inner circle

I was reminded of something by a wise young friend of mine yesterday.  It does matter who you choose to surround yourself with and do life with.  Your "inner circle".  Those who you spend a pretty good amount of time with or who you go deep with and they know all your stuff.
We are hard wired to live life in community.  We seek it out.  Even an introvert will seek out relationships.  We will look to others for guidance, examples, encouragement, rebuke, accountability.
So, I would say we should be thoughtful in who we choose to allow into that inner circle.  Those deeply intimate relationships.  Is the person someone you respect, aspire to emulate, have similar worldview or values?  If not, do you think you can be in a deeply intimate relationship and not risk being misled or mistreated?
Does that mean we should not associate with people who don't have the same worldview and values?  Of course not!  We should love everyone and seek out relationships with all sorts of people.  What a spectacular way to learn about the world and about people!  I love listening to people who have a different worldview.  And, even when it is frustrates me or makes me sad, I find it fascinating to learn how other people see the world.
However, I just think we need to be wise when choosing who we get really close to.
Like I said, we are wired for community.  Look at some of the successful institutions that assist people to overcome addictions and struggles.  For example, Alcoholics Anonymous or Weight Watchers.  What do both of these groups understand?  They understand that it takes community, accountability, relationships, in order to facilitate change.  If your goal is to overcome an addiction to alcohol and you choose to create an inner circle of people who have overcome this addiction and have a common goal, would you then turn around and spend most of your time with a person who drinks every day and doesn't think a thing of it and doesn't understand why you don't drink?  It's not that you would be hateful towards that person, but it would be unhealthy for you to spend time every day hanging out in that environment, right?  You might love that person deeply, but you would have to choose wisely whether that person should be in your "inner circle".
It's the same in your faith walk.  We should have people we are seeking advice, knowledge, and wisdom from.  We should have people who we admire and respect and we should be intentional about creating time with those people and being open and honest.
I was thinking about when scripture warns us not to be "unequally yoked" in marriage.  I am so grateful that my marriage has the foundation of faith in Jesus.  Why?  Because, we are both human beings who are selfish and we stumble.  We both seek our own way at times.  And, what can I expect to happen when I stumble in my life?  When I fall?  I am so thankful to know that I can expect my spouse to be there, extending grace and extending his hand to pick me back up and help me brush myself off and get back on my feet.  He does that because we share the belief that we are both sinners and can mess up and have received grace and forgiveness from God.  And, we are both honored to be able to extend that grace to each other when we need to.  We are honored to be an encouragement to each other when we need it.  What if we both stumble!?  What if we are both down?  I hate to imagine if we did not share our faith.  Because I feel like we would both be struggling to get our SELF up, no matter what.  And, what if that meant I had to step on his head to get up, even if it meant that it would push him further down?  Well, I would just have to do that!  And, he would do the same.  We would both be seeking our OWN, rather than seeking to please our creator!
I'm also thinking about some awesome friends I am blessed with.  I have many.  But, recently I spent a weekend with 3 other women and we reminisced about how we have gotten away on an annual "girls weekend" for 12 years!  Two of those women I only see once a year!  But, when we get together, we pick right up and dig right in and talk about our lives.  The cool thing is, we don't all hold the same "religious views" exactly.  We all have a different way of managing our marriages, children, careers and homes.  Yet, we have common values.  And, we are able to really encourage each other.  How priceless is it that one of us can spew out some complaints and frustrations about our spouse, and the other three listen and affirm and understand?  Inevitably, it happens that one woman feels frustrated about something in her marriage.  So, we listen.  We validate.  We affirm.  And, then....we build her husband up!  We remind her of how awesome of a guy he is and how lucky she is to have him and we point out all of the incredible things she has to be thankful for.  We do not spend one minute bashing him.  We encourage her in how she can handle situations with love and grace.  We all value marriage. We do the same when we bring up parenting issues.  And, I feel so blessed by this group of women!  We are open and honest and feel free to come with burdens.  What if this "inner circle" was a group of women who felt that if I complain about my spouse, the best way they could react was to pile even more criticism onto him and tell me I deserve better and shouldn't settle for him?  What if they were people who didn't see marriage the same way I do?  Well, my guess is that I would not have continued to carve out valuable time every year to spend the weekend together.
And, I guess that is what I am realizing.
This young friend of mine had a hard lesson to learn.  She drifted into a few relationships that did not turn out to be a good fit for an "inner circle".   One person in particular ended up having a lot of destructive power that in hindsight is much more clear than when they were spending time together every day.
If you carelessly choose or allow those deeply intimate relationships to grow, it will influence you.  We are hard wired for community.  We look to one another and need one another.  Who are you looking to?  We should aspire to love everyone, but choose wisely who we allow to influence us.

double digits

When I startedwriting this blog, I think it was because I was moving far away from so many friends and family, and this felt like a way to share a glimpse of my day to day life if they felt like checking in.  Since then, we are all on facebook, and I am able to literally share my day to day life instantly with pictures and everything.
So, this has fallen to the wayside.
When I am compelled to write, it is usually when I am contemplating something and have a lot of words in my head.
But, this time I simply felt like sharing an update.
Busy few weeks.
First of all, as the title of the post indicates....double digits!  Olivia had her 10th birthday!  We had a really fun party with some of her friends.  A backwards theme.  She had two of her friends sleep over, which was a first for her.
Her actual birthday fell on a Saturday, so we went out to dinner at a really nice Thai restaurant and then enjoyed just walking around to some stores on 5th ave (Brooklyn, not Manhattan).
Liv continues to be an absolute joy to be around.  She is crazy, hilarious, creative, and spontaneous.  We never stop laughing, and never stop saying "Liiiiv!"  when she does something careless that we didn't see coming and have to draw her attention to it so she will stop (walking into traffic, bumping into things, etc).  She is kinda busy right now doing drama club after school once a week, girls on the run twice a week, and dance classes too!  She decided that she does want to be in the Junior dance company again next year.  It's ludicrously expensive to the point where i feel horrible because we could feed starving children with that money!!!!! But, we are going to let her do it for one more year.  She worked so hard and is really disciplined and strong.  And, I feel it is so good for her.  And, Timm absolutely loves to see her dance!
Alli just went to school an hour early to participate in drama club.
She is also doing track after school once a week.
Friday she is going on a field trip to Gettysburg!
She has been such an incredibly GREAT kid.  I am so proud of her, my heart feels like it could explode.  Her teachers have good things to say about having her in class, she has shown some improvements in most of her grades, she has been putting in a lot of effort towards projects and homework.  She seems to have a least one party every weekend on the calendar!  When she doesn't, she has at least one friend here sleeping over.
I have been really busy with volunteer stuff.  It's good, but I am maxed out at the moment.  VP of the PTA at Liv's school.  Also, chair of the Fitness Committee there.  We just received a big grant to improve the schoolyard, so we have to plan for that.  And, I am coordinating a partnership between the school and a local organization to provide PE classes at the school.  We have end of the year activities coming up there, and it is literally almost daily that we have something.  I also am part of the school leadership team there.
Meanwhile, I took on co-secretary position on the pTSO at Alli's school.  Meanwhile am chairing the committee for the annual SPring Gala that is TOMORROW.  Yikes.  What did I get myself into?? Also  volunteered for field day at her school, and whatever else I can do.
Last week, I was given the opportunity to try a new way to serve my church community.  Chris and Craig asked me to try teaching on a Sunday.  Well, now that it is all said and done, I feel OK about it and I am glad it is done.  It was WAY outside my comfort zone and required a LOT more prep than I ever imagined.  And, the day I spoke, I was not feeling very good about it.  I felt like I blew it.  But, I listened to it online, and it wasn't as bad as I thought.  Especially considering it was my first try.  It certainly is a stretch for me though.  Way outside of my comfort.  If God plans to use me in that capacity in the future, He is going to have to do ALL of the work.  It is not my idea of how I'd like to serve!
So, it is time to get Liv up and off to school.
After tomorrow's gala....I wake up super early Friday morning and Timm is taking me to the airport.  Timm is the absolute, hands-down, best husband in the world.  I fly to MI to spend my girls weekend with some awesome friends in Ann Arbor!  THen, my incredible friend is taking me to my Mom and Dad's on Sunday where I get to spend two days visiting before they take me back to the airport to fly home.  Fri-Tuesday!  I'm going on VACATION!  And, I could really use a break.
SO, there. An update of what is happening.
Oh, forgot to mention that Timm has been gone every single week and back on weekends for about a month.  He is in Dayton right now.  So, I've been single parenting it.
A break does sound good.
BYE~!