for God to show me His plan. To LISTEN for His plans instead of telling him mine. To pray for others. And, finally, to set measurable accountability weekly with my prayer partner to report my progress and shortcomings.

My other resolutions are to improve at remembering peoples' names. I bought a little spiral notebook to help me, and just need to commit to paying better attention in the moment. And to use gentle, kind words when speaking to my kids.

Reflecting on 2011 brings me lots of happiness. Many highlights. I turned 40 this year, which was another time to reflect on past and future. Overall, I feel hopeful and excited for this new year. I hope that each day I grow closer to the woman God created me to be!

When in doubt...

2011-12-21T11:32:00.000-08:00

So, here I was, on top of the world in so many ways all of November. I couldn't even express the joy I was experiencing. Perhaps I was bound to crash? As Oswald Chambers reminds me in my daily devotional, we can't stay on the mountaintop forever. We must go through valleys but keep that mountaintop experience in our minds to give us hope and inspiration.

I entitled the post "when in doubt...". It's the first thing that came to mind when I reflected on the past few weeks of my "funk". Sometimes I have doubts. As a matter of fact, I am not a person who would claim to have the gift of faith. I doubt everything all the time. But, that's OK. Because, it forces me to continually seek out answers. And I believe that God wants just that. He wants me to be SEEKING him.

Today, i am feeling completely RECONNECTED with God, my faith, and the joy that was escaping me for a bit.

Today I was reading through my daily journal, the thoughts I record as I have my quiet time with God. I felt like sharing some here. Not sure if anyone would be interested in my rambling thoughts, but, as always, feel free to not read.

On 12/18: "I'm in a funk. Going through the motions. Not feeling a passion for serving you. Lord, I need you to lift me out of this. It's not sadness or anxiety. It's just apathy. It's like maintaining a life that honors you is like paddling upstream. And we moved to a place where the current is so stinkin powerful - moving in the opposite direction. And if I stop paddling, even for a few moments, I'm carried away. Into this dark world with all of it's suffering and confusion and darkness. Then I read your word that your yoke is easy and your burden is light. But, it doesn't fell that way. Even in my devotional today it says 'being faithful to Jesus Christ is the most difficult thing we try to do today' and I agree! Today I am so grateful that I can go to church. To be with my community. To worship you with all my heart. To share life with others who are trying to paddle upstream and are tired. Today we get to stop paddling and just bask in your presence. Worship and glorify you. Enjoy your peace and love and grace. Ahhh. I guess when I think about it, I have the choice to do that every day. And I do, I remove myself from the world, try to enter your light and spend time meditating on what is true and good.

I'm honestly just tired of trying to figure out how to tell others about that love and peace. I really am. People want to attach something ugly and unloving to any message I have of love, grace, truth. People make unfair assumptions about me. That's fine. I don't care what people think about me. But I do care that people would miss out on unconditional love, purpose, truth, grace, and freedom. Now that I think about it, maybe I'm missing out on that too. Whenever I feel empty and unable to move forward in my life submitted to you, Lord, it's because I am not filled up with you, I'm trying to do it on my own. My own momentum, wisdom, strength. And, that doesn't work.

So, today, right now, I commit to filling up on you and only you. That is my absolute, number one commitment. LOVE the Lord your God with all your heard, mind, strength and soul.

If I am doing that....if I am communing with the God of the universe who IS LOVE...it is then that He can work in me and through me to allow me to follow the rest of the commandment...love your neighbor as yourself.

That is only something He can do once I am completely filled with his supernatural power.

Lord, fill me. Overflow. your love, grace, mercy, power, truth. I need you desperately. Wisdom, discernment, faith, light, love, compassion....

(and i went on from there to ask for things and listen)

(I'll skip many other days because this is getting WAY too long)

12/21 "I have to get back to the gospel message. Redemption. Salvation. Sanctification. Amazing gifts that I have received. These are the things that bring me joy! These are the things that explode in my heart in a real way and make me want to shout for joy that all people can freely receive these gifts. That's all it is. A gift. All we need to do is let go of whatever SELF we are grasping onto in order to have hands wide open to receive.

Receive love, forgiveness, peace, mercy, grace, redemption, transformation, guidance, acceptance, truth. Thank you Lord for these gifts. Why is there so much hatred and anger attached to these concepts today? Why? I don't really need to ask. It's because WE get in the way of your message, Lord. We want to take over. Take control. Do things our way. Serve ourselves. But that is not the way your kingdom works. It's an upside down kingdom. It's all about giving - not receiving. Serving - not being served. Submitting - not having power. Turning the other cheek - not retaliating. Giving grace - not condemnation. All of these things go against our selfish nature, our culture, our pride.

So, we compromise. We accept bits and pieces. But not the whole deal. And we end up more confused than ever because we don't have the peace. the truth. the joy. all the things we were promised seem to slip from our grasp. Because we don't really want to fully grasp. That would be too radical. We might offend someone who doesn't think like us. We might be looked at, talked about, judged as strange, fanatic, holy roller. And, even if we claim that doesn't bother us, it could make Jesus look bad if we look weird, right? Hmmmm, I'm not so sure about that! I think Jesus Christ can handle his own PR. I think we need to submit, accept, and worship. Jesus does his own shining when we are seeking him and filling up on him. He doesn't need us to try harder to come up with ways to make him look good!! How insulting to His power! What a lame excuse for protecting my own reputation.

Thank you Lord, for your gifts. May I honor the gift this season by putting you first. Not by worrying about who chooses which greeting. Not by worrying about who appears more captivated by the commercialism and who does not. Not by wearing Santa socks and snowflake earrings or even giving the right gifts or cards. May I honor you by falling on my knees before you every day, worshipping you alone, obeying you alone, and trusting you alone. And, living unashamed of the peace and JOY in my heart. And loving others as you do. No agenda. No conditions. No judging. That is not for me to do. I am to joyfully serve you and my neighbors. I want to love you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and love my neighbor as myself. I can only do that through your power. Without you I am selfish. I was created to worship. Will I choose to worship you? Or me? That's the question. Please Father, help me to worship you."

OK, I don't know why I felt compelled to write all of that on this blog. But, once in a while, I do that. Every day I write with or to God, but as you can tell, it is full of rambling and imcomplete sentences. And, it's my way of focusing as I hang out with him.

All I know is, I was having doubts and an overall funky time. But, God can be trusted. He met me in my funk and lifted me out. I need to focus on him and not on myself!

do-er

2011-12-02T19:27:00.001-08:00

Most women will say that there is something pretty awesome about being this age. 40ish. Because, by now, you should have a pretty good idea of who you are, what your strengths and limitations are, what you are good at, what you are not good at, etc. And, you care much less about trying to be just like the other women and rather embrace yourself for who you are. You know you don't look 20, and you don't try to. At least this is my experience with girlfriends in their 40's.

But, it is still funny how reality has a way of whacking me in the face sometimes.

I've said it before, and I will say it again...I am a "do-er". I learned this years ago at a Hearts at Home conference. There are generally some women who are "do-ers" and some who are "be-ers". And, it is easy to judge or envy a person who possesses the opposite bend. I have so many examples of this happening.

Now I just laugh when I notice the difference. And I try to appreciate the way I am wired.

See, after having my normal routine in an upheaval for a few weeks (16 of the last 18 days we have either had a guest here or been traveling), I am feeling behind on my "do-ing".

So today I caught up on many things. Non stop do-ing. It gets dark early, and I started losing steam, but felt anxious becuase I had a LONG list of to-do's still haunting me. I was having trouble enjoying our dinner conversation because I was feeling anxious about needing to type up meeting minutes for one meeting, figure out how to edit and attach an excel document for another fundraising event, coordinate volunteers for another event, etc. Seriously. I never did this much when I "worked". But, it was Friday night, and I wanted to also find some time to chill with my girls.

We did go out for a little bit looking for a geo-cache, but we weren't successful, and I honestly couldn't relax. So, when we got home, we finished up folding laundry, putting bedding on, picking up, etc. I asked Alli if she could run a borrowed item back to the neighbor. When she came back, she was smiling and said "They are so predictable over there. WHen I went to the door, she answered with her glass of wine, the music was playing, candles were lit...."

Hmmmmm, my INSTANT thought was "son of a b!$#%, why can't I relax like that on a Friday night? WHy do I have to be so uptight and worry about the sheets being clean and 50 million volunteer obligations?" But, I know the answer. It's just the way I am.

My neighbor is a stay at home mom also. And, she is so good at "Be-ing". I'm a little bit envious, I'll admit. But, I don't dwell on it. I think it's humorous. We are all different. A good friend who is also really good at be-ing has told me that she is often envious of my energy and involvement and "do-ing".

Nah, I won't waste time being envious or wishing I was different. But, I WILL strive to maintain a bit of balance. We like to have FUN in our home. We value down time. And I have made many changes throughout the years to make sure our schedules align with our values.

And, now, after scratching about 6 items off the list, I am resting and reading blogs and writing just for fun. I would hang with the girls, but they are watching tv, and I don't enjoy that.

And, I didn't choose a glass of wine, but I had a delicious treat.

See, I know how to relax and just "be...."

Visitors

2011-11-28T17:55:00.000-08:00

Been a bad, bad blogger this month.

But, it has not been an uneventful month. I even put on my to-do list "blog" many times. But, it never made the cut. Oops.

A few weeks ago, Timm travelled to MI for work and when he returned, he brought his good friend/co-worker, Gerald with him. He stayed for a few days. He and Timm worked and played here in NY for a few days.

When Timm dropped Gerald off at the airport, it just happened to be my 40th birthday. Little did I know that he was also picking Carrie up at the airport to SURPRISE me!!!!

Oh, did I scream when he told me I had a package and he brought her in!!!!! I just sat there staring at them and babbling. I was so shocked. I did my best to clear my schedule and Carrie and I had a wonderful few days gabbing and gabbing and eating and drinking and shopping. The night of my birthday, Timm took us out to Alma and we had a great dinner. Craig and Chris SURPRISED me and met up with us there!

Carrie told me she had made reservations for us to have dinner Friday night, and when we got there, I was SURPRISED again when 7 beautiful ladies were there waiting to celebrate with us.

Seriously, the reason I haven't blogged is because I can't seem to put into words how blessed I feel. It started the morning I woke up on my 40th birthday and I felt this incredibly strong sense of joy just bursting in my soul. This was before I knew any of the surprises that lie ahead. I just sat there reflecting on my 40 years on this earth and felt completely overwhelmed with how blessed I have been. I talked to my parents on the phone that morning and thanked them for being such a huge part of making my childhood safe, secure, and full of love.

Since then, things have just spiraled out of control. Every minute seems to point to more blessings that I need to acknowledge. That Friday night, out to dinner with Carrie and 7 others, I almost couldn't focus. I was dizzy feeling. It was like I felt SO loved and SO blessed, it was making me feel intoxicated.

Seriously. Who has a friend like Carrie? Oh, not only did she come here, but she showed up with a gift - a dvd slide show set to two songs that made me feel so special. Amazing and Legacy. When the first photo flashed on the computer screen, I gasped and threw my hand over my mouth. I wasn't expecting the pictures to date back to my BIRTH! She collected pics from my sister, Timm, and my childhood best friend! COME ON!

And Timm. Who has a husband that awesome? He hugs me and says "don't worry about anything. Enjoy your time with Carrie and I will take care of things." Not just for one evening, but DAYS.

And, my two perfectly healthy kids. my parents. my sister. my brother. my nieces and nephews. my in-laws. my health. my friends. my relationship with Jesus and the joy that brings me. Like I said, it is just too hard to put into words, let alone eloquently!

We traveled to MI to celebrate Thanksgiving.

More Thankfulness.

I'm full.

Not from the indulgent eating (although there was plenty of that). But, I am FULL.

I was reading one of CS Lewis books recently about joy. He was trying to describe how joy feels. He attempted to capture the essence of it. But, he struggled to describe it. CS Lewis. He couldn't put it into words. He did his best and then he recommended that if you have never had any similar experience or feeling, you probably wouldn't have any interest in his book because it all came back to that indescribable experience that is at once all consuming, yet fleeting. Joy.

That is what I am full of.

Now, we have another visitor! Timm stayed in MI for work and I had an empty seat in the cube on the trip back to NY. So, my 18 year old niece, DJ hitched a ride with us. She is going to visit all week and fly home Friday. I loved having her there today to pick Olivia up from school. And then when Alli got home and they were all up on my bed together. Ugh. I miss being close to family so bad it makes me wanna puke sometimes. It's the little moments like that. Just hanging out together with someone in the family. I took her to Central Park today, and to China Town to buy some Christmas presents.

I will try to post some again soon. Can't get the pic of DJ to load. Oh well.

I am blessed.

Retreat

2011-10-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

Retreat, as defined in the dictionary: a quiet or secluded place in which one can rest and relax.

This weekend, we went on a retreat with our church. We had over 30 people. The setting was perfect. Beautiful rolling hills bursting with fall colors. Green open fields and pastures, some with animals, some with the animals from our group who love to play ultimate Frisbee! A huge old building, with tons of character, which housed us for most of our activities, and some of our sleeping rooms.

Last night, while tucking my girls into bed, they were thanking God for their awesome weekend. Olivia said "I pretty much think that was our best weekend ever..." and Alli agreed "Yep. Definitely."

My heart was so warmed. Part of the reason they felt that way is because we always love to get away and explore new areas. Also, they loved being in nature and enjoying the beauty of it all. The food was pretty appealing. They got to stay up late. But, I believe the MAIN reason they were feeling so content is because of the amazing love they felt within the community of people we hung out with all weekend. What an incredible feeling. To come together, worship, rest, laugh, play, eat, learn, challenge, discus, and relax. And, then to have some personal alone time to reflect as well.

The whole thing was refreshing to my very soul.

I have a ton of pictures. Craig's are better.

I'll upload mine to facebook too when I have a minute.

Retreat....ahhhhhh....I feel so blessed.

open hands

2011-10-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

Picture in your mind a set of open hands. What comes to mind? Anything? I think I lived most of my life relating the vision of open hands to the idea that those hands had to let something go. But, I can honestly say that I can now visualize open hands and think of the freedom those hands have to serve others, to receive things, or to simply hang there in a relaxed way, not clenched onto anything.

Is it just me, or is this a lesson we continually learn throughout life? When I left home, I let go of the family that protected and molded me. But, in letting go, my hands were open to receive my independence and freedom to discover myself on a deeper level. When I got married, I had to let go of my independence and single life, but my hands became open to cultivate a life of unity with a person who has completed me in a way I never would have known possible. I could go on and on.

Last week, while I was in Michigan, I was absolutely marveling at the Fall colors. And, I was reflecting back on one of the most beautiful Fall displays I have EVER seen, which was exactly one year ago. It was during my drive from NY to MI on Oct 20, 2010. What a strange day. Driving through the mountains in Pennsylvania, speechless at the beauty of the colors and the sunshine and the glory of God's creation. Meanwhile, I had an enormous pit of grief in my spirit because I was driving back to MI for the funeral of Timm's mom. But the super strange thing was that I don't recall if I have EVER experienced the sheer beauty of a Fall day like I did that day. It was like my hands were wide open to receive. I had just let go of someone I deeply loved. My hands were wide open, whether I wanted them to be or not. And, there, with my hands wide open, I was given supernatural gifts. Gifts of peace and beauty and a deep feeling of love.

It is my belief that this is a spiritual law that takes place. Jesus refers to it many times in the gospels. "You have to lose your life to gain it...". Other world religions have similar quotes from their honored prophets or gods. I don't completely understand it. But, I experience it. It just is....

Today, I awoke to a gorgeous sunrise. I took the time to simply enjoy that sunrise as it changed colors, hues, brightness. But, I don't think I ever appreciated a sunrise or a sunset as profoundly as I have in the last year, since Sharon passed away.

A few years ago, I felt God challenging me to let go of a LOT of things. Actually, I felt him challenging me to let go of everything. And, in response, I gave up a LOT of things :) I'm sure he will continue to challenge me with the rest throughout my life. I'll admit, there have been times when I have been mad at God, confused by Him, and not trusting that He is worthy to have me standing here with my hands WIDE OPEN and having Him in control of EVERYTHING. But, let me just say that He CAN be trusted. And, whenever He has lovingly challenged me to let go....yes, I have had to release things....but I have received so much! Truth is truth. And, I have experienced this as true. If I am willing to open my hands and let go, I do receive. Sometimes it is a measurable, earthly blessing. Other times it is a spiritual blessing that goes so deep I can't put it into words. I guess that is the kind of joy Jesus promises us. And, I guess that is the kind of joy we are all seeking. And, it is the kind of joy I get so excited about sharing with others. It's joy beyond description. And, I am SO thankful that God lovingly challenges me to let go of things so I am before Him with hands (and heart) wide open!!!

addiction

2011-09-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

For a long time, I would pray part of Psalm 139 "Search me Oh God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting."

I would pray that because I really, truly do want God to reveal my deep and hidden sin. I don't want anything to separate me from the joy of God's love. Sin does just that. It separates us.

But, when I pray this and mean it, the results are always painful. I DO NOT like to focus on my areas of sin. Ohhhh, I resist it. Because once it is revealed, then I have to deal with it. Yech.

So, I was chatting on the phone with my sister this week (which was very nice and we need to do more often by the way). As I was inquiring about how each person was doing, she reported how busy my 17 year old nephew is. She rattled off his insanely busy schedule and added a couple of things he has had to decline for sheer lack of time in his week.

I found myself sighing heavily and saying "oh...I miss that. I miss being busy like that." Then something popped out of my mouth that I know is true but I don't think I ever spoke it aloud. I said "That's my drug. Being busy. It numbs me. It feels so good. I can just focus on the next thing, constantly in motion, never having to slow down and be in the moment, never having to really stop and THINK because there just isn't time. "

Our conversation went on from there and we both grew tired and called it a night. But, the words I had spoken kept rattling around my head. I have an addiction. And it pulls at me every day. It screams out to me to be fed! It's gotten a bit muted since I haven't indulged it as much recently. But, it's still there.

It's strange because it would never look like a bad thing from the outside. And, in and of itself, it is not a bad thing. But, I know that when I take time to commune with my creator, he has convicted me of this addiction. He has revealed to me how I use it to numb myself and avoid Him and what He might be calling me to do.

It manifests itself in most areas of my life. I love exercise. But, I love to RUN. The faster the better. I know the benefit of other types of exercise and I have disciplined myself to participate in some. But, when it comes to something like yoga? Forget it. That is torture to me. Slowing down, holding a position, focusing on breathing. UGH! Just the thought of it makes me want to get up and run away right now.

Well, God has blessed me with a husband who has helped me gain a little bit of balance in this area. And, as I have been on a journey to follow Jesus and surrender my life to Him, I have slowly been transformed in this area. But it is still a struggle and a temptation. I'm often questioning God about how He wants me to use my time. Although I often clearly "hear" Him asking me to not over-schedule, to be available, to slow down, to practice being fully present in the moment, to graciously accept His love and to pour that love out in all that I do....even though I hear that, I resist. I come to him at least once a week with a new proposition of how I think I could be using my time differently. Good thing He is so patient with me.

I love my life. I am so madly in love with my God and so FULL of His grace and truth and love. I can guarantee I could not be having that same experience if I were doing things my way - giving in to my addiction and living life comfortably numb. No thanks.

Thanks God for searching me, knowing me, and leading me.

September in the city

2011-09-12T17:19:00.001-07:00

Sharing some good times.

The Sunday of Labor Day weekend we went to a cyclones game. Liv made a sign and cheered. Alli got a foul ball.

Labor Day was a really cool day. This was our thirdLabor Day as Brooklynites and we planned to go to the beach, as we had the last two years. Only, this time we got to celebrate something special. About 20 people from our church community came out to be a part of our first baptism celebration. We baptized two of my friends. It was a windy day and the waves were so rough! And we were getting blasted in the face by sand! I could use that excuse for my tears. But, really I had lots of tears of joy for my friends.

Here is a video of the Baptism.

Then the girls started school last week. Alli 7th grade, Liv 4th grade. We are right in the middle, walking distance, four blocks to Liv's school and four to Alli's. God is good to us. Everyone around here says "WOW!!!! You are SO LUCKY!"

This past weekend Alli had a few freinds sleep over Friday night. Here hey are eating whipped cream right out of the can. Oh boy, they sound like 7th grade girls for sure.

Saturday we had our block party. It was so great to meet our neighbors and just enjoy the day. Playing, eating, drinking. Kids running wild in the street with skateboards, scooters, fire hydrant spewing water all over. There is a lot of neighborhood pride on our block and it feels so cool. We really had a good chance to talk with the folks who have been here for 10, 20, 30 years. We also had fun with the newbies and made some new friends. Good times. We feel incredibly blessed that God led us right to this block to live.

As it got dark, we were able to see the beams of light rising into the sky from the sight of 9/11. The following day would be the 10 year anniversary. It was a very strange feeling being here on that anniversary. Surrounded by people who lived through it and knew people who were killed that day.

We had a time of sharing on Sunday at our church gathering. Here is Craig's Blog if you care to read some of his thoughts.

All weekend, I enjoyed seeing pictures on facebook or picture mail of my niece enjoying her reign on the court of the Richmond Good Old Days back in Michigan. It would have been really nice to share that time with family. My nephew made his debut driving the John Deere in the big parade. So thankful to have instant pictures available! That is so neat! Makes it a lot easier to be far away.

Timm is working mostly from home. He loves his new position. He is working hard and we are praying that this position is long term for him. So, if you feel like praying for us, we'd love support in that prayer.

No I will add a few photos!

King of Awkward Moments

2011-09-02T07:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was listening to a friend's album, amazed at his talent by the way! One of his songs is entitled "King of Awkward Moments". At the same time, I found myself reflecting on a chance encounter from the day before that had left me in serious contemplation. And, I put the two together....God really is the King of awkward moments. He is IN all of our moments, if we will just have the eyes to see him. I'll share my awkward moment in the best way I can put it into words.

We were enjoying our "Grand Finale" of summer fun as a family. We went to Luna Park at Coney Island. I was having a great time watching the JOY on my kids' faces as they experienced the thrill of all the rides. At the same time, I was feeling an "awkward" sense of guilt. Here we were, unloading the $$ for two wristbands so our girls could experience 4 hours of having their bodies whipped around in various ways against the physics of nature. Then we were reaching back into our pockets to fork out the $$ for ridiculously over priced snacks. We wrapped up the evening with a fairly affordable dinner at subway ($5 footlongs rule). But, we added a whopping dessert bill at coldstone creamery. So, I sometimes stop and think about how much time and $$ we spend pursuing leisure....fun...enjoyment. I can't help it. I'm one of those people who can't help bu think about "the starving kids in Africa" every time we indulge in something. But, that isn't even the point of my story.

I was sitting on a bench, the girls were on a ride, and Timm was catching some shade nearby. I was enjoying watching the people. And, it was obvious that people watching at this amusement park was a different experience from Cedar Point where we go each summer. This crowd was very diverse. So interesting to see all of the different cultural and ethic clothing, behavior, language, etc. I heard the woman next to me say something. I wasn't sure what she said, so I turned to her and nodded and smiled. She said something else, clearly speaking to me, but again, due to her thick accent, I wasn't sure what she said, so I smiled in response. So then she politely asks "do you speak no English?" I responded, "Oh! No, I'm sorry. I do speak English." And we began a conversation.

Although this beautiful young woman shared her name with me, and I even repeated it, I cannot even pretend to have any idea how to pronounce or spell it. She had dark skin, long black hair, and traditional ornate "Indian" clothing with her whole body covered in layers of gorgeous fabric. During our 20-30 minute conversation, as she fed her infant son, I was convicted, inspired, and moved. Yet, in a sense, it was an "awkward moment". In that short time, she shared with me that it was a day of celebration for her and her family who are Muslim. They were celebrating the end of their fasting month of Ramadan. She told me in her broken English, with a big smile, about their practice of fasting for 30 days from 4am - 8pm. I asked some questions about it and she was happy to share. She told me that they try to focus on "no bad things, no lying, only good things" during the fast. We talked about motherhood and how it changes us as women. She told me she just moved from Pakistan a few years before. She told me about her marriage and how "In her religion" and "In her country" the parents choose a spouse for their children. She said that parents have more wisdom and life experience in order to help direct their kids into a good relationship. We talked about our neighborhood and families. She asked me at one point whether I had married my husband before we had our kids? She was not at all asking in a judgemental way, but out of honest curiosity. She said that most of the people she meets do not "do it in that order" here. She said she was glad for our kids that we "did it that way". I told her that our family is of the Christian faith and we hold strong Christian values to guide our choices. I told her that I hope to be able to teach my girls to hold these values, even though they are pulled by the world to turn away. She just waved her hand and shook her head and said "No. No. You are their mother. They will follow you in your ways. They will. They will do whatever YOU do." She said it so matter-of-fact. Like I should have no concern whatsoever that my girls would turn away from the faith, values, or standards that our family holds.

Anyways, like I said, we chatted for 20-30 minutes. And, here is the awkward part. There are many who would say that I should encounter this person with sadness. Sadness that she doesn't know Jesus and truth. Sadness that she won't "get into heaven". Sadness that her religion is wrong and mine is right.

But, that is not what I felt. I was so encouraged by this sweet young woman. By her strong family values, her love for her home country, her religion, and life itself. She convicted me. She was the one who reached out to talk to me. I did not pursue her. She tried three times to start a conversation. I only heard the broken English and saw the obvious differences and assumed she wasn't talking to me! She was so enthusiastic about her faith. She wasn't ashamed. And, being that it is approaching the 10 year anniversary of the terrorist attacks of 9/11, any Muslim in NYC could easily feel a bit ashamed to be identified as Muslim, right? She convicted me that sometimes I am "ashamed" of my faith because of the few people who wrongly represent my faith. Those who are unloving, judgemental, hypocritical, and self righteous. I hate the thought of being thrown into a category with "them". But, why? That is NOT what MY faith represents. And, that is not how i feel. So, why would I be ashamed?

And I was convicted by her open and excited sharing about the traditions of their faith, including fasting. What a truly disciplined and beautiful practice. During the past month, as I have indulged in summer fun, eating out, having bar-b-ques, eating ice cream, drinking beer, pursuing amusement and fun....many people in her faith have been observing this fast every single day. Not just one day. Not two. But...30. And to see her face light up as she talked about it was so inspiring.

She inspired and encouraged me about my girls needing my example. She inspired and encouraged me to be strong and bold in my faith, yet loving and accepting of others. She never made me feel that my faith was wrong. She listened and smiled and accepted me. All I was able to see was our common ground, and the good in her, and the good she brought out in me. How could someone say that I should feel the need to "convert" her? In my opinion, all good things come from God. And, in my opinion, God used her to encourage, inspire and convict me.

That can get "awkward". Everyone has an opinion about what we should be doing as followers of Jesus to spread his Good News. Is it enough to simply enjoy a conversation and find common ground? Or am I supposed to try to change this person to "my" way? I don't really want you opinions on this, just a rhetorical question.

Wish we could ALL do a better job of finding common ground with others, loving them, and humbly accepting them for who they are.

spiritual food

2011-08-28T10:35:00.001-07:00

I like food. A lot.

I have had occasion where I have practiced the discipline of fasting from food. It has been at times when I felt God prompting me to humble myself and remember that there is more to this world than just the physical. There is a spiritual realm and sometimes my physical self is so loud and demanding and "in the way" that I don't seem to hear my spiritual self. So, I have found that fasting from food gives me an opportunity to tell my loud, demanding physical self to SHUT UP and take NO for an answer for a while while I focus on my spiritual self.

This morning in my devotional, I was challenged to think about prayer as my spiritual food. Prayer isn't just a time to come before God and ask Him for things. It is my time to nourish Jesus who lives in me. Without that time of prayer, the spirit within me is starving.

And I wonder if I truly ever FEEL my spirit crying out in hunger like I do when I am physically hungry?

When I am feasting on a daily abundance of prayer and time with God, my spirit is full. Full of peace and joy and contentment. And, yes, when I don't feed my spirit, I do feel it. I find that the more time I spend feeding my spirit, the more I crave it. The louder that spiritual self becomes. The more tuned in I am to truth and to the promptings I believe are from God, the more I feel like life makes sense and I have hope.

It amazes me that so many people genuinely crave that spiritual food, but they neglect to really seek it out and satisfy their appetite. Can you imagine if you were physically hungry and kept asking people for advice on how to satiate the hunger, yet every time someone recommended that you spend some time eating, you say you tried that, but you just don't have time for it?

So, I hope I can remember to feed my spirit. Not just once a day. Not just a quick "thanks" before I eat. Not just to beg for help when I'm at my wits end. But, to really feed on God throughout every day of my life.

Because, as I noted in my journal this morning, I am so connected to God during my quiet time with him in the morning. During that time I feel so alive and the moment feels so sacred. But my challenge is to keep that holy, sacred perspective throughout my day. To keep my eyes open to opportunities to love, to demonstrate grace and mercy and compassion. One way I can be more focused is to continue to feed my spirit. Day and night.

I need spiritual food.

Finding God in unexpected places

2011-08-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

This summer I came across this book I had read once before, but am happy to be reading it again. It is "Finding God in Unexpected Places" by Phillip Yancey.

Last night, as I laid in bed waiting for Hurricane Irene to blow my roof off, I was reading the Chapter entitled "The Wall Comes Tumbling Down" referring to the Berlin Wall.

I read:

"...In East Germany, one of the few Eastern European countries with a Protestant majority, for forty years the church sought ways to serve the "city of God" while living in an officially atheistic "city of the world". Since many avenues (such as television and radio) were closed, early on the church adopted a commitment to care for the neediest members of society, especially the profoundly disabled. And they met together regularly for worship and prayer.

Although Jesus spoke of a "kingdom that is within you," throughout history the church has faced constant temptation to form alliances with external centers of power. The US church faces just that temptation today, with its emphasis on politics rather than spirituality. Yet, in a nation like East Germany under Communism, that possibility did not exist. Christians there had no "power base" as such, none but the power of love and prayer."

OK, that is just a tiny excerpt. But is resonates so deeply with me. Forgive me for generalizing here, but I must say that the church of the US really gets on my nerves. If some of the people who claim to love Jesus would just quit trying to get into a position of POWER and instead find the POWER of loving and serving others with compassion, humility, kindness and love! The power of the kingdom of Jesus has nothing to do with politics. It is the power of grace and love and serving. Unfortunately, many will never see that power. Because so many followers of Christ spend all of their time, energy, and voice condemning and judging and fighting at the political levels instead of loving, accepting, extending grace and shining the light of Jesus to actual people in need.

When did Jesus ever command his followers to "go out and judge others...." or to "go out and make laws for people to follow...."

No! Jesus commanded his followers to Love God and Love others. He also commanded us to make disciples.

If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, how are you reflecting His love to others? I'm not saying I am good at it myself, but it is my hope and prayer that our family, and our church community is a light of hope and a refuge for all. Pointing the finger and making judgements on others is not a way to reflect light. Nor is it a way to transform hearts that are broken and hurting and in need of repair. And, making laws that we think will force people to do the right thing? That doesn't transform hearts either. The only way I believe that a heart can be transformed is the power of love. And I believe that Jesus offers that love. That power.

I know that there are a lot of amazing people who are humbly serving others and living in a way that reflects the love of Jesus. And I also know that the media loves to focus more on the negative, destructive, ugly side of things. So, we are much more likely to hear about the nasty and ugly side of the church in our country. But, I really hope that more people who claim to be followers of Jesus will let go of their faith in nationalism and politics and embrace the faith that Jesus modeled for us.

pathetic.

2011-08-20T05:24:00.000-07:00

It really does seem pathetic sometiemes...this life of a Mom. First I am completely independent and fearful of bringing a child into my life who depends on me. Then, just as expected, I fall so deeply in love with my child that my head swirls and I encounter a new level of reality here on earth. Then, life moves so quickly. Sleepless nights. Milestones reached and passed. Another baby who provides another glimpse of how BIG love can be and how much love can be held in one human heart. And, more quickly, life spins. Potty training. Teaching. Laughing. Crying. Encouraging. Baby talk. Toddling. Learning to ride a bike. Learning about love. Learning about disappointment and discipline. Juggling work, scheduled activities, family time, serving others, down time. School days. How can they be gone so many hours of the day? Who is influencing them? Shaping them? Molding them? Did I do enough preliminary training to ward off the lies and worldly influences they will encounter? Is there still a chance to have an influence on their hearts?

And now, a new era. At once joyful and heartbreaking. My baby is old enough to "babysit". It started with brief stints of time having her stay home with her little sister. That grew into a few opportunities to stay home for a longer stretch of time while we went out for an evening. And, let me say, this has been so amazing. I can now say "Hey girls, I'm going for a run, be back in about 45 minutes." And, off I go! Freedom that has subsided to a distant memory has been thrust back into my reality. FREEDOM! Yet, it doesn't feel like the independence and freedom I had 12 years ago. There is at once a feeling of elation and appreciation for this renewed freedom, and at the same time a nagging feeling of dread that the time I have cherished with my sweet girls is no longer what it once was. Especially with my tween. It is natural and necessary for her begin craving more time with peers and in her own pursuits.

But, when my girls are not with me....I miss them. A lot. THey bring me such joy. And I feel such an intense and consuming drive to use every single moment as a "teachable moment" with them so that I am confident they are going out into the world equipped with what they need to make good choices and be true servants of God. Well, let's face it, I can't be like that every moment or I am a real drag. I have to just enjoy what we have, accept what is next, and continue to train their hearts and souls as we go along.

Alli put a shout out to friends and neighbors that she is ready to start doing some babysitting. Of course, she got 5 responses immediately saying that they can't wait to have her! Meanwhile, she has had some get togethers this week with her friends, and they have ventured off on their own to the park and for walks, and to the soda shop. Just them. No Mommies. And, what is pathetic? It made this pathetic mom feel really really sad. I don't want to give her up to others! Selfishly, I want her to say "No mom, I'm not ready to babysit! I'm not ready to go out with my friends. I just want to be home with you and the rest of my family becuase it is so great here and I want as much time here as possible!" But, truth is, she is just as independent as her mom. She's ready to go out into the world. And, I am so proud of her because she is a really good girl. She has shown amazing character and strength and integrity. And it really is thrilling to see her experience her independence and to test her boundaries and to discover her own steps.

So, this pathetic mom will unabashadly smother her girlies with love, affection, snuggles, praise, instruction, guidance, acceptance, truth, and encouragement. At the same time, I will establish those boundaries and challenge them to believe that they can expect more and better from themselves than they are currently seeing. They can always be growing to be more Christ-like in their character. They can, through the grace and power of God, achieve AMAZING things beyond their own capacity! If they are only striving for "their best" that is a shame. Their best is never enough. That is an endless, tiring, treadmill of effort. They need to believe and embrace that they can only submit their own efforts to God and let HIM do HIS BEST through them. That is when they will see incredible things happen in their lives!

Being a mom is a blessing I ever could have imagined. Thank you God.

It's summer

2011-07-27T06:34:00.000-07:00

Well, it's summer time. Blessed and amazed and just wanted to check in to say hi.

I have had so much happen, that I can't begin to update this blog on all our happenings.

I can say, we made it to MI and enjoyed a wedding with Timm's family, time with both families all week of the 4th of July, DJ's grad party, time with friends, camping with Carlson's, Cedar Point, trip with Timm to Mt. Pleasant (with a pitstop at the outlet mall), surprise party for Kelly's 40th, and now the girls are at Springhill camp and Timm and I are in Grand Rapids. He's working, I am being a sloth. I leave today to drive to Rose City for some QT with my Carrie!!!!!!

So, that sums it up in one paragraph.

I feel I am being molded by the surrounding culture and find myself more inclined to post an update on facebook than to update this blog. I even got a new fancy phone that takes amazing photos which I can easily upload with one touch to facebook. How do I get them to this blog? No idea.

But, I have trouble tweeting. I'll be honest. I just have too many "characters" in my tweets. I've shard this before, I'll share it again...it takes me a lot of word to express my thoughts. I'm not succinct enough to tweet. But, perhaps being immersed in the tweeting culture, I too will learn to limit my rambling thoughts to a mere 140 characters?

Until then, I will still occassionally come here to ramble,.

But, I honestly don't have much to post.

My kids are away at camp and it is just about the freakiest thing to not have any communication with them all week! I have left them for stretches of time with family. And, it was strange when we were in Mexico and our communication was limited. But, this week, I have ZERO opportunities to ask how it's going!

I'm praying for them constantly and asking God to pour out His holy spirit on my sweet young ladies. I pray for them to feel drawn closer to Him than ever before and experience the freshness of falling in love with him all over again.

I am spending many hours praising God. He has blessed me beyond measure. Not sure why. I am completely undeserving. His grace is absolutely astonishing.

Wait, how old am I?

2011-06-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

I'm confused. How old am I again?

Oh yah, amost 40.

I wasn't sure because I haven't been this excited about the END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR since I was about....10. I just thre that age out there, since I don't ever remember being so anxious to see the end!

Today is Liv's last day. Half day. Am about to walk up and get her.

Alli's last full day is today, then two more half days. Right up through the last day of June. Geesh!

Last night was my first executive board meeting for the PTA for Liv's school. I am now VP. I debated whether I wanted that much commitment to the PTA. I wondered if it was silly to commit so much time to meetings and such, which actually takes away from my time with my girls, in order to make things better for my child and her school. Weighing it out, I decided to go for it. Come on, I am a stay at home mom! I imagine that is the group who started PTA to begin with. God bless the working moms who are on the board and who volutneer. AMAZING! ANYWAYS....I made the right choice. My hope our family is intentionally living in a way that impacts our community. By that, I mean, if we picked up and vacated, we should be missed by some people in some way. We should be making an impact! We should "be the change we want to see in the world". Through much prayer and reflection, I feel God has led me to some areas I am passionate about. And, I am trying to invest my time, talent and treasure to do my part in these areas.

Liv's school is one of those areas. I have to get going, I will just say that we went through the school year calendar for the upcoming year, and we scheduled things for each month that we felt would build community, enhance education, build school spirit, offer FUN, and raise funds for filling in the funding gaps for some very NEEDED programs. I can honestly say that every child in the school will have an enriched and better experience because of our care and efforts. That is so cool. Definitely worth sacrificing a bit of my time away from my kids.

And, now, I am off to welcome Olivia to SUMMER BREEEEEAAAAAAAAK!

Counting down...

2011-06-25T06:29:00.000-07:00

Just popping on here to say hello. Haven't posted in a while because I haven't had any deep thoughts to share.

But, I will say that we are in countdown mode here in the Kelly Casa. The girls have a few more days of school, then we will be packing up the van and heading to MI for almost the whole summer!!!!! Lots of great summer adventures planned. Hanging at Grandparent's, swimming, cedar point, going up north, going to springhill camp, staying with Daddy in Grand Rapids, camping with the Carlson's, etc. And, it is a needed refresher for the soul.

When praying, I hesitate to go to God and specifically ask for something. He knows what I need and I trust Him. However, throughout the last few years, one prayer request that I have boldly made is that God would please work it out in our family to allow for us to spend a good chunk of time in MI for summer. So far, this is year #2 where that prayer has been answered abundantly and I am so thankful. SO THANKFUL. I do not take it for granted at all.

Last night Timm and 3 of the men he is in true "Communitas" with were able to spend the night in the Hampton's at one of the guys' place. They loaded up their bikes and sleeping bags (as there is no furniture in the house) and will be enjoying some biking today.

Meanwhile, back in the concrete jungle, the girls and I got dressed up and went to an elegant affair hosted by another couple of Communitas friends. They hosted a wine and cheese tasting get together and we had a super great evening. We brought a bottle of pinot grigio, a block of good old white cheddar, and the girls picked some interesting juices to try (apricot and banana). Good food and drink, great company and lovely conversation/laughter. I feel so blessed by the community we are a part of.

So, today Alli and Liv will be filling up some water balloons in preparation for the "end of the year" party we are hosting with some of Alli's middle school friends this afternoon. The plan is: water fights, snacks and pizza (and lots of screaming and yelling and laughing I'm sure).

Then we will clean up any messes out behind our "house" because our downstairs neighbors are hosting a BBQ this evening.

Good times.

One thing I might say....I have handled with remarkable ease the transition from a large home to a very small apartment...I have adapted fairly well to navigating my way around this city on foot, bike, public transit and driving....I have managed to survive long stretches of time without hugging and loving family and life long friends....but there is one thing I do not think I am up for that I have recently been tested with.......la cucuracha. Yes, we have been paid a visit by the lovely urban houseguest, the cockroach. UGH! I can't handle a cockroach infestation. I can't. That is simply pushing me beyond my limits. And, I think Alli will be sleeping up on the ceiling, grasping onto the light fixture, just to get as far away from the ground as she can because she is so disgusted and freaked out. It's weird because I would be fine with it if we were camping, or staying somewhere in an underdeveloped country, or something like that. But, what bothers me is that this is our HOME. And it feels invaded. I don't want to get up in the night to use the bathroom and have to turn the light on and wonder if a nasty critter is going to scamper out of sight behind the garbage pail and go who knows where?!?!

Our landlord has been made aware and will be sending someone to spray. Hopefully soon.

Oblivia

2011-06-02T07:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we joke around and call Olivia "Oblivia". Don't fret, it's all in fun and she shouldn't be too deeply scarred by it.

But, today I was realizing something. We call her that because she does not appear to be paying attention most of the time. She trips and falls often, walks into traffic (or trees or people or poles), and often asks "What?" in the middle of a conversation we are all having and she didn't catch any of it.

Today it occurred to me that it isn't that she is NOT paying attention.....but rather.....she is paying attention to OTHER things than the majority of those around her. She observes different things. She might walk directly into a pole, but she can tell you how many brick paver blocks we passed by on our block because she was counting them. She might walk into traffic, but she can tell you exactly how many steps it takes to get from one sidewalk to the other as she crosses the street. She might miss an entire conversation happening at the park, but then she might say something like this (and I quote her from yesterday) "Mom. I want to tell you something I observed. I don't want to sound like I'm racist or anything, but it is just an observation. I notice that quite often I see white babies and children with their nannies...and their nannies are not white. They are hispanic or black. Did you ever notice that?" First of all, I love when she says things like "I want to tell you something I observed". Secondly I think it is kinda sad that she has to clarify herself and "not being racist" simply because she did observe people who have different skin colors or ethnicities. But, that is the world we live in, so she was being appropriately sensitive I guess.

She gets excited sometimes over the most random things. The other day, we were discussing something and out of nowhere she blurts out "I learned to write the letters "c" and "d" in script." ONe morning this week, before she went to school, she just jumped up and said "I need a new journal. I need to write something down!" So I reminded her that she has a minimum of 10 journals, each with their own individual purpose, stored under her dresser. She said "No, I need a new one. This one if for writing down things that I observe and things that I notice and what that makes me think of..." So, she went to her stash of journals and dug one out. Next things I know, she's sitting on the couch writing in a journal. But, when I looked in her room, I see the rest of the journals strewn about, along with several torn pages that she ripped out of the journal she was now using. When I asked why she did that, she said it was because that journal was going to be for writing things down about moving from MI to NY, but now it was for this new thing and she couldn't' have pages in there that were written on already. Anyways, after she went to school and I was cleaning up, I saw that journal sitting there and looked at what she wrote. It said "The trees stand tall and alone. And I am like the tree." Then it said "the clouds are white and fluffy. It looks like cloud men are on them, throwing hail stones right at us."

That was the reason she urgently needed a "new journal".

Some of her other journals and notebooks are specifically for inventions, drawings, stories, poems, prayers, fairy tales, memories, and lists.

Olivia is moody, creative, smart, talented, messy, playful, adventurous, and curious.

I am learning to truly appreciate our Livvy for the "artist" that she is. My brain does NOT function in an artistic way. So, it is interesting and confusing for me to grasp how she thinks.

We have fun calling her "oblivia". And this week I told her we could start to call her "Taz" after the tazmanian devil who leaves a path of destruction wherever he goes.....but I wouldn't trade ONE THING about her. She is so awesome. So interesting. So unique.

i do it myself

2011-05-18T11:45:00.001-07:00

Have you ever heard a toddler say this? I know my kids did all the time "I do it myself mama". Well, have you ever heard a 39 year old say this? I have, earlier this week!

We have a friend who is going to squeeze into our spare room and stay with us for a while. So, I said I was going to move the treadmill into our room so that our friend has a tiny bit of space for her clothes and stuff.

Well, most of you should know by now that my brain is lacking in the spatial perception arena. So, I assumed I was simply going to take the folded up monster and whip it out of one room and into the other with a mere scooting aside of a table and chair in the living room that may have presented an obstacle. (I'm used to doing that - do it every time we have a group of friend's over).

Long story short...sweating, swearing, gouging out walls and floors, disassembling pieces (and hoping they'd fit back together) and STILL I couldn't do it myself. I had to wait for Timm to get home.

Ugh.

I don't like feeling dependent.

Well, somehow it actually made me feel a little bit better to realize that he had to disassemble even more parts for it to fit. I was afraid to do that and demolish the whole beloved thing.

As he was putting it back together I told him how annoyed I was that I just couldn't do it myself. He said I shouldn't try to do things myself all the time, that God planned for us to need help. I argued that PLENTY of people are unmarried and can take care of themselves just fine and I did take care of myself just fine before marrying him!!!! But, he calmly pointed out that he wasn't talking about a spouse. He just said, we're not supposed to do life alone. God created us to lean on each other and to help each other out.

OK.

I guess.

He's right.

But, it's still hard for me to feel dependent.

So, the next day I had a REALLY good day. I have enjoyed my new little digital flip camera. It's convenient and small, takes a quality movie, and loads simply onto the computer. BUT....ever since we got a new computer, I haven't been able to figure out how to get the flipping flips to save onto a disc or something to back them up so if my computer dies, I don't lose all of my video. You have to convert the files, and do all this other stuff that is like a foreign language to me!

Aha! I figured it out that day! And, guess what? I figured it out "all by myself"!

We now have almost every single flip video safely copied to a dvd-r that can be played on the dvd player and even has a cool menu where you can choose which video to select!

Maybe I shouldn't feel THAT good when I do something on my own, but I can't help it.

May stuff

2011-05-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

I would say that there is nothing exciting to share, but that really isn't true. Our life here is pretty exciting!

Liv's birthday (birthweek) was a blast.

On her b-day she took treats into school. Then, after playing for three hours at the park, we went out to "Mango" for dinner. A great choice. Really good Thai food.

The next day was Friday and we had a "Friday fun night" BBQ. Probably about 20 people crammed in our little place. Had a cake with ice cream and sang to her. She had a friend spend the night, Very fun.

Saturday we went to a few stoop sales and I found sone new heelies for Liv, then it was her tea party. I posted pics on Facebook, I'll include a couple on here. It really turned out great. One of my top 3 favorite for sure (and we have done A LOT of different parties through the years).

Also on Saturday, she received gifts in the mail and had a great time opening things from family. She got a letter from the dance studio as well inviting her to be in the Jr. Dance Company. She literally squealed and spun all around and would have done cartwheels if we had a little more space!

Saturday night we hung out with a friend of Liv's and her family at their place. What a pleasant evening.

Anyways, it was just a FABULOUS celebration for days!

Sunday was fun. After church and leadership meeting, a few of us met up for basketball. Ah, I hadn't played in over a year! I missed it.

So, I just felt like doing a little synopsis of the week.

I love that little Liv so much, she makes my heart BLOW UP. Thanks to everyone who made her feel extra special!

Spring has sprung

2011-05-07T05:16:00.000-07:00

Nothing profound to share. Just so happy that Spring is here in full force. Looking at the forecast and seeing 60's - 70's as the high temps....makes me giddy.

This weekend is unusual. No big plans. Pretty wide open. Ahh.

I have 5 girls snoozing in the other room after a sleepover. Glad they are still asleep. Not sure how late the party went on. This mama went to sleep before them.

Would like to say that our week off before Easter was quite refreshing. Went to a hotel with an indoor waterpark in Connecticut for a couple of days. Hit a few shopping malls, including one with a chick-fila in the food court! Good times.

Then, we had our Easter sonrise service in Central park, which has become one of my most treasured annual traditions. I love Easter. Hope rooted in the resurrection....ahhh.

After the park we enjoyed brunch at the Kallen casa. So grand. Later, we had a dinner here with about 14 people. Lots of love felt that day.

The day after Easter our company arrived, and we had a perfectly gorgeous week. Grandpa, Kelly and Aunt Janet enjoyed some of the Brooklyn and Manhattan experiences, watched as the trees budded and burst with green, and even got to be there for the opening night of the girls' big dance recital!

I plan to enjoy a few local rummage sales today, perhaps a bike ride in the park, who knows? Happy to have a free day to enjoy.

What about Saturday?

2011-04-23T07:18:00.000-07:00

As I sat in silence this Saturday morning, hanging out with God, quieting my soul...it occurred to me that we have "good Friday" and "Easter Sunday" but we don't really think about the Saturday in between. Or, at least I have not.

But, I awoke today to a cool, gloomy, rainy day. And, I was reminded of my experience last night. We had a gathering with our church and I had the opportunity to engage with multiple senses on the death of Jesus. I wept. A lot.

So, as I sat this morning, I wondered what it must have felt like when Jesus died and he had not yet risen! Imagine the unbearable grief of that "Saturday" in between!

In my journal, I wrote:

Solitude. Silence. Rain falling. Settle my soul, Father. This weekend is so profound. Good Friday is so sad. SO disturbing. So convicting. Dark. Reality of the darkness of humanity. Death. Betrayal. Torture. Sacrifice. Blood. Pain. Separation. Fear. Complete and total...LOVE. Forgiveness. Submission. Mercy. Compassion. Grace. Love.

Today....it rains. It's dark. The loss feels unbearable. The grief too much. Imagine not knowing what tomorrow holds! No hope. Just loss.

Instead, I know the SON will rise. The sun will rise. The hopelessness, dissipated and scattered. The darkness completely filled with light. The resurrection. The hope. The promise. The purpose. The fulfillment. The power. The glory. The victory. The love. The light. The path. The way. The truth. Mercy - undeserved forgiveness. Grace - undeserved love. Abundant. Complete. Whole. Absolute. Total. Love.

Tomorrow we celebrate. It is done. It is finished. Forgiveness complete. Hallelujah!

law of gravity

2011-04-13T05:25:00.001-07:00

I don't know about you, but sometimes I hear or read something that I have heard or read a million times and suddenly....WHAM....it hits me in a deep and profound way. That's been happening this week for me, and I love it.

I happen to believe that God sent me the holy spirit to dwell in my soul. And, as i am ready, he reveals things to me. This week, he has been revealing to me my profound need for solitude and silence. And, it's just silly because I "know" this already. But, like I said, sometimes it just hits me....WHAM!

Here is a quote from a book I am reading:

"Just as the physical law of gravity ensures that sediment swirling around in a jar of muddy river water will eventually settle and the water will become clear, so the spiritual law of gravity ensures that the chaos of the human soul will settle if it is still long enough."

I love how she references the law of gravity. No one will dispute the FACT that there is a physical law of gravity, right? But, because it is more difficult to gather concrete evidence in the spiritual realm, many people choose to just discount it all entirely. But, once you experience for yourself something like the "spiritual law of gravity" you will also be convinced that it as REAL as the physical.

Why are we so quick in Western culture to dismiss the spiritual? We are all about physical science. Why? I have always had so many questions that go much deeper than the physical. Yet, some people seem to be able to coast along and not be "bothered" by contemplations about the spiritual realm. It amazes me.

I think it is in large part due to the fact that we never remain still long enough for the chaos to settle in our souls. We just forge ahead, full force, setting and pursuing goals, taking care of crises and trouble that arise (putting out fires), and constantly moving at a frantic pace to set and meet that next goal.....

I am so thankful that God has challenged me and offered me the opportunity to STOP and pursue solitude and silence. It is there, in the quiet stillness, that I am able to hear the voice of my creator. He is able to affirm for me who he created me to be, and I am able to rest in his loving embrace. He then challenges me and equips me for this physical world I live in. Without that time, I am an empty physical vessel just trudging along on my own strength wondering why I'm so exhausted and confused.

Thank you God for revealing to me the SPIRITUAL law of gravity. I look forward to continued education in the subject of spiritual science.

create and imagine

2011-04-07T17:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, Liv couldn't be left out of the blogosphere! You can check out her thoughts and contemplations at create and imagine. Hopefully she will share her poems and other "sayings". Yesterday, on the dry erase board she wrote:

"LOVE ~ is never wasted. It stays."

Today is was:

"CREATIVITY is your friend. Play with it. Don't despise it."

And she already put one up for tomorrow:

"PEACE stays in your heart if you tell it to."

I love her 8 year old mind!!!!!

your runnin'

2011-04-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

Only Timm will understand the title of this post. he-he.

If you ever find yourself in a verbal spat with someone where you are whipping out one line zingers at one another, we find this one to be a fun and effective one-liner. "Oh yah? Well.... you're runnin'."

Yes, I realize it doesn't make any sense. That's the whole idea. Hang around Timm and I a bit more, and you will catch on to our stupidity.

I will be 40 this year and I thought it would be a fun goal to do a half marathon before I turn 40. My friend invited me to join her in an all women event in Central Park. So, I decided to go for it. Last Sunday, we met at the train at 6:15 am and headed to Central Park. We arrived plenty early to enjoy the energy of 10,000 women gathered to run (and to wait the the bathroom line for at least 30 min) before the race started at 8am.

Then we parted ways because we decided to run at our own pace and I was curious to see how I could do.

I'm not sure if I'll ever do another race of this length. People ask if I am going to do a marathon and I just have no desire to run that long or far. But I will admit that I (almost) enjoyed this one. However, throughout the entire run, as I found myself able to keep going at a pretty good clip, and the sun was shining and I was encompassed by the breathtaking surroundings of Central Park, running with SO many other women.....I found myself just praising God. I have no idea why he blessed me with a body that is able to run. But he did. And, as I was running along, I promised Him that I would give ALL glory to Him.

I sometimes complain a little bit because I have friends who are such amazing artists. I complain because I am envious of their ability to create, paint, perform, sing, compose music, and so on....

Then someone will say something like "you are a good runner." Well, so what? What good does that do for anyone? What does that contribute to society? Nothing. So, it doesn't seem like a very valuable gift.

Shame on me. I should be SO grateful for whatever gift God has given me. And, I should give Him all the thanks. And I do. As I was running Sunday, about 2 miles into the run, I decided to give it my all. I had a little conversation with God and thanked him for my body and my legs and my heart, etc. And then I told him I'd use my body to the best of my ability and praise Him the whole time. That was FUN!

I ended up finishing 221 out of 10,000 runners. I was very happy with that. My time was 1hour 44 min. That is just under 8min per mile. I'm sharing that because I promised God at mile 10 that if he could please intercede and keep my calf muscles in tact (and not allow them to explode all over the place like it felt they may) then I would push my hardest and tell everyone that I was simply using the gift HE gave me.

I still don't know why I got that gift instead of creativity or artistic talent or whatever. But, I will be proud of the person God made ME to be.

Funny thing is, we are hosting this weekly "girl's club" with a few 8-11 year old girls. We are going through a book and each week we discus the importance of knowing who we are, being excited about who we were uniquely created to be, and not trying to act like anyone but ourselves.

Perhaps I am learning along with the little girls! Perhaps they are teaching me! I should not wish I was like anyone else, but rather, be the best me I can be.

So, I'd encourage you, if you have a gift, just accept it with grace. Don't be a brat and wish you had gotten a different gift! God designed YOU exactly as he planned. Your plan is not better than his. Accept who He made YOU to be and give HIM the praise! So, go ahead, brag about your gifts and talents, just remember to give God the glory.

everything alli

2011-04-07T08:37:00.000-07:00

A long time ago (2 years) Alli had asked if she could have a blog. Seemed OK to me, so we tried to set her up with one. However, she didn't have her own email and in order to create one under my email it had to be linked to my blog. That was a bit confusing and we ended up leaving the blog to sit there and "collect dust".

All that to say, she resurrected her blog attempt. It is called Everything Alli and you can check it out if you'd like. It's still connected to my blog and we're ironing out the kinks.

But, it's cool to catch a glimpse into her thoughts.

Dang I love that kid.

dates are good

2011-04-02T05:10:00.001-07:00

Dates are good.

Not necessarily the edible type of dates. Not sure if those are good. Dried up little misshapen balls of semi sweet natural sugar and chewy texture.....yah, I'm not talkin about those dates.

I'm talking about dates with my husband, my friend, my lover, the man I chose to become one with and spend the rest of my life with.

And what I am recommending is that you also consider making dates a priority with your spouse. Seriously, how can you commit to cleave to your spouse and become one flesh, yet neglect to spend one on one time together? Impossible.

Of course, every couple has their own personal preference for how they connect and spend time. It could be as simple as turning off the tv/computer/phone/kindle/etc and having some one on one time at home together. Timm and I could get better at that, I will admit. But, for us, when we go out and share an experience together that involves exploring and enjoying something new, that sure does fill us up in a unique way. That's just who we are. We love to explore and see new things and enjoy those things together.

Let me just say THANK YOU to all of our friends and family who have stepped in while our children were little to babysit so that Timm and I could pursue dates together. Because, we are now glimpsing the amazing next era in our parenting journey, which is to leave our big girls home alone. Wow. That is a feeling of freedom that is hard to explain.

I'm so glad to know that our girls are responsible enough to trust them to hang out at home for a while so that we can go out. They actually enjoy the freedom as well.

So, I am a happy mom and wife. I love my husband more than I ever have. 20 years of growing to know and love him have built a level of trust and connection that I never knew was possible. And, spending time with him to walk, talk, eat, drink, share, laugh, cry, complain, praise, question, or just listen...that's good stuff.

Thank you God for my husband. Thank you God for our time together!

so proud

2011-04-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, I expressed some concerns regarding the academic performance of our sweet middle schooler. I discussed it with several close friends and family members. Although she was loving every single day of school and being an all around amazing person, her grades were.....not so good. And, we knew she had potential to do better.

So, I only feel it is right and fair to report that she has successfully achieved her goals of improving those grades!!!! YAY ALLI!

Can I even begin to communicate how proud I am of her? No. It would just be annoying. I really am a bragging mom. I mean, I could go on and on about how loving and caring and nurturing and helpful she is. I could mention how hard she works, how independent she is, and how respectful she is of authority. I could mention the great choices she is making and the wonderful character of the friends she is choosing to spend time with. I could even gush about what an incredibly loving big sister she is. But, like I said that would be so annoying!

Let me just say that I am SO PROUD.

good or best?

2011-03-25T12:45:00.001-07:00

Today I read this: "The greatest enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but good choices which are not quite good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best."

When I read that, part of me wants to feel annoyed....bristled....skeptical. But that is because I rely on MYSELF. How and I supposed to figure out what is good and what is best? Too much pressure.

Then I breathe, and I relax, and I remember that I have made a decision to stop trying to figure it all out on my own. Ahhhh, what a relief. I can ask my creator what He thinks. Seems logical to me.

However, the key is to not wait until I'm in a pickle before I go to God and spend time with him. Because I spend time with him every day, I feel fairly confident that I know him. His character, his promptings, his "voice".

He has challenged me to be patient. It's sorta funny. Patience. That's the thing I have prayed for most fervently. It's the thing that has brought me to my knees in repentance and defeat. It has had such a stronghold on me. Now, here I am, realizing that He has gently led me to a life where I need to practice my new found discipline of patience every day. Yet, He has orchestrated things in a way I could have never planned out on my own.

If I just relied on myself and my own "good" ideas, I am positive that I would miss the "best". I would hit the ground running, get a job (or two), volunteer for everything that I could, serve others any way I saw possible, and still not pass up any offer to let loose and have fun with others. That's all GOOD!

But, through my daily discipline of patience and listening to the promptings of my creator, I have found myself in a much different scenario. A calendar that isn't filled up. Days that are not maxed out. Time that is free and available.

Here's what is interesting. Those vacant squares on my calendar just scream out to me "fill me! fill me! You aren't worth anything if you aren't busy! What are you contributing to society if you aren't working? What are you teaching your girls if you are not modeling what it is like to go to work each day? You could volunteer more! Do! Do! Do! "And, on and on the screaming continues.

Yet.....I resist those "good" things. Because I have heard my Father's voice. He has asked me to do it differently, and I am choosing to obey. He has asked me to STOP and to be available to others. And, let me tell you, that takes patience.

I believe it is the holy spirit guiding me. Why? Because, I have seen the fruit of the spirit in my life. I have seen my character change. I have seen my struggle with impatience healing. I have laughed out loud with joy when God delivers me a "divine appointment" on a day when I am wide open to receive it. I have found joy beyond measure in getting to know other people at a deeper level by investing time with them. I have been an example to my girls, not an example of being a worker in the worldly sense, but a worker for God's kingdom here on earth. They know that when I am with them, I have reserved my energy in order to engage with them and serve them. I haven't spent it elsewhere.

I am not for one single second preaching about what a Mom should do with her time! That's not my point at all. God bless the working Moms! I am simply saying that I feel like I have been able to overcome MY pursuits of what I think is GOOD in order to submit my entire self to what is BEST. Submission to my Lord is what is Best. And, I will do my best to be PATIENT and AVAILABLE every day for Him.

the burning...it feels like...burning

2011-03-23T05:51:00.001-07:00

I don't even know where this phrase came from? Timm and the girls say it. And, it is said in a way that would make you picture them melting away like the bad witch on the wizard of oz.

Anyways, yesterday in my devotional (Oswald Chambers: My Utmost for His Highest). He gives me Luke 24:32 "Did not our hearts BURN within us....?" Then, Chambers goes on to say this:

"We need to learn this secret of the burning heart. Suddenly, Jesus appears to us, fires are set ablaze, and we are given wonderful visions; but then we must learn to maintain the secret of the burning heart - a heart that can go through anything. It is the simple, dreary day, with it's commonplace duties and people that SMOTHERS the BURNING HEART - unless we can learn the secret of abiding in Jesus."

This is the hard part for me. The simple, dreary day. That's what smothers my fire Yet, I feel that God has called me so clearly to slow down, simplify, be available, do less. So, many of my days have that simple, uneventful feeling. I need to grasp onto Jesus and abide in him to have fuel.

How's your heart? Burning? Big orange flames? A small glowing ember? A smoldering, white/black hunk of coal that appears dark but holds remarkable heat within? A sizzling, fizzling mess that once was hot, but has been smothered? A lukewarm glass of water that is not refreshing on a hot day, nor refreshing on a cold day? An ice cube?

I want a flame, Lord. Help ignite my heart.

Aunt KT

2011-03-08T14:52:00.000-08:00

I want to wish a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my sister (in-law) Katie. I've known Katie for almost 20 years now. And I can't imagine our lives without her.

We have always gotten along. From the first time we met and she immediately felt comfortable making fun of me and my ludicrous behavior, to the adventure of white water rafting together while Timm was away in Ecuador. Again, she was offered the opportunity to make fun of me. This time for my short temper and intense annoyance with getting splashed.

Although we always got along, and it was cool to gain a sister in my 20's, I really had no idea what a blessing she would be in my life until she became "Aunt KT"

She was at the hospital the day Alli was born. The love I saw on her face as she held our little baby, her niece, brings tears to my eyes right now as I reflect on it. The day after I got home from the hospital, she cam over. She held and loved Alli all day! She basically just told me that I'd have to let her know when I wanted the baby for myself or wanted her not to be held. Otherwise, she wasn't letting go! I was blown away by the absolute love and adoration she had for our baby.

From that day on, with Alli, and when Olivia came along, she became "Aunt KT". I realized pretty quickly that I sucked as an aunt in comparison. And she has never done anything for them for any other reason than to demonstrate her deep love for them.

I have been so grateful for her example to my girls. The example of generosity. Does she spoil them? Yep. You betcha. But, she just does it because she loves to see the joy it brings them. And, they appreciate it so much. All the things she does for them brings them such joy.

Truth be told, I imagine that KT learned the whole spoiling thing from her Mom. Katie will be the first to admit that her mom spoiled her. And, Katie has always appreciated it.

And, Grandma was the number one example of generosity to my kids. And now, I am so thrilled that they see the legacy Grandma left when they see how Aunt KT demonstrates that same generosity.

If her role as aunt wasn't impressive enough, then her role as a MOM has been! Her little Izzy is so lucky. Katie has been an amazing Mom since day one! And she does it on her own. The love I see between her and her baby girl is so sweet. And, I think it is so cool. Katie admits she was spoiled, but you would never know it by the way she acts with her little girl. What I mean is that you might associate the idea of being spoiled with the attitude of "it's all about me". But, she puts her daughter first and her own needs last all the time. She sacrifices anything she can for that girl. And, it is PURE JOY for me to have the chance to be the Aunt (and I still suck in comparison).

It's bittersweet today. Katie has a birthday, and she has always apologetically loved to celebrate her own birthday. But, today is the first time she has to find a way to celebrate without her Mom. And that sucks.

I was thinking about it today. I have Timm to build me up. He knows me so well, so he is able to encourage me in a way others might not be able to. And, that was the role Katie's mom had in her life. And she did it so effortlessly. She knew Katie so well, so she knew just what to say and just how to encourage her when she needed it.

So, I am hoping this encourages KT a little bit on her birthday. A tribute to her role as "Aunt KT". A tribute to the gift she has been to me in my life. A tribute to her role as "Mom".

Happy Birthday Katie!

amalgamated superstar

2011-03-01T10:28:00.000-08:00

So, just the other day I saw the word "amalgamated" on some sign. I said the word a few times to myself and as it rolled off my tongue (or, as it rolled off my cerebrum, since I don't think I was actually saying it out loud) I decided that I liked the word a lot. I don't even know what it means. But, I remember making a conscious decision that I like the word. I'm like that about words. I like a great deal of them. That's why I like to use SO MANY of them on a regular basis, both verbally and in writing.

Anywho....

Today I did something that required me to reach a little beyond my ordinary trust in the competency of others. Generally speaking, I'm pretty trusting when people say they can do a job or perform a task for me and I pay them what is owed, and on with life. But, for this task, I have found myself nervous and even skeptical.

You see, I have about 10 years worth of memories held on these flimsy reels of tape called "Hi-8" video tape. When we downsized our life, we downsized our moving picture capturer. We moved to a small "flip" that captures the images digitally. But, what I neglected to think about when we got rid of the old camera is that it also served as our only device on which to view our tapes! So, we have not been able to watch our family movies for over a year and a half.

I'm making a short story long. Who me? Don't judge. You have your faults, I have mine.

So, today, with sweaty palms and pits, I walked into a small, local business and handed over my prized possession for them to transfer to dvd. As I was walking out, with the empty bag that once held my memories, hoping I made a good judgement call, I noticed a little sign on one of the mailboxes for the building I was in.

I felt like it was assurance that I was in a good place. After all, it was just this past week that I decided I would officially like the word "amalgamated" and then "superstar" was such a bonus.

It made me smile.

new location

2011-02-28T07:13:00.000-08:00

I already posted this on facebook, but I am really excited about the new location for our Sunday gatherings! This is a link to the communitas website. You can check it out. Follow the links to check out our new meeting place. There is even a little video clip.

God is good.

good weekend get togethers

2011-02-28T06:50:00.000-08:00

Well, if I do say so myself, we had some fun and successful gatherings this weekend.

Saturday night we hosted a euchre party. It was a really fun time. I already can't wait to do it again! I so appreciate the length of the commute people took to get out here (from Jersey, Upper west and upper east side, white plains, and the rest of y'all). And a shout out to our friends with vehicles who piled others in to give rides home!

I should mention that Timm unapologetically took the majority of everyone's money. But, Heather walked away with a few bucks, Brad made his initial investment back, and Taylor went home with some quarters. Keith was presented with the honorable necklace of disgrace. You wore it well.

Yes, if any are willing to trek out to Brooklyn again, we will definitely be planning another euchre party for the future.

I was a bit whooped on Sunday. Not only did the euchre festivities stretch into the late evening/early morning hours.....but I decided it would be a good idea to go out after euchre with a few ladies to a local Karaoke bar. Whew....late night. Lots of fun.

So, Sunday, after enjoying our gathering at church, and lunch afterwards, and a jog in the park while the girls rode their bikes.....we hosted another get together.

My girls had their first "girl's club" at our place. It was a great time. My girls and a couple of friends prepared and enjoyed a meal together, played some games (minute to win it style), participated in an activity/lesson from a book called "Everybody tells me to be myself, but I don't know who I am" and then did a craft together. They had a great time, and so did I.

My girls have really been craving some time like this with other girls. Time to have fun, talk about issues and ideas, contemplate beliefs and values, learn from biblical truths, and just build deeper friendships. I prayed a lot about doing this group. It ended up that none of Alli's friends could come, and only a couple of Liv's friends. And, that was just fine. It was a nice group of four and I look forward to our time together in the weeks to come.

So, like I said, fun gatherings this weekend.

Sad to say goodbye to the week we had off for winter break. Had a TON of fun as a family. Several dates with Timm, several playdates for the girls, several family outings....good times!

Would include pics...if I could find the camera. Hmmm

A King? Who needs a King?

2011-02-23T06:00:00.000-08:00

This week, I was listening to Toby Mac "I was made to love" and I had this awesome visual during the song of me standing before a huge cross just pouring my whole self out in worship. Then I listened to "City on it's knees" and I was visualizing every person in NYC falling on their knees in honor and worship of God.

I realized that, although I find that image to be so awesome, some would find it to be disturbing. Just the thought of everyone bowing down in surrender would completely rub against the grain for most Americans. I feel that, as a culture, as a country, we do not like the idea of having a King. A Ruler. Shoot, that's the very reason our democracy exists. We didn't like the idea of being under a "Kingship". And, in our very fiber, we feel the need to have freedom, independence, power. Of course, that's great. We do have freedom and it's a wonderful blessing.

But, it struck me recently how much I personally resist the idea of having a King that I bow down to, worship, submit to, trust and obey. That goes against all that I've been taught! We learn to set goals, work hard to achieve goals, take responsibility for ourselves, don't let anyone get in our way, etc. All of these being wonderful idea. But, the idea of being submissive? The idea of trusting and obeying a "Lord"? A "Master"? That does NOT sit well. That has such a negative connotation.

I guess that's why we have developed out own version of Christianity. We've sorta squeezed it into our independent, self sufficient, consumer-driven lives as a "bonus". We can still have our independence, power, dreams, goals, achievements, personal comforts and self-focus. But, we can even have icing on the cake! We can invite God in to join us and bless us additionally! What? Where did this idea come from? Not from the bible.

The awesome Jesus I know from scripture invites us, with pure LOVE, into a relationship where He is Lord. We follow. We worship. We submit. We consider HIM greater than ourselves. He leads in His perfect knowledge, perfect love, perfect power, and perfect dominion. We can live in the fallen, sinful world, worshipping and serving the Kingdom of Jesus, knowing that we have hope because His kingdom is perfect, has no sin, and will reign forever.

BUT...will we submit? Hmmm.....it's HARD to submit, humble myself, worship a King. It takes surrender of my own power. And, more than anything, it takes TRUST. I must trust that this king is worthy and trustworthy. If I'm not sure I can trust him, forget it.

I've been reading through the gospels, and it just amazes me. It's crystal clear. Over and over, Jesus loves people UNCONDITIONALLY. And, he invites people to follow Him. Plain and simple.....FOLLOW him. He never asks if He can be squeezed into their already full lives as an "extra thing". Nope.

And, he doesn't promise worldly comfort. In fact, he pretty much assumes his followers will be leaving that behind. Not only does he NOT promise comfort, He goes further and promises that His followers will be persecuted and will suffer. WHAT?

So, how does he get so many followers? He has thousands of people literally following him around. Is it because they heard he could heal and do miracles? Maybe.

But, I believe it is because He is God. And, God created humans to have a desire to know Him. We crave, deep down in our spirit, to know our creator. And our creator is not only powerful and incredible in his greatness,but, HE IS LOVE. So, when people SAW and HEARD Jesus, they were SEEING AND HEARING LOVE!

That need we all have, way deep down to love and be loved.....Jesus offers it. But, the price is so steep! Not everyone feels they can afford it. What's the price? Everything. All your stuff, your independence, self sufficiency, your loved ones, your plans, your trust, your allegiance...all of it. Hand it over. And, in return, you can know LOVE and the creator of it all.

But, can we hold on to all of our "stuff" and still get to know Jesus? I think we can, a little bit. We can squeeze him in a bit. But, until we are willing to trust, follow, and obey, we don't experience that assurance of absolute LOVE and TRUSTWORTHINESS. He can only demonstrate his love and trustworthiness to the degree that we are willing to let him.

If he isn't our king, he can't demonstrate His power. We can learn about His power, read about it, listen to others talk about it, wonder why we can't experience it ourselves. But, until we SUBMIT to that power, we can't experience it for ourselves.

It's the amazing, loving gift of free will that God gave us. He created us with the ability to pursue Him or the ability to reject Him. He didn't create robots. He created us with the potential to open ourselves to His love. We get to choose. The invitation is always there.

A King? Who needs a King? Who needs a Lord? A Master? Well, I do. And, I have learned to find pure joy in worshipping Him!

That's Pun!

2011-02-22T05:14:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here basking in the joy of good times, family, and lots of love.

We were not able to go to Florida as we had planned for our winter break. So, we decided to stay here in NYC, since we have not taken the time to do that as a family. To enjoy some time off at home. Ahhhh, good choice.

We talked some family into visiting! Even though they only had two days off work, and they had to break the drive up into four days to accommodate the star of the visit (our two year old niece), they did it! And we are so grateful!

Katie, Kelly, Izzy and Alyssa came to NYC. And, it was PUN. (Izzy says her "F" as a "P" right now, so we like to do it too). It might have been my girls who taught her to walk around repeating "I parted.....it was punny." However, the adults need to hold themselves responsible for repeating this particular phrase OVER and OVER all weekend! I'm not sure why we find the topic of having gas so stinkin hysterical. But, we do.

After church on Sunday, we said goodbye to our visitors as we ate some lunch and got ready for our Daytona 500 "party".

Timm has been looking forward to the kick off of this Nascar season. We invited some friends to come over, watch the race, get in on a bet, eat some junk, and hang out. Surprisingly, we only had about four takers. Where are all the Nascar fans? Apparently, not in NYC. Actually, it was a perfectly wonderful day. I had fun looking at old photo albums and showing off old hairstyles with my lady friends, Timm had a great time watching the race. In the end, Alli won the betting pool. And, I must say, I really enjoyed the last few laps of the race. Everyone else had taken off, and the girls were playing with a friend, and it was just Timm and I (me asking 50 questions about what was going on). Good times.

Yesterday, we enjoyed such a great evening out! The four of us went to the Met, where the girls sketched some ancient roman artifacts. Then we went to Serendipity. We had a gift certificate that had been sitting around for over a year! We had heard that their desserts are amazing, and we were pretty excited! We put our name in and it was over an hour wait. So, we went to Dylan's Candy Bar in the meantime. It was INSANE! Anyways, I can NOT believe we did this, but when we finally sat down in this adorable little place, my girls said they were hungry for dinner. Liv said she really felt like a salad. However, we had eaten before we left and we were really planning on indulging in the DESSERTS! So, what did we do? We talked our children into skipping salad or sandwich and eating DESSERT for dinner!!! Who does that? Ha! I can't believe we did that. It was AWESOME! I will let the picture speak for themselves. We definitely INDULGED.

Wow, this winter break sure is off to a good start. More fun things planned for the rest of the break, and enjoying the rest and relaxation as well.

Now, to attach the pictures!

Going green?

2011-02-05T15:02:00.000-08:00

It struck me, once again, while visiting my folks in Michigan, that they have been the model of "going green" way before it was a hip little saying that referenced behavior that contributes to the care and concern for our natural resources on planet earth.

Now, I will be clear. They have never, to my knowledge, been motivated by the concern for our natural resources, but rather, the cost of the use of those natural resources. But, hey, who says that's not still "green" right?

All those strange and embarrassing things I had to admit our family did while growing up? Those things would be so cool now!

Some examples: We had solar heat panels installed on the roof of our home.

We separated our trash and only threw away cans and glass (however, rather than recycle the rest, we took it out back and burned it in a barrel) then we consolidated garbage with my grandma and only had the truck make one stop.

Rather than subscribing to the newspaper, we wait until the neighbor is finished reading it and they pass it along by dropping it in the paper box that was affixed to the mailbox for this purpose alone.

Reuse of all bags, boxes, and containers. And I mean all. baggies were washed and reused. Plastic cutlery lasted a lifetime by hand washing and reusing. Napkins were tossed after use, but those were always snagged from McDonald's or someplace anyways. I remember feeling so humiliated when I wasn't allowed to throw away my disposable paper lunch sack, but used it over and over until it finally split and the apple inside went rolling away.

parkay containers became freezer jam containers. Cool whip containers were Tupperware.

We had those high efficiency light bulbs way before anyone else.

We had a water conservation contraption on the shower head that only allowed a stream of water out at a time (picture holding your thumb over the end of a hose so only a stream comes shooting out) ahhh, refreshing feeling in the shower....watch your eyes!

If you left your radio playing or light on in a bedroom without being in there......well, let's just say you didn't do that!

My dad carpooled to work every day for almost 40 years.

We canned and froze our own vegetables and fruit, raised our own chickens (and a couple of hogs when I was really little), hunted for some of the meat (venison, rabbit, pheasant). We had a deep freezer in our basement that could easily fit 5 dead bodies and it was full. We had a pantry that looked like a fully stocked grocery store. Things were bought on sale, in bulk, and frozen or shelved with a date written on them in a magic marker.

OK, that's just a few things off the top of my head. I'm sure there are countless other things. And, in hindsight, I am SO glad they did all of these things (and still do). Because, regardless of their motivation (to save money) it has still reduced the carbon footprint of the Carlson clan.

And, I might add, that by saving all that money, they were able to buy the condo in Florida where they spend each winter (and invite us to visit and vacation for free!)

My parents.....going green. I might have been embarrassed as a kid, but now I am proud.

My Godmother

2011-02-03T08:52:00.000-08:00

As most of my friends know, my Aunt Karin, who is also my Godmother, lost her battle with cancer last Friday and went to meet her Heavenly Father for eternal rest.

It has been such a bittersweet week all the way around. Last Thursday, January 27, I awoke to a dumping of snow so terrific that I immediately went to the computer to check on the status of school closings. Sure enough, no school for NYC! That was great, except that my friends were flying into town that evening to visit and spend a "girls weekend" in the city. I was afraid their flight would be delayed or cancelled.

We enjoyed the snow day and played outside and shoveled a ton! I even enjoyed a long lunch with my friend.

Later in the evening, I spoke on the phone with my Mom as she sat at my aunt's bedside with all of the other family members in Michigan. She held the phone up to my aunt's ear so I could say a few last words to her. She passed away that night....Peacefully, in her home, with my Dad and sister there with her. It really sucked that I was not there with them for those moments. But, I really felt peace about the fact that neither God nor my aunt would want me to spend a lot of time in regret and anxiety about something I could not change. So, I went ahead with my girl's weekend and had an absolutely marvelous time, knowing all along that I was honoring my aunt by living life to the full and finding joy in the blessings God has given me.

Meanwhile, while I'm out whooping it up with my friends all weekend, my husband (and I am not even going to start gushing about him, because there is NO WAY I could contain it in this post, or even in mere words. Let me just say that he is the BEST. THE BEST) planned my flight to MI. He used his airline rewards to get me a cheap ticket, and set everything up for me. After meeting my family at church Sunday and spending a couple of hours with them afterwards, I headed to the airport.

So bittersweet. I haven't carved out time like this for my immediate family in WAY too long. We visited, reminisced, cried, laughed, and shared together a lot.

We dug through boxes of old photos and memorabilia that dated as far back as the 1930's. We pieced together family stories and lineages. I had a great time reading my Grandpa's diary of his return visit to Sweden in 1957. He left there in 1922 when he was 17 years old. He returned for the first (and only) time in 1957 to visit his dying mother and to visit the grave of his sister and dad. I never met my grandpa, as he died at the age of 59, long before I was even born.

But, it was SO COOL to reflect on the lives of my recent ancestors. They had to endure some incredible hardships. Yet, they stuck it out. Who knows what marital struggles they had in the midst of such difficult lives. Yet, they were so tough. And, there I sat with my parents who are married 42 years and felt literally overwhelmed with blessings to have come from my family.

It was so special to celebrate the life of my aunt. She never married, never had children of her own. Instead, she chose a life of servitude to others. She was undivided in her passion for Jesus. He was her first love, and everyone knew it.

At her memorial Monday night, some of us got up and shared. I shared that, although she was my Godmother, she actually was a godmother to every niece and nephew, and everyone she met! She never talked to anyone without encouraging them to pray and reminding them that God loved them. Person after person stepped up to the microphone and shared, and each person felt that they were uniquely loved and special to "aunt karin". After a while, it became so clear that there was a common thread in what each person shared. She treated every one of us as the most special person. She told us each how special we were and never hesitated to encourage our walk with God. Wow. Not only that, but she truly put others first. Always. She was a servant.

It was a humbling time. I think we all realized that we took her for granted. But, we talked about how inspired we are to search out ways to be the "aunt karin" to others who may not be fortunate enough to have that influence in their lives.

I have to end with this. If you have heard it many times, that's fine...you can skim it. I know this is a long post. But, we sang this as a hymn at the conclusion of her funeral mass, and I had tears of joy as I remembered singing this song with her as a kid all the time. She even had it printed on her memory cards. And, she really lived it out.....It's the Prayer of St. Francis:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen

What the crap?

2011-01-26T06:49:00.001-08:00

OK, I have no idea what the title means. I just truly enjoy using the word crap and when I say it, Olivia asks me if I could PLEASE not say that word. Geesh.

I haven't posted in a while. Been a bit funky. Typical January blahs mixed with Timm being gone, kids being sick, and a few other variables. I'm not sad, but just haven't felt hugely inspired.

Have been enjoying listening to Woodland Hills messages, as usual. Boyd has been talking about wrestling with God. Ahh, permission to wrestle. Love it. Just what I needed. Because, my nature is to wrestle. If my brother read this, he would comment in agreement. We spent so many of our hours as kids just wrestling. It went something like this: I'd start a fight with him by aggravating him and provoking him in every way possible, he would engage, I would laugh and run and eventually fight, we'd claw at each other and wrestle all over until he started to dominate, at which point I would scream "Mooooooooooom!" and then I'd tell on him when, in actuality, I had started the whole thing. I didn't realize this pattern until I reflected on it later in life and clearly determined that our wrestling stopped when he surpassed me in size and strength and could easily kick my butt. Hmmmm? coincidence? I think not.

ANYWAYS, I love that God wants me to wrestle with him. And, there are times when I am ready, on the mat, wearing my ridiculous stretchy suit thing....OK, get the visual? LET'S GO!

And, with perfect timing, we are having a "forum" on Sunday morning at church. Questions and answers. And, I have questions.

Let me be clear, I have faith. That is something I have committed to. I am committed to this journey with God and I am fully engaged in it. But, that doesn't mean I will not continue to have questions. That is just my nature. Again, if my childhood teachers read this, they would concur. I was that ANNOYING kid in class who had to ask "why?" 50 times before moving on. And, I was never completely satisfied with the answers, but eventually I'd let it rest. Then, Kel will testify to my insatiable appetite for argument during Philosophy 101 at SC4. UGH! It was maddening. "I think, therefore I am....." Don't even get me started.

As a matter of fact, philosophers are the reason I am known to favor the phrase "that's a bunch of crap..." cuz I sincerely get tired of all the stupid thought processes.

Anyways, you can see why I haven't blogged in a while. Too many thoughts and words flopping around my cranium.

I don't think I'm going to voice some of my questions right now. I'm just so glad that God loves me, questions and all. He doesn't ask me to get everything figured out and THEN place faith in Him. Nope. He asks me to place faith in him and come to him with all of my questions, doubts, fears, concerns, and....crap. Yep, in my world, God says crap.

And, here is one thing he is asking me to do and I am wrestling with....."drop the agenda and love." OK, I don't feel like I have an agenda. But, I do. And I am really struggling with myself. How do I sincerely drop my agenda of "bringing people to Christ" if I so badly want everyone to know the joy and peace and contentment and everlasting life that I know?!?! Well, I am wrestling with that, but I can say, if I am loving people for the sake of LOVING them, and I am not ashamed of the hope I have and I am not selecting who I will love based on their beliefs or trajectory in life....I am starting to get it a little bit. I have been reading the gospels over and over to learn about Jesus and how he lived. That is my ultimate goal. To become more and more like him. He loved so completely. Yet, he was such a rebel. He did not have a problem letting the pharisees know what he thought about their "religion" and he did not have a problem hanging out with prostitutes and tax collectors. He also did not have a problem speaking the hard truth to those who asked for it. Even if that meant that they walked away from him when they found out the cost of following him. He didn't try to make his message more appealing to them. But, he did all of that in LOVE.

Anyways, I will try to be more focused in the future when I sit down to post. But, I am often unable to really discipline my train of thought. Good thing God doesn't mind my tangential rambling....my journal is literally FILLED with it.

when is bragging OK?

2011-01-04T06:54:00.000-08:00

Is it ever OK to brag about your kids? I really feel it is OK to do! But perhaps it is completely annoying to others. I don't know.

I think if you have an overall humble nature and are aware of your shortcomings, and those of your children, then it's OK to be pretty dang proud of them when they display a talent, skill or gift. Ya know? I do think it is annoying when a parent clearly feels their child can do NO wrong is is exceptional at EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. That's different. That's delusional or dishonest.

Well, I am proud of my Alli. She really has shown some amazing potential as she dances. And, it is so cool to watch. And she was asked if she could fill in for someone at the studio who is in the senior dance company but cannot be at one of the recitals. That would mean some work on Alli's part to be an "understudy" with the senior company. Not sure we can commit the time, since she is struggling a bit to balance her course work right now. But, I felt proud that she was asked and I hope she can do it.

And Olivia was picked to be a part of a program at her school called "young talent". She gets to participate in music instruction once a week during school hours, and do a performance at the end of the year. She makes a commitment to be in it for 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade. She will learn SO MUCH! And, both of my girls really do have an amazing ear for music. It's so cool.

So there, I brag about my kids. And, I think that's OK.

edit last post

2011-01-04T06:50:00.000-08:00

Last night I gave Olivia her little notebook and she grabbed it from me and hugged it to her and said "this is private mom....I don't want you to read it." Oops. I neglected to mention to her that I not only read it, but posted on the internet for everyone to see!

Anyways, I told her I already read it and they were wonderful poems.

She informed me they are songs.

Then she told me Alli wrote one of them.

So, I have to mention that the one entitled "PURPOSE" is Alli's song.

Couldn't go without mentioning!

Liv's writing

2011-01-03T10:28:00.001-08:00

I hope Liv doesn't get mad at me. But, today I was up to my eyeballs in arts, crafts, paints, papers, stickers, markers, etc. I was sorting and organizing the girls' stuff.

If you know Liv, you may know that she has a bit of an obsession with journals, notebooks, diaries, note pads, etc. We try to keep them "organized" but I find them all over the place. They are usually titled and intended for a very specific purpose. For example, "summer journal" "doodles" "christmas journal" "new york journal" "poems" "songs" and on and on.

Today I came across one that wasn't titled. I just love reading what she writes! Here is an excerpt of what I found.

PRESSURE:

little things happen

every day.

little things happen

every night.

little people from the country

come to see the world.

everything has changed -

for us to do tonight.

come with me

it's our night!

come and see us

come and look

come and seek us

come and find us

when our home has

found the rest

we will sit and look

when we found our everything

we will go find

somewhere to rest

we will sit down and rest

and lift up our hearts

and say "halaluyia

our people have changed

halaluyia our city has

CHANGED."

PURPOSE:

some people have feelings

some people have no feelings

some people are like me and don't know what they have

or what their purpose is

THE LAKESIDE:

I was sitting by the lakeside

watching the fish jump

I watched them as they leaped out of the water

all night long.

The trees were fully bloomed

the flowers were beautiful

the lake was sparkling by the sun

It had no-one

but

EVERYONE.

BEAUTIFUL DREAMS

Everything that you dream is beautiful.

as you dream it fades away.

let that be the one that you find.

let that be the one that you like.

now lift up high.

I find this stuff all the time. I mean, she was 7 or 8 when she wrote this. Kinda neat to see how she thinks. But, sometimes she gets embarrassed when I want to read it or show other people. So, I might have offended her. But, for those of you who love Livvy, I had to share. Her heart is so sweet.

gushy

2010-12-23T05:29:00.000-08:00

Gushy warning.

Just feeling so blessed to have my husband. I am amazed and baffled as I ponder the fact that God chose to bless me with Timm.

I wasn't one of those little girls who sat and dreamt about marriage, babies, etc. I don't really recall thinking a whole lot about it. I do remember in high school telling my mom that I didn't think I'd get married because I simply didn't think I could be around anyone that much, or expect someone else to be around me that much. It seemed far fetched.

But, God had a different plan for me.

Now, here I am, almost 40, and a homemaker! That's my job. I care for my (little) home and my family. Yes, that leaves me time to pursue other volunteer opportunities and relationships, but for the main thrust, it is my family that receives my daily attention.

Every single day, I spend time thanking God for Timm. Every single day I spend time praying for him in specific ways. And, every single day I am blown away by how lucky I am. He is so patient. He is hard working. He is tons of fun. He enjoys life. He does not stress about stupid sh*&. He appreciates me and shows me his appreciation. He's confident, yet has learned to be humble in the sight of God. He strives to humble himself daily to God's will and to serve others before himself. He is honest about his shortcomings, and if I bring up something I observe, he is receptive and admits his fault instead of being defensive and ugly.

Yah, I don't know how God figured I deserved this marriage. But, I thank him for it daily. And, I just try to focus on ways to use our home, family, and relationship to spread God's good news to others by being an example of the covenant of love that we committed to.

Feeling pretty warm and fuzzy this Christmas season. Truly enjoying each moment, as I have been learning to appreciate the present as much as possible. Tonight we hop in the van and head to Buffalo for the night. Tomorrow some swimming in the pool and enjoying KKFT, then we are off to Michigan to celebrate Christmas with all of the family.

Ahhhhh, thank you God for this season. And for my husband. And my kids. And the countless blessings......

growin' up is hard to do

2010-12-22T14:17:00.000-08:00

Back in the late 80's, early 90's, I used to do this ridiculous Richard Simmons workout tape (yes tape)....sweatin' to the oldies. One of the songs forever seared in my memory is "Breakin up is hard to do-ooo". So, when I wrote the title to this blog post, I sorta sang it to that tune.

Interesting how the brain works. Fascinating really. That song is hard wired into my brain from sheer repetition. I went on a field trip with Alli last week to the "Brainology" exhibit at the museum of Natural History. IT WAS AWESOME. I can never get too much information about the incredible human computer lodged into our craniums!

ANYWAYS.

My human computer OFTEN gets way too many electrical impulses firing in way too many directions.

What's on my mind? I guess it's Alli. She's eleven. She's in 6th grade. In so many ways, she is a clone of me. Freaky. However, she is a MUCH better model, and she has many attributes that I admire and envy.

As her Mom, I consider it my #1 priority to instruct, nurture, care for and train her. I love that job. It's an honor. But it's hard. It was hard when she was a newborn and I didn't know what she wanted when she cried. It was hard when she was 2, 3, and 4 because she has such a strong, independent personality and she pushed every limit to establish who was boss and where the boundaries were. And now it's hard because I feel like I understand why they label her a "tween" now. She really isn't a "little kid" anymore, and she isn't grown up either. So, half the time she wants to be silly and playful and childish and innocent. The other half, she feels pulled to grow up. That's fine. But, as we all know, with growing up comes responsibility. And, she seems to be struggling to get a handle on that.

Here's the thing. It is my opinion that kids grow up TOO FAST. Everything is TOO FAST. And, living in NYC has magnified and amplified that. I don't want to baby my kids and spoil them and all of that. I just want them to be able to be kids.

And, when they go to school all day long....Alli goes for 7 1/2 hours a day....and then they come home and immediately start doing homework and they seem to have very little free time, I feel bad for them. When I was eleven, I don't think I had homework. The way Alli has to balance her studying and assignments and expectations reminds me of the later part of my high school years. Actually, even then I don't remember much homework.

Let me back up just a wee bit. See, she wasn't bringing home a TON of homework, and I thought all was well. Then, she brought home a progress report that shocked us! She was not doing so well. So, I had to commit to sitting down with her every night and working with her to increase the quality of her work. Increasing the quality is taking a lot of time and effort. It's not just her work, but the way she keeps her backpack (NASTY) and keeps track of her things (lots of lost stuff) and her room (YIKES). Like I said, she is my clone, so this is familiar territory. Just a pain.

I won't go on and on and on. I'll just say that it's hard.

I'm very much looking forward to the break. Even though they get homework over every break, which is stupid.

And, I will also say one more thing. I'm not ripping on alli. The things I honestly value most, she is demonstrating. Her conduct is excellent, she continues to make good choices, she is compassionate, generous, fun, and able to stand up for what she believes. THAT is what is most important to me.

She's my first born. I am learning as I go. We are officially in the next stage of parenting.

warm and cold

2010-12-18T04:37:00.000-08:00

Ya know, the weather outside is frightful.....

Yep, it feels like Christmas time out there. Cold. And, that's OK. We didn't get the DUMP of snow like Michigan, but we did get to have a few flurries. And, in some strange way, those flurries warm the heart. Hearing Alli scream "LOOK! SNOW!!!!" is so awesome.

Yes, the cold outside seems to magnify the warmth of the season.

Seeing all of the Christmas lights on our street and throughout the neighborhood....sipping hot cocoa....seeing the glow of our Christmas tree in our apartment while smelling the pine scented candle.....baking cookies....hosting parties.....going to parties......celebrating with Olivia's school and the community at a Bazaar.....singing on Sunday mornings by candlelight with our church community.....decorating a gingerbread house....getting warm jammies on at 5pm and having a relaxing evening wrapping presents, listening to "A Christmas Carol" on radio theater, and just being thankful for the warmth, health, and comfort we are blessed with. Ahhhh. Thank you God for this season.

Of course, I have to post some pictures. Still not very good at doing that on this blog. You would think I would be fairly proficient after all these years!?!?!

Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Happy Hanukkah. Happy New Year. Season's Greetings. Happy Festivus.

temple

2010-12-05T04:49:00.000-08:00

Don't always find it easy to go deep on this blog. I'm more likely to do that in my daily journal that stays between me and God. But, occasionally I feel like sharing my thoughts.

Today, my devotional was about my body being a temple of the holy spirit. It says that I must exhibit in my own body the life of the Lord Jesus, not mysteriously or secretly, but openly and boldly.

1 Corinthians 9:27 "I discipline my body and bring it into subjection..." Devotional says "Most of us are much more severe in our judgement of others than we are in judging ourselves. We make excuses for things in ourselves, while we condemn things in the lives of others simply because we are not naturally inclined to do them!"

AHA! I AGREE! And I think this helps explain so much. We find it so easy to persecute people who struggle with things that we do NOT struggle with. Example: Is homosexual sex a sin? Yes, according to the bible, you are not treating your body as the temple of the holy spirit if you are engaging in homosexual sex. However, the bible also clearly warns us against ANY sex outside of marriage. Also, against greed. Also against gluttony. As a matter of face, gluttony is mentioned MUCH more frequently in the bible than homosexual acts. But, last time I checked, I have not noticed any "churches" showing hatred for and openly persecuting FAT people! Can you imagine? "We are the church of Jesus Christ. But, if you struggle with gluttony, you are not welcome to worship here. We will not accept you." Or how about greed? Haven't noticed any churches that "ban greedy people" or make them feel unwelcome or unworthy to join their church community and learn about Jesus' grace and mercy and power.

I have friends who hate that I think homosexual sex is a sin. I get that. Because, to them, that means I am sitting up on my high and mighty throne casting MY judgment on others. That's not my intention at all. It really isn't. But, I get it. That's what the "Christian Church" is doing. So, I get lumped in with that institution.

So, Why do certain sinful behaviors seem so easy to be judgemental of? Because, it's a sin we are not personally inclined to be tempted by! So, it's an easy target. It's easy for me to roll my eyes and "tsk tsk" someone who is greedy, materialistic, or just prone to making unwise financial decisions. People who value name brands and status. But, shame on me! I'm no better. And, if I'm honest, I know my own struggle in this area. First of all, obviously, pride. But, secondly, my insatiable desire for free or cheap stuff. Then, having too much stuff and knowing that it is taking my time and energy to organize, sort, discard, or salvage each thing that comes into my possession. But, that's easy to hide from others. Therefore, I also get a lot of pride built up.

Or how about when my sister in law decided to have a baby, even though she wasn't married? Again, easy for me to judge. My thoughts?? "That is so blatantly outside of God's will for you life! You call yourself a follower of Jesus, yet you clearly step outside of His design and will for your life because you want to?!" Well, guess what? I do that ALL THE TIME. Again, it may not be as obvious to others. But, every time I choose to serve myself and my own desires instead of others, I'm outside of His will. Every time I take my frustrations out on my kids and snap at them or belittle them because I am grumpy, I'm blatantly disregarding God's will and design. I do it all the time. But, God blessed me in way I can barely comprehend - with an amazing husband, two beautiful healthy children, incredible in-laws, etc, etc, etc. Who am I to say what I would do if I were in my 30's and those things hadn't happened for me yet? I will never know what that feels like, so why am I judging? Why? Because, I will never find myself in that situation, so it's easy to judge.

Wow. I could go ON and ON! It really is easy to judge. But, I need to be only judging MYSELF. Not others. God has given me the responsibility to rule over ALL "the temple of the holy spirit" including my thoughts and desires. It is my responsibility to accept the grace of God and the power of the holy spirit, and present myself as a "living sacrifice". Dead to my selfishness, alive to what God wants me to be.

So, let's challenge each other.....quit judging others. But, feel free to judge yourself.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

2010-12-04T07:52:00.000-08:00

We decorated our tree last night and hung our stockings with care. Now Liv wants to bake sugar cookies. That was a new tradition we started last year.

We caught a little Christmas fever when we were in MI for Thanksgiving. We celebrated Christmas and exchanged gifts with the Kelly family. Then we joined the Carlson's for an awesome day of feasting, thanking God for blessings, and just hanging out.

It really was a fantastic weekend. I went shopping, Timm went to high school football playoffs (go dragons) with the guys, euchre party at the panks, and even managed to squeeze in some playtime with the Prouty girls.

I won't mention that we ended up with a flat tire on the way home. OK, since I mentioned it....flat tires really aren't that catastrophic. And, we did end up having tons to be thankful for in the end. However, how frustrating to find a place to pull over and change a tire, pull all the junk out of the back of the van, pull the jack out of it's holding place, realizing it's never been used and still has the plastic wrap on it from 2001....then... For the next 60 minutes, the realization occurs to us that the spare tire has never been accessed, and therefore is immovably rusted to the frame of the van. Nice. Timm was so determined to get that stinkin thing off! To no avail. What to be thankful for? We found a mechanic right there who was open on Sunday evening. They weren't able to get the spare tire off, but they were kind enough to take the flat off, determine it to be irrepairable, and sell us a new one for just $145. With the amount of money we have invested in owning that automobile this year.....we should be being chauferred around in a personal limousine with a full time driver.

Anywho....the Christmas season IS HERE. NYC is such a cool place for the holidays. Tomorrow the girls and I go to the nutcracker ballet. The really neat part is that Liv's friend from school has a part in the ballet!!! Last night we watched a TLC special about extreme Christmas lights. One of the neighborhoods highlighted was Dyker Heights, right here in Brooklyn! So, we are going to make sure we add that to our "must do" list this season. But, each daily square on our calendar seems to be getting more and more packed with activities, events, parties, etc. So, today we decided to clear our schedule and do NOTHING. We are taking the day as it comes and relaxing. We needed it. Maybe we will go out later for a walk down 5th ave and a peek at the Rockefeller center tree? Maybe not. For now, we are still in our jammies at 11am.

Was reminded of something today in my quiet time. There are always forces working against my health. My physical, mental and spiritual health. And I need to WORK in all of those areas to maintain a healthy balance. It takes effort to combat the forces that push against me. It's not something that is achieved PASSIVELY. That's why it is true to say that if I am not actively growing closer towards God, I'm not remaining stagnant, I'm growing further away from him.

The holiday season is a perfect time for distraction. If I am distracted by all of the great things to DO to celebrate our savior's birth, yet I do not take time to worship Him, meditate on His truth, listen to His voice, then the forces that are pulling me away from God are having their way. I must be active in my pursuit of growing closer to my God. And, sometimes that means saying NO to some things that appear good and fun and right so that I can be sure I am working on my relationship with my creator.

That is my constant challenge!

It's Christmas time......in the city.......silver bells.......silver bells.....

Give Thanks

2010-11-23T06:16:00.000-08:00

I really do love Thanksgiving. I try to always keep a spirit of gratitude in my heart. Every night when I tuck the girls in, we reflect on what we are thankful for. No matter how crappy the day may seem, we can always come up with a list of things to praise God for.

Although I am so looking forward to some family time in MI for Thanksgiving, it is a little bit stressful because the weekend doesn't allow much time between driving. And, I am sorry to be missing some opportunities to serve in this city for THanksgiving. If we were here, we'd be joining our church family to serve at the rescue mission.

But, since we cannot do it that day, we went down there this past Saturday and helped package up some gifts that will be given out Thanksgiving weekend. It was a lot of fun. Especially because my girls had three friends sleep over the night before, and they all got up pretty early in the morning and headed out to the city to roll up their sleeves and help out. And, they had so much fun. The joy on their faces as they served just warms my heart. Their friends asked if we could do it again some time? SURE!

I hope I can always remember to GIVE thanks....and to just GIVE.......

Life is so much better when I take the focus OFF of myself and instead focus on others.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Oktoberfest or Novemberfest?

2010-11-21T12:56:00.000-08:00

Char and Victoria toasting to Vic's first drink in about 3 years! Cheers.
Neal and Megan
Val and Kim

Amy and Nathan (and Alli)

Timm presenting to Harry, Kristy, Maria and Maggie

So, we had our beer tasting party last night. Timm and I can't agree on whether it was an Oktoberfest party that was postponed, or a Novemberfest party. I know, such deep rooted issues of contention we have with each other, right? I love that man. Not only did he clean up and rearrange the whole apartment yesterday in order to squeeze 25 people into our little living space, but today, while I sit here on my bed relaxing and playing on the computer, he is cleaning up and re-rearrangning all of our furniture for a new look. To top it off, he served beer to everyone all night, with nothing but questions and comments from me!

So, here are a few photos. Wish I was better at picture taking. Contrary to what it may appear, my friends are not all celestial beings. I just don't know how to use the flash correctly, so people often appear to be glowing.

Good beer.

Good friends.

Good times.

Fill er up

2010-11-09T06:13:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we had a wonderful women's retreat in the rolling hills of up state New York. It was so AWESOME to get away.We achieved our goals of rest, relationship building, and revival!

We focused a lot on really digging deeply and honestly to reveal what we are filling up on. In other words, do I go to Jesus and say "fill er up" and trust that He WILL? Or do I turn to other things for fulfillment? We broke into groups of three to share, pray, and encourage each other.

When I returned home, the Halloween festivities were in full swing. Three of

us arrived to my front stoop to find our three husbands handing out candy and acting ridiculous with the girls and the neighborhood kids. I must say,

Timm did a great job curling the girls' hair, applying their make-up, and even fastening on Liv's false eyelashes!! Yay Timm! And although he didn't feel compelled to dress up himself, Craig and Neal made up for it. At one point, Alice Cooper (Craig) was tossing knives with my neighbor, the ninja.

Oh, can't forget to attach a photo of the girls as they headed to school the Friday before Halloween

. Liv's school does "character day" and she is dressed as "Matilda" from one of her favorite books. Alli is dressed for Halloween. Can you guess who she is dressed up as?

Somehow, a whole week, and another weekend slipped by already. Life moves so fast. God keeps reminding me to SLOW DOWN and to fill up on Him. I am trying.

This past weekend was pretty sweet. On Sunday, Timm played a song on his guitar at church. I SO enjoyed worshiping while he strummed the chords....very special for me. Then, I was able to meet up with my great friend to cheer her on in the the marathon. What a sight to see! MILLIONS of people. Huge event in NYC. And, I even got to run with her for a while. That was neat. Now everyone keeps asking me when I am running one....I don't think so. But, I have decided I'll do a half marathon. I feel that's a good goal for me before I turn 40.

Words at a funeral

2010-10-24T19:02:00.000-07:00

I was so honored to be able to share a few words at Sharon's funeral. I had written it down because I knew if I didn't, I'd risk talking all day long! One day, while I was sitting in Sharon's room, knowing that our time together was coming to an end, I thought about what I might say if I was able to speak at her funeral. I prayed for God to inspire me. Here is what a was able to share:

A mother really has an incredible power to set the tone of the home. Somehow she is the heart and soul of a home, of a family. I feel so blessed to have seen and felt that power in this family. In this home. Sharon has been the very heart and soul. She has set the tone. A home full of grace. peace. acceptance. love. nurturing. honesty. joy. laughter. generosity. celebration.
She has always seemed to do it so effortlessly. I think it's because she was right in step with God's will for her life. She was living it out every day, in every little way, in every moment. She was modeling for others how to live as a servant. Here to serve, not to be served. And I just hope she knows the incredible legacy she's leaving.
For her kids, for their friends throughout the years, for the grand kids, for all of the nieces and nephews, for her daughter-in-laws, for her siblings, and truly, for an exponential number of people who will be better people for having known her, her family, and those she has touched with her servant's heart.
She lived out God's plan. He created us to honor and glorify him. And he wants us to do that by giving up our own selfish, sinful nature in order to serve others. Anyone who knew Sharon knows that is exactly how she lived. And she just did it with such grace. So effortlessly. She was being the hands and feet of Jesus to everyone, all the time.
Isn't it cool to reflect now and to picture her humble smile, knowing that was Jesus? Or reflecting on a time she gave up her time to serve you. Or gave you a gift. That was from Jesus. He loves us so much, and Sharon was able to show us some of His love by serving us.
What an inspiration Sharon has been to me. Some of the things I learned from her:
*how to laugh at myself
*how to be in the moment....and how to enjoy the moment
*how to be generous
*how to love....whether I think a person "deserves" it or not
*how to love my kids enough to give them WINGS and encourage them to fly, even if it means they might fly away from me
*not to worry about the little things
*and together, we learned, not to worry about BIG things.

A few days after I learned of her diagnosis, I found myself laying awake in my bed worrying. About the next day, the next week, month.....year. I was getting myself so worked up that my heart was racing and I had a pit in my stomach and I felt so out of control.
Then, God put a scripture in my mind. and, you can ask Timm, who was laying there beside me, I was instantly overcome with peace and relief.
It was Matthew 6:34 "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own."
I took a deep breath and remembered that God promises us strength and grace sufficient for today. He doesn't say "Oh, and when you start to worry about tomorrow, next week, net year, and every possible scenario that could unfold, I'll give you all the grace right now that you will need for that too." Nope, But, he does PROMISE enough strength for today.
I shared this with Sharon. And, a few morning later, she called and told me she "tried my technique" last night and it worked!!! She couldn't get to sleep, found herself fretting about the future, but then she remembered what that verse said and the next thing she knew, it was morning and she had slept soundly for hours.
I laughed and told her it wasn't MY technique, but truth from God, our creator and Father. And it works because His plans are always perfect.
So, together, I believe we learned to lean on that truth. If we have today, let's not worry about tomorrow just yet.
As I say by her bedside all last week, there was an awesome quote printed and propped up on the headboard. I'd like to share it with you.

Do not look forward in fear to the changed of life;
rather, look to them with full hope that as they arise, God whose very own
you are, will lead you safely through all things.
And when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms.
Do not fear what will happen tomorrow,
the same everlasting Father who cares for you today
will care for you today and every day
He will either shield you from suffering or will give you
unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.
St. Frances De Sales

Looking back, I knew I had an amazing mother-in-law from day one. I was always thankful and I told my friends that I was sorry that they had "mother in law stories" but I just could not relate. And then I had kids...COME ON! That's when I almost couldn't tell my stories anymore with my friends. It just felt like I was exaggerating or rubbing it in. Because I literally had the best mother in law in the world. My friends will tell you, I am not just saying that now because she is gone. I have said that for years.
I am a better person for having had Sharon in my life. Her legacy will live on through generations. Her gentle, loving, generous, gracious spirit lives on through all of us. Like I said, it is the very spirit of Jesus that she showed us and lived out.
She made the world a better place.

Olivia's poem

2010-10-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share a few words form Olivia. When we were saying goodbye to Grandma, Olivia left the room and when she came back in, she had a pen and paper. She sat at the foot of Grandma's bed, and she wrote:

Grandparents love you

With 42 years of marriage
I'd like to see you in a carriage
riding down an isle of roses
making laughter and striking poses

You are the granparents I always wanted
sometimes we even flaunted
when we look at the sky, it is so bright
that's because it's heaven's lights!
that's where you'll be grandmother dear.
but do be aware, there is nothing to fear
You'll have Jesus Christ all day
just remember that it's OK
someday we will be up there
with the friends that you made
all the friends that greet you everyday
just remember that every granparent out there
love their grandchild in a different way
but I especially love the way you do it grandma.

the storm, the rock

2010-10-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Michigan.
Craziest stretch of time. On Tuesday, the girls and I said goodbye to Grandma. We hugged her, kissed her, and told her we were done bugging her! We assured her that she didn't have to try to give us a hug with her arms, or a kiss with her lips. Because we know that we have an endless supply of her love for the rest of our lives here on earth.
Timm stayed in MI to be with her and to help his Dad care for her.
Tuesday night, we got home from the airport at about 8:30. Just enough time to try to get our stuff in the apartment and get the girls tucked into bed since they were anticipating going to school the next day. The only problem was that Olivia was complaining of a LOT of pain in her ear ever since we landed. Olivia is a tough cookie. If she says something hurts...it HURTS.
We didn't end up sleeping much. Between taking Olivia to the emergency room for her ear and getting a call that Grandma had passed away peacefully in the night, we gave up on the notion of sleeping. Instead, we unpacked, repacked, and drove all the way back to MI.
So, here we are.
Most of us have heard about the bible verse that talks about building your house on "the rock". There's a great little sunday school song about it.
But, reading those verses in Matthew today, I felt the meaning so powerfully.
Matthew 7:24-25
24Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock
25 and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.
I think a raging storm is a really good picture of what hit this family this week.....this year. And, it's truly amazing. I have had the privilege of sitting in the eye of the storm, and witnessing the peace that transcends all understanding. THe peace and comfort that comes from the rock on which THIS family was built.
When the winds shipped in, we gathered together. We literally sang praises to our creator. We laughed and cried and held hands and experienced joy and peace so deep, no force on this earth could penetrate it or SHAKE it!
THAT is the ROCK this scripture refers to. Jesus Christ.
For those who do not know that kind of peace, I pray. And I pray that this family not only rests in the absolute power of that rock solid faith, but that this family can shine light into darkness. That each person in this family can help someone else find that rock to build their life on.
I can't say enough about the love I have experienced this week. I have always experienced it in this family. And I am blessed to experience it in my family too. But there is something about a storm like this. When we all had to reach beyond our own ability to cope and lean on that great Comforter. And we will continue to lean on Him. It's humbling.
This experience has solidified my faith in ways so deep.
I'm not for one second minimizing the tragedy of Sharon's suffering or our loss.
It sucks so hard, it's like sucking on a straw after getting your wisdom teeth extracted, then getting a dry socket that gets infected and the pain of the infection is so intense, you'd prefer someone to chop your whole head off than to endure one more second. IT SUCKS.
But, I haven't even had to TRY to find God in this, or beauty in this.
God is so present, I"ve experienced Him with my senses. And the beauty is so complete, my words can't convey the image because it transcends my words. It's that real.
This is long, I know.
Someone could tell me about God all day long, I could read about him for years, but I can say, I have met God. I've hung out with him. I've experienced Him with all that I am.
THANK YOU SHARON for that gift to me and to so many others.
Dance, sing, celebrate for eternity. Enjoy your rewards in heaven. Can't wait to see you there.

I'm a KELLY

2010-10-18T04:50:00.000-07:00

When I got married, 14 years ago, I gave up a maiden name that I had a lot of pride in. And I took my husband's name. Kelly. I was humbly honored to take that name. But, never before have I felt so proud to be a Kelly.
This week I am witnessing love.
We use that word so flippantly. I love ice cream. I love your hair. No....not that kind of love. But, LOVE.
I have a passion for the covenant of marriage. A burning desire for people to take their commitment seriously and to treat it as a covenant created by God to reflect the kind of love He is to the rest of the world.
Here I sit...4 days after getting the phone call that Timm's mom is at the end of her short battle with cancer. Hospice is stepping in to assist in the process of dying with dignity. By the time we were able to fly to Michigan and be at her bedside, we had just a little bit of time to get our selfish fill of love FROM her. In the form of eye contact and head nods and small smiles, we were fed one last dose of love from a woman who's every move modeled the act of giving love.
So, here I sit. Overwhelmed. But not only by grief. I'm overwhelmed by the love. Believe me, there is tons of love here! Family, friends, clergy, and God himself. It's radiating.
But, I am particularly overwhelmed by the love between Timm's mom and dad. I have never witnessed anything like it. And, I 'm so glad to be a part of it. And, for my kids to be a part of it too.
Here's Tim, 42 years after marrying Sharon. Sitting by her bedside 24 hours - only taking short breaks. He's rubbing her back, caressing her gently, telling her how much he loves her. Telling her it's OK to let go and be with Jesus. He's caring for her in ways that are so sweet. He knows which sheets she likes on the bed, which detergent she likes the smell of. When someone was going to use a wet wipe to help clean her, he said no and he prepared a warm bucket of water with the body wash "she likes". Everything. He knows all about her.
And it's because they stuck it out. They LOVED each other. Through the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the joys, the disappointments, the frustrations, all of it!
Now, he is whispering stories in her ear - remembering the birth of each child and telling her how strong she was. Remembering funny stories from their dating and telling her how lucky he is that she stuck with him. Remembering loved ones who have passed and telling her how they are waiting to greet her in heaven. Telling her how special she is to every person in her life...one by one...in detail. And then assuring her that it is OK to let go and that each person will be OK.
UGH! The power of THAT kind of LOVE! It's crazy.
To me, it is a perfect picture of God's intention for marriage. They didn't have an easy, perfect life. But they shared it all and stuck by their promises to LOVE no matter what.
And now, I see the legacy that it is leaving for their kids, their grandkids, their nieces and nephews, and everyone lucky enough to know them. They have modeled, and continue to model, loving and serving each other just like the Triune God. A circle of love so complete. They give others a glimpse of the kind of love God wants us to know and imitate.
So, here I sit, early in the morning. Quiet. Dark. Praying for God to release Sharon from this world. And thanking and praising him for the gift of marriage. And for this amazing family I am blessed to be a part of.
I understand that their example reaches far beyond those who are married. It is an example for everyone and how we should love. But, it is just such a clear reminder of why I am so passionate about the covenant of marriage. And it is why I choose to invest time, resources, prayers and whatever I can to help others catch a glimpse of this amazing plan God has for marriage.
I can't end this post without including my own parents' model of marriage. I'm simply overwhelmed with the gift God has given Timm and I to have been raised by two sets of parents who cherish this covenant.
Right now, my mom is well over 1000 miles away. That is not where she wants to be at this moment. She would like to be here, in MI, serving, loving and showing love to me and my family and the family she has grown to love, my in-laws. But, life happens. She is laid up with a back that won't move! She is dealing with her own frustrations. My Dad celebrated his 70th birthday a few days ago by taking his wife to the ER, hanging out with her during tests, bringing her back to their place, making sure she was comfortable, and treating himself to taco bell for dinner.
When I talked to my Dad, what was his response? "I just feel so lucky. So blessed. We're doing just fine". And he meant it. Even though they can't be here to give me a hug and share in this time, they know they truly are lucky.
So, there you have it. I had to give up my family name. Carlson. A name my Dad proudly carries. A name that has a legacy of it's own from my Grandpa, my Dad, and now my brother. And, now I am a Kelly. And, I know that my Dad is proud to see the legacy continue in all of his children.
We are blessed BEYOND any comprehension or reason.

Happy 11th Birthday Alli!

2010-10-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

My baby turns 11 today!

I don't think I could find a way to be more proud of my sweet little girl. She has such character, courage, charisma, compassion (that was a fun run of "c" words). She stands up for her beliefs and what she thinks is right. She truly cares about others. She even recognizes her weaknesses and strives to make improvements. She is playful and loving and wise beyond her years. I thank God every day for the incredible gift He has given our family. We love our Alli.

In keeping with our seemingly new tradition, we have been celebrating her "birth week" rather than simply her "birth day".

Last Friday we celebrated with some of our small group. Then on Saturday night, Alli had about 10 friends over for a LOUD, WILD party! It was so fun. Junk food, games, music and dancing, and lots of energy! Then, two of her friends spent the night. At midnight, when Olivia and I went to bed, the girls were told they could stay up as long as they wanted, as long as they weren't loud. I guess that meant 4am! Crazy party animals.

Last night we made cake cone cupcakes for Alli to take to school today. I'm glad they still do that in middle school. She was excited. Tonight after the girls are done with dance class, Alli gets to choose a place to go out to dinner.

And, since Timm is missing all of this, we will do more celebrating this weekend when we take a family trip to LBI for a couple of days!

Do I need to even say this...I am having trouble loading a few pics. Seriously. When I have some more TIME to sit here and figure it out, I will. Really, seriously, blogging takes very little time until I try to load pictures and EVERY SINGLE STINKIN TIME it's something new! Sucks.

OK, that was my rant. Back to my glorious, sunny day.

I LOVE MY BABY ALLI!

DC

2010-09-29T18:17:00.000-07:00

Whew....what a week.

Last Thursday Timm flew home and we went to Alli's curriculum night. So cool. Her teachers are truly top notch!

Friday morning we got up and headed out early. We met our friends about an hour outside of the city and swapped. Michelle and Sarah came with us, Timm joined Dave. The boys went to the Nascar race in Dover (HOT passes and all). The girls went to Washington DC.

Well, we actually stayed at Dave's parents house in Pennsylvania. But we made two day trips into DC. One day we did a tour of the capital building. WOW. Next day we visited the Holocaust museum, Museum of American History, Washington Monument, WWII memorial, white house, Lincoln Memorial...etc.

Then on Sunday, we enjoyed the country...horses, playing outside, riding bikes.

Not feeling too inspired to write. So, I'll load a few pics.

photos finally

2010-09-13T06:49:00.001-07:00

Olivia's first day of school

Alli's first day of middle school.
Olivia got her unicycle! So far it's been less than a week and she can already take about 4 pedals without holding on to anything!
LABOR DAY! Jone's beach, this is Timm, Craig, Liv and Alli enjoying the water.
Raspberry mojitos on the terrace, Labor Day weekend.
Botanic Gardens in Brooklyn. Alli took about 50 gorgeous photos. Here are a couple.

Science project. Using corn starch and water and food coloring to create a solid and liquid!
I had lost my adapter to load photos onto the computer. Found it yesterday!

the sound of rain, the sound of music

2010-09-12T15:23:00.001-07:00

A rainy Sunday.....the girls and I are getting ready to hunker down and watch "The Sound of Music" together. Daddy just left for the airport. He's been in Buffalo each week Sunday through Friday. We miss him when he's gone, but we enjoy our girl time too.

So, I found my adapter thing so I can load my photos onto this computer. Yay. Don't have time now, but watch for photos soon.

If we were still living in Richmond, we would have spent this weekend engaged in some long held traditions....opening ceremony of the Good Old Days Festival on Thursday night, wristbands for unlimited rides at the carnival Friday night, kiddie parade and games on Saturday, BIG parade on Sunday watching for which cousin would be driving the John Deere this year. We missed Rosie...so we look forward to pictures!

However, I felt like our weekend was just overflowing with wonderful NEW experiences in our NEW life.

Thursday night we were happy to have Timm come home and while he had a couple of guys over to rehearse for a drama they plan to do at church, I went to a friends and enjoyed a relaxing night while talking and planning for an upcoming women's retreat. I also got a text that day from my friend and there is going to be a girls weekend happening here in NYC in January!!!! YES!!!!!!!

Friday night we hosted our small group.

Saturday morning we headed out as a family to deliver meals on wheels in Manhattan. We also reflected on the events of Sept 11th and ended up driving right by the site of the attacks and the new freedom tower. After that, we stopped in and participated for an hour in the "24 hours of prayer" our church took part in. In the afternoon we celebrated the neighbors second birthday with a BBQ and party. As we sat there visiting with our new friends, and getting to know some new neighbors better, I felt so happy to be there! So incredibly blessed to have been "led" to this neighborhood. Meeting new people is so fascinating to me. And, I was just so happy to feel like we are a part of this cool little community.

Anyways, after going to church this morning, and then hanging out with another new friend for some pizza, we relaxed and enjoyed the rainy day. Timm and I spent about an hour working out (I would say we did it together, but we were in separate rooms - as there isn't a room big enough for us to work out together in!) But, I am still amazed all the time how Timm has made exercise and health a part of his life!

Anyways, we had about the best weekend I can think of! So, as I tell the girls "make new friends, but keep the old....one is silver and the other's gold". And, I think that applies to traditions and activities as well. Rather than missing things that I would be doing in MI (silver) I can't help but be happy about new things I do here (gold).

good news

2010-09-04T06:03:00.000-07:00

You hear the gospel being referred to as the "good news". And, it is!

Last night at small group, I realized something. It's a simple thing that I already knew, but for some reason, it became so clear....

I'm in LOVE.

I am so in love with my creator. I love to spend time with Him. And why wouldn't I? If you get to know Him, I will GUARANTEE you will love Him too. How can I guarantee such a thing? Because, He IS LOVE. He doesn't just show love, give love, accept love....no....HE IS LOVE. There is nothing in the world like it.

As humans, our capacity for love is limited. It is often earned or contingent on performance or behavior.

But, when you go to God with an open heart, ready and willing to accept His FREE GIFT OF LOVE....you receive it. Bam! That's it. He loves you. No deals or bargains or promises. He extends love as a free gift. Now, your response is up to you.

I, for one, am thrilled to love Him in return and therefore honor Him as my Lord and worship Him and ask His advice and try to obey Him. But...just to be clear....I don't do ANY of that to earn his love. He is love. He loves. He couldn't love me any more or less than he does right now. I worship and obey him because I LOVE HIM!!!!

We talked in our small group about getting to know Jesus and how to do that. We even gave ourselves a rating on a scale of 1-10 on how we thought we were doing seeking him. Well, I am not a fan of those stupid 1-10 scales, but, this time I was able to answer pretty high. Not because I am good at obeying or reflecting his character, that is a whole different subject.

But, when it comes to seeking Him....I'm THERE!

Here's the thing. Why wouldn't I crave and desire to hang out with the most powerful force in the world...the one who spoke creation into existence? Yet, with the same power, He focuses right on ME and LOVES ME in a way that I could never experience from any other source! He looks me right in the eye, affirms me, tells me I am wonderfully made, promises to NEVER let me down, NEVER leave me, NEVER stop loving me, NEVER give me a reason to stop trusting him. The bible tells me that he sings and dances because he loves ME so much!

But, here's another thing....I BELIEVE HIM. I truly believe His claims and promises and love for me to be TRUE. I didn't always believe those things, so spending time with him seemed like a waste of time and energy.

So, I guess what I am saying is: Stop trying harder and start SEEKING and BELIEVING and TRUSTING. When you experience the love that Jesus offers you...when you truly experience that depth of love and honesty and truth, you will crave it. You will be so excited to hang out with him and to worship him and to obey him and to take a look at your own character and try to make changes to be more like him.

I even admitted in small group that sometimes I am excited when going to bed at night because I know that when I wake up in the morning, that is my quiet one on one time with God. That is my time to be showered with love and truth and purpose and grace (undeserved love and forgiveness). Who wouldn't be excited about waking up to that?!

Please don't get me wrong. When I say that I am doing good on this scale...it measures my SEEKING. And, I am so in love, that I am high on the seeking scale. But, the truth is, the more time I spend in His presence, the more he will convict me of my shortcomings. So, I would not rate myself so high on how well I am doing at obedience and reflecting His love to others. I desire to do those things, but I fall short because I am struggling against my sinful and selfish nature. So, I am not bragging about myself at all...I am simply letting everyone know....

I'M IN LOVE! And that is GOOD NEWS!

holiness

2010-09-01T05:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted!

Today in my devotional Oswald Chambers talks about being holy.

He says "we must continually remind ourselves of the purpose of life. We are not destined to happiness, nor to health, but to holiness. Today we have far too many desires and interests, and our lives are being consumed and wasted by them. Many of them may be right, noble, and good, and may later be fulfilled, but in the meantime God must cause their importance to us to decrease."

OUCH!

I won't say much more about that. It speaks for itself.

Am I continually reminding myself of my purpose? To be holy? Hmmmmm.

Some updates:

*Liv used her saved money to purchase a unicycle. She is eagerly awaiting it's arrival.

*Alli has decided to make a significant purchase with her saved money as well. She has been interested in photography for over a year. She is planning to buy herself a good camera!

*Timm has been working in Buffalo during the week, and home with us on the weekends. His schedule will continue to involve lots of travel this year, and will apparently unfold as we go along, with a good measure of unpredictability.

*Today Alli and I have a meeting with her new advisor at her new middle school.

*We have to take Liv to the doc because she has been complaining of pain in her leg for over a week.

*Friday we start up our small group and can not wait to reconnect with everyone after a long break.

*It's hot.

*Our good friend is in the hospital with a sudden and very serious illness. We are praying for her recovery and a bit in shock that someone could suddenly be so sick. Please pray for Jen and her family.

*Last Saturday night a sweet friend had the girls spend the night with her so that Timm and I could go out on a date. She even took them out to a cool restaurant for dessert! Timm and I had a marvelous time. Seriously. I feel like the most blessed woman on the face of the earth because of the husband/marriage God has given me. And then, on top of it, we have friends who will love on our girls so that we can go out? Come on.

*Praying every day for Grandma Kelly. Thanking God for the peace He has given us and praying for peace, comfort, and healing for Gramma. Also, thanking God for Aunt KT who is the only sibling able to be there with Gramma in MI. And, thanking God that my family is so awesome that they have stepped in where I cannot and offer love and help to my mom-in-law.

*There are 8 million things I could update, but I'll just say, I hope to continually remind myself of my purpose...to be holy. WHat is that? I think it is to strive to be more like Jesus every day. By taking the time to stop and ask God what HE wants me to do. I feel He is prompting me in some areas, and I eagerly await His provision to serve in the ways He is directing. I know that I have far too many "desires and interests" of my own. And, no matter how "right, noble, and good" they may be, I want to be walking in the path God has for me, not on my own path.

surprise!

2010-08-18T16:13:00.000-07:00

Oh, surprises are so much stinkin fun!

I wanted to post a photo here of one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world. Because, she turned 40 this weekend, and I had the opportunity to be there to surprise her and celebrate in Chicago! But I am once again having technical difficulties with the photo download ISSUE.

But, let me just say, I had no idea 20 years ago, sitting in my World History class at community college, that the girl I was studying with would become such a huge part of my life FOREVER.

We studied together that semester, ended up going on a hilarious trip together that spring break (with her best bud from childhood who I have grown to love as well), and from that point, our lives have been forever immeshed and connected in so many ways.

I truly love this woman and thank God for bringing her into my life.

I am also so thankful for the generosity of her best bud from childhood who is about the best friend a girl could ever have. It was her who contacted me and begged me to come to Chicago to celebrate. She even covered a lot of my expenses to make it happen!

Carrie, you have an amazing husband, an incredible best friend, and we all love you! It has been hard to move so far away from you, but I am looking forward to every future opportunity we have to hang out, and all of the future milestone birthdays!

home

2010-08-04T05:37:00.000-07:00

We're home!

What a long strange trip it's been (to be sung like the legendary dead song). Hey, I miss jammin to the grateful dead. I'll have to pull up some tunes today.

Ahhhhh, we arrived last night after 11 1/2 hours on the road from Charlotte, NC. We decided to stop at a restaurant first so we had the nourishment needed to do the unloading of the van. We stopped at a Spanish/Mexican restaurant in our hood that I love. Have only been there twice, so it felt like a real treat. Sat outside and enjoyed the meal with my girls, with the bustling street and sidewalk traffic to enjoy as we ate. Ahhh, feels like home.

When we pulled up, there was a perfect parking spot waiting for us in front of our place.

When we walked in, there was a message on the answering machine from my sister welcoming us back to our little home, and a poster on our wall from our neighbors saying they missed us! Come on! Who gets a welcome home like that?

Well, I have a lot of deep thoughts running through my head in regards to the "long strange trip". And, that is referring to the "trip" we've been on for quite some time. Living with Timm's parents, moving here, then this summer going back to MI, then spending time with family and friends in GA and NC, then coming back here......feeling blessed beyond any possible measure, yet dealing with the reality of this being difficult at times (especially for the girls). All I can say is that when you are smack dab in the middle of God's plan for your life, there is peace beyond all understanding! And, I'll take the peace! Even if I can never quite explain the "trip" in a way that makes sense.....I can say that there is peace and joy. And, deep down, that is what we are all craving. I feel so blessed to be floating in a sea of peace and joy. Thank you Lord!

Now, it's on to my day of unpacking, re-organizing, making room for some accumulation of items (clothes, shoes, books, toys), grocery shopping, laundry, catching up on emails, signing up for volunteer opportunities, making doctor appointments, going through mail......and just diving back into our life and reconnecting with friends.

And to everyone who made our summer of "Oh ten" so awesome....thank you. We don't take any of the hospitality for granted. We are so blessed!

sounds I love to hear

2010-07-30T05:30:00.000-07:00

Here I am, my last full day in Georgia with my nieces.

What is that I hear?

The sounds of squealing laughter from 4 girls playing creatively. I love that sound.

What other sounds have I enjoyed this week?

A band playing "La Bamba" at an awesome mexican restaurant. Alli and I looked at each other and smiled at the memory of her and Daddy doing a duet.

The sound of splashing and someone screaming "my flip flooooooop....get my flip flooooop! It's floating awayyyyy!" As the girls played in the "crick" and pretended to be "noodlin" (for those of you who are not familiar with this pastime, it is the process by which individuals dive into murky water and catch humongous catfish with their bare hands by letting the fish chomp down on their limbs!

The sound of splashing into a pool.

The sound of my sister in law flipping pages as she has devoured almost 3 of the twilight books this week alone!

The sound of contented moans as my husband and children bite into their chick fil-a sandwiches, one of their favorite foods.

The sound of great tunes bellowing out of the stereo, while mild arguments erupt between Timm, his brother, and I about whether one can classify certain tunes as "folk" "Country" "Pop" etc. All the while enjoying a few adult beverages and our shared love for music.

The sound of our kids eagerly talking above each other after church to tell us all about the stories, dances, and lessons they took part in.

The sound of the a/c gently filling the house with air that sustains activities such as.... breathing, walking around, etc. Because, trying to do these activities outside could present serious health risks at temps over 100.

The sound of Timm's voice as he calls from Grand Rapids and fills me in on some of the awesome experiences God is placing in his life this week.

OK, tomorrow we pack up and head out to NC. Happy to be visiting my bud and her family!

More sounds to enjoy!

And, after that, I will enjoy the sound of returning HOME. Traffic, horns honking, playgrounds packed with children laughing and screaming, dogs barking, birds chirping, people from every walk of life passing by me on the sidewalk speaking in their native tongue, or cursing loudly as if there are not others present, talking on their cell phones, or maybe even yelling out at me and inquiring whether I am planning to burn in hell or would like to accept Jesus as my savior instead. And every other sound inbetween! Home sweet home.

God has blessed me with an unbelievable summer. Truly unbelievable. We are enjoying each moment.

more than just a book review

2010-07-26T05:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I know how much I enjoy the book reviews on nugget's blog

But, I don't think I'm very good at book reviews.

However, I did finish reading a book this summer that I just can't keep to myself. Those who know me know that I find the teachings of Greg Boyd to be thought provoking, inspiring, and motivating. Last summer, I thoroughly enjoyed reading and reflecting on "Escaping the Matrix". In the Fall, I found "Seeing is Believing" to be amazing! This summer, I read "The Myth of a Christian Nation".

Now, I am not a person who would be identified as being "political". That may be one of the furthest interests or passions from my mind. And, this book affirmed for me, that I can in fact be a devoted follower of Jesus Christ, yet NOT belong to a certain political party or be too concerned about politics at all!

Go ahead, freak out on me. Tell me that I need to "take this country back for God!" or something like that. But, you simply will not get a passion rising in me in regard to politics. My allegiance is NOT of this world. No government or country or political party or law can change my allegiance to the kingdom of God.

Jesus described the kingdom over and over. He also modeled the kingdom. Then, he commanded us, as his followers, to grow his kingdom. He never encouraged us to be "religious". He never encouraged us to make laws that govern people's adherence to His holy way of living. He did not identify a people grou pr nation that God would love more than others. God is love and it would be impossible for him to love our country more than another.

He commanded us to love in a radical way. And, he modeled that love in his life, and in his death!

Anyways. I'm going to include a couple of excerpts from the book. And, you should see why I am not good at book reviews. I want to include the whole book!!! And I want to include my comments on each chapter!

Here's what does get me fired up. People who call themselves "Christian", yet do not LOVE. I just do NOT get it. It is so much easier to judge and hate and point the finger at others than it is to sacrificially LOVE. Don't get me wrong, I am not claiming to be good at LOVING like Jesus. I will be the first to admit that I am not good at it. But, I will continue to ask God to transform me into a person who Loves.

From the book, "Our central job is not to solve the world's problems. Our job is to draw our entire life from Christ and manifest that life to others. Nothing could be simpler - and nothing could be more challenging. Perhaps this is why we have allowed ourselves to be so thoroughly co-opted by the world. It's hard to communicate to a prostitute her unsurpassable worth by taking up a cross for her, serving her for years, gradually changing her on the inside, and slowly winning the trust to speak into her life (and letting her speak into our life, for WE TOO ARE SINNERS). Indeed, this sort of Calvary-like love requires one to die to self. It is much easier, and more gratifying to assume a morally superior stance and feel good about doing our Christian duty to vote against "the sin of prostitution". Perhaps this explains why many evangelicals spend more time fighting against certain sinners in the political arena than they do sacrificing for those sinners. "

I just imagine the Jesus of the bible. He met a woman who legally deserved to be put to death for the sin of adultery. Instead, he loved her, showed her grace, encouraged her to repent and turn from sin, and convicted others to quit judging and to look at their own sin. Hmmm. Interesting. Why didn't Jesus just go to the government and rally for stronger laws against adultery? Why didn't he use his power to just make all of the laws align with the commandments of God? Why didn't he let her get put to death as an example for how harsh the punishment would be for others who choose that behavior? Why? Because, that is not how the kingdom of God works. It works through love. Grace. Mercy. Serving others before yourself.

Oh, I am realizing that there is no way I can be brief in my thoughts about some of this stuff. When I read about the history of "the church" and the history of our nation, it completely boils my blood.

In the book, "This tragic history has to be considered one of Satan's greatest victories, and the demonic ironies abound. In the name of the one who taught us not to lord over others but rather to serve them (Matt 20:25-28) the church often lorded over others with a vengeance as ruthless as any version of the kingdom of the world ever has!.......If we don't declare this barbaric religious version of the kingdom of the world was not, is not, the kingdom of God, who will? While Christian apologists sometimes try to minimize the harm the church has done, making excuses for it whenever possible....kingdom people should rather be on the front row declaring that insofar as the church picked up the sword, it had nothing whatsoever to do with the kingdom of God..........To the extent that an individual or group looks like Jesus, dying for those who crucified him and praying for their forgiveness in the process - to that degree they can be said to manifest the kingdom of God. To the degree that they do not look like this, they do not manifest God's kingdom"

"....we need to continually remind ourselves how easy it is to give in to the Devil's temptation and, thereby desecrate the holiness of the kingdom. We need to always remember how subtle is the pull to be conformed to the pattern of this world (Romans 12:2). We need to remain aware of how easy it is for us to be seduced by the demonic gods that pollute the American air we breathe - the gods of wealth, self-centeredness, greed, racism, nationalism, and violent triumphalism. Without noticing it, we can find ourselves morphing the radical gospel of Christ into a self-serving, Americanized, violent version of the kingdom of the world."

And, the final excerpt I want to share: "This is an amazing and significant new twist on the Christian religion. Indeed, it arguably constitutes a "new nationalistic religion". What we might call "the religion of American democracy". Like all religions, this religion has its own distinctive, theologized revisionist history (for instance, the "manifest destiny" doctrine whereby God destined Europeans to conquer the land). It has its own distinctive message of salvation (political freedom), its own "set apart" people group (America and its allies), its own creed ("we hold these truths to be self evident"), its own distinctive enemies (all who resist freedom and who are against America), its own distinctive symbol (the flag) and is own distinctive god (the national deity we are "under" who favors our causes and helps us to win our battles). This nationalistic religion co-opts Christian rhetoric, but it in fact has nothing to do with real Christianity, for it has nothing to do with the kingdom of God."

OK, so I have gone on a long rant. No problem if you didn't feel like reading it. Just felt compelled to share.

With which "religion" do you most closely identify?

The Christianity that is modeled after the radical love of Jesus? Where you are called to love, show grace and mercy, serve others, and lay down your life?

Or the Christianity that is called to "take America back for God" so that he will start blessing us again and favoring us. That is called to "rid the world of evil" and judge others and enforce christian values through the power of the government, rather than the power of loving relationships.

I am not saying we should never be involved in the politics of the world. I'm over simplifying to make my point. Don't rely on laws and rules and governmental power to spread the kingdom of God. It was NEVER intended to be spread that way. It is a mustard seed kingdom, start planting mustard seeds!

summer is here...

2010-07-05T11:34:00.000-07:00

I've pretty much been unplugged all week. Feels good. That is one way that I unwind on vacation.

We arrived in Michigan early June 26th. Been enjoying every day here. Spending time with family and friends. Being able to celebrate my nephew's graduation party at my sister's house, my other nephew and niece's birthday party at my brother's house. Relaxing, eating, reading, swimming, and playing each day at Timm's parents house with all of his family. Allowing my girls to be spoiled by loved ones.

It has been truly awesome.

Yes, we have the reality of Timm's mom being sick. And, that sucks. But, how awesome that we have been here to help out in any way possible. Even if it is something as simple as offering her lemonade so she doesn't get dehydrated in the heat. And, God has answered our prayers for her to experience some peace and comfort. We've enjoyed many hours this week together, being fully "in the moment" that God has given us! He is so good.

Today I get to go out with my husband. Earlier this week, we marked our 14th year of marriage. He was out of town that day. But, today we had someone offer to have the girls hang out with them, so Timm and I are going to head out for some one on one time.

We are incredibly blessed and not a moment goes by that I am not praising God for the blessings he has lavished on me!

Summer is here. I will probably continue to go stretches of time being "unplugged". Ahhhh.

strength in weakness

2010-06-19T05:41:00.000-07:00

^{Woke up this morning and realized that I left my bible and journal in the guest room where a guest is sleeping. So, I had to be high tech and read online, and now I am journaling in my blog.
Today, this is what jumped out at me. 2Corinthians 12:9-10
9}But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Can I really "delight" in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and difficulties?

Really?

Maybe.

I am completely dependent on the grace of my father in heaven. So, when I am weak, that is when I know how strong HE is!

He tells me that his grace is sufficient for me, and I believe it.

I don't have to be strong, I have to let HIM be strong within me.

So, if I ever appear to be strong or to have power, please know that you are seeing the strength and power of our beautiful God who is pure love. It isn't me.

Thank you Lord for your word.

word

2010-06-17T04:27:00.000-07:00

God's word is described in many ways. Like a sword, or a light, or as a tool to train and rebuke. And, just as Chris taught us at church on Sunday, God's word is ALIVE. It is powerful. It can actually do things! It is not merely words on paper.

Do you believe that?

I do.

Last night I was laying in bed with an upset stomach. I wasn't sure how much of it had to do with what I ate and how much was nervousness and anxiety. I can not recall having that kind of stomach ache from anxiety in a long time. But, it had that familiar feel. So, I tried to talk to Timm about my feelings, and I couldn't even articulate what was going on in my head and heart.

So I stopped.

Then, I remembered God's word. A particular verse came shooting into my consciousness. Matthew 6:34 "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself! Each day has enough trouble of it's own."

I literally sighed out loud and said "Ahhh, that's better!" My stomach ache almost vanished instantly. I realized that I was laying there trying to imagine many different outcomes to the future, and it was making me sick with worry.

So I told Timm the verse and I said "I don't have to do this do I?"

He said, "Do What?"

"Worry about tomorrow....and the day after that...and the year after that. It's OK for me to just be IN this day and handle THIS day."

So, then another verse came to mind to reinforce my newly found peace.

Lamentations 3:22-23

22Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed

for his compassions never fail

23 they are new every morning.

Great is your faithfulness Lord, you are good.

God's grace is sufficient for TODAY. His mercies are new each morning. If I choose to look into the future with doubt, worry, and fear, I am on my own. But, can I handle THIS day? Yes, that is promised in God's living word. How do I know it is alive? It has the ability to CHANGE me! It's incredible!

Am I going to have hardships? Will I suffer? Will I have pain and heartache? Yes, that is also promised in God's word. I am not promised an easy life with no obstacles and hard times. I am promised grace sufficient for TODAY. And, I'll take it!

Parents in NYC

2010-06-13T04:52:00.000-07:00

Times Square.
Ellis Island. Holding the manifest from the ship Grandpa Carlson came over on.
The Today show.
Ferry to Ellis Island.
Sunday morning. A few worn out people sleeping in. Me wishing I was, but the sunny skies and chirping birds lured me out of bed. Soon, we will get ready to go to church. For now....rest!

What a FUN visit we are having with my parents!

I know my sister can't stand it that I haven't posted pictures yet. So, I'm including a few.

We have done a LOT. I made a list of things we could do, and I believe we have scratched off about 80% of the LONG list!

Today show, central park, statue of liberty, ellis island, times square, grand central station, downtown Brooklyn, prospect park, coney island and the beach, IKEA, etc.

Timm and Dad even ended up at a LGBT celebration/festival when they went on a bike ride! Don't know what that is? Neither did they till they looked around with somewhat puzzled looks on their faces. (Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender).

We did some other things, but that names a few.

Not sure what we will do today. But, mom and dad definitely win the BEST weather award for their visit. My sister and her family were here on the coldest week, Gerdy's came on the hottest week, others had some really good weather, but this has seriously been perfect.

here we go...

2010-06-07T09:12:00.000-07:00

Here we go....it is JUNE!

Busy month. All good.

This week Alli goes on her SENIOR trip! She gets on a chartered bus and goes into Manhattan with all the other 5th graders. They do lunch and go to see WIcked on Broadway. (Sorry Josiah)

Then, MY PARENTS ARE COMING TO VISIT!!!!!! YAY!!!! I can't wait. We will have lots of fun showing them our neighborhood, our "borough" and the big apple!

After they leave, a few days later, a friend from MI is coming to visit with her two boys. We're going to catch a METS vs TIGERS game together. So glad they are coming. It will be awesome to see them.

In the meantime, there is carnival day and field day at school, last dance classes of the year, ALli's 5th grade graduation ceremony and her "senior dance", teacher appreciation day, volunteer appreciation day, helping with Sunday gatherings for Communitas, helping with a mission team spending time here from MI, pre-marital mentoring for a couple, Alli's testing at her new middle school, hosting community group, doing our individual discipleship meetings, trying to figure out when we can babysit so our friends can go out on a much needed date, and packing up for a 5 week absence from our home! Wew-hoooo!

And I thought I was going to go to work at a full time job? That is hilarious. I realize many people do it, but I have NO idea how!

flowers, puppets and the beach

2010-06-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

Alli has been interested in taking photos. She especially seems to enjoy photographing flowers. Her and Olivia also like to go outside with a sketchpad and draw the flowers they see on our street. Pretty cool. I've said before, but I must say again, I can't believe how GORGEOUS the flowers seem here. And, I know it is due to the fact that we get to see them all UP CLOSE. There aren't any front yards stretching out between the sidewalk and the home. So, any flowers on display are enjoyed right under my nose as I walk along. If I were in MI and wanted to see a flower that close up, I'd be trespassing on someone's front lawn! Anyways, I am torn. We currently do not have a real camera. Only the camera on the phone. It captures the moment and is very easily accessible. But, let's face it, it isn't much of a camera. So, do we invest in a real camera? Since I alone take about 50 - 100 pics a month? Or do we keep it simple and be satisfied with what we have?
Case in point. If I had a better camera, I would have zoomed in on this very cool puppet Alli is holding at her school performance! Her group made this huge puppet and as Alli recited a poem that she wrote, the group did some actions with the puppet. It was AWESOME! Alli's poem was "friendship". There were some VERY powerful poems written by 5th grade students. I was so impressed.
Happy Memorial Day! We went to the beach. The girls braved the cold water. It was a gorgeous, breezy, 80 something day. Ahhhhh.

Alli making muscles! Tough girl going into the cold ocean waves!

And, we did good with the sunscreen! NO SUNBURNS at all! I'm getting so much better at avoiding harmful rays. Yay me. Breaking the sun bathing addiction.

And, there is something so interesting to drive a mere 30 minutes from where we live, to arrive at a pretty beach on the Atlantic ocean, and to still see the NYC skyline in the distance. And, if that weren't enough to remind us that we are still in NYC.....perhaps seeing our friend who is an elderly man with a white beard dyed multiple colors, wearing a white fairy-like gown, different colored tube socks, a bright hat with a real parrot perched on top, pushing a white/hair dyed poodle in a baby stroller, while prancing around and smiling.....that reminds us that we are still in NYC. We saw this same friend at the Mets game. Liv pointed and said right in front of him "HA! MOM, LOOK AT THE FUNNY CLOWN!"

"Ummm, Liv, he isn't exactly a clown."

"What is he then?"

"Ummmm, I'm not sure."

This time Alli asked "mom, why does he do that?" I said, "Well, remember how you used to love playing dress up when you were little? He just never outgrew it I guess." She just looked at me like "seriously" and I just shrugged. I said "well, I guess deep down we all want to be paid attention to, right? I guess this is his way of getting some attention" .

Shortly after that we saw a guy in a speedo and were talking about how Europeans have a different style of beachwear. I explained that it is not uncommon for women to be topless in some parts of Europe. Well, wouldn't you know it, about 10 minutes later, as we were packed up and heading to the car, we pass two women exiting the restrooms, topless, wearing g-string bottoms, holding hands. OH boy. They walked right by us. I managed to not turn around and sneak a peak at their rear ends, but I believe the rest of my family failed to resist the urge. I looked at Timm and said "Isn't that illegal?" He replied "I would think so." And then I looked around and said "Well, I don't see anyone calling the police...."

What an interesting world we live in.

Memorial Day Weekend

2010-05-30T05:56:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh. I can't recall a Memorial Day weekend with weather this awesome. We always HOPE for it, and make the plans to camp, BBQ, swim, etc. But, then it seems to end up being in the 50's, cloudy and drizzly!

So, I struggled yesterday, when the temps were a perfect 76 and I had no plans for the day, and I just didn't have my normal energy to take advantage of it. So, aside from taking the girls back and forth to their dance classes and taking a bike ride to a stoop sale (where I found sweet roller blades for Liv and a pogo stick and some books), I laid around and read all day.

Thing is, I needed the rest. By body was telling me to STOP. And, I need to listen to my body. I feel great today. But, I was reading some facebook posts and everyone wrote about their exhausting day of yardwork or going to the beach, and I felt strange that I laid around all day!

I did meet up with some friends in the city last night for dinner. But, even that seemed to take up all my energy. I just didn't have my "zing" yesterday.

Anyways, today is supposed to be 88, tomorrow 86. Today we are helping our neighbors organize their apartment. I'm sure we will take a break at some point, and throw some steaks on the grill!

But, tomorrow we hit the beach. Not sure which one yet, but we are looking forward to lounging by the Atlantic Ocean and having a fun family day taking advantage of the nice weather.

Happy Memorial Day weekend to all. And, thank you to all those who have served our country in the armed forces. And, to those who have given their lives as a sacrifice to serve this country. You are remembered!

paybacks

2010-05-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess I was paid back this morning.

See, as much as I try not to, I still find myself administering the good old "mom guilt trips" on my kids on a regular basis. It's just IN me somewhere and it comes out. Little things like saying (most likely in a sarcastic tone) "Yes, go ahead and have the frozen fruit bar. Even though it is the last one and I haven't even gotten one myself. I'll just have one next time I buy a box I guess....geesh...I guess i have to eat stuff faster around here if I want to get anything."

That's real nice, aye? So, I'm saying "yes" but loading a bunch of guilt on top. Gross.

So, it's awfully nice that my kids don't often seem to load me with a bunch of guilt in return. Mostly if I am feeling guilty or inadequate, I've loaded on myself.

HOWEVER....they do a have a few arsenals with which they can attack me right in the heart. This morning they loaded, aimed, and fired.

Alli was showing me the birthday card she was getting ready to send Grandma in Michigan. In it she says that she doesn't want to be in New York anymore. So, of course, that makes me feel sad for her and I ask her about it.

Both girls proceed with tears and grief about how they feel like they aren't really at "home" but on vacation somewhere and all they do in miss Michigan where they feel they are at "home". Olivia said, and I quote "this isn't living...." Ugh. It seriously feels like a punch right in the gut when my kids are missing family and friends and life in Michigan.

I listened and empathized and validated their feelings. But, I did have to gently point out that MOST of the time they are very happy and fulfilled and engaged in a life with lots of joy. And, there have been many times, during down time, when I suggest that they might want to call or skype someone from Michigan and they don't want to? Why? Not because they don't miss them. They definitely MISS them, but they are also LIVING a life here and doing things and are engaged in whatever they are doing.

I didn't press my point. I mainly listened and said I was sorry they felt that way. And, I gave big hugs and kisses. But, when they say things like "this isn't living...." and "I feel like we are on vacation and I'm just done and want to go home now...." I am buried alive...in GUILT!

I hope I never give them that kind of guilt trip. I know they are just sharing their heart and I appreciate it SO MUCH. But, I never want to burden them with the kind of guilt I experience. But, I do know that I pour on the guilt trips way too often, and let this be a lesson to me that it is an awful thing to pour onto someone!

one outta two ain't bad

2010-05-17T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not normally one to make new year's resolutions. Just seems kinda dumb. If you want to change something, just do it. Why wait for a new year? But, I will admit that this year, I thought of a couple things around the new year and decided I'd try to make some changes.

So, one outta two ain't bad, right? Actually, it's pathetic, so I guess it's confession time.

First, I have succeeded in NOT getting a tan! YAY! For those of you who know me, that is a big deal. I went to Florida, and I have had many nice sunny days here in NYC. It is mid may and I am NOT tanned. I am attempting to take better care of my skin. I'm still all about being outdoors in the sun. I believe it benefits me in many ways (vitamin D, release of nuero transmitters, etc) But, I am trying not to damage my skin. Trying to wear sunscreen and not spend too much time in direct sunlight without it. So far, I'm doing OK.

Second, I have not succeeded in making it a habit to floss every day. There, I admitted it. Gross. I am not in the flossing habit and I need to be.

Perhaps you could hold me accountable and periodically ask me if I flossed today? But, be prepared for me to snap at you. I don't like being called out on things!

birthweek continued...

2010-05-17T07:45:00.001-07:00

As I sit here munching on delicious fruit leftover from Olivia's birthday party, I reflect on the celebrations of the week. First of all, how cool is it when you ask your kid what kind of munchies she wants at her birthday party and she thinks it over and answers "Well, me and my friends all really like fruits and vegetable a lot, so can we have lots of fruits and veggies to munch on?" Ummm, SURE! Anyways, here is a picture of Liv and Alli on the morning of May 12th. After Olivia awoke to signs plastered all over, she opened her present, then we all went out to breakfast as a family before school. We had never done that before and it was very fun.
That evening, Timm was out of town, but the girls and Mama went out to Chuck E Cheese for games and pizza!
Olivia had shared some yummy cupcake cones with her class, and when we got home after chuck e cheese, we used one of the leftovers to light a candle and sing!
I don't have pictures from Friday night when we had a chocolate cake and ice cream and sang happy birthday to Liv with close friends! But, this picture of Liv and Timm is on Saturday night. We went to Red Hook and visited a multitude of taco trucks that line the street near a large soccer field. We tried many things! Palupas from the Dominican, Arepas con queso, Empanadas, taco con carne asada, tostada, mango juice, and another juice...what was it called again??? Don't remember. After that, we went to the water and had some dessert while we watched the sun set behind the statue of liberty. COME ON!
Alli said "this is the best food I've ever tasted in my life". I think we will be visiting the taco trucks again!
Alli is the Sole Survivor! She is awarded the million dollars as well as a prize (mud puddle pie mix in a bucket). We had a survivor birthday party. We didn't vote anyone off, but we did do challenges (Alli won the most). And, Jeff (Timm) did an auction where the items were not revealed until the bidding was done.
ONe of the challenges was fishing.
I think Olivia had a little bit of FUN! Look at that face.

daddy date

2010-05-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

Dang. Still do not know how to turn photos. Daddy and Livvy going on a date tonight. To Carnegie Hall! Seems we are getting in the habit around here of having a BIRTH-WEEK celebration rather than a BIRTHDAY celebration!

Let the celebrating begin!!!!

a few pics

2010-05-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pics of flowers as I was walking down the sidewalk. At first I thought the flowers here were much prettier. Later I realized that I am not sure if they are necessarily more pretty, but they are much CLOSER for the viewing. You can walk along and see them right in your face all day long. In Michigan, they were a quarter mile away past a big long driveway and yard.

Mother's day! Dinner with a good friend and my family!
Babysitting for cutie pie!

If you have never messed around with photo booth on an apple computer, here is a sample of the fun. My advice, empty your bladder before you start playing. It is too funny.

I hope you DANCE

2010-05-05T06:56:00.001-07:00

These are a few pics from the school dance last Friday night. It was a luau theme. So, here are the girls posing in the surfer thing. Cute. And, below, Alli is dancing with her friends.

Here is Olivia dressed up and ready to DANCE the night away.

I have to admit, I am a real sucker for the song "I hope you dance". I can't even sing it without choking up. Because, that is what I want for my girls. If they have the chance to sit it out, or dance, I hope they DANCE!

And, come to find out, both of my girls are discovering a real passion for dance. They have played dress up and danced around our home for as long as I can remember. But, this year, they have BOTH come to LOVE their dance classes.

We have tried to expose them both to a variety of activities to see what they really love to do. And, by last year, it became clear that Alli really loves dance and performing arts. With Olivia, I just wasn't sure.

Well, it has become more clear that Olivia too has a passion for dancing! And, it brings absolute joy to my heart.

Today we were talking about enrolling in the dance studio for next year and what classes they might take. We talked a little bit about the expense involved. And, I was just honest with the girls about the sacrifice we will have to make financially to make it fit in our budget to do dance. And, Olivia said, "I'll give up anything to do dance. I'll give up going to Cedar Point if I have to. I just want to do dance more than anything!" Keep in mind, they are currently involved in the "Spring Sampler Session" where they can sample as many classes as they want. They are both doing 4 classes per week!!!! So, for Olivia to say that right now, I know she means it. Usually she gets tired of anything that takes up too much of her time. Not dance!

And, Olivia even got asked to enroll in an "invitation only" class that the owner of the studio is teaching next year because she sees Olivia's potential.

Sorry, I know I brag a lot about my kids, but if it bothers you, you should probably stop reading this blog because I don't see myself letting up any time soon on the bragging!

hey, what's.......that smell?

2010-05-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

LILACS!

This morning I took time to stop and smell the flowers. The girls and I just about sniffed the fragrance right outta this bush on our way to school.

After dropping the girls at school, I was running in the park and thinking about lilacs being my favorite spring fragrance when suddenly....WHAM....I was hit by a smell that is clearly a contestor for that favorite category......freshly....cut....grasssssss.

Ahhhh.

colors

2010-05-04T06:33:00.000-07:00

So, I just got back from a run in beautiful Prospect Park. Thank you God for placing us so close to that refuge of nature!!

When I am in the park, and I see the green, green, green of the grass, the wild growth, the various trees reaching high into the clouds....where I then see the blue, blue, blue, BLUE of the sky as a backdrop for the GREEN. So vibrant and bright and beautiful. When I see that, I think our spoken and written language is really lacking something. Because there is no way to describe those colors by saying the word "green" or "blue". It is more than a color or a word. It is an experience. It is something that is experienced at a spiritual level. When I see those colors, my spirit lifts and I am in complete worship of the creator of all things beautiful.

Some people equate worship with singing certain songs. Don't miss out on worship experiences that involve all of the incredible senses God gave you.

Stop and look around you. Feel the breeze on your skin. Smell the scents. Listen to sounds that bring you joy. Taste things in a new way. Experience things in a way that goes beyond explanation with words and can only be experienced at a spiritual level. Worship!

What has brought you to a place of pure adoration and worship lately?

party's over

2010-05-03T06:10:00.000-07:00

Wow. Fun weekend. But, today the rain is here. It's Monday. Party's over.

Friday night school dance. Very fun! DJ got everyone out dancing. Well, not everyone, but all the kids, and the cool parents like Timm and I. Then we had neighbors over later, sat on the terrace for a couple of drinks and snacks, then watched the "Food Inc" dvd. I was right, it motivated me to take more steps towards purchasing and eating organic. I'd recommend watching it.

Saturday morning, awoke to 70 degrees, temps climbed to 88 throughout the day. We did a 5K as a family to support PTA. I tried not to get my expectations up to high that the girls would love it and push themselves to finish at a quick pace. So, when they smiled triumphantly while crossing the finish line at 1 hour and 7 min.....I smiled with them :) They finished! And they received a ribbon.

Later Saturday afternoon, the girls took two hours of dance classes. Their studio does a "Spring Sampler Session" and the girls can take as many classes as they want for 6 weeks! They are SO excited about dance right now! It is awesome. But, they were tired out.

While they were at dance, I took a bike ride, and hit some "stoop sales" in our neighborhood. YAY! One of my favorite things to do!!!

Burgers on the grill, sitting on the terrace for dinner. Ahhh, felt like summer.

Sunday we had a potluck at church, we all pigged out and enjoyed visiting with everyone.

Sunday evening, after going grocery shopping and picking up some goods for the upcoming "cinco de mayo", Timm had to test out his margarita skills. So, we sat on the terrace playing scrabble, he with his margarita, me with my beer.

Are you sure it's not summer???

But, it is Monday. Back to reality.

However, we do plan to have a little fun dinner party on Wednesday for "cinco de mayo".

May is here. Olivia's b-day is coming up. She is counting down the days!!!!

Gracious Uncertainty

2010-04-29T04:13:00.001-07:00

This might be kinda long, but I just had to share from my devotional today. Oswald Chambers challenges me every single day in "My Utmost for His Highest". Today, he references 1John 3:2 "...it has not yet been revealed what we shall be..."

He goes on to say:

"Our natural inclination is to be so precise - trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next - that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. THE NATURE OF THE SPIRITUAL LIFE IS THAT WE ARE CERTAIN IN OUR UNCERTAINTY. Consequently, we do not put down roots......

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life - gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation! We are uncertain of the next step, but certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises.........

We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next.

If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, becoming overly critical, and are limited to the view that our beliefs are complete and settled.

But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.

Jesus said "Believe also in me" (John 14:1) he did not say "Believe certain things about Me"

Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in, but you can remain certain that He WILL COME."

Well, I'm sure I have had conversations with most of you about this very topic! And, I will admit that sometimes I talk about it with that "sigh of sadness". THe fact that I have learned that God does not want me to plan too far ahead and continues to teach me to live in that gracious uncertainty. This has probably been the SINGLE most intense area of spiritual growth in me. I can relate to looking at uncertainty as a bad thing! I always assumed that a responsible adult should have things planned out and should have roots and should have a very clear set of goals and objectives to reach. Well, of course we should have goals. But, I now know for sure that God does not want me too focused on those plans and goals of mine. He wants me surrendered. And, I know I can trust Him to COME into my plans as long as I am surrendered. And, I know His plans are for my good.

To refer (again) to an example used at Communitas, I would have chosen to live out a "boring documentary" and instead, being surrendered to God, He has me living out an "action adventure". Don't get me wrong, I love documentaries! But, when I am at heaven's gate, do I want to reflect back on my life on this earth and say "I am so glad I played it safe and always had a plan" or do I want to look back and say "WOW! What a wild ride that was. I never saw all those twists and turns coming. What an adventure God took me on!"

Happenings

2010-04-28T06:35:00.000-07:00

Some pics of recent happenings. Olivia's field trip to the Aquarium. She's holding hands with two friends. Great day!!!
We went to "Super Saturday" at the school. Made masks - here is Alli in hers! And we heard japanese drummers, Olivia was able to try it out!

GO METS! We won free tickets to the mets game. It was ski cap night and we all received free caps! VERY FUN NIGHT! And the Mets won! YAY.
Meals on "heels". Wheeling food through the city streets, delivering to seniors in apartment buildings. This was a very nice opportunity to serve as a family. We met some wonderful people, some who brought us tears of compassion, some who brought us tears of inspiration.
BOWLING! Olivia on another field trip. Her class is taking so many trips, it is so much fun!!!

Today at school Alli is having a party to celebrate the completion of their state ELA exam. They are watching "The wizard of Oz" because they will be going as a class to see the Broadway show "Wicked" at the end of the school year. She is SO excited to have a party with her class. They have not done much partying this year :) The one party they had, she missed because she was sick!

Olivia is putting on a puppet show today at school. I can not wait to see it! THey have put a lot of work into designing the puppets, writing the show, and rehearsing it.

Timm talked with HR and he has a job for next year. The details of his responsibilities will remain obscure, but we are praising GOD for his provisions! Yes, we are blessed indeed.

Life is good. Spring has sprung. Schedules are busy and fun. Lots going on.

I'm about ta burst!

2010-04-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

I'm about ta burst! And it's not because I had a stack of banana/chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and nacho chips for lunch :)

It's because I am excited for my girls.

If you read Mustard Seed, you already know that we have accepted a seat for Alli at a charter school for next year!

It has been such a huge leap of faith, and so much fun to trust God in the area of watching out for Alli and Liv.

Ever since we talked about moving here, the whole "school thing" has been a question people immediately ask us about. However, that issue alone has brought about some of the best things in our family. It led us to homeschool last year. It led us to finding the school the girls are currently in. It led us to trusting God through this crazy process of getting Alli into a middle school. And, I can honestly say that I have enjoyed the process and have been excited all the way through to see what God had planned. People who live here would comment on how I was remaining so calm about it all. If they knew the "old" me, they would really be surprised. There was a time when the slightest bit of uncertainty about the future caused me tremendous stress.

Anyways.......to make a long story short, we enrolled Alli in a new school that she will start next year. Lots of good things I can say about this school, but I will just say that if you would like to read about it, you can check out their website

Some things I will say, it is a 6-12 grade school, they have sibling preference, so if we want Olivia to go there, she is guaranteed a seat, it is new, small, innovative, and passionate about teaching children how to learn and how to be successful in a global community. It is a college preparatory school, diverse, with a lot of community and family support, and very impressive faculty.

So, we are excited.

We were also excited to find out this week that Olivia did well on the "gifted and talented" test she took. Without going into a bunch of detail, it wont likely change where she goes to school, but it is nice to feel affirmed of what we already suspected, that God really has blessed Liv with some smarts. I'm proud of her, and will be even more proud of her if she applies herself and shows motivation and a strong work ethic as she goes through school.

It's a beautiful day. We are going as a family to the Mets game tonight with free tickets. And, tomorrow, after we do "meals on heels" as a family, Alli gets to do a dance performance in the park in our neighborhood. They are having a community event there.

Timm's having a boys night out sat night. Sun we have a band visiting and performing at our Sunday gathering for church.

I'm about ta burst! I'm so excited. Praise you God, you are too good to me.

shmoopy

2010-04-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

No, you're shmoopy.

Would you look at this cutie pie? And, I'm not talking about the girls in the photo. But, I do know how Liv feels. Who wouldn't wanna smooch on that face? Well, sorry ladies, but that face is mine for the smooching. :)

I'm a lucky woman.

Thankful

2010-04-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

THings to be thankful for!!!

This is me with one of my bestest friends in the whole world and

my friend who happens to be my cousin-in-law, on the Brooklyn

bridge. They came for a visit. We had so much fun. We partied like rock stars. The

kids enjoyed the visit too! It was SO GREAT to have them here.

Hopefully this post turns out. Last time, I know my pics were all overlapping. I'm trying not to complain about this lovely new computer, but it is slowly driving me crazy sometimes :)

Another thing I am so thankful for is that my girls were able to do dance class this year and take part in a performance this weekend!

Alli was so beautiful as she demonstrated her passion and skill for dancing! We were in tears.

And, Olivia was so ridiculously adorable during her hip-hop dance! We were proud parents all day long!

We are also thankful that, even though Timm did not get the principal position at the school he interviewed for last week, we found out right away...and...his company has assured him that they want to keep him employed with them for next school year. Very good news. And I'm thankful for Timm's awesome peace during this uncertainty with his job.

Also, this week, we found out that Alli was selected in the lottery at a local Charter school. So, if we decide that is a good school for her, she has a seat. We will be in prayer! Because, she will still be given a seat at a public school, but she won't find out which one for a few months. The charter school wants us to decide in two weeks. Each school offers some great things...decision to make!!!

SO THANKFUL!

Florida was great

2010-04-05T05:54:00.001-07:00

A few pics from our wonderful vacation.

Thank God for my generous parents who spoil us and allow us such an awesome vacation.

He has risen indeed

2010-04-05T05:40:00.000-07:00

I do not recall a more glorious Easter day!

We were all up at 5:30am, searching the apartment for hidden eggs and baskets. Out the door by 6am to get to the sonrise service in Central Park.

More than a hundred of us gathered on a hill of rock, overlooking a small lake, backed by trees in full bloom. Behind the trees, we watched as the sun rose and the rays glimmered off the water. All the while, we lifted our voices to sing praises to our Risen Christ. I was able to share my story. The story of how Jesus has changed me and transformed my life. Craig inspired us by teaching about death, something we ALL will face. But, the fact that we have HOPE and do not have to fear death because Christ offers us an invitation to overcome death and live forever with him in paradise.

About 50 of us gathered at our friend's apartment for brunch. We packed the place out, and poured out onto their huge patio, where the temperatures began to rise into the 70's!

In the afternoon, we relaxed, ran in the park, Timm cleaned the apartment, including windows and floors!

Then, we hosted Easter dinner here for friends.

We feasted.

GLORIOUS day.

He has risen.

He has risen indeed.

Florida or bust

2010-03-26T06:19:00.000-07:00

Florida or bust.

Whatever that means?

We take off on a road trip this evening. Looking forward to seeing my mom and dad, resting and relaxing with my family, feeling the warm air, watching the sunset on the beach, watching the kids swim, Timm going golfing, and just getting refueled for life.

Praying for a safe drive.

I doubt I will update this from FL. I typically "unplug" while on vacation. But, maybe I'll hop on and update.

Oh, by the way, it is BIRTHDAY WEEK in the Pank family! Shout out to my nephew who can now officially sing the "throw it on the GROUND song" because "He's an ADULT!" My sister who is making 40's look AMAZING! And, my niece who reaches the double digit milestone this weekend.

Also, we found out that Timm has an interview with the board for a different school his company is opening next fall. The interview is scheduled for April 7. THe school is in Queens. Here we go!

And, Olivia has decided to have a "Survivor" birthday party when she turns 8. It was my idea, now I'm wondering what I've gotten myself into. If anyone has any cool ideas, please share. The hardest part is that 8 year olds are still very sensitive to winning and losing. SO, I have to figure out how to keep it fun and competitive, but sensitive to all. It will be fun.

Life is good.

Happy Easter.

A few pictures

2010-03-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

A picture of our beautiful Saturday morning on the terrace.

Just outside of Madison Square

Garden where we went Sunday to see the Knicks play. Great game, and we all got t-shirts!

Not sure how to turn this. Oh well, Happy belated St. Patty's day.

COME ON

2010-03-20T18:05:00.000-07:00

COME ON! Can a Saturday get any better?

Sunny, breezy, 72 degrees.

Slept in, enjoyed a huge breakfast of pancakes (some chose banana and chocolate chips added), bacon and coffee while sitting on the terrace watching the birds and enjoying the fresh air.

Timm biked, I jogged, the girls relaxed.

In the afternoon, I took the girls to their fort area in prospect park with some new friends from the neighborhood. Two nice little girls. They played, I read in the sunshine (with sunblock! As I have resolved to take better care of my skin and avoid the usual TAN)

The girls came to our house to play. Timm and I played scrabble and enjoyed corona with lime on the terrace. I smiled at the sound of the girls being CRAZY and SILLY and having fun. Somehow they play hide n seek in this little place, which cracks me up!

Dinner from the grill, now chillin out. NCAA games are on.

Relaxing

Beautiful

Happy

Day

Tomorrow we go to church and then to a Knicks game! Fun family weekend.

Not to mention, Friday was small group here, burgers on the grill, good friends, food, and sharing. Ahhhh, the weekend.

Another good, not so good post

2010-03-17T07:40:00.000-07:00

Well, another week filled with good and not so good.

Not so good: Saturday Timm found out that the board he has been interviewing with for months did not have a unanimous "yes" to appoint him principal of the new school. And, since they want the vote to be unanimous, they had to turn him down. Ugh.

good: At least we are done WAITING for that board to make a decision

good: The company Timm works for wants to keep him employed. They are invested in him and are trying to find a position for him for next year. He should be interviewing soon with another board for a school in Queens. A little further than we hoped to have him commute, but if it is God's will for him to be there, so be it!

good: Monday night I had the coolest opportunity. Through a friend from MI, got connected with a guy who was hosting an event at the Hyatt in NYC. He needed a little help with hospitality for the event. Long story short, I "worked" with a couple of friends for about an hour and a half, got paid some cash, then was invited to enjoy the rest of the evening which included delicious food, open bar, entertainment! SO FUN!

not so good: did someone say open bar? Might have had one too many glasses of (free) wine :)

good, good, and good: (Ew, weird, that doesn't look like a word to me anymore, I've overused it and it looks strange) ANyways, the girls had a half day yesterday and I attended their parent/teacher conferences. I could write for an hour about how PROUD I am to be the Mother of these incredible, smart, obedient, loving, kind girls who just radiate with the fruits of the spirit!! I was almost in tears at their conferences, just hearing about them through the perspective of their teachers. JOY!

good: Spent the gorgeous day playing at the park, and walking to Mc Donald's to celebrate their awesome report cards.

good: Forecast is sunny and mid 60's the rest of the week.

good: neighbors coming over tonight for corned beef n cabbage and green drinks. (we usually just dye our milk green- the girls love it - Timm thinks it is disgusting).

God is good.