Say Cheese

Much to my husbands dismay, the Carlson family loves a good photo shoot!
Here is a sneak peek of our color coordinated, stand straight, check your posture, line up symmetrically, smile pretty, photo shoot in our backyard.
Our friends Pete and Sonyia agreed to lend us their time and skill for the evening of cheese. God bless them!
The pictures you see here are a few of the attempts made by family to lean over Pete's shoulder and get an additional shot. Why? I don't know. Since, they kindly offered us a disc with all of the pictures Pete was taking. But, like I said, we can hardly resist when it comes to photos. It is in our DNA, directly from Great Grandma Carlson. My siblings and I have been being instructed to stand up straight, look at the camera, smile nice, stop slouching, quit making that ugly face, LOOK AT THE CAMERA, for our entire lives. And I feel it is very likely that our offspring will also bear the same genetics when it comes to photos.
But, seriously, you know we look good. Just wait till the good pictures are available. I'll send a link so you can view what Pete and Sonyia can do with a bunch of clowns dressed alike!
And, by the way, what a beautiful back yard. Why wouldn't someone want to buy a house with such a gorgeous setting right out the back door? Wait, why would someone want to sell a home with such a beautiful setting. . .

Jesus for President

I love books. Just thought I'd share the book I'm reading.
If you have not read anything written by Shane Claiborne, I'd highly recommend you check out "Irresitable Revolution." It's awesome. That book will set the foundation for you of who this radical Jesus follower is. And it will make you really stop and think about the early followers of Christ and the difference between their ways and the ways of some Christians today.
Then, check out "Jesus for President". Hopefully, at the very least, it will change the way you view American politics. . . .

Tomorrow

Sometimes God really tugs me towards scripture. This week, although I am reading Romans and 1John, I can't get out of my heart James 4:13-17

13"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

It's slightly ironic because this verse has been very meaningful to me in God's pursuit of my heart, and letting go of my PLANS here in MIchigan. I realized that I wasn't asking him if he wanted me here. And, now He brings this verse to me again, as I begin to feel anxious about my PLANS to move to NYC. So many people ask me when we're moving and where we are going to live and where we are going to work, and where the kids will go to school. And, my reply is always "We don't know. We are feeling God lead us to be a part of this ministry, and we are waiting on His lead so we can move forward." And, often we hear follow up questions like "What if your house doesn't sell? What if Timm doesn't get a job? Will you still move?" And, again, I have to answer "Well, those things need to happen in order for us to move. So, until then, we know that God still wants us here."

God truly has me in a place where I can NOT say "today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city. . . " Because he has humbled me to surrender my own plans and wait for his lead. He has me right where he wants me. And for someone who THRIVES on PLANNING for TOMORROW, I need to lean on Him daily and just thank him for where I am TODAY!

Happy Birthday Grandma

Well, I don't know what the future brings. Still no job for Timm in NYC, still own our home. God has a plan, and his timing is always perfect. He is humbling me to submit to His plan, and stop trying to figure it all out on my own.
In the meantime, we are here.
We are blessed beyond comprehension. One blessing is our family. We live so close to family that we were able to have an impromtu bbq at my parents' house on Memorial Day, and everyone in my immediate family was there. All 17 of us. Actually 18, because my Father-in-law also came over for dinner since my MIL was out of town. How cool is that? And, tonight my family will gather again to do family photos right in my backyard.
Yesterday was Grandma K's birthday. How great to be able to spend time together as a family. Again, impromptu plan turns into all of us enjoying Liv's soccer game, and going out for dinner afterwards. And, my parents joined us for the game.
I personlly have no way to relate to Mother in Law jokes. I think I got the best one available on earth. To say I feel blessed by her, and the rest of that family would be an understatement. I thank God every day for her and for the whole family I acquired through Timm. And if a day goes by when I take them for granted, shame on me!

This weekend will be more time spent camping and hanging out with them. And, while it would be nice to know what the future holds. . . I thank God for the present and relish this time with ALL of my family.

No more honking

The entire Kelly family ended up making the trek Up North for the weekend. And, I'm pleased to say that Olivia's honking and barking stopped! It was awesome. However, the irony is that Alli ended up being the kid inside the cabin Saturday on the couch with a fever, while Olivia and the other kids ran outside and played. And, to think that we were contemplating the idea of taking alli up north and keeping liv home! That would have been a mistake.
We ALL had a most fabulous weekend. Good food, good conversation, good fire, good beer, good people, good weather, and a truly beautiful wooded setting. Ahhh. We're all refreshed. Today is Memorial Day. Alli has perked back up. We will go to my parents for a little barbeque for dinner. What a great weekend.

What a bunch of Croup

I spent a good portion of today getting things packed up to head Up North for the holiday weekend. Got laundry caught up, went grocery shopping, cleaned, packed clothes, food, toys, activities, toiletries, etc. So that we could get up and go tomorrow morning. We were invited to go wtih our friends who have three little girls. And, another friend is bringing her little boy. A cabin in the woods, near a golf course and beach. Just some good old Up NOrth fun.
Well. . . . . .
When I got liv from school, she was as happy as a clam. Riding her bike, smiling, asking what was for lunch and if she could play with her friend. But, before lunch was over, she started coughing. I suggested she take a nap since we had gymnastics in the evening and a long weekend of fun ahead. But, when she laid down, she really started coughing a lot and couldn't fall asleep. Well, she finally rested. But, when she woke up, her cough turned into a honking, raspy sound. Ouch. It sounded painful.
So, I ran her up to the Doc. Bad news. He said it's the croup. What? That sure came on suddenly. So, she is skipping gymnastics and laying around. And, now we have to figure out what we're doing for the weekend. We may split forces and have one parent go Up North with the well child and one stay back with the honking goose (who happens to be very sad about the thought of missing out on any fun).
These are the joys of parenthood.

Thank God I'm a Country Girl

Well, I got me a fine wife, I got me a fiddle. . . Sun's comin' up, I got cakes on the griddle. . . Life ain't nothin' but a funny funny riddle. . . . Thank God I'm a country boy.
Here is a picture of my girls and their good friends visiting the chickens. . . peee-you.
It makes me smile that God makes us all so unique and different. Timm and I have discovered that we are wired in a way that makes us drawn to the city. The diversity, the energy, and the dense population of people is so intriguing to us.
And yet, I was raised as a country girl. And I absolutely LOVE it that my brother left for vacation and asked my Dad to babysit his chickens. Chickens that will be raised in his backyard and used for eggs and food. This is the same brother who heats his house with a corn burner, drives a pick up truck, and loves to pull his kids behind the four wheeler on a sled in the winter. Last year he built an amazing pole barn on his beautiful acreage where he lives, just west of nowhere and south of nothing.
But, he's not the only country folk in the family. As a matter of fact, I am the only one who doesn't have acreage and a pole barn.
My sister and her family are beginning to plan the summer crop with my Dad. They will work up the ground, plant the seed, fertilize and nurture the plants to keep the weeds at bay, and eventually harvest the crop. They will then load up the trunk of the car with sweet corn, park it on the side of the road with the trunk popped open, put up a sign and a cash box and trust the locals to enjoy the fruits of their labor at a reasonable cost. At the end of the harvest season, my sister and mom will be busy canning and freezing vegetables from the garden for their families to enjoy throughout the year. My nephew created a website of his own featuring the "cornmobile". Check it out here
There is nothing like being in the country. Hearing the breeze rustle the leaves on the trees. Hearing the crickets chirp at night. Smelling the fresh cut grass or the scent of pollen which topples off the corn stalks in the humid summer breezes. Feeling like you are completely connected with God's amazing creation of planet earth.
But, I have always wondered what was "wrong" with me because I did not have a desire for living in the country. I finally understand that it is not wrong, just different. Because, now I know that there is nothing like being in the city. Hearing the cacophony of voices in so many different languages, hearing the variety of music bellowing from sources unseen, seeing the virtual river of diverse people flowing together in what appears to be a choreographed pattern of movement, then looking closer to see each individual is intent on heading their own way. Seeing each individual is amazingly unique and beautiful and feeling like you are completely connected with God's amazing creation of humanity.
So, I do thank God I'm a country girl. And I thank God for my country family. And I thank God that he has revealed to me my passion for the city.

mothers day gift

what is the best mothers day gift you have ever gotten or given? bet I can beat yours! Six years ago, I was blessed with a prefectly beautiful baby girl on Monthers day morning! Not only was she beautiful, with the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen, and the skin tone I'd always dreamed of myself, but more importantly, she was EARLY! I was relieved of my final week of pregnancy. Yipee. Not only that, but I was just assuming I would be over due like I was with my first, so it felt like she was two weeks early!!! That would explain the denial I was experiencing the entire day as I experienced many signs of labor. I finally had to listen to my sister and my husband as they conspired together and attempted to communicate to me what was actually happening!

So, this year my sweet baby girl turned six. It seems impossible. But, when I look at her huge smile with the gaping spaces where baby teeth once resided, I know its true. My baby is a big girl now. Its bitter sweet. Ive been asking her for about 3 years to STOP growing and getting bigger, but she resists my authority on this for some reason. She just keeps getting older. No more rolls of baby fat, no more bald head, no more toddling, no more baby talk, no more lisp, no more round face with pudgy cheeks, but. . . a lot less throwing herself on the floor and writhing in agony while screeching my name over and over until Im certain the neighbors will come to see what is wrong. . . . and a lot less accidents where Im gritting my teeth, looking at her in complete disgust, incredulously stuffing many explitives down my throat and opting for mere sarcasm as I wipe semi dried poop off of legs and clothes, and every other object in sight. . . and a lot deeper questions as I tuck her into bed. Its so cool to watch them grow.

We partied. She had her "family party" on Sunday. We were able to celebrate her, as well as Mommies. Then, on MOnday she had a pajama party. Not a sleep over, but 7 little beauties came in their jammies to eat junk food, play games, dance to music and scream like girls! I cant figure out how to slow down time. It just keeps slipping away. But, I have learned to slow down ME. I enjoy every quiet moment I have to peer into my kids faces and try to burn the memory into my head and my heart. And, what I dont burn, I capture on video or pictures :)

Beyond Belief

So, yesterday I was listening to Greg Boyd, lead pastor at woodland hills church. Great podcast, for those of you who may be so inclined to subscribe (for free). His teaching is very inspiring to me. He has a way of taking something I might already have known, but really bringing it alive.

So, he is doing a series called "beyond belief"about moving beyond mere believism. So, today, I am basically re-writing what I wrote in my journal this morning.

The Christian faith is more than a prayer for salvation. It is a covenant relationship that I commit to with Jesus. Now, if I just make that committment, but go on living my life the same as always, that is ludicrous! That would be like getting married, saying my vows, then going about my day to day life as if I am single. What do those vows mean? Nothing unless I am willing to commit to upholding them every day. every moment.

It is the same with my relationship with Jesus. He doesnt just want me to believe in him. He doesnt just want me to say a prayer to him so I can get out of hell. He wants to take AWAY my sins - not just cover them up so God cant see them. He wants to be a part of my daily life, not just squeezed in once a week at church. So, it is an every day surrender on my part. Not a one time deal. Constantly, I surrender to him as King. I allow him to be "the boss". I trust him. And, in return, he reveals to me some of the garbage (sin) in my heart. Im able to purge the garbage little by little and become transformed. I dont know about you, but having a transformed life with less sin and garbage sounds a lot better than just getting out of hell!

So, I really connected with the analogy of marriage. It is a constant commitment. Your life should look different than a single person if you are in a covenant relationship of marriage with someone. And a follower of jesus should not conform any longer to this world. We should be different. Our world is sinful. selfish. motivated by vain pursuits. You cant claim a covenant relationship with Christ and then just dive head first into the world with your "fire insurance" card in your pocket that allows you to get out of hell. That does nothing to transform your life. It does nothing to build His kingdom.

That doesnt mean you have to move away or sell all of your possesions to become a missionary in some obscure location. BUT, it might mean that. And, are you willing to listen if that is the call? Because, claiming to be a follower of Christ means a willingness to submit your very life to Him daily.

Now, am I really good at this? NO. But, Im learning to be better at it. And, it is really cool. Because, when you experience a transformed heart and life, your faith is a lot stronger! And, being a skeptic by nature, it is so fun for me to feel God being real and present in my life, rather than just hearing and learning about him, and trying to compile enough facts and proof so that my faith can be stronger! But, it takes complete submission on my part. So, that is REALLY HARD. That was my journal for the day, so I thought Id share.

My friend

This is Carrie. She is one of my very best friends in the whole wide world. We will be friends forever. Over the years, we have somehow immeshed ourselves into each other's lives in a deep way. Some of our history includes: SC4, roomates at Central, working together for 7 years in the dome, church, small group bible study, girl's club, annual girl's weekend, put-in-bay, bridesmaid, and more. We've been through college issues, weddings, funerals, divorces, pregnancies, childbirth and parenting, and pretty much every thing in between. I thank God for Carrie. She is an amazing friend and an awesome woman.
Now, before I get emails from my other very best friends in the whole wide world. . . don't go high school on me here! I needed to say hi on my blog to Carrie. But, the truth is, I am blessed with an INCREDIBLE array of girlfriends. I don't think I have time to mention them all. And I would surely leave people out! But, I do have to shout out to Dana in North Carolina. COME ON! I could write a book on our history. Then there is Beth. Unbelievable that I still absolutely LOVE my best friend from first grade and always always will. There are many more people who are flowing through my head. Old friends, new friends, friends I have lost touch with, family members, and on and on and on. So, I am not going to attempt to name you all. You know who you are. And I thank God for you all EVERY DAY! What a gift God gives in friends!

nope

Got a letter in the mail today regarding the job interview Timm went on. Nope. Not the one. So, we will be curious to see what God has planned. . . . .

surrender

So, not only did I realize that I had taken on loads of guilt lately. But, I also realized that I had taken on a fair share of self pity, worry, anger, and doubt.
See, surrender is not a one time deal. It is an ongoing process for me. And it is painful. And, if I'm not careful, I find myself grasping on to things again. So, I find myself surrendering over and over. Whew. It can be exhausting! But, I have NO DOUBT this is where God wants me.
Today, I read some verses that have been hugely relevant for me over the past 6 months. They are John 12:24-25
24 I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But, if it dies, it produces many seeds.
25 The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
I don't want to grasp onto this life and hold it tight. I need to release it. I don't want to remain a single kernel of wheat in this world. If I surrender myself, Jesus prmoises that I will produce many seeds. That is what I want. That is my purpose in life. That is a vision I can live and die for. So, I fall to the ground and "die" to self, so that He can do a work in me. It's the only way I want to live.
It was strange, because the other night, I was able to purge a bunch of the stuff I had been grasping onto. And, ahhh, sweet surrender. But, the next day I was trying to create my 'bucket list" to share with my girl's club. It was really hard. Because all I could really come up with is "To serve God as my Lord in all that I do." That's it. Because, He has the coolest adventures and the best plans for me. I could come up with a list, but I know that His are better. And, on that day, I really felt like I had a blank page before me and I was handing it to Him. Not because I don't have dreams and plans and expectations, but because I hold them loosely.
Sweet surrender.
Also, Timm found out that he was misinformed about that job. They told him he would be notified by May 7, but it will actually be on or before May 22. So, we wait.

guilt is stupid

Really, that's about all I want to say. Guilt is so stupid. And, if you are a person who makes a habit of putting guilt trips on others. . . STOP IT. It is a terrible thing to do. And if you are a aprent who tries to manipulate your child by laying on guilt. . . STOP IT.
I believe that there is evil at work in the world. I believe there is a great deciever who is able to do great harm if we let him. And he is so good at what he does, he knows exactly how to get into our minds and our lives and we often don't even recognize him. I realized this week that i have allowed this crafty one to manipulate my mind into carrying loads of guilt. It has been weighing me down. I fear that I am disappointing my parents, I have guilt that I'm taking grandkids and moving them away from wonderful grandparents, I'm bogged with guilt for taking my kids away from other family and friends. And the list goes on. Well, I am letting go of that guilt. I will always LOVE and HONOR our parents. I will always love and serve my children. But, I have proclaimed one Lord over my life. And I know that he is calling our family to do some work for his kingdom. And, I need to stop feeling like I will be able to make everyone happy along the way. That might not be possible. And, that is not my responsilbity. And Timm pointed out to me that we have been given INCREDIBLE families. And, it IS honoring them for us to use our lives to serve God. What better gift can we give our parents than for them to know that because of their model, we feel like we have a rock solid marriage and can boldly go out and serve other families and sacrifice things along the way. Because of the lessons they have taught us, we feel like we can truly make a difference in the world. I hope they know that there is no bigger way we could show them honor than to lay down our lives for God and take up a life of being his humble servants.
So, guilt is stupid. And if you are inflicting it on yourself. . . STOP IT. And, on the other hand, if you need to ask forgiveness because the guilt is over something you've done. . . you need to deal with that. Guilt will eat you alive. It will destroy your relationships.

a night in the city

Ahhh. I needed that. This is me in downtown Detroit on a date with my husband. He called me earlier this week and informed me that he was taking me out to the Tiger's game on Wednesday and that he already had the babysitter set up. I was so happy that tears of joy literally sprang from my eyes. I seriously needed that! What a guy! And what an awesome loving friend who volunteered to watch the girls. Shout out to Christine. Here she is, in the middle of all the crap going on in her life, loving on the Kelly family. What a blessing! The kids had a blast going to McDonalds AND dairy queen, and playing on the computer and watching tv, and all that great stuff they did with Ms. Welc! She even had to vacate the premises becuase we had a showing on the house. Seriously, she is awesome. And, meanwhile, this was my face as I enjoyed a night in the city. Timm and I talked about how we feel energized when we are in the city. We are just amazed that we will soon be living in such a BIG city. How does God take two people who grew up in the country on a bunch of quiet land and put a passion in their heart for city life? It's something about the people that makes it so appealing. We had fun just reflecting on that. The Tigers game was awesome! We beat the Red Sox. Although, I wouldn't have even known who we played if it weren't for Timm telling me. I was more interested in gabbing. I was having a very hard week with my level of anxiety. So, I was able to unload it all and dump it all out on Timm. And, Ahhhhhh, I feel much better now. What is it about vomitting your garbage out on someone else's lap that is so cathartic? So, now I am completely exhausted and can't really think straight. We had a few drinks, ate crappy food, stayed out late, we laughed, I cried, I purged my innermost fears and cried some tears of anxiety, and it was a weeknight. Sooooooo, now that I managed to get the kids off to school, I have to get my butt in gear and figure out how I can get through this long day with very little sleep. And tonight is my girl's club!!!! I am a party animal. Tonight, we are discussing out "bucket list" with each other. Should be a great time.

hello hello

The girls have been listening to their Jump 5 cd lately in the morning while getting ready for school. They do a cover of the beatles song "Hello". It's a very cute cover "You say goodbye, I say hello . . . . hello, hello. . . . I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello."
This morning, it occurs to me how meaningful that is. As our family transitions into a new future, we say goodbye to some familiar things, and hello to some new things.
I'm sitting here with my journal this morning. By the way, this is the journal that my awesome friends from MORC gave me when I quit working 4 years ago. On the cover it says "Our life is a gift from God. What we do with that life is our gift to God." And each page has a bible verse or a neat quote. Today it says "Live for today but hold your hands open for tomorrow. Anticipate the future and its changes with joy. There is a seed of God's love in every event, every circumstance. . .in which you may find yourself.
Well, I feel like some things have come full circle. When I took the step in faith to quit my job at MORC, God showed up in amazing ways. I was pretty unsure about what I was going to do once I left that position. But, I really felt like God was clearly telling me it was the right time. And, He provided new opportunities for me immediately. Things I could not have anticipated or planned on my own.
The first thing that fell into my lap was the awesome opportunity to teach health and fitness classes at Theresa's homeschool coop, excel. I have been doing that for 4 years now, and have really found it to be a meaningful part of my life. God definataly revealed to me a passion for this. About a year ago, I started to feel a nudging during these classes. As I looked around at all of these incredible kids, I was overwhelmed with how blessed each child was. Each one of them comes from a family who loves them SO MUCH that they are willing to sacrifice in order to provide them with an education rooted in God's word. I really felt like God was saying to me. . . "What about the kids who do NOT have a good home? Could you find some time and energy for those kids? Could you find an encouraging word for a child who doesn't hear any encouragement?" OH boy. I should have known that was the beginning of God calling me for a change.
So, that brings me to the full circle. Here I am, following God's lead and stepping out in faith. Yesterday was my last day of teaching at excel. My "plan" is to move to NYC and see what doors God opens for me there. I know He has something planned. I'm learning to wait on his lead. I have no idea what it is going to be. Several people have asked me "What if you are still here in the Fall? Will you come back and teach then?" I have to answer "No." The truth is, I would love to do that. It's familiar and fun and I love that community of people. But, I KNOW God is leading me somewhere else. So, I will wait on Him.